In recent years, there are more and more older single boys and girls beside me. My college classmates, who were cheated by emotional counseling, broke up with their first lover boyfriend in colleges and universities after seven years of love. After several kisses, they stopped actively talking about the object and lived their own personal life with a happy-go-lucky attitude.
Meimei, an ordinary high school friend, fell in love from ordinary high school, talked about falling in love several times in succession, fell in love, broke up with each other, and fell in love again until she was 3 years old. She was alone, and she didn't find anyone who understood you to enter the marriage life. He said that he should also learn and train how to love lovers better.
My friend, Xu Wen, is in his forties. Earlier, he bought two houses in Beijing, and now each one is worth millions. However, his way of making friends in marriage and love has been unsatisfactory and frustrated. He is stubborn in finding a young and beautiful queen with temperament when talking about the object, but it is actually this kind of queen who looks down on him. Therefore, he just started to learn psychology and wanted to change from himself.
My boyfriend's classmates, a 34-year-old Cheng Xuyuan. Before the age of 3, the development trend of his work was not very successful. He changed to many big cities and jobs, and he is still single. The two girlfriends who used to get along with each other, in the case of getting married soon, both stipulated that he had a suite in the metropolis because of the woman's family, but he did, and finally the marriage event fell through.
Seeing the failure of my friends around me in dating, I can't help but think of my own experience in dating. In college, after keeping my first lover for two years, I was heartbroken for a long time. In the next two years, I talked about several times of love, and from beginning to end, it tended to be stable, but my love was the most beautiful from beginning to end, and I always had a positive attitude in making friends. I am actively looking for my love goal by introducing my friends in detail, matching friends, applying for registration on dating websites and sending emails.
during this period, I got to know Peter, a fellow countryman of my college classmates. This man associates with me in the form of a basin friend. When we have time, we eat together, watch TV plays and chat. Although we have a happy relationship, because I think I like one thing about him, he is an ordinary Cheng Xuyuan, who needs money but has no money, has to work and has no job, and his appearance is just the same as that of an ordinary man. At that time, I refused to choose. I had the same expectation as Qingxia Fairy in A Chinese Odyssey: "My Mr Right is a hero in the world, and I understand that one day he will be in a place that has attracted much attention. I think many girls are like this, expecting their other half to be a person who looks brilliant. Emotional counseling was cheated. Therefore, after knowing him for one year, when he confessed to me, I flatly refused him, just because he was not my dream goal.
fortunately, Peter and I didn't get along with each other for the purpose of being with my partner. After he accidentally refused, he still made good friends with me, eating and drinking with me, talking and laughing. I poured out my troubles at work and misunderstandings among my best friends. He discussed with me how to be smart about urging my parents to get married and how to refuse the unscientific work standards put forward by my friends. Everyone just started to travel together. He undertook to buy tickets and book hotels. I made an overall plan for the tour route and made a guide book. The two of them worked together and had a great time along the way. Naturally, there are also suggestions that are not in line with the quarrel, and then communicate with each other, make concessions to each other, and get back together.
this is the best friend who has worked for three years. In the fourth year, I suddenly feel that this man has so many advantages, although he doesn't have much money. He is kind, perfect, sincere, good at solving difficulties, understands how to get along with others, attaches importance to me, understands me and pays attention to me? He really suits me, and everyone's communication is so happy, and there are so many unforgettable memories. Why do I want to stick to my own criteria for finding someone and ignore my real experience? Which criteria for finding a partner is really what I want? Is it external or traditional to tell me that as a woman, I should find a rich and working guy?
this time, I confessed to him, and then we became lovers.
When I first fell in love, my income was higher than his, so we both worried about it for a while, but after all, I still paid more attention to his extensive use value besides making money at work, and I knew very well that I had to be warm, applicable and waiting for him. Therefore, when the two of us choose together, we must get rid of the harm of traditional mate selection standards on everyone and take a road that belongs to everyone: he must learn to accept his girlfriend's development trend in his post better than him, make more money than him, and he must take on more housework; I want to accept it, too. After that, I want to take on more obligations to earn money to support my family, and the pressure of earning money will be higher.
nowadays, we have met for seven years, and our feelings are stable. We are going to get a marriage certificate in advance. My career development is also getting better and better, publishing books, creating books and doing psychological counseling? Many of my dreams have been fulfilled. Frankly speaking, with his application and waiting, I am not willing to do this.
is it of practical value to upgrade the traditional composition of "women are strong and men are weak" like everyone else? I find it hard to say. Because I have seen such a composition, many people are really happy, and many people are not happy.
Compared with everyone's mom and dad, our generation of young people have a lot of arbitrariness in choosing marriage, love and friends, but there is no doubt that young men and women in our country are deeply mired in the traditional and contemporary intertwined mud in finding a partner, and it is even more difficult to make a choice.
For women, because their education level and influence on economic development have been greatly improved, they are looking forward to finding a like-minded person who can lead a spiritual life. However, they can't solve the harm of the traditional values of marriage and friendship: a woman should find a rich man who is stronger than her and can help herself.
For men, they accept the contemporary sense of equality of all people, and expect to find a wealth and freedom, and have the other half in their own jobs. However, they still can't solve the harm of the traditional values of marriage and friendship: men want to find smart women, while they want women to be smart and earn money, they also want women to be obedient and virtuous.
Men and women are caught up in the classical and modern robber logic in the choice of marriage and friendship, and they are at a loss.
stick to the traditional style? _ Is it contemporary?
A penfriend once complained to me that she was looking for a rich boyfriend, and others said that she was not alone as a modern woman! She finds a boyfriend who has no money but is congenial to herself. Others want to say that she is congenial. Can she be a meal? Immature!
Many people stick to the norms and standards, or traditional norms or contemporary norms when choosing marriage and friends, but completely fail to see the real existence of themselves, and do not pay attention to the real experience in their own hearts, and then get lost in the eyes of his moral and legal audience.
These people who don't care much about other people's eyes will look for their own happiness. George Clooney, an old handsome guy who used to be single all his life, married a 36-year-old working woman and was called Alamuddin, the hottest female lawyer in America, which excited thousands of working women. Gong Li, the international superstar who won the first grand slam in the Asia-Pacific region with "The Grand Master", fell in love with Wang Feng and got married, which caused strong repercussions from many netizens. The divorced 46-year-old Yi Nengjing married Qin Hao, 1 years younger than herself, and had a second child?
It doesn't matter whether you choose the traditional style or the contemporary style. The key is to take your own marriage and make friends with real happiness.
if everyone, whether TA is a man or a woman, wants to be happy in marriage and making friends, he must know himself in a deeper level and what the real key to his other half must be. TA must also carry out self-management and self-growth, which can improve the single and rigid use value evaluation standard, attach importance to and understand another person with a more yuan and open value concept, and the most important thing is to seriously experience with another person in practice.