Many people with poor eloquence often have a sense of depression before speaking.

this kind of psychology will affect the fluency, naturalness and participation of the speaker in communication with the audience; If it is serious, it will even make them have an impulse to escape from the scene immediately.

to put it mildly, they are rather shy; To put it bluntly, most of these people have social phobia.

And the source of social phobia often comes from our anxiety of human nature.

Why do we have social anxiety

We humans are the products of two evolutionary ways.

Biological evolution has enabled us to have an upright body and a brain stronger than other species; Cultural evolution, on the other hand, allows us to learn how to perceive, think and interact with others.

In the long process of human evolution, being anxious about strange things is a warning signal for us to protect ourselves and our ethnic groups.

Early humans had a very narrow social circle, and their activities were limited to familiar hunting environments or ethnic groups cooperating with each other. Once there is any trouble in the outside world, such as encountering wild animals or being invaded and occupied by other strange ethnic groups, this vigilance will remind them to take corresponding countermeasures.

Although we have developed into a safe and civilized society, this trait imprinted in our genes still affects us all the time. Some hidden situations are still very similar to the way of human existence in ancient times.

For example,

When we enter a new group, are we worried about whether this group will accept us?

if we join new members in our group, will it threaten our resources?

When we meet a stranger, we will instinctively be alert. Will this person do harm to our resources and security?

these concerns are no different from those of early humans.

So, when we encounter these situations, our natural anxiety will appear.

Therefore, if you feel that you have no ability to show your value in a strange group, be accepted by the other party, or have had the experience of being rejected, then your anxiety will be stronger; Open the psychological mode of self-protection to avoid harm.

when you feel that your current ability is not enough to cope with the current challenges, or the appearance of strangers makes you feel insecure, you will also feel anxious.

but in fact, these feelings are not necessarily true.

Many people who are capable or rich in resources are not necessarily less anxious than ordinary people. The reason is that most people don't know how to use our cultural evolution ability to adjust our biological evolution nature.

In other words, we need to change from two aspects: thinking and behavior. When you are not troubled by anxiety, you have a chance to take more risks and have a greater chance of success.

inner ideological transformation

I once met two boys who took part in the chat-up training.

I asked them the same question: How would you feel if you accosted a girl and she turned you down?

A said, "I don't feel anything. It's normal that hitting on girls is rejected. If this doesn't work, I'll go talk to the next one. As long as the attitude is sincere and the attitude is friendly, there will always be someone who will be willing to know me. "

B said, "Every time I see a girl I like, I always want to go forward and chat with them. But thinking about how to start, how to chat in a natural way, how not to let the other party resist, thinking about thinking, before the other party had a chance to refuse me, she disappeared into my sight. It is really not an easy task to talk to girls. "

Many people think that the reason why they feel anxious is the reaction given to them by the external event. If that event does not exist, this anxiety will disappear. But is this correct?