You can find many by yourself. I don't know if it's cold or not.

1. The mayor was wearing shorts and giving a report. When he was excited, he put one foot on the chair and exposed his little brother's legs. The venue was in an uproar. He thought everyone was impatient, so he said loudly : This is just the head, there’s more behind it!

2. There was an old prostitute who lived a hundred years old and had sex with a client who had only one testicle. Because of the violent actions, the old prostitute returned to the west. After the police checked, they said with emotion: This is blood. The lesson learned, a hundred-year-old prostitute was ruined!!

3. The husband and wife were playing mahjong together, and they decided to follow the wife’s eyes and act accordingly. During the game, he saw his wife suddenly splitting her thighs, and the husband saw that he was busy. He shot out a tube, but someone else was fired! The husband was confused? Wife Nu shouted loudly: What her mother wants is a chick!!

4. For a blind man to tell a fortune, the person only needs to hold out a finger. , the child was naughty, stretched out the chicken, and the blind man shouted: Noble man, with thin skin, no nails, and good elasticity, he must be a leader. The child suddenly realized that the leader is a fool!!

5. Late one night, the public security bureau gathered urgently because of a case. A female police officer, who was a dog trainer, forgot to wear her underwear in a hurry. In desperation, she lifted up her skirt and let the dog she was training sniff her lower parts. Then she ordered the dog to remove her underwear. After I found it, after a while, a male policeman rushed over and said to the female policeman: "No, no, no, your dog bit off the balls of our chief!"

One day, the four masters and disciples of Tang Seng took a plane to travel. The plane crashed on the way and only had three parachutes.

So, Tang Seng said, everyone should answer the questions, and those who can’t answer will jump down.

Tang Monk: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one.

Tang Monk: Sha Monk, how many moons are there in the sky?

Sha Seng: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Bajie on the side was so happy for such a simple question.

Tang Monk: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

． ． ． ．

Bajie jumped down.

Not long after, the four of them took a plane to travel again. It crashed again on the way and still only had three parachutes.

They continued to answer questions.

Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People’s Republic of China established?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Monk: OK. Give you a handful.

Tang Seng: Sha Seng, how many people died in the liberation war?

Sha Seng: 2.5 million people.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Tang Monk: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?

...... Bajie had no choice but to jump down again.

The third time, the four of them took a plane to travel again, and there was another accident on the way.

At this time, Bajie said: Master, you don’t need to ask, I will dance by myself.

Then he jumped.

Tang Monk put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time!

In the mental hospital, the doctor saw a mentally ill patient lying on the hospital bed singing, but while singing, he suddenly turned over again.

The doctor was curious, so he walked over and asked him: "You can just sing, why do you have to turn over?" "Fool, after singing side A, you must sing side B"! The psychopath replied!

/p>

Grandson: Grandpa, you are lying. How could you ride a bicycle to school by yourself when you were as young as me? Is it enough or not? "

Grandpa: Grandpa felt that he was bragging, but he was embarrassed to admit that he was bragging, so he blushed and said, "If you don't believe it, you can ask your father. Your father taught me back then. I'm learning to ride a bicycle!

Women: 20 years old is like a rugby ball, with 20 people rushing to hug it!

The age of 30 is like basketball, 10 people are fighting for it!

40 years old, like a table tennis ball, two people push it back and forth!

If you want to golf at the age of 50, the farther you can hit it, the better!

Fool

Once upon a time, there was a fool whose family was very poor. One day his father was going out, so he taught him: "Dad has to go out to do something. If a guest comes to our house and the guest comes to our gate and sees that the big tree in front of the gate is missing, you can say that I am Cut it down and use it as firewood. If a guest comes into our barn, you say it was the hard work of your parents. If a guest asks why the fence in front of the door is missing, you say it was ruined by a panic! Fool, his father just came out and some guests came! Before the guests came in, they asked: "Where is your father?" The fool said: "I chopped it down and used it as firewood!" The guest was surprised, but he didn't dare to ask more questions. After entering the gate, he saw a lot of cow dung in the yard, so he asked: "Why is there so much cow dung in your house?" The fool said: "This is what my parents earned hard!" The guest asked again: "What about your mother?" ""The panic was ruined," said the fool!

Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: 'Premier Zhou...'

7 My surname is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of my unit. Someone once called me on my mobile phone: "Chief Chicken, are you in the pig room?" "I scolded that guy wildly

8 While queuing up in the cafeteria, I heard a boy next to me say: "Master, give me a bowl of 'Bullet Cauliflower' soup! "(Seaweed and Egg Drop Soup) Haha, I laughed so much that I burst into soup.

My parents had a fight, and my dad said angrily: "Get out of here!" "When I was playing basketball in high school,

After A got the ball, he passed it to B selflessly, and B easily scored. After a while, B got the ball, and A shouted to pass the ball to him. But B threw the ball by himself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blinded just now...

The whole audience laughed

Mother will cook for me at noon. A pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into cubes! "

I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot

Once a girl from their dormitory went Buying sanitary napkins,

Tell the boss: A pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three fresh ones or spicy ones?

