1. Afraid of losing face

Many people don't strike up a conversation. To put it bluntly, they are actually afraid of rejection, failure and ridicule. However, please think it over. You don't even know each other. If rejected, the big deal is to go back to the original point. Did you lose anything? Some people will say, "No! The failure to talk to me made me lose face! " But the experience of modern society tells us: be pragmatic.

2. Wrong guilt

Many people think that chatting up people is frivolous, uncivilized and immoral, and even feel guilty about it. In fact, chatting up is just a means, and getting to know each other is the real purpose. So, you don't have to feel guilty about taking the initiative to talk to others. If you don't even touch the other person, then the other person will not only become a gift from the sky, but will become your eternal regret. Fear is the most taboo to strike up a conversation. Today, Bian Xiao shared an article on how to overcome fear for your reference: "How do men overcome fear and naturally strike up a conversation?"

How to overcome the psychological barrier of this chat-up skill?

1. It's normal to be shy when you start to practice chatting skills, but you will get better gradually by referring to this book frequently in your life and practicing more.

2. The more natural you are, the less stressful you are, and the more natural and stressful the other person will feel, so the key is to adjust your mentality. The more confident you are, the more self-righteous you are. Talk to her directly as a friend, and the more she will follow your advice.

Even if you are a good conversationalist, your success rate is not high. There are successes and failures, but the more times you strike up a conversation, the more skilled you will be. But you should remind yourself to remember more successful experiences to encourage yourself and sum up experiences.

4. It doesn't matter if you encounter a cold face, you can also explain yourself. The other party may be a rogue girl who often contacts people at sixes and sevens, so she is very wary of people; It is also possible that she comes from a feudal and backward family and has the concept of family education.

Even if the experience of failure brings you temporary fear, after you overcome this psychological obstacle, you will have a large forest for you to use, so you should thank her for giving you the opportunity to practice chatting up skills and grow into a master.

6. Don't pay attention to the results, pay attention to the habit of chatting up, and aim at whether you develop chatting up skills. The purpose of our habit of chatting up people is to cultivate our positive attitude towards life, so that we can have confidence in ourselves, talk confidently with people we want to know and establish friendly relations with them on any occasion.

7. When chatting up, don't approach her with the intention of "getting her". Just like the emperor chooses a concubine, you should consider it after screening. Even if you don't actually have the courage, you should have such a condescending mentality. This mentality can help you overcome your fear of chatting up and face chatting up easily.

In short, don't be discouraged, so as to maintain the motivation to continue practicing chat skills. If one day you become a master, you will realize that the other person's reaction no longer has an important influence on yourself. What a real man values is whether he can live up to his own ideas and sincerity in getting to know each other.

(B) How to strike up a conversation with girls

1, surprisingly unexpected

Application type: suitable for both men and women. One afternoon on the pedestrian street, Miss Kobayashi wandered alone. Suddenly a man came up and asked politely, "Miss, what time is it?" Kobayashi said apologetically, "Sorry, I don't have my watch and mobile phone, and I don't know the time." At this moment, the man held out his hand, pointed to his watch and said, "I know it's 3: 50 p.m. Beijing time, and there's a movie on at the cinema over there at 4: 00." May I invite you to see it? "

2. Direct attack method

Application type: suitable for both men and women. Zhao Zhao and some friends came out of the cafe, and the man who had been paying attention to her in the cafe just now followed. Zhao Zhao did Sarah laugh, don't know what's the point of such childish tracking. The man stepped up to catch up with her, walked up to her in a few steps, spread out his hands and stopped him. He looked Zhao Zhao in the eye and said seriously, "Hello! My name is * *, and I'm a junior majoring in * * at C University. I really want to know you and make friends with you. " Friends burst into laughter, and Zhao Zhao smiled back and said to him, "Just be an ordinary friend. Hello, my name is Zhao Zhao. "

The more natural, the less pressure, the other party will naturally feel no pressure, so the key is to adjust the mentality. The more confident you are when you talk to her as a friend, the more she will follow your advice.

4. It doesn't matter if you encounter a cold face, or explain that the other party may be a girl who often contacts people in riff-raff, so she is very wary of people; Maybe she comes from a family with a feudal and backward concept of family education.

5. Don't pay attention to the result, pay attention to the habit itself, and aim at whether you have developed the habit of chatting. The purpose of our habit of chatting up people is to cultivate our positive attitude towards life, so that we can have confidence in ourselves, talk confidently with people we want to know and establish friendly relations with them on any occasion.

Even if the experience of failure brings you temporary fear, after you overcome this psychological obstacle, you will have a large forest for you to use, so you should thank her for giving you the opportunity to practice and let you grow into a master.

7. Find the same topic. "Sister, where did you buy your mobile phone?" In this case, the average girl will casually deal with a few words, no matter what she deals with, as long as she opens her mouth, you will have the opportunity to move on to the next topic.

