There must be scientific theoretical guidance.
The definition of matchmaking is a marriage intermediary, not a marriage introduction. Marriage media refers to the people and things in which a man and a woman have a marriage relationship, such as marriage introducer, object introducer, matchmaking service agencies, newspapers, television, computer and mobile phone text messages, and friends-making activities organized by relevant units. Marriage introduction refers to the people and things that lead to marriage between men and women, such as arranged marriage, buying and selling marriage, child marriage, parents changing marriage, cheating marriage and so on.
There are three types of marriage and love media-introduction of marriage, introduction of objects and information service of mate selection. Introducing marriage and introducing an object are two different things. Introducing marriage means "let men and women get married, and the introducer makes up his mind." The introduction object is "make men and women get to know each other, and the parties make up their minds." Marriage is a way of concluding marriage, a reflection of the old marriage system and a continuation of the old customs for thousands of years. The object of introduction is a way for men and women to meet for the first time and a prelude to the process of concluding a free marriage. The information service of mate selection is also different from the object of introduction-the relevant information is introduced by the parties themselves, and the object of communication is chosen by the parties themselves. Whether or not to get to know each other and what happens after getting to know each other are all decided by the parties themselves.
However, there was a time when some theoretical workers confused various ways such as direct acquaintance between men and women, introduction by others, forced acquaintance between matchmaking agencies and others, such as arranging, buying and selling, cheating, etc., which were collectively referred to as "the way to determine marriage relationship" or "the way to conclude marriage", which was wrong.
Obviously, the commonly used reference to matchmaking agencies is also wrong.
In addition, matchmaking agencies-professional matchmaking agencies have a lucky contract jurisprudence ③-that is, when a contract is concluded, that is, when a spouse is registered, the payment obligation of the matchmaking agency to provide mate selection information cannot be determined, but it depends on whether there is an agreed accident after the contract is established-that is, the conditions and requirements of both men and women are similar, and there are objects who are willing to contact each other. This jurisprudence reveals the law of matchmaking work-finding a matchmaking agency may achieve the expected goal, but it is impossible for everyone to find an object. This is like buying insurance to buy lottery tickets: the client spends money to buy an opportunity, a kind of luck, a kind of hope, and can't force the purpose; The trustee is engaged in a job, a business and a career, and shall not practise fraud. At the same time, this case emphasizes the legal characteristics such as "the matchmaking agency exercises the right to claim remuneration by paying remuneration in advance", "If the matchmaking agency intentionally conceals important facts related to the conclusion of the contract or provides false information, which harms the interests of the registrant, it shall not ask for remuneration and shall bear the liability for damages", "The registrant spends less money, or marries the object but no longer pays remuneration, or remains single without effect and regret". The precedent also includes the stipulation that the standard of matchmaking service fee set by the government is low and can only be charged once per unit time.
(b) There must be strict work specifications.
Professional matchmaking agencies serve thousands of people in Qian Qian, and the service effect is very important. In addition, we should learn from the chaos of matchmaking, so we should formulate the norms of matchmaking:
1, institutionalized-there should be "articles of association": it is clear that the nature of the matchmaking agency is "a private or public non-profit social organization that specializes in setting up files, publishing information and matchmaking for men and women looking for spouses". Its purpose is to "use healthy, civilized and diverse working methods to facilitate the spouse to choose and know the right person in a wide range, and naturally promote the lovers to be well." Its guiding ideology is "to publicize correct views on love, morality and life, and to publicize legal knowledge and scientific knowledge related to love, marriage and family, so as to serve the harmony and stability of marriage and the civilization and progress of society".
The registrant's conditions, registration method, service time and service fee standard (preferably 5% of the local average monthly salary in the previous year) are clearly stated; The working methods, confidentiality system and related requirements are introduced one by one.
2. Procedural-The main job of matchmaking is to establish male and female files and transmit information on mate selection. We should quickly collect a lot of marriage information by filling in the registration form and attaching relevant supporting materials. Through a sound accounting system, the service object, service process and service result are truly recorded.
3. Normality —— The written expression, specifications and style of the articles of association, lists, letters and advertisements of the company shall conform to the language norms of China, and the ideological content shall conform to the national laws and policies and civic ethics. At the same time, economically, we should act in accordance with financial discipline, so that revenues and expenditures are well documented and accounts are clear.
4. Modernization-In addition to establishing electronic files, all matchmaking agencies should also establish matchmaking websites or make webpages, and publish marriage information and rules and regulations, so as to provide transparent and fair services.
"Four modernizations" can greatly improve work efficiency. A professional matchmaker can receive dozens of letters and visits a day. As long as men and women have the opportunity to get to know each other, with the consent of both parties, they can arrange direct communication, telephone conversation or QQ meeting on the computer, or the matchmaker (including one party's contact person) can arrange the meeting.
