Jokes
1. Three little rabbits poop
The first one is long.
The second one is spherical.
The third one is actually triangular.
Asked, it replied: I squeezed it with my hands.
2. The child asked his mother: "How to make a sentence using ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! This B child is from C family? He is standing on D with bare feet, and EF is not wearing any clothes, and it is still exposed. With little GG!
3. I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.
4. Boss, we have Gay in our company.
Male Employee: Boss, there is someone in our company
Boss: Who is it?
Male Employee: Give me a hug and I’ll tell you.
5. Above the Da Vinci Code is the Da Vinci Account
Do you know what is below the Da Vinci Code
It is the Da Vinci Verification Code
6. Do you understand?
Can you stand on your head?
7. A: I never speak a second time
B :What?
A: I never speak for the second time
8. The little white rabbit meets the big bad wolf
The little white rabbit said the big gray wolf Wolf, Big Bad Wolf, please ask me if I am a little white rabbit.
Ask me quickly! !
Are you a little white rabbit?
The little white rabbit is very happy, yes, I am!
Then the little white rabbit says, big bad wolf, hurry up! Ask me if I'm a giraffe. Ask me quickly!
Are you a giraffe? /p>
Little White Rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!
I already said I was Little White Rabbit!
Once upon a time, Apple He and Lizi were good friends, but then Apple was moving, so the two of them agreed to come back to this place to get together ten years later
As a result, ten years later, Apple returned to this place again. But after a long time, the pears still did not appear, and the apples waited and waited
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
< p>The result turned into plasma10. While playing CS, I saw a bespectacled gangster rushing forward with "51" in his hands, and a line of words typed underneath——
" wo shi dang yuan, follow me! ! ! ”
11. One day, Toothpick was walking and found that his shoelaces were untied, so he bent down to tie his shoelaces, and then his waist broke.
12. There once was a man who fished. A squid arrived.
The squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.
The man said: Okay, then I will ask you a few questions. Question.
The squid said happily: You can take the test!
Then the man grilled the squid...
13. Yes One day Xiaoqiang came home crying and said, "Mom, my classmates at school said my head looks like a kite. ”
Then my mother said: “How could it be?” No way? Come and run with me. ”
14. In music class, the teacher played a piece of Beethoven’s music
Xiao Ming asked Xiaohua: “Do you understand music?” ”
Xiaohua: “Yes”
Xiaoming: “Then do you know what the teacher is playing?” ”
Xiaohua: “Piano. ”
15. One day there was a mother-in-law riding in a car...
Halfway through the ride, she didn’t know the road...
The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This Where is it?
Driver: This is my butt...
16. A blind beggar is begging on the street wearing sunglasses
A drunkard. Walking over, I thought he was pitiful, so I threw a hundred yuan to him.
After walking for a while, the drunkard turned around and saw the blind man facing the sun to distinguish the authenticity of the hundred-yuan note.
The drunk man came over and took back the money and said: "You fucking don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me!"
The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said: "Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm here to check it out for a friend who is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute."
"Oh, that's it," so the drunk man threw down the money and shook it again. Staggering away...
17. I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior sister's computer screen, and the text on it passed very quickly.
I’m curious: Is this a lyric?
Sister: Yes!
Sister: Why does it go by so fast? Didn't even see it clearly!
Sister: Jay Chou’s! !
18. Wife: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.
Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.
Shit: I’m so unlucky! Lying there, I was stepped on by both of you...
19. College entrance examination chemistry question: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can be converted into C in boiling water, and C can be oxidized in the air. D and D smell like rotten eggs. What are A, B, C, and D?
My answer: A is chicken, B is raw egg, C is cooked egg, and D is of course rotten egg. !
20. Question: What is the thing with three heads and one foot?
Answer: A monster with three heads and one foot! ! ! ! ! !
21. When the ant went to the desert, why didn’t he leave his footprints on the sand, but only a line?
Answer: Because it rides a bicycle!
The ant came home from the desert. He did not notify anyone, but his family knew that he was back! Why!
Answer: Saw his bicycle parked downstairs...
22. One day a female drug addict was caught at the police station, and the police saw a tattoo on her hand. Just ask her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiaoliang...ah...is it? Tell me, tell me...if he takes drugs... Tell me quickly
< p>I saw the female drug addict raising her head with angry eyesSaid to the police
This is hate...
23. One day, Xiao Mei and her boyfriend went for a drive.
The car was almost out of gas. There happened to be a gas station nearby. As they were driving past, a sudden gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.
Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:
"I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me."
As soon as her boyfriend ran away not far away, he heard Xiaomei shouted behind him:
"Come on! Come on!"
24. There is a fat man...
Jumped from a tall building...
The result became...
Dead fat man...
25. There was a penguin, he My home is very far away from the polar bear home. If I had to walk, it would take 20 years to get there. One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to go play with the polar bear. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door was still locked. It had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" After the polar bear opened the door, guess what? What did he say? "Let's go to your house to play~"
26. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal condition. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital for treatment and said to the doctor: "I eat whatever I want. I eat watermelon and drink watermelon." "Eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!" The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you can only eat shit!"
