First, the baby's psychological development stage
1, pre-additional period
Babies are in the early stage of attachment from 0 to 3 months, and babies in this period often have indiscriminate social smiles. At this time, they treat strangers or familiar people equally, and welcome to tease and hug adults at any time. In fact, this is also a way for babies to protect themselves unconsciously.
At this stage, the baby who is satisfied in time will think that the world he/she lives in is safe and happy. A child who is never satisfied in time will think that the world he/she lives in is more painful, unsafe and unfriendly. At this time, whether the child's parents give their children timely satisfaction is not the child's attachment to their parents, but the child's view of the world. So they cry because they want the outside world to solve their problems in time, not necessarily because they have been comforted and hugged by their mothers.
Here we say "timely satisfaction" is not "crying and hugging", but meeting the specific needs of children. First of all, we have to judge what kind of needs children cry at this time: are they hungry? Did you shit or pee? Is it hot or cold? Sleepy? Or are you sick? Parents need to judge and check, for example, to see if it is time for their children to nurse, to check whether they need to change diapers, to feel whether their hands and back neck are hot, to judge whether they are wearing too much, to see if their children are bloated, to touch their stomachs and to help them vent. Parents may also be sleepy. If you can't find the reason, take their temperature and see if they are sick. If the temperature is too high, they need to go to the hospital in time. Therefore, it is not necessary to hug at this stage, but to solve the child's problems in time and meet his/her needs. In this way, children are satisfied in time and their happiness is high. Ma Bao doesn't have to hold the baby all the time, which makes it easier.
2. The establishment period of dependency relationship
When the baby enters 3-6 months, the baby's reaction to people begins to be different, and the reaction to the mother, other familiar people and strangers also begins to be different. They prefer their mother. At this time, the baby shows more smiles and intimacy in front of his mother, but less in front of other family members. Although babies are not shy at this time, they begin to be more indifferent to strange adults.
This is actually a transitional stage, especially the second half of this stage. It is possible that the child cries because he needs his mother's closeness and comfort. At this time, after checking and meeting the children's needs in time, if the children still cry like coquetry, Ma Bao should pick them up to meet their emotional needs.
3. Remove the attachment period
Babies are in a clear attachment period from 6 months to 2 years old, and they are more concerned about the existence of their mothers. When their mother left, they cried and refused to let them go. When the mother is away, the child will show obvious anxiety, and most others can't make the baby happy instead of the mother. At this point, the child began to show obvious separation anxiety. When the mother comes back, the baby can look very happy at once.
When the mother is around the child, he/she can play and explore the surrounding environment with peace of mind. At this time, the mother is the source of his/her sense of security. All these show that the baby has obvious attachment to his mother. At the same time, babies will start to feel nervous, scared and even crying when they meet strangers. This situation may last until about 2 years old.
At this time, please pay attention to the mothers: at this time, the child has realized that the "weak" self and the "all-round" mother are two independent individuals, which is already a leap and challenge for the child. Therefore, children need to have enough sense of security to help them adapt and accept this reality. At this time, there will be obvious separation anxiety when the baby and mother are separated. At this time, they cry in the hope of getting close and comfort from their mothers and ensuring their love and care. So at this time, if other problems have been ruled out and the child is still crying, Ma Bao should unconditionally pick up the child to satisfy the child's enough trust and security.
Second, how to decide whether to hug or not when the baby is crying?
1, 0-3 months or so
The baby of 0-3 months is in the early stage of attachment, that is, there is no attachment demand for her mother, so she cries to solve the problem. When a child is crying, parents should check the possible problems of the child one by one. The child stopped crying when the problem was solved. At this time, parents don't have to hold their children.
About 2, 3-6 months.
At the age of 3-6 months, the baby is in the attachment establishment period, and they are transitioning to the explicit attachment period, especially in the second half of this stage. At this time, if the child's physiological needs are checked and met, and the child is still crying, then it is necessary to hug the child, and parents need to pay attention to meeting the emotional needs of the child.
About 3, 6-24 months.
After 6 months, the babies are in a clear attachment period. At this time, they have made it clear that they are separated from their omnipotent mother. Therefore, when their mother is not around, they will have obvious separation anxiety. At this time, they need to satisfy their emotional needs. At this stage, we should hug them and help them build a sense of security and trust in their parents.
4. Foreign articles
Delayed gratification and frustration education should be carried out after the child is 3 years old, and the child will develop sooner or later. It is necessary to ensure that their children have established enough sense of security, will not be hurt, and will not undermine the trust established in their parents before, so that children can be properly cultivated in this respect.