It's good to be here this afternoon. I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to attend this parent-teacher conference. I am really touched and know that you care about your children. We came together for the same goal. I believe that as long as we cooperate closely, we will be able to educate our children well. Mr. Lu Xun said that we should be brave in criticism and self-criticism. For children's problems, I think we should first learn to criticize ourselves and be good at finding reasons from ourselves. Therefore, the first point I want to say is that we have to overcome four psychological misunderstandings. At present, due to parents' higher and higher expectations of their children, four kinds of abnormal psychology are easy to appear, which has a great influence on the healthy growth of children.

First, the psychology of comparison.

Some parents compare their children with other people's children, fail to see the advantages of their children, and tend to criticize their children, hoping that their children are better than other people's children everywhere. In doing so, it is easy for children to feel inferior and jealous, and gradually lose self-confidence.

Second, psychological compensation.

Many parents feel very sorry because they didn't have a good reading environment when they were young, so they often pin their unfinished wishes on their children without considering their specific conditions, which leads to their rebellion; Some parents give their children meticulous care and "high standard" living conditions when they are young, which makes them feel dependent and lack the ability to live.

Third, indulge in psychology.

Under the control of the idea of "spoil early and let nature take its course", some parents often turn a blind eye to their children's conduct, hobbies, interests and social interaction, but indulge and spoil them blindly. Spoiling often happens to children's grandparents. Whenever there is any problem, "Old Yellow Umbrella" will support them. In the long run, children will develop some bad habits Fourth, strict psychological requirements. Some parents interpret strict requirements as constant criticism and reprimand, and even force their children to spend their daily rest and entertainment time studying. In this way, children live in panic and tension all day, and their interest in learning and memory generally declines. Only when parents overcome the above four psychological misunderstandings, prescribe the right medicine according to their children's characteristics and educate them can children grow up healthily.

So how should parents overcome psychological misunderstandings? I think we can consider it from the following aspects.

First, treat children with peace of mind and see their "other half".

After the final exam last semester, a student's parents exchanged information about their children's study. He constantly complains about his children's shortcomings: they don't study hard, they are impatient, they are too careless, they don't do things carefully, they always get no marks, and they refuse to listen to their parents ... In short, in his eyes, children are useless. In the process of growing up, a child is like a glass of water that is not full. We can't always see it as "half empty". It is important to see that the water is half empty, and we can't completely deny the child just because he didn't score in one or two exams. Everyone wants applause and praise, especially children. In fact, neither of our parents has this experience ... Suhomlinski once said: "If you don't know your child, you can't talk about education without knowing his intellectual development, thinking, interests, hobbies, talents, talents and tendencies." Every child has the desire to be a good child, so family education should let children find the feeling of "I am a good child". In fact, we should be more tolerant and appreciative of children with shortcomings, look at them from a developmental perspective, help children fall behind and put forward coping strategies. You will find that there is more and more water in that cup. Of course, it is not enough to just see the "other half" of the child. Doing so will not only promote children's progress, but will breed some bad habits of children. Although praise and encouragement are effective means to educate children, they are not a panacea that works on any occasion and at any time. On the basis of seeing the child's "other half", timely and appropriate praise and encouragement are "additives" to promote the healthy growth of children. Only by truly seeing the other half of the child can we truly love the child from the perspective of educating the child and have a good psychological foundation for communication with the child.

Second, give children a chance to exercise.

