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How to make your wife completely break up with her lover

How to make your wife completely break up with her lover

Zhao Jiangui:

I am 36 years old and worked as a teacher in a primary school after graduating from college. In 2003, my wife came to work in our company. We got married in 2005 and had a daughter. In the next five years, we lived quite well. Although we didn't love as vigorously as in the books or on TV, we were still happy. However, in terms of personality, my wife is not as gentle and virtuous as I expected. She is rather stubborn, lazy, and prone to gambling. I am a relatively single-minded person with a strong sense of responsibility. I think since I am married, I should be more tolerant, so I accommodate her in everything and tolerate her.

A bolt from the blue in October 2005! We were going to hold a large-scale singing program, and we needed to select music teachers from various schools to participate. My wife and another music teacher from the same school were selected, and the company sent two cars to pick them up. The two drivers were similar in age to them. I was picked up and dropped off 6 times in one day. The last two times I said I was hungry and wanted a midnight snack, so I came back very late. On October 1st, the National Day, I went on a business trip to the county, and my children also returned to my grandpa’s house. I was afraid that she would be bored at home alone, so I asked her to come with me. She said she didn't want to go. I received a message from her around 10 o'clock saying that she was going to have a party with her classmates. I was quite puzzled because she never told me. She wasn't back yet at 7pm, so I called her and she said she was far away and might not be back tonight. I saw her speaking hesitantly and felt something was wrong, so I ran to the music teacher's house. As expected, her family said she was not at home either. I guessed that I must have gone with the two drivers. Sure enough, when she came back the next day, I got confirmation from what she said. I questioned her and she admitted that she went to play with them, but stayed with the music teacher at night. I was very sad, why did she lie to me. Later, I thought that since I was staying with the teacher that night, it wasn't a big mistake, so I didn't scold her. I just opened my heart and told her how much I loved her, and she cried sadly. Unexpectedly, on the morning of October 4th, I opened the message box on her mobile phone and saw a bolt from the blue! There was a message sent to the music teacher, "Actually, I didn't go back that night. He also went to get a room. We didn't do anything in there, we just sat and chatted."

I was stunned when I saw it, my heart felt like a knife, the sky was dark and the earth was dark, and my head kept hitting the wall involuntarily. She snatched her phone back, looked at the message, and deleted the message in frustration. He didn't explain anything, he just held my head and said calm down. Then the air seemed to be suffocated. I was hysterical and heartbroken and she sat in a daze. Ten minutes later, I got up silently, slammed the door and left, telling her that we should live our own lives from now on. Her tears fell down like beads, and she said sadly that she had done nothing sorry for me. Later, I ran to ask the teacher to find out from her what was going on. She said that the four of them were indeed playing together, but she didn't know what happened at night. I knew she wouldn't tell me the truth, and if she couldn't find any answers, I'd forget it.

What followed was a suffocating cold war. After half a month, I saw that there was no way to continue like this, so I talked to my wife and knelt down to beg her not to have contact with those people in the future. It was so harmful to me. It hurts a lot. She neither explained to me what happened that day nor agreed to my begging, saying that we were having a good time, so why did she want to break us up. I begged and told her how much I loved her, and she reluctantly agreed. But within a few days, I saw the chat records between her and the two men from her QQ. I was very angry, so I sent a message to the man, saying that if he contacted my wife again, I would tell their boss, and if that didn’t work, I would find someone to chop him up. Soon the man forwarded the information to her. She was very sad, crying and called her father on the spot to get her household registration book to divorce me. I had to compromise with her and said that I wanted to scare her by saying everyone should do their own thing, and she gave up. After that, our relationship recovered and we started to talk.

