Mother Yao’s son is 5 years old. He always plays with the nine-year-old child from the neighbor’s house next door. The two of them play very well. But there is one thing. Children give everything to others. Last month, I gave the boy the bicycle that Yao's mother bought for him, and the day before yesterday I gave the boy his grandma's mobile phone. The boy even lied and said he didn't know where he had gone.

Have you ever faced a situation where a child is too "generous"? How to deal with this kind of thing?

In fact, 4 to 6 years old is a sensitive period for children’s interpersonal relationships. Children at this time will especially like to make friends and be more willing to participate in group activities. It is most common to exchange toys with friends, or directly give toys away. The underlying meaning behind these behaviors is: If I give you something, the two of us will become good friends. At this time, it is relatively straightforward for children to make friends. However, if gifts are given too frequently and valuables are given away without a word, problems may easily arise. Parents must seize this opportunity to guide their children correctly.

1. Understand the children’s motivations for giving gifts.

Why does the child give things to others? Does the child want it, or does he give it to him on his own initiative? And ask him how he really felt after giving away the toy. After he gave it, was he happy, was he disappointed, or regretted? Did he do this to please others?

If the child uses giving things as a means to please his peers in order to please them, we must popularize the correct concepts of friendship, property rights and sharing in the children.

2. Be affectionate with your child, tell him how he feels, and affirm his positive aspects.

Parents should show understanding of their children when talking to them, and should think about the problem from his perspective, instead of blindly denying him or blaming him. You can first affirm his behavior and tell him, "Being willing to share is a good thing. Mom is very happy for you that you can be so generous."

3. Cultivate children with a correct view of sharing.

Tell him what he can and cannot give. Some gadgets that belong to the child, such as pencils, toys, and snacks, can be shared with peers. But gifts from others, things that represent other people's feelings, cannot be given. At this time, you can also give him an example, saying how would he feel if his friend gave the toy he gave him to someone else? Let him compare his feelings with his own. If he understands this feeling, he knows that this kind of thing should not be given away.

There are also some valuable things that should be given within your ability. Don’t give them away just to please others, and don’t force yourself to do things you don’t like. Tell him, "We have to care about our own feelings. Everyone has his own selfishness. My mother was unwilling to give away the things she liked when she was a child. It doesn't mean that you are stingy if you don't give this thing to him. Not friends anymore.”

4. Tell him what true friendship looks like. After the child gave away the mobile phone, he knew it was wrong. You can see from him lying that he was actually very panicked inside. Parents first express understanding of their children's behavior, and then they can tell similar stories that happened when they were children. Tell your children that you have been like this before, giving any gifts to your friends, but later you found that your friends ignored you because you didn't give them anything. Then talk about your mood at that time, how someone enlightened you at that time, how you woke up, and how you understood true friendship.

Tell him that you cannot become a good friend just by giving him some gifts. Friendships maintained by material things are not stable and will not last long.

Tell him to pay attention to time when giving gifts, such as giving gifts on some holidays or birthdays. If he wants to give a gift to a friend, he can tell you and then you can go pick out a good gift together.

Tell him that friendship is two-way and reciprocal. Although it is said that friends should pay attention to not asking for anything in return, but only one person's unilateral contribution will spoil the other person and make the other person ignore your feelings.

Because your friend will get used to your efforts. Once you stop giving, he will be unhappy. He will forget all the good things you did in the past and only remember your bad things this time. But this is something you are used to.

Tell him that people who ask for gifts from others are not real friends. You can ask your child, "Would you take the initiative to ask others for things?" Then strike while the iron is hot, cultivate your child's correct awareness of property rights, and tell him not to easily ask for things that belong to others.

In this way, by telling stories, the children can empathize with each other, and in the process, they can be guided and establish a correct view of friendship.

5. Cultivate children’s awareness of property rights, that is, the ownership rights of items and who this thing belongs to.

If parents do not want their children to give away valuable things casually, they must give their children a clear sense of property rights and clearly tell them what things can and cannot be shared. For example, if the mobile phone belongs to grandma, it is someone else's property. We cannot give it to others without permission unless the other party agrees. It can also let children know the importance of mobile phones to grandma. Tell him that there are many things in the mobile phone that are very important to grandma, and grandma will be very sad if she loses it. Finally, as mentioned above, tell your children not to ask for things from others easily, let alone ask for things from others. If someone insists on giving you something, it must come and go, and you cannot just ask for it.

6. Let children take responsibility.

After doing this, ask your child what he should do now. Let him think for himself and guide him to the correct answer. If the child speaks out, give him a thumbs up or a hug in time to encourage him. Tell him that he will take responsibility for his mistakes, but you will stay with him and go with him. Of course, you can’t expect your child to explain the whole thing clearly to the other person. You can teach your child to say a few words and let the child tell the other person’s mother in person.

Then the rest is a matter between adults. However, you should pay attention to the way you speak. Don't let the other parent punish the child, but guide him well. This is really necessary because the punishment of the other person's child will eventually be passed on to your child, making your child bear his anger and the pain of losing his friend.

Whether your child gives someone something they shouldn't have given or received something they shouldn't have received, the core of the problem is the same. First, express emotions to empathize; then, by telling your own stories, you can close the distance with your children, and then tell the truth; and finally, let the children properly assume their responsibilities.