Then the classmate was stunned. After a while, he said, "Let's eat some fresh food. I'm afraid it's spicy."

A very close male classmate of mine fell to the ground, and I asked, "What's your butt?" It hurts from the fall!' but I accidentally said, 'Your butt must have fallen to death.' Sweat~~~ The brother stood up, patted his butt, farted, and said, 'He's not dead, he's still breathing!' I directly Fainted

35 Once I went to the market to buy vegetables and prepare for a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change he had to the vendor and was still short of a dime, so he Say to the hawker--

"I gave you all my hair, so there is no more hair. "

The hawker was speechless for a long time, then replied -

"I don't want your hair anymore. ”

Once upon a time, a man was fishing and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.

The man said: Okay, then let me ask you a few questions.

Squid was very happy and said: You take the test, you take the test!

Then the man grilled the squid...

One day Mung Bean committed suicide by jumping off the 5th floor. He bled a lot and turned into a red bean; It turned into soybeans; the wounds became scarred, and finally turned into black beans.

A pair of corns fell in love...

So they decided to get married...

On the wedding day...

One corn could not find the other corn. Now...

The corn asked the popcorn next to him: Have you seen our corn?

Popcorn: My dear, she is wearing a wedding dress...

Q: Two people fell into a trap. The dead are called dead, and the living are called dead?

A: Call for help!

11: Question: What are you afraid of cloth and paper?

Answer: Cloth is afraid of ten thousand, paper is afraid of nothing.

Reason: Don’t be afraid of ten thousand (cloth), just be afraid of something unexpected (paper).

One day there was a mother-in-law who was riding in a car...

Halfway through the ride, the mother-in-law didn't know the road...

The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: Where is this?

Driver: This is my butt...

An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; an egg went to swim in the Songhua River, and it turned into a tea egg. It became a preserved egg; an egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (stewed) egg; an egg was homeless and turned into a pheasant egg; an egg accidentally fell down on the road and fell over. On the ground, it turned into a missile; an egg ran into someone's yard, and turned into an atomic bomb; an egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau, turned into a hydrogen bomb; an egg got sick, turned into a villain; an egg turned into a bad guy; An egg got married and turned into a bastard; an egg ran into a river to swim and turned into a nuclear bomb; an egg ran into flowers and turned into a bastard; an egg rode a horse and held a A knife, it turned out that he was Daoma Dan; an egg was female, and it was ugly, and turned into a dinosaur egg; an egg was male, and his wife committed adultery with other eggs outside, and he turned into a bastard Egg; an egg...

14: The host asked: Can cats climb trees? Eagle's quick answer: Yes! Moderator: Give an example! The eagle was in tears: That year, when I was asleep, the cat climbed up the tree... and then there were owls...

The director and the section chief *** were riding in the elevator, and the director farted and said to the section chief : You farted! The section chief said: I didn't do it... The section chief was dismissed soon after. The director said at the meeting: You can't take on such big things, so what use are you?

An elephant asked a camel: ‘Why does your breast grow on your back? ’

The camel said: ‘Stay away, I won’t talk to a thing with a penis on its face!

During roll call at the beginning of the school year, a class teacher came up with an original idea and said to the students: "I'm going to read out my student ID number. You can tell me your name so that everyone knows each other, okay?"

" No. 001!"

"Teacher, my surname is Jiao, my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little confused and asked: "Who gave this to you?"

" My dad." "What does your dad do?"

"A pig factory!"

"No. 002!"

A girl stood up: "Teacher, my surname is Zhang, and my name is Zhang Dekai."

"No. 003!"

"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother, and my name is Zhang Bukai." "Who gave you this name?"

"It's my dad. He sells pliers." The teacher quickly took a drink of water.

"No. 004!"

"Report to the teacher, my surname is Ou (the character is pronounced "Ou") and my name is Ou Ye (oh yeah). This is the name given to me by my mother. She said that she had just blasted a computer game when she gave birth to me. "The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.

"No. 005!"

"Report to the teacher, mother-in-law!" "Why are you swearing?!"

"No! Teacher, I My surname is Gan, my name is Ganniang, and my father is a wine maker." The teacher took a pill.

No. 006! "

"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and my name is Goubuli. ”

“Your father runs a bun shop, right?” ! "

"Teacher, you are so smart! "The teacher is already a little unsteady.

"No. 007! ”

“My surname is Kuai (pronounce it quickly and pronounce it in the third tone.) My name is Kuai Huo. "

"Don't tell me that your dad runs a warehouse. "

"Teacher, you are so old-fashioned. My dad is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the corners of the teacher's mouth.

"No. 008! ”

“Teacher, go to hell!” " "What? What did you say? ! "

"I mean my surname is Ni, and my name is Ni going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. My name is interesting, right? ”

“Interesting, interesting. "The teacher was about to cry.

"No. 009! ”

“Teacher, I’ll talk about it next time.” "Why do you have to say it next time? You say it now!" "

"No! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. "The teacher was already feeling dizzy.

