I think it's children's social skills.
With the development of society, the division of labor is becoming more and more detailed, so the requirements for cooperation are getting higher and higher. Anyone who wants to succeed must cooperate closely with others in order to succeed together. The era of going it alone is over.
Even in the last class, I have strong social skills and can be good at dancing at work, which is more popular with people. And those who have poor social skills run into a wall everywhere and are rejected by people. Therefore, social skills are very important for adults, far greater than the level of personal knowledge and culture.
But we have to see the fact that most parents don't attach importance to cultivating their children's social skills.
There are many reasons why parents don't attach importance to the cultivation of children's social skills.
First of all, parents' understanding of social competence is wrong.
In the eyes of most parents, do children need social training? This ability should not be born, right? Isn't it natural for children to grow up? It is based on this cognition that parents never want to cultivate their children's social skills from the heart.
On the surface, this ability seems to be innate. How many children have no friends?
However, just because children have friends when they grow up, they can't think that children are born with the ability to make friends. There are many kinds of such results, and we cannot unilaterally deduce such inevitable reasons from such results. Such reasoning is untenable.
Children have the desire to socialize, which is an instinct, but how to socialize and make friends better is a skill that children need to learn. Of course, because parents don't teach, children will imitate others. Some learn correctly, so they have mastered the correct social skills. And some people imitate it incorrectly, so they embark on the wrong social road.
I saw a video earlier. A little girl in grade four stole money from home to buy food for other students and bought three MP3 players to lend them. Is this social way right?
Therefore, social skills are not innate, and parents must guide them.
Secondly, parents do not attach importance to the socialization of their children.
In our country, education has always paid attention to the cultivation of cultural knowledge.
When children get off work and have a holiday, parents force their children to attend various training classes and learn various cultural knowledge every day. Only in this way can children be admitted to prestigious schools and find good jobs in the future. Obviously, making friends and playing with friends is contrary to this goal. If you play too much, you will have no time to study. Therefore, when parents attach importance to learning, they instinctively exclude their children from making friends. They not only don't support it, but even think that playing is a plaything, which hinders children from playing with friends.
You said that parents don't support it, but can parents still support the development of children's social skills?
It is based on the above two points that few parents have always paid attention to cultivating their children's social skills.
Obviously this understanding is wrong, so how to cultivate children's social skills?
Cultivate children's social skills. As children grow up, they have a strong social desire. In fact, parents can also see this phenomenon when they take their children out to play.
I used to take my children to the beach to play with sand, and another father also took a boy to play. That boy wants to pile sand with my daughter. But this boy has no social skills. He just asked, "Sister, can I play with you?" My daughter is immersed in the game and obviously doesn't like being disturbed. She must have refused. Then the boy pushed forward, and as a result, he destroyed a small sand castle of my daughter and made her cry. Father was embarrassed, too. He quickly apologized to the child and then took the child to play somewhere else.
Obviously, the child has not been taught social skills, and he doesn't know how to make friends. Such scenes will be common in places with many children.
So how to teach children to socialize?
In fact, social skills can be divided into two stages according to the development of friendship. Of course, the social skills that parents want to teach are also around these two stages.
The first stage: contact
If two strange children want to be friends, the first step is to break the deadlock and let them understand and accept each other. Because of children's social characteristics, there will be many such contact stages. Because the current urbanization, unlike the rural areas in the past, has few children with fixed playmates, and most children will come into contact with many new children in playgrounds, parks and other places, so the first stage of contact is particularly much.
How to make children friendly and let them play games together? Many parents do not attach importance to this skill and have never taught their children. Even parents may not know how to do it. They may just come up and ask "can I play with you" like the little boy we met, and such contact will be rejected with great probability.
What should the child do?
In fact, the method is very simple. Children don't have to ask each other if they agree. They can calmly enter each other's game environment, interact by observing, listening and approaching, and naturally become game partners.
Let's take the little boy above as an example. He can build a castle directly next to me without asking my daughter if she agrees to join the game. That is, when he is playing, he can exchange a few words from time to time, and soon two people can play together.
Phase II: Maintenance
When children pass the contact stage, social interaction between children enters the second stage. Because children are self-centered, it is easy for children to show the characteristics of only caring about their own needs and ignoring the needs of others, so conflicts are more likely to occur when socializing. We often see two children having a good time fighting suddenly, that is, there is a problem in the social maintenance stage.
Whether friendship can be maintained in the stage of social maintenance has a lot to do with the education of a family. Some families spoil their children too much, which leads them to be overbearing and want more and more things, so it is difficult for such children to maintain friendship. On the contrary, if family education is good and children know how to respect comity, then the friendship between children will be easier to maintain.
At this stage, one of the social skills that parents need to teach their children is the ability to solve problems through negotiation.
No matter how good the friendship is, there will always be different differences. Whether the differences can be effectively handled will greatly test whether the friendship can be maintained. Therefore, the ability to solve problems through negotiation is very important for children's socialization.
Children's ability to solve problems through negotiation mainly includes the following skills:
1, expressing personal rights, needs or feelings.
2. Listen and recognize the rights and feelings of others.
3. Suggest non-violent ways to resolve conflicts.
4. Propose a solution and explain the reasons behind it.
5. Resolutely stop unfair demands.
6. Accept reasonable differences.
Of course, these skills need more communication and practice between parents and children, not that parents can learn them at once. Parents can role-play with their children and let them use these skills.