I remember it was around 2000. The forum is very popular, many people go to it, and I am no exception. Because I have stayed in local forums in some provinces and cities for a long time, there are more people who know me in several local forums. Once I went to Xinxiang, almost half of the netizens in that forum came out to get me a meal. Going to Lanzhou, the "grand occasion" did not lose Xinxiang, and several famous writers in Gansu went to eat a meal. I met some friends at that party, and their friendship continues to this day.
Ten years later, when I was middle-aged, although I was immersed in writing on some social media for a long time, and the number of fans was hundreds of times higher than that, I never seemed to have the passion to go to the party, and I never had the kind of friends with deep contacts. Theoretically, people who have been reading my writing for a long time, or people I have been paying attention to for a long time, should know each other better and find like-minded parts more easily than in the forum era, but the fact is that I have never made friends like that at that time.
Of course, it's not that there are no people who appreciate it on these social media. In fact, on the contrary, there are many people I admire far more than the people I know in the forum. But I tried to interact with them, but I couldn't be the kind of friend I could be at the party more than ten years ago.
Maybe my dating stories are not uncommon. I communicate with people in their thirties and forties, and they seem to be like me. Although I have met many people in my work, such as getting along with my children's parents and interacting with my riders and friends, I am really close friends who can come into my life-such as friends we made in college, or friends we met in forums in the early years, that is, after work, or
Indeed, when people reach middle age, the exploratory life when they are young gradually fades away like dating every day. Followed by a variety of schedules, the focus of life has also changed, and people are more and more critical of their friends. Especially those who can be frank and open-minded, there will be fewer and fewer friends, so that they will never make friends again.
Although some people also claim to be good at managing contacts and making friends in various environments and conditions. But the undeniable fact is that no matter how many friends you make, this "friend" is not another friend. We have to admit that after 30 years, the opportunity to make good friends forever like when I was 20 seems to be gone forever, just like when I was in my teens or early twenties. Most people who can make friends now are "social", that is, there are more "friends".
On the other hand, friends really need to be made. Seriously, at any time, we still need to make friends as we did when we were young, or we still need the kind of friends we made when we were young. Friends are like wine, you often have to store them, so you don't have to show them off all the time. But when you encounter all kinds of ups and downs in your life, or major events, such as relocation, career blow, divorce, etc. You will realize how important it is to have a friend who can treat each other sincerely and is not afraid to show his pain or even ugliness.
A few days ago, a netizen I met more than ten years ago moved to Canada. When he first arrived in Canada, he seemed very lonely. It is these friends on the forum who remember to chat. At that time, he was already a "everyone" on the forum, and when I first joined the forum, I casually named it "Little Confused". In 2008, when the economy was depressed, I occasionally said on the forum that the company might lay off employees, and he asked me anxiously about my situation. I said nothing, but he was still worried. I entrusted another to make friends with him and made good friends to confirm again. Although I later got a new screen name called Gulangwa, he always stubbornly called me "Little Confused". After going to Canada, he said that he found that he had more than 800 friends on Weibo, more than 300 friends on QQ and more than 200 friends on WeChat, but he still didn't know who to tell about his loneliness. He said: "I think back to all the stages of making friends in my life. Most of my friends must have made friends in high school, college and their first job. Secondly, it was just handed in at the forum. "
I also have a friend who does the opposite to my last friend. We also met more than ten years ago. I just joined the work at that time, and so did he. We used to live in a bunk bed in the dormitory. We have worked in the same department for more than three years and in the same company for more than five years. Later, although I worked in different companies, I always maintained good communication. The year before last, he went to a company as general manager. Because he is very busy and seldom answers my phone calls, I call less and less. Some time ago, I had something in the place where he passed by, so I entrusted another friend, his friend and my friend, to get it. It happened that the two of them were on the same road. Our friend didn't drive that day, so I told him I hoped he would drop by, but he refused. Later, I met a switch, and he refused. Although he spoke euphemistically, I fully understood what he meant. I know, and I understand. He is the general manager, and it is disgraceful to help others carry things or take things on the road. Although understanding belongs to understanding, it always feels bad. A psychologist found that when people enter middle age, they will make fewer new friends, but they will keep closer contact with existing friends. And I gradually alienated from him. Now I pass by him on a business trip, and I don't go around chatting with him like before. Am I stingy? I don't think so.
I know that when people reach the age of 30 and their positions reach a certain level, they will care more and have more fetters. They will no longer be as simple in thinking and handling as they were at the age of 20, and they will be relatively easy to be recognized and accepted.
It is said that making friends should meet three conditions: 1) similarity, that is, similar experiences and similar personalities; 2) Repeated unplanned communication; 3) a situation that makes people feel relaxed and confide in their hearts. These conditions, the younger the simpler, the easier it is to have. For example, in high school; For example, in college; For example, when I first joined the work. In these stages, we don't have too many things and complicated experiences, and it's easy to communicate and make friends. Then, with the growth of age, rich work experience and complex environment, the older you get, the less similarity you have, and the less you can get along with each other under the same conditions and factors.
In the workplace, similarity is difficult to maintain because of personnel changes. I remember a few years ago, I worked in a company. After work, I often went out for tea and midnight snack with the managers of manufacturing department and equipment department. At that time, I was familiar with their hobbies and tastes, and they also knew that I liked writing after work. So I can order their favorite dishes every time I go out, and they often buy me some books I like.
But after I was promoted to their boss, they began to alienate me gradually. Although we occasionally go to have a midnight snack after work, there is no such speculative and hearty chat in Hu Kan.
Competition in the workplace and the relationship between superiors and subordinates make us gradually learn to hide our weaknesses and hobbies. Especially former colleagues, some became bosses, and some still stood still. When there was not much progress, barriers and intentional protection gradually increased. At this point, it becomes more and more difficult to communicate as before. If it is not adjusted, the friendship that once seemed to happen naturally, with the passage of time, gradually makes people feel trading. Sometimes, it is even difficult for you to judge when socializing should end and when real friendship should begin.
In addition to the above, differences in professional background and income will also complicate the situation. For example, it is much more complicated for a professional manager to make friends with his boss. I remember when I was the general manager of my previous company, an entrepreneur read my book and appreciated it. He called me many times. Once I went to Shanghai on business, he insisted on sending a driver to pick me up and said to make friends. As a result, his driver picked me up at a reception dinner of their trade association, not his company or my hotel. I wasn't invited, so I shouldn't attend. But he said that someone at his table didn't come, so I was "ok". I sat there and didn't know the whole table. I am embarrassed, but he is busy toasting. When he came back from toasting, he asked me, "What's the annual salary? How much income a year? " Something like that Facing a boss worth hundreds of millions, it will be embarrassing to answer how much you earn. Besides, I don't want to inquire about the turnover and profits of his company, so soon we won't have the same topic to talk about, and the atmosphere is quite embarrassing.
In fact, external factors are not the only obstacle to making friends. After the age of 30, people have experienced an inner change in the mentality of making friends, and self-discovery has given way to self-knowledge, so they have become more critical in choosing friends. Yes, when I was young, I would like to have a drink with anyone with the same soul, whether in a barbecue stall or a bar. But now the standard has been raised. I can't sit in front of a food stall and chat with someone I just met, nor can I drag him to a five-star hotel with wishful thinking. Without this kind of communication environment and conditions, there will be fewer opportunities to get along. It's not that I'm too picky, but whether you choose a food stall or a five-star hotel, you have to respect each other. The problem is that sometimes, you don't know where to chat with him, and he feels very comfortable and thinks you are respecting him.