(c) There must be a strict monitoring mechanism.
Since the 1980s, no department has been in charge of the activities of matchmaking agencies, and no department has supervised them.
Now a matchmaking agency can be registered with the administrative department for industry and commerce or the civil affairs department. After registration, no one asked about the daily activities except the annual inspection.
As a result, "dual registration of industry and commerce and civil affairs" has become the advertising slogan of some matchmaking agencies. It is often these registered matchmaking agencies that cheat their spouses every day, but it is difficult to see any real regulatory actions by the industry and commerce or civil affairs departments.
On June 5438+February 1 day, 2009, China's first national standard "Marriage Introduction Service" was implemented. This is a government document with mistakes in design concept, cited documents, definitions of words, procedures, central contents, etc., and there is neither a competent department nor a regulatory department, which has been criticized since its release. Among them, "real name registration" is the minimum requirement for registrants to introduce themselves. That "should not provide the service of' introduction until success'"
The rule is to provide a "shield" for the false promise of black matchmaking. The attached Marriage Introduction Service Contract is not only a public demand for property by marriage, but also a naked arranged marriage-the contract is used in public, and there is an express clause behind it, that is, the marriage seeker "shall actively cooperate with Party B to complete the marriage introduction service agreed in the contract". In addition, the contract divides simple information services into "joining a member" and "single introduction", and also divides "single introduction" into four procedures: providing object information, exchanging contact information, arranging a meeting, and providing a satisfactory married object after meeting. Isn't this a trick of black matchmaking?
Therefore, we should adhere to the freedom of marriage system in China and do the following:
1, deny the matchmaking agency and introduce the marriage statement.
2. Make clear the three types of marriage media and the lucky contract law in matchmaking.
3. Clarify the characteristics of information service for mate selection of matchmaking agencies, emphasize the improvement of work files, and release well-founded information.
4. Clarify the registrant's right to know relevant information, the object's right to know, the service supervision right and the complaint right.
5. It is clear that the competent department of the matchmaking agency is the county-level women's Federation organization, and the regulatory department is the county civil affairs bureau.
6. Formulate the articles of association, work norms, charging standards, accounting system and management regulations of the matchmaking agency.
(4) Must have a healthy cultural atmosphere.
In the 1980s, Fujian Provincial Federation of Trade Unions responded to the important call of the Central Committee that "the whole society should pay attention to the marriage problems of older men and older women" and once ran a monthly magazine by itself. During the same period, many newspapers and magazines opened up columns on love and marriage. In addition, several films praising matchmaking work have been released.
1985
In May, the Women's Work Committee of the All-China Women's Federation, the Propaganda Department of the Communist Youth League Central Committee and the China Marriage and Family Research Association jointly held a forum for 40 matchmaking agencies in Beijing, which affirmed that the matchmaking work conforms to China's national conditions and social needs, and put forward the development goal of attaching importance to the social functions of matchmaking agencies and turning them into "an education center to guide teenagers to establish a correct concept of love, a consultation center to guide their family life, and a social center for teenagers". Subsequently, China Marriage and Family Research Institute conducted a social survey on the ways of married women in five major cities, and concluded that "due to the social influence of national traditional customs, culture and socio-economic development level, most of them need marriage media to determine (realize) their marriage relationship in China" and "marriage media has rushed out of the narrow circle of family and relatives and become increasingly socialized".
During the period of 1984- 1987, hundreds of young men and women looking for partners often gathered automatically in Shanghai Huangpu River, major parks and Beijing Working People's Cultural Palace. To create a free, relaxed, healthy and colorful social environment for young people, the activities organized by the relevant units should be regular and lasting-this is the wish of those men and women, and it is also the call of society for workers, young women and organizations. ...
The long-term service targets of matchmaking agencies should be unmarried young people at all levels. Let everyone know that finding a matchmaking agency is the normal demand and wise choice of young people of school age, and the misconception that only those who can't find and marry can go to a matchmaking agency must be changed.
In addition, whether the registrant can know the object depends on contingency-that is, in the process of entrusting the matchmaking agency to help find the object, due to the restriction and influence of many factors such as age, appearance, culture, personality, economic situation, living area, mate selection requirements, the proportion of registrants, and so on, there will inevitably be various unpredictable results such as the purpose of entrusting the service will be achieved soon, after a certain period of time, or never.
In addition, the matchmaking agency has promoted the understanding between men and women, which means that the service is successful. Successful matchmaking does not mean successful marriage. The success of marriage is the result of both external and internal factors. That is, there is no change and development condition (external cause) for matchmaking, and the parties do not know each other, or although they know each other, they do not necessarily love each other; At the same time, without the mutual affection of the parties and the subsequent love process, which is the basis of the development of things (internal cause), they will still separate after meeting, or break up after dating for a while.
