Trust is too difficult for people, especially partners, because caring is chaotic. The more we care about it, the more afraid we are of losing it, which makes us uneasy.
So trust is also a sense of security, so what should you do if you and your partner really trust each other?
First, an overview of students' basic problems:
Student information: 27 years old 162cm 45Kg Teacher Yan has a face value of 5 points and a figure of 6 points.
Information of the other party: 26 years old, 178cm 70kg, annual salary of white-collar workers, 30w yuan, face value, 4 points of figure, 6 points.
Stage: I am about to get married, and then because I don't trust each other, two people break up by default.
Overall situation:
Hello, teacher. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and I was going to get married. However, during this period, the two of us may have many quarrels.
So at first, he liked me better and came to see me every day. But then I found that he was getting colder and colder. Once we quarreled and broke up.
Then my family found out and arranged a blind date for me, but I went to the blind date arranged at home. As a result, my boyfriend found out and he felt that I was not loyal to her enough. So his trust in me has become very low. Similarly, he has been relatively cold to me recently.
I also heard that he seems to be very close to other girls, so I have doubts about him. Maybe there is no trust between us now.
Two days ago, he didn't contact me for a day because of work problems. I was very, very angry and wondered if he had found another girl.
So we had a big fight with him, and as a result, we didn't contact each other again, just broke up by default as usual. But I really like him, so what should I do now, teacher?
Second, the students' situation analysis
Problems to be solved:
How to build mutual trust?
(2) How can I save him?
Key analysis:
This case is a typical love mode in which both parties have no trust. Although both parties like each other very much, they have reached the state of entering marriage.
However, due to mutual distrust, people will be suspicious of each other, and people's thoughts are very complicated. Even if the other party may not reply to our information immediately, even if today's performance is a bit abnormal, we will have infinite reverie and will all go in a negative direction.
In the end, you may lose control of your emotions and have a quarrel with each other. Such a long quarrel will also lead to a cold relationship between two people.
Third, the solution:
It's better to get straight to the point than to be suspicious.
In fact, the behavior of both sides, although there is no substantial derailment, is not loyal enough for both sides, and it is difficult for both sides to eliminate the impression of each other.
So instead of eliminating it, it is better to really communicate this matter.
Because both sides are suspected of cheating and like each other, so I asked my classmates to take the initiative to ask their boyfriends out and communicate with them clearly, so that both sides can understand each other's inner thoughts, instead of guessing at random, because suspicion is the chief culprit in ruining two people's feelings.
Trust-building contract
Because both sides are in a state of extremely low trust, I suggest that two people establish a simple trust contract for the sake of affection.
Contract 1: Both parties need to communicate every day. If they can't contact for a long time, let them know in advance.
Contract 2: Both parties should not guess at will. If they have questions, they need to communicate calmly, the informing party needs to be frank, and the informed party needs to believe.
Contract 3: Talk in depth once a week and ask what you want to know in a "sincere" way, but promise not to correct the past.
Almost two months later, I told the student that this trust contract is actually very useful, because many times we may not find out whether the other party is cheating, but we know many of his ideas, some of which he thought I would care, but I don't care. We are also more relaxed.