Huang Xi talk show lines

1. I don't like Chinese mixed with English very much. It is very inappropriate and not OK to say English words when speaking Chinese.

2. In America, everyone says that all men are created equal. But after birth, it depends more or less on parents' income to provide you with early education and medical security.

3. After graduating from Rice, I decided to stay in America. Because if I go back to China, there's one thing I can't do better than here, and that's the exotic flavor I exude.

4. I live in Massachusetts now and we have comprehensive medical insurance. Then we elected ScottBrown as governor. Oh, it's ambiguous. I think there is a movie about him, and that is KillBill. (bill means bill in English, which satirizes the governor's strong opposition to Obama's health care reform plan. )

5. I believe that God is a woman because she will never forget anything you did wrong.

6. I believe Britain is the most beautiful country in Europe, especially Paris.

7. "Now there is a sign on my car saying' There is a baby in the car', which can be regarded as a threat, because there is a crying baby and a nagging wife, and I am not afraid of death any more."

8. I believe that people should go to bed early and get up early, and use their morning time to do more meaningful things, such as sleeping in.

9. All I got was a D-. I read the report that children nowadays can't even look at their watches. They can only read electronic watches. I thought to myself, when they grow up, how can they report the location of the hot girl? Others say, "the hot girl is at three o'clock." I can't stay that long.

1. Then he asked me, "Dad, why should I learn two languages?" I told him, "Son, once you become the president of the United States, you must sign the bill in English and have a dialogue with debt collection in Chinese." (China is currently the largest creditor in the United States. )

11. In 28, I officially became an American citizen, for which I am very happy. Thank you. America is the best. This is true, because we win the World Series every year (only teams from the United States and Canada participate). )

12. I believe that a healthy attitude is the foundation of happiness, so I never have a physical examination.

13. Frankly speaking, I am really honored to be invited here today. I've been preparing for tonight's show for months. I also showed jokes about President Obama to the White House, so President Obama decided not to attend today's party. He also decided to discuss immigration policy reform. StephenColbert, put it on him. (Steve is a political critic and host who specializes in political figures, and the president always has nothing to do with him)

14. Hi, everyone! Hi! Well ... I don't have much time to perform, because my green card will expire soon. I grew up in the backcountry of China. One year in junior high school, we suddenly decided to repair the dirt road, lay bricks and cement, and let the students bring bricks to school ... We worked hard for three weeks and finally repaired the road. Many years later, I heard the word: child labor. I was immediately surprised. What? ! Those children still get paid for their work?

15. President Obama is often accused of being too weak. But he was commanding two wars, and they awarded him the Nobel Peace Prize. And he accepted it. How can there be anything more fucked up than this? Well, actually, I think the only thing that could be worse than this is that you accepted the Nobel Peace Prize and gave it to the army.

16. When I first arrived in America, I attended an English training course. Our teacher is so lazy that he can't remember the students' names. So he gave us a list of American names and asked us to choose a name. When I got my watch, there were only two names left, so I chose Joe. I chose Joe and the other was Jake. One day, I told this story to my son. His name is Jake.

17. I am honored to meet Vice President JoeBiden tonight. As a matter of fact, I have read your autobiography. Seeing you today, I think the book is much better (than myself) (and then the camera was given to the vice president, who laughed happily). Should they invite Brad? Pete will play, or Angelina? Julie.

18. I believe that the 18th National Women's University has changed, and it has become more and more casual.

19. My son is four years old now, but he is far from mature. Sometimes, I look at my son and think, Wow, this young man has made no contribution to society. But I have to pretend that everything he does is great. I said, wow, you walked half a block by yourself? Well done! In fact, I thought, what is this? I built a road when I was a child!

2. I read in men's health magazine that President Obama does aerobics twice a week and weightlifting four times a week. You see, I don't need exercise at all because I have health insurance. (It is said here that the medical insurance system gives people a sense of laziness)

21. My father is a man with a strange temper, but occasionally he wants to make fun of me with jokes. But he can't do it well. When I was seven years old, one day he asked me, "Hey, son, why do you think tofu is better than the socialist planned economy?" I thought for five minutes and then asked him, "Why?" He said, "Because I said good is good!" The joke is: tofu, planned economy and extreme patriarchy. Tofu and the economy are not comparable, just as the patriarchy of "I'm in charge" is simply unreasonable, which makes people angry and funny.

22. After becoming an American citizen, I immediately registered for the general election and voted for Obama and Biden. (He looks back at Biden and says to Biden) You're welcome. Your slogan "Guess we can" conquered me. This is their slogan. (here, "YesWeCan" is deliberately confused with "GuessWeCan". )

23. Later, I read so much American history that I began to feel white guilt. (whiteguilt refers to the guilt that white people feel because of the history of enslavement of black people. )

24. But jokes aside, I want to reassure everyone that I am indeed invited tonight. (This is the news that Salah and his wife broke into the White House welcome dinner)

25. I believe my wife's English is really not very good. Once again, she asked me how to spell the English word CCTV.

26. "What is the Second Amendment?" I thought, "Well, is that why our convenience store was robbed?" (The Second Amendment guarantees the people's right to bear guns)

27. "What is Roevs.Wade?" "well! Two ways to come to the United States? " Roevs.Wade is a classic case of abortion in the United States supreme court. Here, he means those people who have sneaked into the United States, either through rowaboat (rowing, which is the same as the name Roe) or by swimming to the other side of the river (wade means trudging)

28. I was driving a second-hand car, and there were a lot of stickers on the bumper (just like our "attention to bears"), which were so tight that it was impossible to tear them off. One of them says "If you don't speak English, go home". I didn't see it until two years later.

