Prose "Dislocation"

A university in Beijing welcomes students.

Characters in the play: Admissions teacher (female),

Beijing young master (volunteer, boy, wearing armband, Beijing film with accent, props: holding a thick black notebook in his hand, looking at long lines of key information. )、

Freshman a (male, from the northeast)

Freshman B (male, Yunnan minority)

"Curtain opening: (striking red banner" Computer Network Technology Department welcomes new students ",yellow sign under the banner" Pay money → ",tables and chairs tilt to the right)

Master Beijing: (standing between the sign and the desk, laughing like a vegetable seller) Welcome, welcome new students! You are welcome to pay. Please come here to pay the fee-(referring to the female teacher at the desk) and you can sign up! Write down this book and you will get the dormitory key! Pay the fee. You can get a new book by paying the fee (repeat the previous call) ... after you get the new book, you will get a diploma. After you get your diploma, you will definitely go to a senior "white-collar" ...

Female teacher: (from left, holding a portfolio, she hurried to the stage to tell the audience) The enrollment work has been busy and tiring these days, but it is gratifying that the admission scores of students this year have improved a lot compared with previous years, and the proportion of students with 500 to 600 points is as high as 30%. Good thing! The number of students enrolled has also increased a lot compared with last year, which is really gratifying! The principle of recruiting new people is: first, to update the quality of new students, and second, to expand the scale, and both indicators should be broken, so we are not busy in vain. ...

(The female teacher confidently walks to the desk and turns back after hearing the shouts of volunteers-)

Female teacher: (sitting in the chair in front of the desk and tapping the table impatiently) I said, hey, can't you be serious? ! Hey-you!

Master Beijing: (First pretend not to hear, continue nagging, and then giggle, with a white tone) What's the matter? Where did you say I was? Isn't this shouting? Why am I not serious?

Female teacher: What's your accent? It's outrageous to fool around! It's not good for a freshman to see and hear. When a freshman's parents see you like this, their first impression-do people feel at ease to send their children to our school? I thought-you are a Beijing peddler who sells vegetables in three rounds!

Master Beijing: Traffickers? You are really joking, that's the style! Faner-(Hold your head high, stretch your muscles, shake your body, and pretend to be a "thinker" sculpture)

Female teacher: You think you are really cool, don't you? (Suddenly different) Hey, what grade and class are you in? Why didn't I see you the other day? How did you come up with such a material on the last day? Just like you, Jingfan, have a rest!

Master Beijing: No! 50 yuan people's money every day! Rest-who will give us subsidies?

Female teacher: What grade and class are you in? What is a fork?

Master Beijing: I'm body double. I used to think that volunteers were purely voluntary, and my buddy didn't report when he couldn't get up early without a free ride ... Then two days ago, I heard volunteers say that the school gave volunteers a subsidy of 50 yuan a day ... How can I leave it empty? I invited them to leave! I will do my part, and I am the best in this matter ... Besides, the school is our own business, so who will do my duty for the school? You say that every day, right? Hee hee.

Female teacher: Who told you there was a subsidy? Return 50 yuan-people's money! -What a money junkie! Volunteers, as the name implies, are conscientious, and subsidies are not like that at all! Who lied to you?

Master Beijing: (thinking about the stage) Shit! Is it? If so, my brothers will suffer heavy losses! My two grandsons obviously blew me in my ear, saying that each volunteer received a school subsidy from 50 yuan every day, each volunteer for five days, and each 250 yuan! I also teased them and said, why do you still pay 250? What a stupid number! So I gave the change to "rob (four tones together)" and planned to earn 25 100 yuan for two. They all pretended not to like it, saying that they only allowed me to treat you ... I said I would treat you with money, but my two grandchildren insisted that I treat you first and then make a profit, and they also "dragged" me with some bullshit business management theories. What's its name? -(shaking his head) "Give up, don't give up, give up first, then get it", isn't it that they had a Beijing roast duck with their buddies in the university town last night! This is a good deal-the whole thing is for our partners! It's over, it's over, this time the elder brothers went to grandma's house! (Type a black book with the back of your hand and spread out your hands-) ............................................................................................................................................................ I also said they were 250. Who is 250? Give up-don't give up-buddy give up-huge losses ... who is 250? ! (patting his chest) That's how "250" was made! (High-five, stomp, depressed, walk to the left) I'm an idiot! There's water. There's water. This time it's really water!