There is a story: one day, the old fisherman asked the old fisherman, "Brother, think about it. I have always caught more fish than you for decades." Why is my son's fishing skill much worse than yours now? " The fisherman asked, "How did you teach your son?" Yu Wang said, "In order to make him avoid detours, I have taken him with me since I was a child. Every time I go out to sea, I will tell him where to find fish. Even before I cast my net, I always gave him some advice ... I taught everything without reservation! " The fisherman smiled. "Well, that's the problem." I have a daughter who was 1 half a year old ... in a university, such a thing happened. High flyers, a physics major who is about to graduate, was selected by the school to go to a famous American university for further study because of his excellent grades. Who knows, that college student flatly refused to go abroad. The reason for refusing is unbelievable: he can't live at all. After four years in college, his mother came to school regularly to get his clothes cleaned. Obviously, this college student grew up under the excessive protection of his parents. The so-called overprotection means that parents always protect their children under their own wings, just like old hens protect chickens, and they are unwilling to let their children do what they can. Other parents are eager to see their children succeed and completely limit their children's activities to their own sight. Some places have direct or even complete control over children, use various rules and regulations to restrain their will and actions, and endlessly correct accusations for fear that children will cross the line. Excessive protection will seriously interfere with the normal development of children's body and mind, resulting in extremely bad consequences. First of all, children have poor living ability, clumsy movements and naive behavior, and they can't take care of themselves at the very least. The second is social difficulties, low social skills, and inability to communicate and get along with others. The third is indecision, lack of self-confidence, shyness and inferiority; Fourth, it is easy to produce negative emotions and fall into a state of persistent anxiety, depression and depression. Fifth, lack of moral emotion, indifference to responsibility, heavy revenge, and even blind offensive behavior; Sixth, sexual psychology is immature, too dependent on parents, fixing love on parents and not loving anyone else. The above performance is worrying. At present, the protection of keeping scores has become an important issue in children's education, and it is also the focus of children's research topics such as pedagogy, psychology, sociology and medicine. The incorrect educational attitude of parents who overprotect their children needs to be corrected urgently. In developed countries, parents generally attach importance to cultivating children's self-care ability and self-improvement spirit from an early age. Family education in America is based on cultivating children's pioneering spirit and becoming a self-reliant person. Parents let their children know the value of labor from an early age, let them repair and assemble motorcycles themselves, and take part in labor outside. Even rich children should earn their own living. American middle school students have a saying: "You have to spend money to earn it yourself!" Farmers' families want their children to share housework, such as mowing grass, painting houses and simple carpentry repairs. In addition, I have to go out to do odd jobs, push the lawn mower in summer, shovel snow in winter and sweep leaves in autumn. Switzerland encourages children to work. In order to prevent children from becoming incompetent, parents try to cultivate their self-reliance spirit. For example, a 16-year-old girl went to an educated family as a maid for about a year after graduating from junior high school, working in the morning and going to school in the afternoon. Because Switzerland has missionary areas and French-speaking areas, girls in one language area usually work as servants in other language areas. After mastering these languages, go to work in an office, a bank or a shop. Germans let their children form the habit of doing things by themselves from an early age, and their parents never do everything for them. German law also stipulates that children 14 years old should undertake some obligations at home, such as shining shoes for the whole family. Japanese teach children "don't give others trouble". Japanese parents instill an idea in their children when they are very young: "Don't disturb others." And pay attention to cultivating children's self-care ability and self-improvement spirit in daily life. When the whole family goes out to travel, no matter how young the children are, they will always carry a small backpack on their backs. Parents said: "This is their own business, and they should carry it themselves." Work-study program is very common among college students, even children from wealthy families are no exception. They earn their tuition by serving dishes and washing dishes in restaurants, selling goods in shops, taking care of the elderly and being tutors.

Third, really care about children.

Today's children are the treasures of their parents. Usually, parents often give presents to their children. However, after the author's investigation, it is found that they need their parents' love more than gifts.

(1) Leave some time for the children.

Spend some time with your children every day. Set aside some time with your children. The length of time is not important, but take some time to sit down every day, ask your children about their studies, and exchange ideas and feelings with them.

Spend some time with your children every day. You don't have to play games like "solve riddles on the lanterns" with your children when you do housework. This will not affect your housework, but also allow children to accumulate vocabulary in happiness. Isn't it killing two birds with one stone?

Go out with the children. Take the children outdoors for a walk, go shopping, go to the park to enjoy the scenery, and take them out for a trip and visit if possible. Broaden children's horizons and cultivate their temperament.

Read books and watch TV with children. Accompany children to watch some books and TV programs that are beneficial to physical and mental health, communicate with them more, and cultivate their appreciation ability.

Give your child your caress. When the child succeeds, give your kiss to the child, which will be the best reward for him. When a child encounters setbacks, giving him a hug will be the best encouragement. Give your child your caress generously, without too many words, and the child will feel that he has enjoyed endless love and care, which will be the greatest motivation for his life and study.

(3) Give trust to children. According to their age, let them participate in your work appropriately. They will help you and share your work. All children like to be close to adults and do "things" for adults. Getting him involved is undoubtedly the greatest trust in him. He will take this matter more important than anything else. When you give your time, care and trust as gifts to your children, you will become a successful parent.

(4) Be kind to children psychologically. The word abuse is used on parents, which sounds very emotional, and some of them are intentional. The law has clear provisions, such as beating; Some have no clear legal provisions, but these behaviors are very harmful to children's physical and mental development. We also call it abuse, including mental abuse. Parents often take care of their children materially. The following practices are very unfavorable to children's spiritual development.