Also, the professional matchmaker in the matchmaking agency should have strong working ability, insist on seeking truth from facts and prevent bad people from doing bad things. For example, it emphasizes truthful registration, is good at observing and analyzing the quality of registrants, is good at identifying the authenticity, objectivity and reliability of registrants' self-introduction and self-evaluation, and is good at fighting against bad people. For another example, we should always warn registrants that men and women should pay attention to understanding each other's real situation when they get along, don't ask for or give away a lot of money and things, and don't live together at will.
In addition, professional matchmakers should provide more detailed information for registrants to choose, and then promote their understanding of the target as appropriate, but they should not engage in follow-up services (except for necessary ideological guidance, marriage counseling and suspicious circumstances) or unilaterally pursue success rates. Today, some dating websites promote things like "love DNA code", "soul matching", "genus matching" and "hunting marriage", which are not only means of cheating money, but also false stories and retrogression of history. The resurrection of arranged marriages should be exposed.
Also, professional matchmakers should not only respect the registrant's requirements for choosing a spouse, but also tell the registrant the basic situation of local single men and women. For example, a considerable number of women with good conditions lack suitable candidates. For another example, there are a large number of men who are not matched by women. Some experts predict that by 2020, there will be 30 million more marriageable men than women. As for the hype of some dating websites, "I'll give you a one-in-a-million chance"
Everyone will find his other half, and there is always something suitable for him ... "Today, this lie that hides the truth should be exposed. And their "investigation reports on marriage and love" again and again are not only deceptive advertisements, but also an excuse for the unsuccessful "marriage"-it is the "mate choice mistake" of the marriage seeker.
Also, a professional matchmaker must have a good personality. Good character can make things fair and meet more lovers. Black matchmaking aims at making more money. They don't contact their lovers to meet when they have the opportunity-or take the opportunity to ask for high remuneration, or deliberately arrange for them to "get married" (married)-and meet people who can't get together, while they charge information fees, meeting fees, telephone fees, venue fees, tea fees, etc. Over and over again.
Also, the legitimate rights and interests of professional matchmakers should be protected. If there is fraudulent registration, asking for information at will, defaming the matchmaker's personality and disturbing the office order, the relevant departments should deal with it seriously.
Obviously, the matchmaking service involves a wide range of knowledge and great significance, but there are also many problems and mistakes. Therefore, it is urgent to establish a long-term, stable, civilized and healthy propaganda position-Monthly Newspaper, Matchmaker Magazine and China Matchmaker Network. This position focuses on promoting sociology, education, ethics, psychology, sexology, aesthetics and law related to marriage and love; Advocate noble love and praise the virtue of life; Criticize ugly phenomena and attack backward customs; Praise the advanced matchmaker and exchange work experience.
There must be a unified professional organization.
Matchmaking has a huge audience, rich cultural connotation, great social significance and bright development prospects, so it is necessary to establish a unified national organization system:
1. The objective law of matchmaking work, the characteristics of information service and the chaos of matchmaking over the years tell us that the more information collected by matchmaking agencies in a county-level administrative area (except large and medium-sized cities), the wider the choice of suitors, the higher the success rate, but the lower the cost of suitors. However, if there are many matchmaking agencies and websites in the same county administrative area, it will not only divert information resources, but also lead to more false information and repeated information. Therefore, it is best to set up only one matchmaking agency in each county-level administrative region in the country.
2, organized by the county women's Federation, emphasizing the qualifications of the person in charge of the local matchmaking agency, which must be warm-hearted and respect the cause; Strong ability, good at doing things; Good character and high satisfaction of the masses. Emphasize the public welfare nature of matchmaking agencies. Emphasize service standardization, transparent service and low fees.
3. The competent department takes the rules and regulations as the basis, attaches importance to daily management and guidance, and also attaches importance to safeguarding the legitimate rights and interests of matchmaking agencies.
4. Establish national, provincial and municipal matchmaker associations. The existing marriage and family research associations at all levels organized by the Women's Federation are responsible for coordinating related work.
The municipal matchmaker associations should run a matchmaker website well, do a good job in related publicity, and link the local county-level matchmaker website or webpage.
5. China Marriage and Family Research Association is responsible for the publication of monthly magazines and matchmaker magazines, the establishment and management of China Matchmaker Network, and the organization of a 1 meeting every12 years.
6. China matchmaker. Com has designed a column around matchmaking and marriage-related content, among which there must be a "matchmaker organization" section, which links matchmaker associations, matchmaking agencies and matchmaking websites all over the country to realize the nationwide networking of matchmaking information and activities.