On April 27, 2017, and every memorial day in the future, I will think of her writing in heaven. She is Lin Yihan, a native of Tainan, Taiwan, 1991-2017. It sounds like it rhymes, but it is the pause in Yihan’s life. I would like to dedicate this article to the only idol and angel in my heart. I hope there will be no illness or devil in heaven.
——Inscription
When I first read Lin Yihan’s posthumous work, I didn’t know it was a posthumous work. It started with one or two sentences, and I only read the book review. It's already unbearable - her book makes people unable to bear to read it. Between the words, you can see the blank space that Yihan has designed, where all her love and pain lies. "Fang Siqi's Paradise of First Love" to me is "a text that I don't want to recognize as literature." On the one hand, I always think that the world of literature is far away from me. According to this understanding, Yi Han's novel will be because of me She lost her sense of intimacy due to her subjective consciousness, and I was afraid that I would not be able to empathize with her; on the other hand, to quote Yihan's own words - "If you feel beauty, it must be real. If you feel pain, it is also true." "Real". I don't think I will easily put down this book after reading it, nor will I easily go far after experiencing the pursuit of novelty. What I can see is that Yihan is always at the starting point, and through literature Her readers tell why they set out.
When describing my personal sensory experience, I want to incorporate Yihan’s personal experience. Readers may feel like I can’t bear to read it, so please don’t throw it away in a hurry. Because we are uncovering the real Fang Siqi one after another, uncovering the flesh and blood body, everything is real.
If Lin Yihan's life could be described in one word, it would definitely be "love". Her life is full of love, whether it is for literature or for evil people, so her story is full of forgiveness. Nature, this word runs through Lin Yihan’s last days. To elaborate, there are several manifestations: Some time ago, I saw Chen Guoxing’s navy leaving a message on ptt: A girl has really experienced this, how can Can you still laugh? It must be the Taiwanese media's hype, just for the sake of sensationalism. Next to it is a photo of Yihan's daily life. The girl's smile in the photo is very hollow, with a sense of decent politeness. It is this smile that has attracted criticism from netizens, and then reveals her true original intention - to encourage everyone to protect her. Chen Guoxing is protected from online violence. Such wording has attracted the scorn of many netizens. I don't feel relieved to see bad guys being punished. As lively as the current debate is, Lin Yihan was so lonely before his death. In the eyes of netizens, Chen Guoxing should be forgiven. At the same time, the netizens themselves should also be forgiven. Such things happen in Lin Yihan's social perception and come from various aspects - because family education respects teachers. Because of the virtues of Taoism, she had to fall in love with Master Wolf; because of her incontinent love for others and her pure heart, she had to see those insults. Lin Yihan had to look past them and express understanding and forgiveness through literature. Only in this way could he survive. . Expression is all her weapons. The pain and suffering are laid out in every stroke of the diary, and her life is cruelly separated - "there is a hospital bed, and I have been lost for eight years."
After eight years, Han Benben couldn't stand it anymore, so she left. Before leaving, Yi Han wrote the last words to her best friend Mei Meifa: "I wished so much that I was killed the first time I got raped." (How I wish I had died when I was raped for the first time.) There are many helplessness in life. For Lin Yihan, death is better than life, do you know? The most terrifying thing is not that "Lin Yihan is Fang Siqi", but "Lin Yihan is not only Fang Siqi, but also Guo Xiaoqi and Biscuit, but he failed to become a happy Yi Wen." Yihan failed to find Yi Wen, so he Already dead.
If we add more imagination to this story, what is horrifying to think about is that Xiaoqi’s parents confronted Li Guohua, Lin Yihan’s parents confronted Chen Guoxing, and Xiaoqi fell. But I dare not think about this. Is it fiction or not? Everything Yihan said in the interview forms a strong relationship network with the language of the novel. She said, "I could have had no gaps in my relationship with my parents." Later, she passed away and only stayed in heaven. You can still see Chen Guoxing's sign, and no one knocked it down. Taiwanese may say: This is the time I hate Taiwan's laws the most, but the ultimate proposition is: the law often does not represent justice. A rhetorical question: I hate that I can only express it?