I also thought she would never contact that man again. Unexpectedly, on New Year's Day of 2011, I discovered from her QQ chat history that I had cracked the password that he was still in contact with that man. (She didn’t have a password before. In order to get to know her, I first installed a chat recorder and then broke her password. She later found out about it.) I was heartbroken again and there is no trace of it anymore. I have the thought of blaming her, and I don't want to go to her heart-to-heart to win back her heart like before. She invited me to go on vacation with her, but I just responded silently that I didn't want to go. A few days later, I became more and more angry with that man, so I sent him a message that if he contacted my wife again, I would pay someone to have sex with him. Soon my wife found out about this. She cried and told me to go through the divorce procedures immediately. I gave in again, and she didn't say anything on the surface. But I could feel the resentment on her face. Sure enough, she didn't reflect on it. Instead, she got worse. She went out more often and stayed up all night several times. (Later I confirmed that she had gone to play with her female classmates, but of course she didn't tell me). I had no choice but to ask her parents to persuade her. What I told her parents was that she might have cheated on her. Her parents scolded her, but she said that didn't happen at all. (Her parents had sold their belongings to support her education, and she was very grateful to her parents)

After that, although things seemed calm on the surface and she went out less, in fact, the hard days had just begun. She started a cold war with me that lasted for almost two years and it still hasn’t ended. The long-term torture kept me awake all night and was in unspeakable pain.

Usually the whole family is at home, but they don't hear anyone talking, and they only hear the sound of swallowing while eating. Now I am exhausted physically and mentally, my hair has turned a lot grayer, I have aged a lot, I have no intention of doing work, and I have no motivation at all. Usually I can't help crying when I see other couples happy. I miss my old life very much and want to have a good communication with my wife, but she doesn’t say a word to me, so I have no chance. She also looked haggard, as if she had been struck by something inside. The online name changed again and again: I am confused, my heart is broken, character determines destiny, cold love, dusty heart clear spring, I can’t understand what it means. She also buys me clothes from time to time, but she doesn’t want the clothes or mobile phones I buy for her.

I was very confused, and my heart began to feel cold. I didn’t know where to go. I also thought about divorce, but I couldn’t let go of her. Besides, I have a strong self-esteem and don’t want to be criticized by others. There are also a lot of problems such as children and houses that are difficult to solve. I really don’t know what to do, neither left nor right, and sometimes I feel like my head is going to split. I really want to die.

What happened to my wife? What happened between her and that man? Did she really cheat on her? Maybe it's just mental cheating? What does she think now? A lot of question marks made me exhausted. It seems that only death can free me. I really hope you can help me, please.

A man who wants to die

36-year-old teacher:

Hello.

I didn’t plan to reply to this letter originally, because I have always been a little afraid of teachers and the most afraid of teachers asking me questions; secondly, because you are a man who is older than me

and should be older than me. More knowledgeable, just entangled in inner speculation. When this process reaches a certain stage, you will understand what to do. You don’t want my suggestions to influence you. I believe that over time, you will have a value orientation that is more suitable for you.

But you wrote again, which is somewhat irresistible. To be honest, I have only seen women trapped in love, getting deeper and deeper into it. I have never seen a man like this. For men, shouldn't "love" be like a cold or a high fever? You've been "coughing" for so long and you can't hold it off. Are you really going to die from a cold?

Her "cheating" has been going on for so long, and you still can't come to a conclusion despite repeated efforts. In fact, you have trained yourself to be a KGB. Looking through text messages, checking chat history, and asking around, is it interesting? Maybe you didn't expect that repeated doubts and confirmations have been hanging on your face, like a mask that you can't take off, affecting your behavior, expression and mood. Then a bad mood turns everything sour.

You tried to ask her to change her, but failed to do so. Instead, the two of you became more and more distant. Have you ever thought: "Problem students" need more love?

"Love" is trust, giving, tolerance, and communication. It is not your attitude and method towards her. Imagine this: Suppose she is your daughter or student, and if you demand repentance and dwell on her mistakes, all you will get is her disgust and indifference to you.

Since fate is connected with responsibility and love, and you can't let go of her and your family, then let go of "cheating" first and let go of your demands and changes to her. Even if you can’t let it go, you have to let it go! A man's heart can be touched by a woman, but he cannot be disturbed by a woman. Because there are too many things you should do right. Start by changing yourself, change the way you live and work that has been disturbed by bad moods for a long time, and make everything better for yourself first.

