The theme reading I set this month is "Communication and Expression". At present, I have read nearly 10 special books in a month. Books such as "Replicable Leadership", "Why Elites Communicate Most Efficiently", "How to Overcome Social Anxiety" and "Don't Eat Alone" all discuss "how to turn strangers into mature people and let friendships develop from shallow to deep". related explanations. I have summarized the following three points:

In psychology, there is a psychological effect called the "simple contact effect". After understanding this psychological effect, you will find that if you want to get closer to each other through small talk, the number of conversations is more important than the content of the conversation. In layman's terms, it means chatting often, chatting frequently, and chatting whenever there is nothing to do.

Most of us like to make friends with people we meet frequently. Regular interactions, what’s next? You have to keep showing up. New networking events need to last at least three or four months, but the longer, the better. It is said that two people need to talk 6 to 8 times (not just say "hi") before they can consider each other as friends. So, keep showing up.

It may take many times before you are taken seriously, especially in those public groups, where many people may only show up once. And you can show up again and again and differentiate yourself. Once you've established yourself, a secret weapon is taking on a leadership role. This will greatly broaden your social circle.

In life, we often feel like this. Many people have some half-acquainted friends. They seem to be friendly to each other, but they can't seem to get closer.

This requires us to "disclose information", which is to share our thoughts, behaviors and feelings with others. This method looks simple but is not easy to do. People with social anxiety don’t talk about themselves very often—we’re polite and polite, but we often come across as distant and reserved.

Research shows that this kind of "continuous deepening, mutual understanding, and personalization" of information disclosure can make you like the other person, and it can also make the other person like you. For example, talking about the weather could be a disclosure: You're glad the weather is getting cooler because fall is your favorite season.

Only when we continue to expand our public quadrant, others' attitudes towards you will also undergo a fundamental change, and they will respect and trust you more.

In addition to regular meetings and disclosures, the third thing you can do to cultivate a friendship is to show the other person that you like them. People like people who like them and people who can take initiative.

To further deepen communication, the next step is to change social activities from the usual environment to another environment. For example, after about six or seven post-book club chats, you can invite a friend from the book club to have coffee together to further deepen your friendship.

All in all, making friends is mainly about overcoming the laziness of others and yourself. If someone is friendly, repeat it, disclose it, and take the initiative to build a strong friendship that will stand the test of time.