Female teacher: (Stop volunteers) Hey! Classmate, I ask what grade and class are you in? What's your name?

Master Beijing: 250! Fool! Call it anything! annoyed ...

Female teacher: Who bothers you? I said, are you serious?

Master Beijing: (suddenly realize! Report to the teacher! My name is Liu! -Liu Shi Liu, one, two, three, good luck, net name "Master Jing". You can count me as a freshman in Grade 06 or Grade 07. ...

Female teacher: What do you mean?

Master Beijing: I was originally in Grade 06. Because of my low attendance, I failed all five courses in the final exam. Count on a * * * 15 make-up exam, and all my buddies failed! Besides, I was warned and kept in detention for observation, and finally, finally-so I failed ... end of report!

Female teacher: hahahaha ... well, I don't blame you, I don't blame you ... your name is Liu Ji, which means, three times? Do three shifts! Wow, you are still so beautiful! Your name rhymes. The name your parents gave you has a deep meaning!

Master Beijing: (serious and unsmiling, hand index 1234567ABCDEFG——) Don't tease me, buddy can correctly understand and treat repetition. I have officially announced my three opinions with the class teacher and counselor:

First of all, I don't blame my parents for giving birth to me, and let the blind man give me a blind name;

Secondly, I don't blame my teacher for not teaching well-think about it, I can blame my English teacher for failing in English, my math teacher for failing in math, and my computer teacher for failing in computer application ... I naturally blame myself for failing in all my courses, don't you think?

This third, a: I never remember my head being covered by the door; B: I've never had water in my head (like patting a watermelon, slapping my head and making a "bang" sound in my mouth); C: I've never been kicked by a donkey. I have never been kissed by a pig (hum-tut) ... then I finally figured it out: not every student in the first two years of this grade has such an opportunity. I will learn very well by squatting in Class One, and then I will definitely be the best compared with the freshman. You got it? This is called "comparative advantage", and there is nothing to say. To tell the truth, this time I'm in the first grade of primary school for two years, in the first grade of middle school for two years, and in the first grade of college for two years-better than that, just like your house is built to lay the foundation, people rammed it three times, and your house rammed it nine times-just to be strong! What did you say?/Sorry?

Female teacher: (qiāng is as white as white) Your house has only been rammed nine times! (Laughter) You're pathetic-you're almost catching up with the loquacious Zhang Damin!

Master Beijing: (scolding himself and slapping his mouth) Bah! Slip of the tongue, slip of the tongue! I mean, I hit it nine times myself. Can't I do it nine times by myself? ..... Don't be angry! Please don't get angry! Are you saying that I look like Zhang Damin in the TV series "Chatty Zhang Damin"? Him? Cut (contemptuous modal particles)! Zhang Damin is a series of hutongs in Beijing. He has no pursuit rather than a good attitude. Life is worse than death! First of all, people need a model worker, and he is a model worker; Later, he was fired and he was laid off. I have no idea, I am in a daze, and I don't want to eat my last meal ... boring! What is particularly boring is that when the TV series was hit hard, Beijing was deserted. What qualities do you think of this audience (imitating the tone of crazy stone thieves)? ! In today's society, ordinary citizens are in a collective unconscious state! It's even sadder to hear that Rap Zhang Damin won other awards ... What are we advocating now? What is its social mainstream consciousness? Group aesthetic taste is vulgar and low-level! The core values of society are money!

Female teacher: Hey, I really didn't realize that you were worried about your country and people! Which department do you study in? Who is your dean?

Master Beijing: Dean? I don't know the dean! It's not my turn to know such a big official. It's not a level, is it? I know Miss Gao. ...

Female teacher: Which Miss Gao?

Master Beijing: (looking for high glasses off the court, pointing to-) Over there, enrolling students over there! Do you know each other? I'm sure you know him. She is the director of our department office. I used to be in their 06 department, but this time I'm squatting in your network department. Teacher, what's your name?