8. Pretend to ask for directions. If you really don't know how to ask, pretend to ask the way: "Beauty, I'm going to such and such a place, where do I get off?" If you think she looks like a woman, don't strike up a conversation easily, it's easy to get cut.

Chatting up is the starting point for two people to know each other. If you don't do this well, you are likely to miss her. Don't be afraid of failure. Summon up your courage and master the chatting skills that suit you, and you will succeed.

Cultivate a hobby that you are good at;

I have friends around me who really want to learn to chat up. I introduced him to many hobbies, and he replied that I had no motivation. What if I equate my hobbies with having a girlfriend? I think you will be interested?

Choose from girls' hobbies:

But there are many hobbies. How should I choose? Does computer games count? Please, we are after girls, and our hobbies are naturally found in the list of girls' hobbies, such as music (guitar), painting, photography and so on.

Make door-opening bricks with hobbies;

There are hobbies that girls are interested in, which can be brought in well, and at the same time, they can improve their personal temperament when cultivating. It's good to be the doorman. Let me give you a simple example of photography.

Photography (for example):

Many girls like taking pictures. Oh, explain, others take beautiful photos of her, and many people spend money to take photos. It is best to find a photographer's boyfriend, so this is a quality premise.

Increase your courage:

Many people are almost finished with their preparations, but they just dare not. Suppose you are traveling and see a tempting girl, you can boldly go up and ask for contact information. If you have the same hobby as step 4, it will be much easier. Invite her to take photos and ask for contact information to send to her.

Specific occasions:

Pay attention to tone in different occasions, such as in the library, strike up a conversation, including the usual chat, keep your voice down and speak slowly. At the same time, the girls who go to the library are quiet, so they should find the right person for themselves. How to talk to girls on different occasions? For details, please refer to "Chatting Skills: General Opening Remarks for Various Scenes".

Pay attention to all the things that girls are interested in:

Earlier, I gave an example of a hobby that girls might be interested in, and boys can learn it. In addition, we can learn all the things that girls pay attention to in their daily lives, so that they can be used as chat materials in the future.

The three most important steps to strike up a conversation

The first step is to "build an identity bridge". Smile and polite attitude, confident and open body language, good appearance and non-threatening opening remarks. )

The second step is "the transfer of interest and attention". Humor, pride, humor, create emotional fluctuations and create familiar illusions. )

The third step is "open topic of concern". What are the interesting cold reading sessions, role-playing, stories, magic, negation and interactive games? )

From the first step to the third step, it may be completed in five to ten minutes, which is the progress of the mysterious man M3 model A 1~A3.

So I'll start with an "opening statement of identity correction": Do you often go to xx ice shop to buy ice products? You look familiar!

When the girl explained that she was an ice shop clerk, she completed the first step of "building an identity bridge". Next I pretend to be a little surprised! And move towards the second step, "the transfer of interest and attention." : yes! ! So I have diarrhea recently. Maybe you made the ice.

At this time, girls' attention to your identity will shift, and your interest will have a foothold. It was an accident that you said it. You'll keep talking. Everything happens for a reason! Girls can rest assured to chat with you!

Next is the third step: the open topic of concern. Here we can apply cold reading technology and other technologies. After I joked and argued with girls about ice products with diarrhea, I hope I can judge girls directly, and I hope I can strengthen my impression and contact with girls, not just a stranger who chats. But I will never tell her: you are so cute! Say something complimentary to express your interest.

I will say to her: your earrings are very nice. This is the third time I have seen someone wear it this week (indirectly reducing her value). (Regardless of her reaction) Come on! Take a test! Will you wear the earrings on the right or left first? Which earring would you take off first? Interesting! ! You belong to # $ #% $%&; Dollars & $ #%, $ #% $% and $ #% $ #%. In fact, you don't look as cold as you look. I think we can still be friends.

Basically, after the third step, you have established your connection with girls and established your own value in front of girls. The next thing you have to do is leave the buffet before her. In the third stage, when you want to help him take the exam, you can say: Take the exam, but I'm leaving soon and I can't talk to you for too long.

Finally, I will say: it's almost time, it's time to go. Say goodbye to him, leave your place ~ ~ Turn around ~ ~ Take out your pen and tear half the paper, give her half the paper and say to her: Give me your QQ! The other half of the paper is reserved for her to write to her and guide her behavior. ) In the middle of writing, she said: Write your mobile phone number together! (gradually improve the kinetic energy of obedience) After getting the number, chat ~ leave!

Perfect conversation is over! !

The last two strike up a conversation principles are:

1. Actively approach the target and leave the target.

2. Actively create a topic and actively end the topic.

I think as long as we establish these three strike up a conversation steps, abide by these two strike up a conversation principles, input your own conventions and personality characteristics, and cooperate with the skills of dating experts, we can all chat happily without burden! Because we got rid of the anxiety of being close to the goal.