27. There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,
As soon as the sausage shook, wow! It’s so cold~!
The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage?
28. A sausage felt very cold when it was locked in the refrigerator. Then he looked at the other sausage next to him, felt a little comforted, and said: "Look at you, you are frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice." !" As a result, Nagen said: "I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle.
29. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.
She announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together. .”
All the children ran to pick fruits.
When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.
Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"
Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples."
Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"
Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."
Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you?"
Amin: "I'm washing my shoes because I stepped in poop."
30. How to make the drink bigger?
Recite the Great Compassion Mantra
31. A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window to see a woman lying on the bed, rubbing her breasts wildly and shouting, "I want a man, I want a man!"
The next day the little boy walked out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.
So the little boy went home and lay on the bed, rubbing his chest wildly and shouting, "I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle." !
(I am so broken by this!! Where are the moppers?)
32. Two men went to play in the mountains. One of them accidentally slipped and fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you, are you okay?", the person who fell in was heard to reply: "I don't know, I'm still falling~~~~~"
33. Watching CCTV's "Treasure Appraisal" program, the female host said: Mr. sitting in the first row, please show your treasure to everyone!
34. Since the last time we responded to the call to report the disharmonious artist Huang Rihua, we have discovered that Jiang Kun is also extremely disharmonious, especially when his name is written vertically. Please ask the Organization Department to use sensitive words about him!
35. When CCTV's new director Jiao Li was reviewing the 2010 Spring Festival Gala program, he heard "Love" sung by the reorganized Little Tigers and praised the staff around him: I think this song is good. Through our Spring Festival Gala, we will definitely become popular in the future!
36. A lumberjack applied for a job
Foreman: Go try the forest in front... see how many trees you can saw in one minute. After a minute, foreman :Wow. 20 trees per minute. That’s amazing. Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara Forest.
37. One day, three little pigs built a Three cabins. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want. At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: Then tell me where the little white rabbit is?
38. Why are boys envied if they have many GFs, while girls are despised if they have many BFs? Because it is like a key that can open many locks and is called a master key, and a lock that can be opened by many keys means there is something wrong with the lock.
39. I thought that on November 11th, there was a pair on both sides, which did not fit the bleak atmosphere of Singles' Day. But on November 1st, I looked sideways at the other pair over there, which suddenly added a chill. Awesome temperament, a golden light from the sky, a kind of cup and utensil falling from the sky, it is really the best lonely day...
40. Five children share a cake, and only three cuts are allowed. What should I do? Divide? Answer: Kill a child with one knife, and then cut the cake into quarters with two knives. . .
41. China’s effective anti-corruption methods: 1. Husband and wife quarrel; 2. Home stolen; 3. Accidents; 4. Lover’s report; 5. Political struggle; 6. Shocking words; 7. Photos Revealing wealth; 8. Netizens cursed!
42. English words with Chinese characteristics: Smilence (laughing without speaking), Democrazy (wishful thinking), To**ther (finally married), Freedomn (Chinese Internet freedom), Shitizen (p people) /p>
43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Student answer: Let it smell the fart. The one who will cover the nose is the hand, and the others are the feet. The whole class collapsed.
44. It is said that there are three obvious signs before a major earthquake:
1. Abnormal well water;
2. Abnormal reactions of livestock; < /p>
3. Experts came out to refute the rumors.
However, careful Maopu netizens pointed out that the second and third items were repeated.
45. A man’s head is big and square, and he is very depressed about it.
One day when the man was driving home, there was a traffic jam on the road and he had to wait for a long time!
The man impatiently opened the roof sunroof and stuck his head out to see what was going on.
At this time, a child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted: "Look, the Autobots are going to transform!"
46. Xiao Ming lost one in a car accident Leg,
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident,
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident. Ming lost one of his legs again.
In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog.
47. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong were at the same table. One day, Xiao Ming borrowed a pen from Xiao Hong. ,
Xiaohong said "No,"
"Lend it to me and you will die!"
Then, Xiaohong said: "Oh, then borrow it "Give it to you"
When Xiao Ming returned the pen to Xiao Hong, Xiao Hong was really dead. (So ??cold...)
48. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)
Because... they are not familiar with each other~~~~~~~~
49. A certain restaurant keeps a parrot hanging at the door, and says when guests arrive: "Hello, welcome!" One regular thought: I'll hurry in and see how you react. One day he ran in without hesitation, and the parrot said: "CNMD! You scared me!!!"
50. In 2046, South Korea's aerospace technology made rapid progress and launched a satellite orbiting Mars.
As a gift, a South Korean satellite airdropped a copy of "The Encyclopedia of Korean Mythology" to Mars, causing a commotion among the Martians.
Martian A: Hey, the book says we are descendants of Koreans.
Martian B: This at least explains the origin of our species.
Martian A (crying bitterly): No wonder we are so ugly...
Boom... South Korean satellite dropped another "Korean Plastic Surgery Guide"...