Let us zoom in on Yihan's life frame by frame to see the warmth and warmth of human relationships in her heart - In February 2017, Lin Yihan's debut novel "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise" was released on Guerrilla Published by Cultural Publishing House, when talking about the original intention of creating this story, Lin Yihan said: "This is by no means a book of accusation, an angry book, but a story about a girl who fell in love with a seducer. "She said "story", a very neutral word, just like the wording and analysis in Yihan's novels, an omniscient perspective, a perspective that can see everyone's heart clearly, a realistic and cruel story. "They were the ones who found me. The people in this publishing house all have ideals. Their lives are very real and they worry about so-called daily necessities..." What Yihan said was deleted in the later interview video. Maybe the recording party thinks it doesn't matter, but I can see her undergoing spiritual suffering in what outsiders consider a "comfortable material life". Sometimes I really believe in fate, and if happiness and pain are always conserved, Lin Yihan's life is very categorized - he suffered from depression at the age of 16 and left at the age of 26. Ten years have passed absurdly. Why? Li Guohua.
Obviously, "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise" is a real life portrayal of Lin Yihan. The Fang Siqi in the book is a shrunken Yihan, who was sent to a cram school at the age of 16. Chinese language teacher Chen Guoxing seduced her, and the other party took advantage of her self-esteem and kindness to rape her. However, the young Lin Yihan could not bear such a disgusting fact, so he deceived himself from a literary perspective and saw his "love" in the teacher's love words. ", thinking it is real, but in fact it is just a trap. I’ve read a lot of bad comments, and the most common comment is: “Is she stupid? Why didn’t she call the police?” Regarding this issue, I would like to express my opinion: Yi Han has lived in a privileged family since he was a child, and his father is a famous doctor in Taiwan. Lin Binghuang, Lin Yihan has been very good since he was a child, and he became the only perfect-scoring candidate at Tainan Girls' High School. He was once called a "beautiful perfect-scoring baby" by the Taiwanese media. With such a complete and perfect life, how could he have suffered so much? How can we easily forget the huge stain in our lives? Yihan did not choose to call the police or tell her parents, just because she deeply remembered tolerance and consideration for others. If she called the police, her parents would be disgraced, and since the other party was so powerful, they would not necessarily receive the punishment they deserved. In fact, as a reader, I also think that there is a third reason, which is that Yihan has a certain admiration for Chen Guoxing, maybe it is appreciation, maybe it is reverence, so this literary girl naively believed in Chen Guoxing's flattery, and she She thought, "I love the teacher, the teacher loves me, we are reasonable, and whatever the teacher does to me is reasonable." From then on, what Lin Yihan thought was a "free love" became her entire life, serving such a person. With careful reasons, Yihan slowly stood up, until later, after she was admitted to the Chinese Department of National Chengchi University, Chen Guoxing asked her to meet during the summer vacation and introduced her to his other girlfriend: "This is Peipei, Peipei loves me. , you must love me too." Yihan collapsed. This loss prevented her from completing her studies. After dropping out of school, Yihan also saw more girls who were coerced by teachers. Just like Xiaoqi and Biscuits in the book, Chen Guoxing used his underworld background to sexually abuse girls and bribed Yihan. Han's friends changed their confessions, and Yihan tried to expose it on the Internet, but it was just treated as a joke by some netizens who did not take it seriously - "It's not so fun to be penetrated" "Baobao changes bags"...Yihan Han's heart became dark, and her incontinent love finally showed its prototype. She realized that Chen Guoxing had never loved her over the years, she had just been deceiving herself. Yihan's pain finally accumulated to the extreme and could no longer be saturated. In 2017, after writing "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise", Lin Yihan hanged himself in his private residence and lived alone at the time of his death.
