You are mentally normal. Everyone has many faces. You have always been a good boy and have been obedient since childhood. You yearn for another life because you are curious about it, and you are tired of your present life. I guess I met something unhappy before I wanted to try another life. In fact, the life that a person wants to change is often beyond his ability, so you will yearn for it. But if you do, you will regret it. Everyone has reverse thinking and good conditions. Just communicate with others and find a girlfriend.