1

One weekend, I had a meal with my friends. During the dinner, he said, there is one kind of person you cannot interact with, and that is someone who is ungrateful.

I asked him why he said this.

He said that his classmates who went to school together often stayed at his house when their parents were getting divorced. They had nowhere to go and didn’t want to return to that battlefield-like home.

Later, he followed his mother to another city. Then, he studied abroad and returned to work in China. Now he is the vice president of a group company. Not long ago, he returned to his hometown where he had been away for a long time and invited him to a meal, but he has rarely been in contact with him.

I said, after so many years, at least others still remember to treat you to a meal. It has nothing to do with being grateful. How do you want the other person to thank you?

He said that his child was going to primary school soon and he wanted his child to go to a key city, but his household registration did not fall into the area designated for a key primary school. It happened that the classmate’s relatives were in the Education Bureau and wanted to ask for his help. He said nothing.

I responded to him jokingly, "You took him in so that your children could study today!"

My friend had the same idea as most people. Since we are brothers, since I have helped you before, why can't you help me when I am in trouble? I think back then...

Sometimes I think about it: If my child wants to study and wants help from friends, will I have the same mentality?

At least, so far, I have never been worried about anyone I have helped. I don’t like to talk about what I have done.

I think that my modest efforts in the past were done willingly, and I did not lose anything because of it, nor did it bring any negative impact to me. Giving roses to others has lingering fragrance, and I have gained from it. Gaining the trust and affection of others is already the greatest reward for me.

As for other people's future achievements, it has nothing to do with me. It is his own efforts that have led to today's gains.

The ancients said: "It is speechless when giving to others, but it is difficult to forget when receiving donations." When we give money, emotions and time, as long as it comes from the heart, the joy we get is not the best. Are you grateful?

2

Not being grateful not only refers to ordinary interpersonal interactions, but also often occurs between parents and children.

When parents teach their children, they will also say: "Who do I get up early and come home late, expose myself to the wind and the sun, and work hard for you? You still haven't repaid the debt."

What is "debt repayment"? I didn't understand it when I was a child. I only knew that it was a critical word, something that parents would say when they were tired and angry.

Later, I gradually understood. When saying this sentence, parents may not always be able to clearly express the true meaning, and they all heard it from older parents.

In the yard, there is an aunt who greets children when she sees them from a distance. What is unusual is that she calls "white-eyed wolf" affectionately.

Once, my daughter unfortunately "bumped" into a car. When I heard her mouthing the word "white-eyed wolf" repeatedly, I felt disgusted. I found an excuse and left her with the child.

She was joking, but also seemed to be looking for an outlet for her emotions. Her daughter is a nurse and often works night shifts. Her son-in-law is in Tibet and her grandparents are in the countryside. The burden of raising the children falls on her shoulders.

She could choose not to take the child and send it to the countryside, but she couldn't bear it. Since you have brought it, it is always bad for the child to always say "white-eyed wolf" in the child's ear.

"If you never forget, there will be repercussions." It's not just the pursuit of dreams, but also the expectations of relatives for their children.

Japanese writer Dr. Masaru Emoto is committed to the study of water. In the experiment "Crystalization of Water", he discovered that different crystals will appear when looking at different characters for water.

Good language can produce beautiful crystallization, on the contrary, bad language can produce ugly crystallization. Does she hope that her child will become a veritable white-eyed wolf in the future?

She doesn't understand this.

Moreover, even if you, as an elder, want your children to understand feelings and be grateful, you can only teach them through your own words and deeds, instead of asking for it from your children or asking for it back from the people around you who have received what you have given.

If you don’t ask for a favor, the favor will always be there. If you ask for the favor, it will cease to exist, including principal and interest.

People who know this will not care about their efforts. After all, managing relationships is not business. There is no profit or loss at all, and even gains and losses are relative.

3

I remember reading a story about Shariputra who had to cross the Giving River before he could practice the Bodhisattva path. Someone came to Shariputra and asked for his eyes.

Shariputra said: "Plugging my eyes out will be of no use to you. Why don't you ask for something else, and I can give you my property."

The man said: " If you don't want anything else, I want your eye. If you really want to cross the river of charity, give it to me." Shariputra dug out one eye and gave it to him. The man picked it up, smelled it, said it smelled bad, spit on it, threw it to the ground, and crushed it with his feet.

Shariputra sighed: "This man is really evil. He asked for my eyes in vain, but insisted on them, gave them to him, and stepped on them with his feet. There is really no way to save me, so I'd better save myself first." . ”

As soon as such thoughts arise, the Bodhisattva path immediately turns back and turns back to Hinayana, unable to cross to the other side of the Giving River.

This story shocked me. What shocks you is not that you have to give your eyes to others if they want them, but that if you decide to give something to someone else, then what they do with it is their business.

Because the thing already belongs to someone else. Even if someone else throws it into the trash can, it has nothing to do with you.

Writer Wang Lu once said: If you still regard yourself as the owner of such a thing, it is equivalent to declaring others guilty of theft. You don't give things away in exchange for the ability to condemn others.

Even between parents and children, or between husband and wife, there should not be such thoughts. You can give to the people you love and give unlimitedly, but you cannot force others to cherish your contributions.

Even if there is a little bit of such a requirement in your heart, it is not good.

Such thoughts are not good for you and will only make you regret. It's not good for others, it will only make people feel that they owe you a favor. If it needs to be repaid, it is not a gift but a loan. There is nothing emotional about such giving!

4

I remember when my daughter was not born, I asked a doctor friend to help me determine the gender. In fact, it didn’t matter whether she was male or female, it was just to satisfy my curiosity in advance.

The country does not allow such things to happen. It goes against the professional ethics of doctors, and it is also afraid that people with gender discrimination will behave inhumanely.

My friends know that I am not that kind of person, so I have enough time to name the child and prepare clothes.

Since then, our encounters have remained the same.

More than three years have passed, and her "little effort" has always been in my heart. Finally, I expressed my gratitude at the right time.

The meaning of this story is that I admire those who are truly kind and loving, who do not care about gains and losses, and do not speculate on rewards.

Because the unkindness of favors will always exist. May we all have kind intentions, form good relationships, and achieve good results.

About the author

Mu Xi loves words, music, and everything beautiful in the world. She is persistent in love, lives humbly for her dreams, and has experienced various setbacks and tests in life. Wandering at the critical point between reality and nothingness, use all your strength to surface, climb upward with all your heart, and increasingly believe in some kind of karma, some kind of fate, some kind of belief that supports you to move forward. After clearing away the clouds and mist, I gradually realized that it is not necessary to go too deep into the mountains, nor to write too thickly. I only hope that the light words can express the shallow feelings in my heart, and use words to see myself, the world, and all living beings.