Indifference-the deprivation of love deeply hurts the child's mind. Some parents don't lack food and clothing for their children, but they ignore them, don't hug them or play with them, and leave them as a burden to nannies or grandparents. Children who grow up under such conditions feel that life is meaningless, lacking trust and indifference, and have a strong desire to destroy people. It is easy to mix with other children with similar experiences and form criminal gangs. It is also easy to be dragged down by the so-called concern of other adult criminals. A child who lacks food and clothing and does heavy work will not be mentally unhealthy if he has a warm family, but if the situation is the opposite, the child's personality development is likely to have problems. For a child's young mind, "having milk is not necessarily a mother."

There is an extreme example of isolating the United States. A girl who was locked in a small toilet for many years after her birth was found when she was 1 0 years old. Her physical development and intellectual development are only equivalent to a few years old child, and she can't even speak. Now some parents are worried that it is not safe for their children to go out and stay at home. The children are very lonely. In kindergartens and primary schools, children may be troubled by interpersonal problems.

It is their nature to deprive children of the right to play games, and children get happiness in games. Nowadays, parents often have high expectations for their children, and let them either do homework or attend various classes every day, so that their children are very busy every day. Another consequence of not letting children play is that children are tired of learning. Parents deprive their children of the joy of playing games, and also make the joy of discovering new knowledge in learning a burden.

Ignore the child's progress. In the child's view, every little progress deserves his happiness. Some parents don't know how to look at the problem from their children's point of view, or worry that their children will be proud after hearing praise, so they always criticize their children and don't take their progress seriously. Over time, their children will feel really useless and lose the motivation to make progress.

It hurts children's self-esteem in front of others. Some parents criticize their children mercilessly in front of their peers, expose their shortcomings, make them feel ashamed, and make them easily laughed at by their friends. There is a term in social psychology called "label effect", which means that people's opinions are like a label, so that their future behavior conforms to this label. Parents say that their children are naughty and disobedient in public, but they just put a label on their children. Even if children change in the future, it is still difficult for others to change their views.

After the divorce, take it out on the children. Some couples become enemies because of love. After divorce, children are not allowed to touch each other, and they are not allowed to abuse each other in front of their children. When children see their closest two people treat each other like this, where will they believe in true care? There are also couples who think of each other as soon as they see their children, and can't help but get angry from the heart and scold their children. Children will feel redundant. Such children are insecure and prone to behavioral problems. In the future, I will be old enough to talk about marriage. Although I long for love, I am afraid. Very sensitive to emotional problems, prone to problems.

Destroy what children love, and children often have a treasure chest full of what they love. In addition, children's love and closeness to small animals is a nature. When parents look at these things, they often think they are just a pile of rubbish. Some parents not only do it themselves, but sometimes force their children to throw away and destroy these things themselves. Nowadays, children have many only children, and these toys and pets sometimes play the role of children's friends. Children take good care of their pets and take good care of their dolls. In fact, they are practicing how to take care of them. Many parents complain that when their children grow up, they don't know how to love and understand others, but they don't think about it. Did their parents consciously guide them how to care when they were young?

(5) Learn to communicate with children.

The usual way of communication is to talk. After investigation, I found that the most disgusting way for children to speak is:

The nagging type. Children clearly know a certain truth, but parents talk endlessly but make children look down upon it. From a psychological point of view, this kind of rambling is repetitive, which will have a protective inhibition on the cerebral cortex. The more you talk, the less he listens.

Migratory type. Transfer the bad tendencies and bad things that appear in others to your own children, and take it for granted that you are left or right. This makes the child look bad, thus pushing the child's feelings to the opposite side. They will turn a deaf ear to your preaching and even refute it.

Type of arraignment. As soon as I found some signs, I made a fuss about interrogating the child alone, which hurt the child. They will be very angry because of your exaggeration and inference, and then leave.

Ugly type. For children who have really done something wrong, some parents like to reprimand them at dinner, or criticize them in front of classmates, relatives and friends to vent their anger, which is to look down on children. Doing so will dampen the child's desire for confidentiality, understanding and forgiveness, thus hurting self-esteem, and it is easy to have the idea of breaking the jar and breaking it, and then go its own way unscrupulously. "Parents are impatient with the problem and just want to live in a small room alone." The affection between many students and their families has faded. They never take the initiative to talk to their families, or only talk to their families occasionally. Parents feel that there is a "distance" and a "gap" between themselves and their children, and sometimes they can't even communicate.

Modern parents are eager to make friends with their children, but the fact is not desirable. Why can't we be friends with children? What is the best way for you to make friends with your children?

1, approach with your heart.

Nowadays, children are a little energetic, not as dependent on their parents as they were when they were young, and sometimes they show rebellious attitude towards their parents' words. At this time, parents can still make friends with their children as long as they are friendly, equal and close to them.

