1. Three little rabbits poop
The first one is long.
The second one is spherical.
The third one is actually triangular.
Asked, it replied: I squeezed it with my hands.
2. The child asked his mother: "How to make a sentence using ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! This B child is from C family? He is standing on D with bare feet, and EF is not wearing any clothes, and it is still exposed. With little GG!
3. I once suffered from schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.
4. Boss, there is Gay in our company
Male Employee: Boss, there is someone in our company
Boss: Who is it?
Male Employee: Give me a hug and I’ll tell you.
5. Above the Da Vinci Code is the Da Vinci Account
Do you know what is below the Da Vinci Code
It is the Da Vinci Verification Code
6. Do you understand?
Can you stand on your head?
7. A: I never speak a second time
B :What?
A: I never speak for the second time
8. The little white rabbit meets the big bad wolf
The little white rabbit said the big gray wolf Wolf, Big Bad Wolf, please ask me if I am a little white rabbit.
Ask me quickly! !
Are you a little white rabbit?
The little white rabbit is very happy, yes, I am!
Then the little white rabbit says, big bad wolf, hurry up! Ask me if I'm a giraffe. Ask me quickly!
Are you a giraffe? /p>
Little White Rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!
I already said I was Little White Rabbit!
Once upon a time, Apple He and Lizi were good friends, but then Apple was moving, so the two of them agreed to come back to this place to get together ten years later
As a result, ten years later, Apple returned to this place again. But after a long time, the pears still did not appear, and the apples waited and waited
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
< p>The result turned into plasma10. When I was playing CS, I saw a bespectacled gangster rushing forward with "51" in his hands, and a line of words typed underneath——
" wo shi dang yuan, follow me! ! ! ”
11. One day, Toothpick was walking and found that his shoelaces were untied, so he bent down to tie his shoelaces, and then his waist broke.
12. There once was a man who fished. A squid arrived.
The squid begged him: Please let me go, don’t roast me to eat.
The man said: Okay, then I will ask you a few questions. Question.
The squid said happily: You can take the test!
Then the man grilled the squid...
13. Yes One day Xiaoqiang came home crying and said, "Mom, my classmates at school said my head looks like a kite. ”
Then my mother said: “How could it be?” No way? Come and run with me. ”
14. In music class, the teacher played a piece of Beethoven’s music
Xiao Ming asked Xiaohua: “Do you understand music?” ”
Xiaohua: “Yes”
Xiaoming: “Then do you know what the teacher is playing?” ”
Xiaohua: “Piano. ”
15. One day there was a mother-in-law riding in a car...
Halfway through the ride, she didn’t know the road...
The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: This Where is it?
Driver: This is my butt...
16. A blind beggar is begging on the street wearing sunglasses
A drunkard. Walking over, I thought he was pitiful, so I threw a hundred yuan to him.
After walking for a while, the drunkard turned around and saw the blind man facing the sun to distinguish the authenticity of the hundred-yuan note.
The drunk man came over and took back the money and said: "You fucking don't want to live anymore, how dare you lie to me!"
The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said: "Brother, I'm so sorry. I'm here to check it out for a friend who is blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am mute."
"Oh, that's it," so the drunk man threw down the money and shook it again. Staggering away...
17. I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior sister's computer screen, and the text on it passed very quickly.
I’m curious: Is this a lyric?
Sister: Yes!
Sister: Why does it go by so fast? Didn't even see it clearly!
Sister: Jay Chou’s! !
18. Wife: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.
Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.
Shit: I’m so unlucky! Lying there, I was stepped on by both of you...
19. College entrance examination chemistry question: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can be converted into C in boiling water, and C can be oxidized in the air. D and D smell like rotten eggs. What are A, B, C, and D?
My answer: A is chicken, B is raw egg, C is cooked egg, and D is of course rotten egg. !
20. Question: What is the thing with three heads and one foot?
Answer: A monster with three heads and one foot! ! ! ! ! !
21. When the ant went to the desert, why didn’t he leave his footprints on the sand, but only a line?
Answer: Because it rides a bicycle!
The ant came home from the desert. He did not notify anyone, but his family knew that he was back! Why!
Answer: Saw his bicycle parked downstairs...
22. One day a female drug addict was caught at the police station, and the police saw a tattoo on her hand. Just ask her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on your hand. Is his name Xiaoliang...ah...is it? Tell me, tell me...if he takes drugs... Tell me quickly
< p>I saw the female drug addict raising her head with angry eyesSaid to the police
This is hate...
23. One day, Xiao Mei and her boyfriend went for a drive.
The car was almost out of gas. There happened to be a gas station nearby. As they were driving past, a sudden gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.
Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:
"I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me."
As soon as her boyfriend ran away not far away, he heard Xiaomei shouted behind him:
"Come on! Come on!"
24. There is a fat man...
Jumped from a tall building...
The result became...
Dead fat man...
25. There was a penguin, he My home is very far away from the polar bear home. If I had to walk, it would take 20 years to get there. One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to go play with the polar bear. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he realized that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door was still locked. It had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!" After the polar bear opened the door, guess what? What did he say? "Let's go to your house to play~"
26. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal condition. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital for treatment and said to the doctor: "I eat whatever I want. I eat watermelon and drink watermelon." "Eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!" The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you can only eat shit!"
27. There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,
As soon as the sausage shook, wow! It’s so cold~!
The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage?