Supplement: The second step "the transfer of interest and attention" and the third step "the open topic of concern" are actually a cycle. In fact, chatting up is not suitable for long-term games, but if you have to stay together for a long time (train, plane) when you are moving, then it is good to cycle these two stages in turn. But we must cooperate with the second principle: actively create a topic, actively end the topic, and don't forget to create a topic not only for ourselves, but also for each other. Simply put, it is "interaction"

New content

I will write my own examples in future articles.

Others questioned the step of "building an identity bridge". What if it doesn't matter?

My answer is: don't be so simple, the relationship is created, and you can't have it by analyzing her background. In that example, I used the preface as a medium to build this bridge.

What if you are a complete stranger? The answer is: since we can't get in touch the first time, it's ok to establish it later! At this time, it is a good choice to use any non-threatening opening remarks, once the other party is right.

When my opening remarks get a response, I can try to find a connection from the response.

Take a bookstore as an example. I can ask the target's opinion with two interesting novels in the leaderboard. I will ask her: hey! Hello, I need some advice. Which book do you think is more faithful, The Devil in PRADA or The Shoppers' Fantasy World?

How to convey women's attitude towards famous brands?

The answer she gave me may be that she knows one or two of them very well, or neither of them, but that's not important. My next sentence will be her response to the opening of my other probe. I can continue to ask why for the last question. Or use

Introduction to identity modification. Because the preface of the previous book theory has naturally helped the preface of identity correction to make a transition. So the situation will be more natural!

Here, "Introduction to Identity Correction" can be used as follows:

You are not an employee of the bookstore, are you? Otherwise, how could it be so powerful?

Are you often asked by your friends to recommend good books? I can see that you are a professional working in a pile of books.

I can see you don't seem to understand. Can you tell me which cultural desert you live in? (Smiling) ... Actually, I just got back from the desert.

Even the "prelude to identity revision" is combined with "role-playing". Oh! It seems that you are not very professional! If you are a bookstore employee, I must be the guest who was bullied by you. Come on, what do you want to do in your next job? Wait! Let me guess, the aunt who collects garbage? Here I use role-playing to simulate an identity bridge. It won't be too difficult for any of you to transition to the second and third steps.

Myth 1: only study the way to strike up a conversation, not pay attention to personal charm.

If you are an otaku, the first step you have to do is not to learn how to strike up a conversation, but to learn how to change. Everyone has some bright spots. All you have to do is find them and enlarge them. Confident smile, neat dress, humorous talk and meaningful words and deeds can also attract people.

Mistake 2: The more nervous you are, the easier it is to strike up a conversation. It is better to let nature take its course.

You are waiting in line to cook in the canteen. Look at the girl in front of you. You really want to see her. You don't have to organize too many chat-up languages, because when you do, people will leave. The more prepared I am, the more nervous I am, the more afraid I will fail to strike up a conversation, and finally I regret it. Just let nature take its course and communicate with each other.

Even if you really don't know what to say, you can say hello with a smile. There are successes and failures in chatting up people. You've met her at least once, and you'll have another reason to talk to her next time.

Mistake 3: strike up a conversation sincerely, don't suppress, don't ridicule, don't fool.

Please respect the girl you accosted or prepared to accost. Girls, whether strong or not, are all vulnerable groups. The skills of suppressing, teasing and fooling are all based on goodwill. These are just "little tricks" for you to establish a good social experience with a girl. Whether this social relationship is established or not, your attitude towards making friends will be sincere in the end.

Let's take a look at two wrong chat-up cases:

Scene 1: Pick up a conversation with a moving target and make eye contact.

Wrong operation:

Before the boy caught up with the girl, he said, "Hello!" "

The girl turned back in horror, grabbed the bag and ran.

Correct operation:

When the boy catches up with the girl and exceeds the girl by half a step, he naturally turns to look at the girl, and the girl also sees the boy, and the two sides have eye contact. Boys smile at girls, girls smile at boys. At this moment, the boy spoke: "Hello!"

Comments:

Eye contact is very important, smiling can greatly reduce the rudeness of chatting up and make it easy for girls to accept.

Scene 2: strike up a conversation with a moving target, not too close.

Wrong operation:

The boys are aiming at a moving target. After the opening, the boys kept leaning towards the goal, talking and getting closer to the goal. The target kept dodging to the side of the road, and the position became diagonal. The more girls hide, the more sticky boys are; The more sticky boys are, the more girls hide. Finally, the girl ran away quickly.

Correct operation:

The boy accosted a moving target. After the opening, boys and girls kept parallel in the conversation, talked to the target from time to time, and sometimes even looked forward when talking, which seemed very casual and natural, and did not deliberately talk to girls. At this time, the target can better cooperate with the conversation and gradually slow down the walking speed.

Comments:

Being too close to the target will only make the target more vigilant and want to get rid of you. Being casual will make the intention less intense and easy for girls to accept.