I believe the causes and consequences of this story have been widely publicized by many media, but I hope I can express more than that.
After reading "Fang Siqi's Paradise of First Love" for the fifth time, I sadly commented that it was a depressing book, even though I knew that if Yihan was alive he would have sighed - "How I envy you. You just read I can't go on, but I still have to face my life." She likes to end each sentence in the book, as if a period can tie up a period of her life, as if the later has nothing to do with the previous, as if Yihan can be like The opinions put forward by those who pretend to be smart are the same - "You just need to read books, you just need to travel, you just need to listen to music." I have to admit that Yihan's pain cannot be reconciled, and in society, People could not sympathize with her, and they did not give her pain a warm imagination. Yihan suffered, Yihan died, and the whole society was an accomplice. Many nights later, every time I was in a quiet environment, I would think about Yihan's life. Because there were not many video materials on the Internet, I had no choice but to see from this discussion. I wanted to talk about my deep feelings. Feeling.
1. Read "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise"
In many places in the book, it is written: "Many years later, Siqi..." I can imagine Seeing how Yihan painfully betrayed the order of writing, but still added the current situation, it was sincere and unbearable. I accidentally saw a book review in which a radical called it "pretentious and full of rhetoric." I would like to quote Yihan's own thoughts here: "I really hope someone will say that the writing is very good. It is best to praise the rhetoric that has nothing to do with the core. It’s far away from me, as if it takes the place of my pain”. When I saw those joking people, they not only curled their lips: What you think is a person's pursuit of survival, you can't deny other people's pursuit of life, because you don't understand the meaning of this at all. Many people are just reading Yihan's story, but have completely forgotten that the life during the period is real. This is what Yihan said, "I am afraid of consuming any Fang Siqi." She did it, so she did not reveal it. The names of the other girls hurt by Chen Guoxing, but some readers and some people in society failed to do so. They were just laughing, just standing on the moral high ground and giving and plundering wantonly. I feel sad for Yihan, just because of this Bad things happen to such a good girl, but in other words, if Yihan is just like Yiting in the article, without beauty or intelligence, how can Chen Guoxing fall in love with her? There is nothing wrong with beauty, but the fault lies with those who desecrate beauty. After reading, I just felt the pain of treating Yihan lightly. I was so sorry, but when I was about to turn around and write a letter to express my grief, I realized that Yihan had been gone for more than two years... ··
2. Reading group chat
There is a chat room of "Fang Siqi Research Association" on the Internet. I am very happy that everyone is serious and serious. Every time
When talking about Yihan, I always sigh with regret. There are many powerful people in the group. After watching the live broadcast of Yihan’s best friend Meimei, they organized the live broadcast content into a text version (Meimei is the recipient of Yihan’s last words mentioned earlier). The content is as follows: Lin Yihan’s last friend Meimei Disclosure on camera. What has made her so unhappy in the past two years? "Since you all say that you can't handle cases through fiction, then why are the untrue conclusions about Lin Yihan's case in the Crisis Encyclopedia about 'consensual interaction' cited everywhere as the truth?"? Meimei: I just talked to Lin. After Dad finished the phone call, he always talked to Dad Lin for a long time. I can feel that many facts must be spoken over and over again before they can be accepted. Lin Yihan said that I "have a wide space between words when I speak", haha. What I want to say during today’s live broadcast are actually testimonies that I told the prosecutor. These testimonies were all told to me personally by Lin Yihan. I don’t know what most people think, but I know how a person who encounters sexual assault, rape, seduction, or sexual violence will express what she has experienced, and many of the expressions are different from how everyone else expresses them. Yihan made it clear to me twice that the circumstances of her being seduced were very roundabout. The first time was when I was walking to class with her one afternoon during my junior year in college when I got a text message. The content of the text message is that she told a story in the third person. I once asked someone to post the content of this text message on the Internet. You can find "Komori's Story".
