The years when I traveled overseas alone were also the days when I most recently felt the warmth and warmth of the world.

My judgment on whether a person is worthy of close friendship has also improved year by year. The people and events I have experienced over the years have given me a deep understanding of what kind of family a person comes from. There is no need to care, but it depends on a person's attitude towards his family of origin.

When a person grows up, he must be inseparable from his family of origin.

I do not look at the starting point of any native family with a biased eye. That is not something that anyone can decide.

Some people say that children whose native families are not well-off must be careful in their interactions, but I don’t think so.

On the contrary, I know some friends whose native families are really terrible, but they get along very well with each other and even have close friendships.

What I look at is a person’s attitude towards his family of origin. Unfortunate people spend their entire lives healing their childhood.

Maybe the family of origin has brought a lot of trauma to a person since childhood, but does it really take a lifetime to heal it and fill it up?

In fact, a childhood full of trauma will not affect a person's future growth into a strong, cheerful, and bright person.

And using every word and deed in the future to fill the gap in childhood, I think, should be the starting point of why unfortunate people become unfortunate.

A truly independent-minded and mature person is not affected by the shadows, chooses the bright side and grows toward the sun.

Little A is a girl I met before. She has also been abroad alone for more than five years. She has a long vacation every year when she returns to China, but she never returns home to see her parents.

Little A said, "My native family makes me upset. They haven't treated me well since I was a child."

What she said about not treating her well is not what we imagined. She was beaten, scolded and even treated particularly badly. From the things she told me, it was just that as a new mother and father, she didn't know how to raise a child at the beginning, and she was a little careless in taking care of her children. Later, when I had a younger sister, I felt that my parents were not so careless in taking care of my younger sister, so the so-called "not treating me well" arose. But the fact is that the older friends are jealous of the younger ones, depriving them of the love they originally enjoyed exclusively from their parents.

We often misjudge ourselves based on what we see. Then he began to expand his pain infinitely, but compared to another friend I knew, Little F, Little A was so happy.

Little F can be said to be the worst family of origin I have ever heard of among the people I know.

Little F’s father made a living by drinking. After drinking, he beat and scolded her mother in front of her. Finally, her mother couldn’t bear it anymore and jumped from the fourth floor. Fortunately, she did not die, but her spine was damaged. The bones were broken and had to be reinforced for many years.

But his father could not change his alcoholism and died in a drunk driving incident.

The helpless mother took little F to remarry, but the new family brought the most devastating harm to little F in her life - her stepfather violated her.

After that, Little F was at a loss for a long time. At that time, she hated her mother and even more hated her stepfather, so she left home early and went south to work. After saving some money, she chose to go abroad to continue her career. Complete your unfinished college dream.

After returning to China, she had a long conversation with her mother and opened up about her heart as a child at that time.

She understands that she loves her mother deeply, and she doesn’t want her past heart to form a barrier that can never be overcome between her and her mother. Because she lost her mother, the only close relative in the world, It was the most regretful thing in her life.

She said, "What has happened cannot be changed. In childhood, we did not have the ability to choose our own lives. I face my past self calmly. It is indeed uncomfortable and painful beyond words, but I can also Stop misfortune from spreading throughout my life because I have grown up to be an independent thinker and have the ability to choose my own life.

”

Both are two people I know. Little A has become someone I don’t want to continue to associate with, and Little F has become my best friend.

Little A let me down because of her sight. She kept asking people close to her for things that she couldn't let go of for a long time.

Once I was sick and was in the emergency room. Even though she knew it, she kept talking to me on the phone. I complained about the little things that made her unhappy, and I had to drag my weak body to comfort her in the emergency room.

Later, I found that she just treated me as a trash can. Gradually, I don’t want to have any more contact with her, because she is always positive about life and optimistic about the future. Full of goals, like a little sun, you can naturally feel a very positive force around her. She controls her own future and will never let the misfortune of the past control her.

Little A. She has become a stranger to me, because she always magnifies the things that make her unhappy in her limited experience. Even if she is like this to her parents, she is somewhat sincere to her friends and cannot tolerate the slightest displeasure to her. It's too tiring to deal with it.

Finally I understood Adler's words: Unlucky people spend their whole lives healing their childhood.

Living an unhappy life as an adult gives recognition to self-pity and self-pity, but tells us that those who spend their lives curing childhood unhappiness are the root of our future unhappiness.