< p>51. "Avatar" failed miserably at the Vatican box office, with a box office of only 2,400 euros, but everyone went to see it...52. Once upon a time, there was a little cucumber who felt that she had too many acne on her face. I cut myself into slices and put it on my face
53. Brushing my teeth is a mixed blessing, because I hold a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.
54. It turns out that every day. I always pass by a stinky tofu stall when I go home... One day, when I pass by this place again, I find that the stall is no longer there, but the smell is still there -_||||| Wow...it turns out it's not the tofu problem...ah< /p>
Brain Teasers
1 You can eat winter melon, cucumber, watermelon, and pumpkin. What kind of melon can’t be eaten?
Answer: Fool
2 There are 6 steamed buns in the basin. Each of the 6 children received 1 steamed bun, but there is still 1 steamed bun left in the basin. Why?
Answer: The last child took away the basin together.
3 Can you turn ice into water as quickly as possible?
Answer: Remove two dots from the word "ice" and it becomes "water".
4 In winter, the baby is afraid of the cold and refuses to take off his hat when he sees someone.
Answer: The barber
5 Lao Wang shaves forty or fifty times a day, but he still has a beard on his face.
Answer: Lao Wang is a barber
6 There is one word. , everyone will pronounce it wrongly.
Answer: This is the word "wrong"
7 Who does Xiaohua look most like at home? /p>
Answer: Xiaohua in the Mirror
8 What is the use of egg shells?
Answer: Used to wrap egg whites and yolks.
9. What is something that you don’t have to spend effort to hit?
Answer: Yawning
10 You can do it, I can do it, everyone can do it; one person can do it, but two people can’t do it together .
What is this doing?
Answer: Dreaming
11 What should everyone do seriously every day?
Answer: Sleeping
12 Who always Dare not take a bath
Answer: Clay figurine
13 Xiao Ming never studied but became a model student. Why
Answer: Xiao Ming is a deaf-mute student
< p>14 What kind of car is difficult to move?Answer: Windmill
15 Which month has 28 days?
Answer: Every month has 28 days
16 Do you know what’s wrong with sleeping in class?
Answer: It’s not as comfortable as bed
17 What kind of wine should you not drink?
Answer: iodine
18 What kind of eggs cannot be beaten, cooked, and not eaten?
Answer: The zero egg "0" obtained in the exam
19 What can you hit without spending any effort?
Answer: Doze
20 The train from Beijing to Shanghai takes 6 hours. After 3 hours of travel, where should the train be?
p>Answer: On the track
21 When will the clock stop running?
Answer: The clock will never run in the first place
22 Bookstore What books can’t be bought here
Answer: A suicide note
23 What is the narrowest road?
Answer: The road between enemies is narrow
24 What cannot eat?
Answer: "East-West" direction
25 A man fell from a plane, why didn't he fall to death?
Answer: The plane is parked on the ground
26 What kind of flower blooms all year round?
Answer: Plastic flowers
27 Which English letter does most people like to hear?
Answer: CD
28 Who never sees a doctor when sick?
Answer: Blind person
< p>29 Xiao Ming knows the answers to the test paper, why do he still read his classmates' answers frequently?Answer: Xiao Ming is the teacher
30 Why can't he break the egg with a hammer?
Answer: Of course the hammer will not break
Who can easily knock down a boxing champion?
Answer: Sleepyhead
32 What is it that God doesn’t know and the earth doesn’t know, but you don’t know and I know?
Answer: The soles of the shoes are broken
33 A man is walking on the beach, but no footprints are found behind him. Why?
Answer: He is Walking backwards
34 A truck driver knocked down a motorcyclist. The truck driver was seriously injured, but the motorcyclist was fine. Why?
Answer: The truck driver was not driving
35 What is the first thing everyone does when they wake up in the morning?
Answer: Open your eyes
36 Can you write a red letter with a blue pen?
Answer: How difficult is it to write a "red" letter< /p>
37 When a car turns right, which tire does not rotate?
Answer: Spare tire
38 What is the difference between Confucius and Mencius?
< p>Answer: Confucius's child carried it on his back, Mencius's child carried it on his head39 Why did Xiao Wang learn a text from the first to the third grade of junior high school?
Answer: From the first to the third grade of junior high school, you can study one lesson in two days, which is not bad!
40 How many eggs can a person eat on an empty stomach?
Answer: One. Because after eating one, your stomach is no longer empty
41 When Columbus set foot on the New World, what did he do next?
Answer: Step on the other foot
42 The caterpillar came home and said something to his father. The father fainted on the spot. What did the caterpillar say?
Answer: The caterpillar said: "I want to buy shoes.
”
43 The plane fell from the sky, why was no one injured?
Answer: All died
44 What is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?
Answer: It is a flat character
45 What is the smallest island in the world?
Answer: A safe island on the road
46 A chicken Put it in the refrigerator at the same time as a goose. Why does the chicken die but the goose does not?
Answer: Penguin
47 Four people are playing mahjong in a small room (no one else is there) (watching), then the police came, and all four people ran away, but the police caught another person in the house. Why?
Answer: Four people were playing a game called "Mahjong" in the house. The police caught him
48 Who is the King of Beasts?
Answer: The Zoo Director