(I just said that the netizens who must die are very friendly. So far, no one has come to spray me with "Shut up, you are crazy" or something like that, but on ptt they are all insults, because they are Isn’t it a real-name system? Oh, someone wants to troll me, I accept the provocative voice.
) That text message was obviously her inability to narrate what happened to herself in the first person. Years later, she told me that this text message had been sent to different friends, including the so-called "best friends" in the news reports. for generations. I once used "The Story of Komori" to question the two "best friends" mentioned in news reports and the "Notice of Non-Indictment". In fact, Lin's father and mother Lin never called these two "best friends." I once asked these two "best friends" when I had to die: Didn't you also receive this text message? Lin Yihan said that he was raped, and more than once. Why don't you admit it? But because my account at that time has been lost, I can’t find the content of their answers to me now. Therefore, if necessary, these two can challenge me to confirm whether we had this conversation and why they cannot answer this question. The second time was on August 11, 2016. I later learned that Yihan had several attacks of symptoms every year, such as epilepsy, headaches, etc. One of them was August 11. I remember very clearly that day when I was waiting at the National Taiwan University Hospital, I received a text message from Yi Han, saying: I am very uncomfortable. I don’t know if I expressed it accurately, but every time I think about suicide, it must be due to mental illness. and being seduced. She asked me again in the text message: Can I look up a name? I said: What's the name? She asked me to check the National Taiwan University cram school at that time (the National Taiwan University cram school was very close to the National Taiwan University Hospital). I later found out that he and we were so close. Ugh~ So disgusting. She asked me to find the name of the teacher in the cram school at National Taiwan University, and she told me that her surname was Chen. Of course I didn’t know that person’s name was “Chen Guoxing” at the time. I didn’t care what his name was. At that time, all I could think about was: What happened to Yihan, what should I do? She told me: The person named Chen is "that person". She asked me: I want to find him, can you accompany me? I said yes. My mother was by my side at the time, and she also said yes. But Yihan asked me again: "If I write a letter to tell Chen that you should stop hurting little girls and stop teaching, do you think he will listen to it?" I told her: Probably not. Then Yihan said to me: I don’t want to deceive myself anymore. So we didn't go to him later.
These two paragraphs from Lin Yihan, as well as the text message Yihan sent me on the evening of April 26, 2017: I really want to die. I wish so much that I was killed at the first time I get raped. She said "raped" and that's exactly what she was thinking before she killed herself.
The above are details that have not been reported by the media. I don’t understand why. If it is said that "cases cannot be handled with novels", then why? You can go to Crisis Encyclopedia to read it now. Today I called Dad Lin because I was going to start a live broadcast. Dad Lin said that the thing he cares about most is "Lin" on Crisis Encyclopedia. The "Yi Han" entry will be cited by others as facts, but in fact many of them are not facts. For example, the whole thing was set to be a "consensual relationship." Lin Yihan said: "This is a story about falling in love with a seducer." The story of the seducer exposes the crime. And in the postscript of the book, you can open it and see that the "Postscript" is not fictional. She wrote: "I am afraid of consuming any Fang Siqi. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to be curious. I don't want to sensationalize." . I wrote for eight hours every day, and I was in great pain and burst into tears. When I read it after I finished writing, the most terrifying thing is: the most terrifying thing I wrote turned out to be something that actually happened.” At this time, you can see that the difference in performance lies in memory. I can't remember many sentences, but Lin Yihan can recite two or three sentences casually, haha)
"Komori The content of "The Story" is as follows: Meimei, let me tell you a story, it is a bit long:
A long time ago, there was a little girl, her name was Xiaomori. When Komori was 18, she fell in love with her cram school teacher. At 18, she thought it was love. One day after graduating from high school, Komori was raped by his teacher. During the summer vacation, Komori suffered from insomnia for a week and was raped several times. Komori made a decision, she must fall in love with this teacher, real love, otherwise it would be too painful! She likes to listen to the teacher, but she doesn't want to have sex. Komori fell into a kind of drama that satisfied me. She thought that pretending to love could make her aching body feel better and cleanse her self-esteem. It was the easiest way for her at the time - a way to talk to herself when she was having an attack.