I think it's important to respect children's personality. If you think about it carefully, it is good for children to be obedient and have judgment. Only by guiding their personality development can they surpass us. I let them make their own study plans, give them "power" in many things and cultivate their sense of responsibility.

To make friends with children, we should think more from the child's standpoint and understand the mentality of children under age, so as to communicate with children wholeheartedly. For example, we should listen from their point of view, such as speaking in class. Persuasion can only be effective if we stand on the same side. Here's an example: once, the teacher reported that my daughter was eating bubble gum in class. I asked the reason first, only to know that the teacher suspected her of copying her deskmate's homework and secretly investigated her. She was wronged and deliberately made trouble in the teacher's class. I felt her distress and advised her from her point of view that the teacher would understand only if you showed her a good grade. And the boring way of eating bubble gum makes the teacher think you are not smart. Later, she really stood out in this subject.

1, learn some new human languages.

Why don't children want to tell their parents what they think? That's because I don't think the older generation will understand their situation and mood. On the other hand, some parents always stubbornly adhere to the principle of "parenting" in the past, regardless of the causes and solutions of the "generation gap".

Times are really different, but some life experiences are very meaningful, but children often can't see this. Since they have such misunderstandings, they should dispel them, learn more fashionable things, increase the vitality of young people, and occasionally pop up some youthful expressions such as "handsome", "cool over" and "I'll take you away", which will definitely make children shine-mom and dad don't seem as rigid and uncivilized as they think. After children have a sense of identity in words and deeds, they will naturally develop a sense of identity in their thoughts, and they will be willing to tell their parents their unhappiness, incomprehension and incomprehension, and there will be no resistance to their parents' suggestions.

3. Give children more say.

It is not difficult to maintain good spiritual communication with children. The most important thing is to see if you treat your children as friends. In our country, bound by traditional ideas, many parents have serious patriarchal thoughts in their subjective consciousness. How can you always say things like "adults don't mind children's business" and "adults talk, children don't interrupt" without creating a generation gap? How can you let your child speak freely with you?

Children, as their friends, must be given the right to speak whether their arguments are correct or not.

4. Cultivate communication habits from childhood and eliminate the barriers between them.

A parent did this: recently, I read in the newspaper that many parents and children don't know each other's advantages, so I suggested that my son and I look for each other's advantages. The advantages of my son's writing about me are: caring, understanding others, studying hard and having a wide range of interests. I write that the advantages of my son are a sense of justice and so on. Ask his father to comment, and the conclusion is that mother and son can understand each other.

My son is only in the fifth grade, and we talk about everything like friends. This communication habit began with his understanding. Although I was very busy at work when he was in kindergarten, I didn't send him to full-time care, and I took care of him myself no matter how hard and tired he was. At that time, besides taking good care of him, I was his playmate more often. After he went to primary school, I chose to tell him something meaningful and interesting that happened around him, and he would also tell me what happened at school. Later, the news in the newspaper can also be our talk. At the dinner table, what we saw and heard, joys and sorrows were all revealed. A day without communication is like something missing. Because there is no gap between the two, his education can fall on the "concept".

If you don't communicate with your child when you are young, I think it is impossible for your child to be his friend when he grows up, especially at the sensitive age of high school.

(6) Really care about children's learning.

When it comes to caring about children's study, many parents will say that I care. Every day, I ask my children if they have done their homework and are doing well in school. Really worried? I do not think this is necessarily the case. Maybe some parents will say, I don't know the topic myself. How should I teach?

Faced with these situations, what should parents do with their children?

The first is enthusiastic support. Parents support their children's learning in many ways, such as creating a good learning environment for their children at home. When watching TV, try to control the volume so as not to interfere with children's study; Stationery and books for children's study should be added to them at any time. At the same time, pay attention to children's food, clothing, housing and transportation in life, so that children can always feel the care of their parents.

The second is to earnestly urge. Because children's self-control ability is poor, parents' urgent supervision can not be ignored. When children throw away their schoolbags to play after school, or listen to tape recorders, read novels and watch TV while doing homework, parents should persuade their children and guide them to pay attention to their studies.

The third is to check carefully. Parents with low education may not be able to understand their children's homework, but they should also carefully check their children's homework books, because homework can reflect their children's learning situation. If you find that your homework is sloppy, sloppy or even unfinished, parents should ask the reason in time and ask their children to redo it. Only in this way can we gradually cultivate children's serious and rigorous learning attitude and good habits.

That's what I want to share with you. Thank you all.