28. A sausage felt very cold when it was locked in the refrigerator. Then he looked at the other sausage next to him, felt a little comforted, and said: "Look at you, you are frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice." !" As a result, Nagen said: "I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle.
29. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits.
She announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together." .”
All the children ran to pick fruits.
When the gathering time came, all the children gathered.
Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"
Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked apples."
Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"
Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."
Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you?"
Amin: "I'm washing my shoes because I stepped on poop."
30. How to make the drink bigger?
Recite the Great Compassion Mantra
31. A little boy came home from school and peeped out of the window to see a woman lying on the bed, rubbing her breasts wildly and shouting, "I want a man, I want a man!"
The next day the little boy walked out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.
So the little boy went home and lay on the bed, rubbing his chest wildly and shouting, "I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle." !
(I am so broken by this!! Where are the moppers?)
32. Two men went to play in the mountains. One of them accidentally slipped and fell off the cliff. The companion shouted anxiously: "Brother, how are you, are you okay?", the person who fell in was heard to reply: "I don't know, I'm still falling~~~~~"
33. Watching CCTV's "Treasure Appraisal" program, the female host said: Mr. sitting in the first row, please show your treasure to everyone!
34. Since the last time we responded to the call to report the disharmonious artist Huang Rihua, we have discovered that Jiang Kun is also extremely disharmonious, especially when his name is written vertically. Please ask the Organization Department to use sensitive words about him!
35. When CCTV's new director Jiao Li was reviewing the 2010 Spring Festival Gala program, he heard "Love" sung by the reorganized Little Tigers and praised the staff around him: I think this song is good. Through our Spring Festival Gala, we will definitely become popular in the future!
36. A lumberjack went to apply for a job
Foreman: Go and try the forest in front... See how many trees you can saw in one minute. After a minute. Foreman :Wow. 20 trees per minute. That’s amazing. Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara Forest.
37. One day, three little pigs built a Three cabins. The big bad wolf effortlessly destroyed the thatched house, the wooden house, and the brick house. The three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but they were still caught up by the big bad wolf. The three little pigs said desperately, "It's up to you." We give up, do whatever you want. At this time, the big bad wolf smiled evilly and said with saliva: Then tell me where the little white rabbit is?
38. Why are boys envied if they have many GFs, while girls are despised if they have many BFs? Because it is like a key that can open many locks and is called a master key, and a lock that can be opened by many keys means there is something wrong with the lock.
39. I thought that on November 11th, there was a pair on both sides, which did not fit the bleak atmosphere of Singles' Day. But on November 1st, I looked sideways at the other pair over there, which suddenly added a chill. Awesome temperament, a golden light from the sky, a kind of cup and utensil falling from the sky, it is really the best lonely day...
40. Five children share a cake, and only three cuts are allowed. What should I do? Divide? Answer: Kill a child with one knife, and then cut the cake into quarters with two knives. . .
41. China’s effective anti-corruption methods: 1. Husband and wife quarrel; 2. Home stolen; 3. Accidents; 4. Lover’s report; 5. Political struggle; 6. Shocking words; 7. Photos Revealing wealth; 8. Netizens cursed! < /p>
43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Student answer: Let it smell the fart. The one who will cover the nose is the hand, and the others are the feet. The whole class collapsed.
44. It is said that there are three obvious signs before a major earthquake:
1. Abnormal well water;
2. Abnormal reactions of livestock; < /p>
3. Experts came out to refute the rumors.
However, careful Maopu netizens pointed out that the second and third items were repeated.
45. A man’s head is big and square, and he is very depressed about it.
One day when the man was driving home, there was a traffic jam on the road and he had to wait for a long time!
The man impatiently opened the roof sunroof and stuck his head out to see what was going on.
At this time, a child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted: "Look, the Autobots are going to transform!"
46. Xiao Ming lost one in a car accident Leg,
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident,
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident. Ming lost one of his legs again.
In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog.
47. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong were at the same table. One day, Xiao Ming borrowed a pen from Xiao Hong. ,
Xiaohong said "No,"
"Lend it to me and you will die!"
Then, Xiaohong said: "Oh, then borrow it "Give it to you"
When Xiao Ming returned the pen to Xiao Hong, Xiao Hong was really dead. (So ??cold...)
48. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)
Because... they are not familiar with each other~~~~~~~~
49. A certain restaurant keeps a parrot hanging at the door, and says when guests arrive: "Hello, welcome!" One regular thought: I'll hurry in and see how you react. One day he ran in without hesitation, and the parrot said: "CNMD! You scared me!!!"
50. In 2046, South Korea's aerospace technology made rapid progress and launched a satellite orbiting Mars.
As a gift, a South Korean satellite airdropped a copy of "The Encyclopedia of Korean Mythology" to Mars, causing a commotion among the Martians.
Martian A: Hey, the book says we are descendants of Koreans.
Martian B: This at least explains the origin of our species.
Martian A (crying): No wonder we are so ugly...
"Boom"... South Korean satellite dropped another "Korean Plastic Surgery Guide"...
< p>51. "Avatar" failed miserably at the Vatican box office with a box office of only 2,400 euros, but everyone went to see it...52. Once upon a time, there was a little cucumber who felt that she had too many acne on her face. I cut myself into slices and applied it to my face
53. Brushing my teeth is a sad and joyful thing, because I hold a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.
54. It turns out that every day. I always pass by a stinky tofu stall when I go home... One day, when I pass by this place again, I find that the stall is no longer there, but the smell is still there -_||||| Wow...it turns out it's not the tofu problem...ahhh. Ah