As long as the teacher praised her, she would quickly write it down in her diary. She could not let it go unnoticed, or so she thought. If you love him, then he can do this. Komori's logic doesn't seem to be good. Soon, this affair was discovered by Xiaomori's parents, and Xiaomori was locked up like a dog. Xiaomori's parents yelled at her: "You slept with an old man!" Xiaomori thought to himself that this should be a passive sentence, meaning "being", not "following". Why didn't her parents listen to her tell the full story? Even her parents were like this, so Xiaomori made up her mind again. No one would hear the true story in the future, and she would not tell it to anyone!
Since then, Komori has tried almost all ways of self-destruction, because there is no way to escape from the tragedy she weaves, and she feels like a murderer.
Until the age of twenty-two, Xiaomori had the exact same nightmare every night for five years. The dream is from the perspective of a girl in a male-on-female position: brown shoulders, an undulating ceiling like the sea, and the pain every night in the dream is so painful that Komori thinks that something in the reality outside of the dream is poking her lower body. Komori was afraid of sleeping and drank coffee in the middle of the night every day. It's impossible not to sleep at all, even if I lie down on the table for ten minutes, I can still dream. Komori felt that he was going crazy.
Komori has several close female friends. They have often asked her over the years: Do you still miss him? Xiaomori found it strange because she was not the one who made the mistake, but she was always blamed. Girl friends don’t understand what Komori means when he calls them “normal.”
Normal means that the person you have sex with likes you; normal means holding hands first, then hugging, and then kissing; normal means that the homework is so stressful that you fall asleep, or even Insomnia is also good.
All Komori wants is a little understanding.
Until last year, when Komori met another girl, let’s call her Sister S. Sister S chatted a lot with Komori, and it turned out that sister S came immediately after Komori. Sister S dropped out of school after she was raped by the teacher. Her parents were afraid that she would be bullied by university professors. Once, Komori plucked up the courage to talk about his teacher on the Internet, but was trolled. Moreover, Sister S’s home was spray-painted, and Sister S received a letter containing photos of junior students at Sister S’s school being tortured. The school girl is now in a nursing home. The nursing home is different from the mental ward where Komori stayed. The common name of the nursing home is the lunatic asylum.
At this point, Komori fell into unextricable pain and dropped out of school again. Komori found that she could no longer deceive herself with love tragedy and had to face reality. But the reality is so dirty. Komori often felt that his body was dirty, and his heart was also dirty. The statement she thought would make her feel relaxed was actually the cruelest statement. It was her pride that made her choose this statement. Staying next to the teacher, being raped by him every day, and then telling friends: We are together. What kind of self-esteem is this!
Komori did love the teacher, but it was the love of the accomplice for the principal. His self-esteem caused Komori to escape from the tragic love story and then enter the victim's self-blame complex.
For many years, Xiaomori’s parents monitored her and flogged her with words; Xiaomori’s friends advised her and counseled her, but no one listened to her whole story. The story ends here first.
After reading it, someone in the group commented: This is too obvious. Basically, Yihan is giving a straightforward narration.
Group friend 2: Yes, except for the name substitution, can "Komori" be "Xiao Lin"?
Group friend 3: Shishi Hecai was obviously bribed.
Group friend 4: It’s just that Yihan seemed to have reconciled with them before he died.
Group friend 2: Meimei is the person who loves Yihan the most in the world.
Group friend 3: Yihan actually knows everything, but she has no strength.
Group friend 1: It would be great if they stood up...
After saying this, the group fell into silence.