? Recently, I have been curious about how to resolve conflicts among people. With this question in mind, I searched everywhere for answers, and finally found the "Six Steps to Solving Problems" in the book "Awakening Children's Self-Discipline".

? This book takes the most common housework disputes in families as an example to introduce a six-step process for solving problems. Before this example began, Linda, the hostess in the case, felt that she had been overloaded with too much housework after starting to work full-time, so the opening line started with Linda's "I message" opening line.

The first step is to define the problem

Linda said, "I started working full time again, but I have to do the same amount of housework as before. I feel it is very unfair. I hope we Being able to redistribute these chores, we can list them all and start the meeting."

It started with Linda's "I message" and then she suggested that everyone sit down together and have a meeting. , my daughter and husband just complained a few times before agreeing, and everyone sat down together to make a list of housework. When the list was opened, everyone was shocked. There were actually 26 items, and then everyone started to come up with ideas.

The second step of brainstorming

Some people suggest that everyone first choose what they are most willing to do, while others say that these tasks should be tied together, such as cooking and washing dishes. , bathe and feed the pet dog at home, etc. Then everyone spent nearly half an hour coming up with various solutions.

The third step of evaluating the plan

Some people protested that it was unfair to have to deal with the maintenance of two cars alone. Some people said that watering flowers did not take as much time as shopping. Others said It was said that washing dishes should include mopping the kitchen and dining room floors, and others asked who would clean up after breakfast, etc. This step also took almost half an hour.

? The fourth step of decision

? Finally everyone felt that it was time to start making decisions. The male host was responsible for recording, so he read who would do all the housework and how many times a week. Once again, finally ask everyone if they agree with the final decision.

? Step 5 Execution

? If dining out, how do you balance the people who are supposed to be cooking that night with everyone else? Who will order, who will make the shopping list? These details were dealt with until everyone was satisfied. This step took about ten minutes. We also had to answer how everyone knew whether this decision was appropriate or whether this solution solved everyone's problems, so there was the final step. .

Step 6 Follow-up Evaluation

Someone asked what to do if someone changes their mind and wants to do other work. In the end, everyone decided to do the first round of attempts that lasted a few weeks. , if anyone has an opinion on this approach or wants to change the content of the work, a second meeting can be called.

In the end, such a decision about housework was carried out for many years until one of them mentioned that he didn't want to cook anymore, and the discussion started again.

Sometimes you may need to go back to the second step to think of more solutions, or even go back to the first step to clarify everyone's needs again.

? Are you clear about the six steps to solve the problem?

? In the process of reading, I saw a very good point - conflict itself is not harmful, and determines whether we can ultimately use a no-loser approach. The core factor is our Is the relationship with the other party a cooperative and supportive relationship or a competitive and antagonistic relationship?

The most common example is the conflict between parents and children, because playing with mobile phones, going to bed and getting up, pocket money, making friends, etc. seem to be small events but they have big truths.

When dealing with conflicts, most parents try hard to get their children to accept their own plans. The parents win and the children lose; or a small number of parents and teachers choose to give up because they are afraid that their children will Frustrated by not being satisfied, and the child winning often losing, these two methods are difficult to effectively resolve the conflict between parents and children.

? In the first method, parents want to rely on authority to make their children obedient.

This power-based approach will make the losing party, the children, feel resentful and have no motivation to implement the plan. The children may appear to be compromising or even surrendering, but in fact they will secretly fight and cause destruction in their hearts. , may also cause learned helplessness. Anyway, it is you adults who have the final say, and the child will live without himself. Adults often pay a huge price for this. Not only do they need to spend time stressing decisions, nagging, and reminding them, but their relationship with their children will also become increasingly tense as they grow older. Such parents will deny that their children can work with their parents to solve problems, and they will also deny that their children have the ability to help find solutions.

In the second method, parents give up sacrificing their own needs to satisfy their children, and adults have to give in. Children rarely become deliberately rebellious, resentful, or radical, but these children will They often use tantrums to satisfy their own needs. They know how to make parents and teachers feel guilty, and even use bad words to try to force others to satisfy themselves. As they grow older, they will think that their own needs are the most important, they will ask and take endlessly, cannot cooperate with others, and will not consider the needs of others.

? In addition, we will have conflicts everywhere at work and in life, especially conflicts with our partners. We often blame, criticize, find fault with, or give up. way.

? Can we learn from these examples in life how to stop ineffective patterns and establish effective patterns in interpersonal conflicts? By reflecting on your own interaction patterns with people and your growth experiences, whether you are growing yourself or how to cultivate a better next generation, the sharing and guidance given in this book are worth pondering.