Before I was 40 years old, many people around me used to use words like aloof and aloof to define me. Maybe it’s because same-sex people are repulsive. Most of my social circles are men. Furthermore, most of the men are met through work relationships. But the relationship is limited to work and official entertainment.

Privately, I also feel that girls are difficult to get along with. It may be because of my personal personality and I like simple and rough communication methods. And because most of the things I like to do tend to be culture and art, and there are always many new things in my mind, I don’t have many female friends, and there are even fewer female friends with whom I have close contacts.

After the age of 42, children go to college and live away from home. With less housework, they have more spare time and more opportunities to make friends. But there are not many friends with whom we have deep conversations. Most of them can only have a pleasant conversation.

By now, I'm afraid there are even fewer.

Looking through the WeChat Moments address book, there are more than 2,500 people, roughly divided into three categories:

One is work relationships, the other is business relationships, and the third is relationships with relatives and classmates. .

But there are only 100 people who really communicate with each other regularly. Regardless of work and business relationships, no more than 50 people can communicate in depth.

These 50 people are also very magical. Some of them greet each other every day and do not talk about work or relationships;

A few of them chat often, talking about work and growth, and occasionally They would meet offline for a meal and a drink;

Some of them only talked about hobbies and life, not family and work;

There were also a few who didn’t talk for a whole year. Just a few sentences, but as long as you talk about it, even those topics that you can't talk about with your family;

There are also one or two top friends who, if they don't chat, they just stand in the circle of friends and will never be deleted.

Of course there are some people who may never chat, but they may also be able to chat at any time and meet and communicate with each other. They are acquaintances related to hobbies.

In terms of number, these 50 people are actually the ones who have truly intersected with my personal life, that is, they can really be named with the word "friend".

After thinking about it this way, I suddenly feel that the circle of friends of middle-aged people is very lonely and very clean.

When we were young, our spare time was filled with many seemingly busy things and emotions, but we did not find life very interesting.

But now, there are not many people and things in personal time and space, but life has become very fulfilling.

It can be seen that many so-called friends are dispensable in many cases. Those who can truly intersect with your life and continue to move forward are the friends who truly need to be maintained.

So, after the age of 40, who are the friends we really need and keep?

I made a rough analysis. First, people who can still communicate and express emotions smoothly with you after putting aside the work relationship; second, people who have the same world view, outlook on life, values, and the same hobbies. People who have friends in your life circle; third, people who are smart, want nothing from you, can communicate with you naturally at any time, and neither party is disgusted with you.

Of course, there is also a basic condition, which is that the economic conditions are similar to those of the inferior ones, so that both parties can get along with each other comfortably and reciprocate politely.

Among these friends, people younger than us should account for one-third, older people only need to account for one-fifth, and the rest are of the same age. This ratio is just a personal feeling. The reason why such an age ratio is needed is because the wisdom and experience of older people are useful, but there are more opportunities to learn from young people. People of the same age can easily find the same topics.

When you have these types of friends, the exchange of ideas and concepts should account for the vast majority, and daily communication should account for a small part. Leave a lot of free space to yourself.

This is because people's joys and sorrows are not the same. For the vast majority of people, life is like a fish drinking water. They know whether they are warm or cold. Even your parents and relatives may not fully understand you.

So, don’t be too presumptuous about getting some kind of comfort from others, and there is no need to focus on managing friendships. Instead of trying to get along with others, it is better to find ways to reconcile with yourself.

I saw a sentence on Douyin not long ago: The most fundamental relationship between people is exchange, and emotional relationships are also exchanges, even if they are brothers, sisters, husbands and wives. It's just that the way of exchange is different.

This is a truth.

When you understand this truth, you will understand that the circle of friends does not need to be large or crowded. The appropriate way to deal with it is to be polite, beneficial and restrained.