Maybe my suggestions will be useful. To you, not to her. Because the key to whether your life will be better in the future depends on you.

Let’s start with our living habits. Get up early every day, at five o’clock, do a simple shower, and then go for a run. The amount of exercise increases gradually according to physical fitness, and it must be sweating profusely. When I want to stop midway, I look at a coordinate in the distance and remind myself: after running through this section, reaching that coordinate will be another part of my world. When running, you can think about some unhappy things and step on them behind you with non-stop steps

This method was told to me by a very close person of mine. Don't think this is easy. When you do it seriously, you will understand that this is the best way to temper your endurance and resilience. Try to be a person with a strong and happy heart.

Another important point: control your expression. Don't show your inner strength through harsh words and facial expressions. Smile in front of the mirror several times a day, and habitually let a smile stay on your lips forever, so that the other person will feel your gentleness and not reject you.

What comes next will be harder and more trivial, but simpler. I came back from a run early in the morning and went shopping for groceries and breakfast. Then clean up yourself and your home, wake up your daughter and wife, clean up the mess from breakfast, and send your children to school. Be a competent teacher at school and actively participate in various sunny group activities. When you come back in the evening, you must cook at home. You can't just deal with it casually. That way, you must make ordinary dishes taste like love, and you won’t ask Baidu for help. If she is cooking, you can help with the cooking; while you are cooking, you can gently ask her at the appropriate time to clear the table or answer the phone for you, etc. Weekends are no exception. You should take the initiative to do all the housework in a bright mood, such as cleaning, cleaning bed sheets and quilts, etc. Remember to buy gifts for her birthday and flowers for Valentine's Day.

And your daughters and parents. You can take your child to play on weekends and holidays. Be sure to tell her your play plan when she is present. You only provide alternatives and let the child and her make the choice.

Call her parents regularly and invite them to eat at home; also take the child to visit her parents regularly. Don’t force her to go, but let her know in advance, and show that you and the child are happy with her. Go together.

In short, from now on, you must forget that unhappy incident and be a good father, husband, and teacher. Everything is difficult at the beginning. At the beginning, you must pay attention to your expression and always observe yourself in the mirror: Are you a pleasant-looking person who looks comfortable and sunny? Let people who approach and see you always feel positive energy instead of negative emotions.

Keep in mind that it is not important to you whether you cheated or not, but your endless entanglement is very important to her. If you want your life to be free of clouds, the most important thing is to make her forget about your entanglements and give her a tolerant, gentle and sunny environment. This is also the attitude and approach when you encounter "problem students" in school. It's important to control yourself from looking through her private messages. Curiosity kills!

Don’t think that I am a woman. What I say seems to be defending women. Not really. You still have a long life. If you can follow my suggestions, you can make yourself full of sunshine and radiate positive energy. It won't be long before she will tell you clearly the causes and consequences of whether or not she "cheated" at the right time. Because for her, your previous attitude and method were torturing her, and she, a person who has made mistakes, is not afraid of your torture. Your tolerance and true caring love, and tolerance and love are not in words, but in actions.

Also, let me tell you a secret: for a woman, once she has a true trust from the heart, she will not be willing to break it. On the contrary, if you keep guarding against her, remind her: Never cheat. Then, due to reverse psychology, she might really want to give it a try.

Of course, don’t rush to expect her performance. As long as you temper yourself well, be a gentle, tolerant, sunny and enterprising person. Three years later, if she is still like this, then it is her problem. And by that time, her "problem grass" has grown high enough, higher than the seedlings, and everyone can see it. The public's words and attitudes will kill her for you, and she will live in a humble haze. Even your little girl will spurn her.

As for you, you will not only get sympathy from others, but also recognition and appreciation, not because of her, but because of your own sunshine and attitude, and more girls will like you. , you can choose to love again.

Remember, cuckolds can’t kill anyone; those who fall are those who were tricked into death by themselves! What’s more important to remember is that if you cling to “cheating” and insist on developing your career as a KGB or Sherlock Holmes, you will miss her, miss the man’s sky, and even miss the happy life you deserve.