29. I believe my meal is good, because everyone who has eaten my meal and survived has said so.

3. There are many outstanding journalists sitting here, and I regard you as my peers. Because I used to write articles for the school newspaper. I think journalism is the last position for puns. Because only in the newspaper can you see something like "I belong to a horse, so you know why I always bark like a horse." (Americans describe the onomatopoeia of horse barking as neigh, with the same pronunciation as nay, and nay-sayer is always a naysayer.) I expressed it accurately.

31. Like many other immigrants, we all want our son to be the president of this country. So we try to make them speak two languages, Chinese at home and English outside. But it's actually quite difficult to operate. Many times I have to say to him on public occasions, "Hey, listen, if you don't speak English, go home." (This shows that this sentence is a way to teach my son)

32. I grew up in China. Who isn't? (This is to satirize the arrogance of Americans with their own arrogance)

33. "I finally got citizenship. I have to go to an American history class to answer who is Benjamin? Franklin, I only get ... Last year, my son was born in the United States, and I hugged him.' Wow, you were an American when you were born. Let me ask you, do you know who Franklin is?'

34. Tonight is my first time to appear on the C-span channel. Usually, when I can't stand the advocacy and incitement of pBS and QVC, I will watch this channel (pBS is famous for its subjectivity, while QVC is a shopping channel). If I still can't sleep after watching C-span, there are C-span2 and C-span 3 (channel C-span is a parliamentary debate broadcast channel). Thank you very much

35. One year, I went to New Orleans to attend the carnival. For me, you have to understand that I don't approve of being naked in public. But if someone does, I can't miss it.

36. Good evening, everyone. I'm JoeWong. But for many people, when they hear my name, they will ask "Who"? Who (homonym "Hu") is just my mother's maiden name and the answer to my credit card security question.

37. In order to become an American citizen, I have to take an American history class, and I will be asked such questions as "Who is Benjamin Franklin?" I thought, "Well, is that why our convenience store was robbed?" Benjamin Franklin's head is printed on the hundred-dollar bill. )

38. And all my childhood memories were destroyed by my childhood. When I was in primary school, as part of my curriculum, I went to work in a rice field. Next to the rice field was a quarry. They used explosives to blow up rocks. It was there that I learned that light travels faster than sound, and the speed of sound is almost as slow as the speed of stone flying.

39. I came to the United States when I was 24 years old and studied at RiceUniversity in Texas. It's not a joke, but it is now.

4. "I am a new immigrant. After I came to the United States that year, I drove an old car, and there were many slogans and stickers on the bumper of the car. I didn't understand them, and I couldn't tear them off. It took me two years to drive them, only to know that one of them was' If you don't understand English, go home'."

41. I came to the United States to study in a university. I like science very much, which is also of great benefit to my love life. Once, I asked a girl out, and she said no. I asked, really not? She said, hey, Joe, NO means no. I said, NO is also nitric oxide. Talk show lines after 8s

1. Losers in love have gone too far. What do you mean by pure price? Who said I failed in love and where did I fail?

2. Dear earthquake volcano is not terrible as long as you are around, because you are even more terrible.

3. Throughout the ages, everyone loved to be a civil servant. In ancient times, it was relatively simple. Just cut it with one knife.

4. With such a lighter, you expect others to borrow the light.

5. office workers are very hard, and their salary is monthly, but the workload does not include traffic.

6. Everyone has advantages in work, but everyone hates being called a leader.

7. I was robbed by a taxi driver: Special 2 Youth: You can do anything. Can you stop the meter first?

8. The goddess said: I am level 1 in piano, level 6 in clarinet and level 8 in English. What are your specialties? Wang Jianguo thought for a long time: I am level 6 in World of Warcraft.

9. Setting off firecrackers is to drive away the fear of the unknown in the future, such as setting off firecrackers when getting married.

1. From the first day of stock trading, my seniority has declined. When I meet someone, I ask how the stock is: down.

11. Stop, stop, give back the bird's stomach. Who is the man who just ate four lunches backstage?

12. A successful woman will make her husband feel insecure forever.

13. Nowadays, there are boyfriend and girlfriend rentals on the Internet. How can parents tell the true and false boyfriend and girlfriend? Ask him at the dinner table, didn't our children's infectious diseases pass to you? It's false to say nothing, but it's true to jump up.

14. There was another aftershock in Japan. This time there was little damage and no death. What does this mean? This shows that the sequel is just not as good as the first episode.

15. The stars will be called guest stars, and you will be called walk-on.

16. Like F11, you are always there, but you just don't know what to do. You can call me F4.

17. I don't have credibility. I do. I'm a bird's stomach. Do you think I've lost weight recently?

18. I haven't starved to death or beaten a professor for more than six years; The wall of Beijing has not been torn down yet.

19. I have always said that jokes are loser's games. There are beautiful women to see, who will listen to jokes! There are beautiful women to see, who will tell jokes!

2. Earn the money to sell cabbage, and have the heart to sell white powder.

21. Three customs live in the hearts of three common people forever. Tonight's post-8s talk show lines

1. My nose is stuffy and I can't hear clearly.

2. Three customs live in the hearts of three common people forever.

3, fat Wang Jianguo, Lai Bao, balls.

4. When the book is used, you will hate it less. If you don't pad the insole, you should put your feet down.

5. Earning money to sell cabbage, with the heart of selling white powder.

6. The Four Heroes of Leather Shoes-gelatin, milk, jelly and capsules.

7. Take out a cigarette and shout at the volcano to light it for me.

8. The stars will be called guest stars, and you will be called walk-on.

9. I'm here. What else can happen at home?

1. With such a lighter, you expect others to borrow the light.