"No. 010! ”

“Teacher, my surname is Gao, and my name is Gao Wan. "

"My surname is Mei, and my name is Mei Liangliang. "

"My surname is Wu, and my name is Wu Qing. "

"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong. ".........

The teacher looked up to the sky and roared: "Oh my god, what kind of students did I meet! "The teacher spurted blood from his mouth and fell to the ground.

Once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why are you driving without a condom? ”

In high school, everyone was given a name badge... Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, everyone, put your bra on quickly, come check... The whole place was silent...

31. I went to have breakfast with my classmates in the morning. One of them only ate the stuffing, and the other only ate the skin. When we were talking about the waste of the two of them, the classmate who ate the stuffing said, "Okay, you can eat mine later." "The foreskin is ready" all the porridge drinkers present gushed out.

32. To tell the truth, on the factory bus at work, MM asked me: My computer is not working and it keeps dying. I He said: Then go back and check the virus. Remember to upgrade the anti-virus software. I saw MM again in the car the next morning, and I asked him, "How about it?" . . . . . . . .

33. A high school classmate of my dormitory classmate called. He asked who he was looking for, but I said he wasn’t there, and then said thank you.

34. In the past, people came to my aunt’s house as a guest. I just walked in. My aunt happened to have to go to the toilet.

She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!"

During military training in college, the instructor yelled: Use your peripheral vision (peripheral vision) Align~~~~We want to laugh but don’t dare to laugh, that’s so sad...

A female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the meal. I don’t know what to do They will make the following mistakes: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently, please eat more!" At that time, everyone was squirting. .

Our unit has a car to pick up and drop off work in the morning. Because the car is not big, once, after I got on the car, there was no seat. A male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her enthusiastically and said: "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" I kept laughing until I got off the car~!

When I lived on campus, we had bunk beds. Once mobile phone A needs to be charged. But there is only one socket for each bed, and it cannot be charged when the lamp is plugged in for reading. So, A plugged the charger into B. B wanted to listen to music at night and saw A's charger and yelled: "Hey, why do you keep plugging me in? Why don't you plug it in your bottom?" After that, there was a commotion, sweat~~

When I was in college, a classmate was arguing with me. I was at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid!

A buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At lunch time, two people entered a beef ramen restaurant. The girl said loudly to the chef: Hey, give me 2 bowls of ramen~~~ The chef said: Do you want to eat? I poop when I eat.

My roommate boiled water with a hot pot. After the water boiled, the man was reading leisurely and not moving. He couldn't stand it any longer, so he said, "Is it time to pull it out? He was screaming so loudly." "No response. Fifteen seconds later, he added: "It's very hot in there. It's easy to break the plug if you leave it plugged in like this..." No movement. After half a minute, the water boiled completely and splashed. "What, it's ejaculated. A lot of things are squirting out, and the screams are getting louder and louder. I'm afraid I'll break it if I insert it again... Are you sure you don't want to pull it out?" . . A thick book flew towards my head!!!~

When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain and was about to take a break when I saw something on the roadside. Obasan, who was buying souvenirs, went up and asked: "My wife..."

When we were in the third year of high school, our class teacher taught mathematics... When he reviewed it for us~every time When it was time to draw pictures and rays~~ I said loudly~~ `Classmates, watch it~~ I shot it

During self-study, everyone was watching the review, and GG said to MM: " I just memorized the words, please help me write them silently. "MM doesn't want to be silent, so GG begs her, please (touch) silently me, (touch) me!" ! As a result, MM couldn't bear it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him, but he insists on me (touching) him~~~!" ! !

One day I went to a classmate’s house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call her uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, “Dad, come and sit down!”~~Han! Many classmates laughed to death

When I was in elementary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I refused, he would stalk me. After that, I yelled with all my strength, "I don't want to borrow it." Marry (lend) to you." At that time, the students immediately became quiet.

Once at a ktv, when I asked for a song, I shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiejun...

6. The voice was too loud

Zhuge Liang is a man who is proficient in eight kinds of arts, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, so he was embarrassed. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the sound of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Do I learn the same thing?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. You farted too loudly just now, and I didn't see it.

”

7.

There was an ugly girl who could not get married and hoped to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnappers thought she was ugly and sent her back to her place of origin. , the woman refused to get out of the car, and the kidnapper said, "Let's go! I don't want the car!"

8. The train was very crowded during the Spring Festival travel period, and a man stuck his butt out of the window to defecate while the car was stopped. The inspector found out that he was shouting: The fat man holding a cigar, put his head back

One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and yelled : You have never seen a naked man before! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where the hell you paid for it!

The nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward and whispered to him. Said: "Be careful! The patient smiled and said, "Baby."

The teacher wanted the sports committee member to confirm whether all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him: "Go and check out all the girls in the class." The sports committee member was a little pervert and asked hurriedly: "Which one should I kiss?" "Teacher￥#...￥

In the junior high school mathematics class, the teacher was talking about equation transformation. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Students, pay attention! I am going to transform!...