Lu Xun said: Human beings' joys and sorrows are not the same. I just think they are noisy.
There is no real empathy in the world.
? In my limited experience, I know four people who suffer from depression. Two are alumni. It is so severe that they need to suspend school or be hospitalized and ask their parents to come over to accompany them. One is a friend of a friend, and the other is Netizen, I have been following him for a long time. (For convenience of description, let’s call them A, B, C, and D)
? As an ordinary person, how do I view depression? Before I got to know this group, my first reaction was actually that I didn’t quite understand it.
? I still remember when the teacher told me that A was hospitalized because of depression and his parents came to accompany him because of academic and emotional setbacks, I blurted out, "It's not that serious, right?" In fact, there is a sense of superiority, thinking that others are fragile, but oneself is strong, so one cannot understand this fragility.
? I’m ashamed, why am I so unempathetic? Everyone's mental tolerance is different. To me, it's not a big deal, but to the other person, it's already harmful to their mental health. Why does our culture despise vulnerability? If you have a psychological problem, it is courageous to actively see a doctor to resolve it. This may not only be my incomprehension, but also the incomprehension of most normal people. Because of the admiration and praise for the strong, and because of our instinctive mentality of admiring the strong, we despise the weak but forget to respect everyone's differences. , and forget that one day we may face the same dilemma, not to mention that depression is a very common mental illness. These patients are just not lucky enough and need to seek help.
? This is the first point I learned, don’t despise other people’s fragility, don’t deny the rationality of psychological problems. Pain, frustration, and dramatic changes in fate may occur at any time, and a moment of psychological shock will make you powerless. Anyone can have psychological problems, so we should face up to this phenomenon.
? B is an alumnus. Sometimes I see her in her circle of friends, working out, studying, taking selfies, playing games, sharing experiences... She is a sunny and enterprising young man, and there is no sign of suffering from it. Regarding depression, I accidentally read that depression requires self-cultivation when it relapses, and I realized that behind all the sunshine there is a haze. To be honest, after that, when I saw those positive voting circles, I felt a little bit inconsistent, probably because it didn’t match my imagination of the symptoms of depression. If you are so cheerful, have a strong enterprising spirit, and are so active on social platforms, why do you suffer from depression? In my imagination and in the words I read, depressed people will be more decadent and full of disappointment in life. So when I see a very positive image of depression, I become suspicious.
? Actually, this is a misunderstanding. Depression is not autism. We cannot explore the heart of a depressed patient through words. You never know the bitterness behind the smile. In addition, society stigmatizes depression as a sign of "pretending to be cool", and some minors who are not mentally sound or some adults with ulterior motives will follow this "fad" and deliberately Revealing that he has depression to attract attention has caused people who don't know the truth to have a bad feeling about "depression" and become suspicious of this group.
? More and more people are saying on public platforms that they suffer from depression. Among them, there must be some who are fishing in troubled waters. These people have harmed the interests of this group and aggravated the incomprehension of others. For those real patients, releasing such information may be to ask for help, perhaps to find an organization, or perhaps just to give an explanation to companions and relatives. As strangers, we cannot make rash guesses. You must know that your misunderstanding may That was the last straw for them.
? This is the second point I learned. Depression is not autism. Don’t use your own limited understanding to define patients with depression. There is no law stipulating what they must be like. Learn to respect them. and understanding.
? C is a friend of a friend. I have read some of the words she wrote. They are full of sadness and despair. She keeps shouting between the lines to save me. Those words reveal a strong sense of inferiority. I believe that I have no value and will always be the one who is given up. It is so serious that I have given up hope in life. It seems that I am suffering every day, and I am repeatedly entangled between living and committing suicide.
? When I saw those handwritten words, my heart was shocked. The impact was so powerful that I can’t imagine what kind of suffering she was going through in her heart when she wrote those words. , fortunately she has been taking medicine. What is more worrying is that she is studying abroad. The loneliness in a foreign country coupled with the pressure of studies are not conducive to his recovery. I can only advise my friends to encourage her more, care about her, and hope she will persevere.
? But later I saw some answers on Zhihu. In fact, patients with depression don’t want to hear words such as "You have to work harder, hold on a little longer, and be more positive." I know that this kind of encouragement is Well-intentioned, no humane person would watch someone else beg for death. These words are meant to hope that patients with depression can persist a little longer and not beg for death easily. However, these words have different meanings to some people, and they are blaming. They are not persistent enough or strong enough. Therefore, such judgmental encouragement can be counterproductive.
? I wonder, would it be better to say "hug you", "do what you want to do", "I will stay with you", "I love you"... ?
? This is the third point I learned. Depression is a mental illness that cannot be cured by enduring it for a while. Understanding is the greatest support.
? D is a learning blogger who I accidentally followed on the Internet. He is very self-disciplined and excellent. Although he is only in high school, he already has a firm and clear goal in life. Every time I see the other person's status, there are pages full of neat notes, strictly implemented schedules, gentle and passionate motivational sentences, thoughtfully shared learning experiences, etc... He is a very charming person, no wonder he has So many fans will really draw upward power from the states he shares. This may be the meaning of being a learning blogger, giving strength and example to others.
? It was later discovered that he had severe bipolar disorder. Bipolar refers to two states: depression and mania. It is easy to hurt yourself when you are sick. Fortunately, you have parents around you who can help you. Put away all sharp tools. What is more worrying is that as a public figure, he will inevitably be hacked. He has also encountered some online violence, which will obviously aggravate his condition. But he is really brave. Even in the face of this, he still works hard to overcome his illness, tries hard not to worry his parents, and uses his influence to help others and encourage others to learn.
? In fact, patients with depression are not terrible. Some of them are also very good and do not harm others. They just need some time and space, as well as some help and care. Although you are trapped in a swamp, you still strive to move forward; your heart is in darkness, but you still yearn for the light.
? This is the fourth point I learned. People with depression can also be excellent and positive. Patients with depression are not "mentally ill" or "crazy" as some people imagine. On the contrary, they may have outstanding achievements in all walks of life.
? I said at the beginning that there is no real empathy in the world, and now, I still think so. Human beings' joys and sorrows are not the same. Without experience, I am not qualified to say that I feel the same way, but Lu Xun also said something else: "The infinite distance and countless people are all related to me." As human beings, we should respect the feelings of similar people and the reasonable joys, anger, sorrows and joys of others. and understanding.
When your companion is suffering, you may not be able to lend a helping hand, but please don't be sarcastic. A smile and a hug are enough.