Female teacher: Never mind my last name, I have to ask Miss Gao, Miss Gao! (After talking to himself) I've never met an ungrateful person ... Miss Gao!

Master Beijing: No, no ... Miss Gao is very busy ... You can't leave me!

Female teacher: No way! We especially like students like you. I ask you, what is the word "squat"?

Master Beijing: Just squatting in class and repeating a grade.

Female teacher: Did you write the words yourself?

Master Beijing: Yes!

Female teacher: I didn't see that you really have some language talent!

Master Beijing: (proudly) Of course! To use words accurately and concisely, the key lies in grasping "accurate definition and generalization" and "concise choice of words".

Female teacher: (gesturing to stop) Stop! Chatting, I asked you how Miss Gao talked to you about "squatting-turning".

Master Beijing: Miss Gao said that she was seeking advice from a psychological counselor ... she would avoid the obstacles in my heart ... In fact, she was afraid that I would lose face in class (imitating the tone of Aunt Song Dandan Baiyun) and "hurt my self-esteem", so I changed departments and let my buddies mix again.

Female teacher: (seriously surprised) Oh! So ... Did Miss Gao really tell you?

Master Beijing: Almost! The Ministry of Education really gave my buddy a face, and the matter of "squatting" was approved! In the new school year, I officially transferred to the network department. Miss Gao said that I should contact Miss Liu and them. Is it too late to be busy volunteering? That's it-I'm a freshman in Grade 07 (with a banner hanging on my finger). Hey, it's fun-freshmen welcome freshmen, it's up to you, freshmen have a new atmosphere!

Female teacher: (dizzy) What? ! -Dizzy! What else did the counseling say about you?

Master Beijing: My brain thinking has been in a state of "freedom" and "nightmare y m n" for a long time, and my cerebral cortex is in an irregular state of excitement, and my nervousness and anxiety are accompanied by delusional symptoms! To put it bluntly, I am in a daze all day and always like to think about irrelevant things ... I also said that I should take some vitamin ABCDE or something. ...

Female teacher: What do you think?

Master Beijing: Wrong! All wet! It's no ordinary fault! Worse than "Class Two"! Actually, they don't understand me, not at all. Ahem! "Little bosom friend, who will listen to the broken string"!

(turning over the black book in his hand)

"-I often worry about Arabia. Bin Laden, why did he organize the Al Qaeda terrorist organization? Isn't it the so-called advanced countries headed by the United States that bully Arabs? First, he instigated the eight-year war between Iran and Iraq, then seized oil by Iraq's invasion and occupation of Kuwait, attacked Iraq twice on the grounds of liberating Kuwait, and finally strangled Saddam Hussein-not only kept the oil interests of the United States in Kuwait, but also robbed Iraq of oil. Hey, it's all American.

"-9 1 1 Uncle Sam's sap is really not light. The White House vowed to bring the" hooligans "who hit the sap to justice." Uncle Sam "shoveled Afghanistan with 9 1 1, forcing Pakistan to cooperate with anti-terrorism and tolerate the temporary existence of military dictatorship! Fool world public opinion, force Iran to accept verification and give up nuclear weapons-in fact, Iran has no nuclear weapons at all, and the whole world knows it! -Why did the United States do this? In order not to make Iran bigger, and then control the oil in the Arab region!

"-of course, oil is very important to the American economy, but there is a lot of oil underground in the United States, which is a strategic reserve without exploitation. The Bush family became the president of the United States by the oil consortium, and the four presidents and four governments of Bush Sr. and George W. Bush went to war as soon as they came to power! American arms dealers make a lot of money. Who benefits from soaring oil prices? Most Arab oil companies have shares in American consortia! The American government and consortia are not afraid of rising oil prices, and American consortia can also make a lot of money from rising oil prices. American politics, military affairs, diplomacy and media opinion all revolve around the word "pragmatic"-this is the real meaning-it is not good to be early. What international law, human rights, moral bottom line, democratic politics, the United Nations Charter-that's all fooling others. Dominating the world is the ultimate goal of Americans.

Female teacher: (in a teasing tone) Wow, you really know a lot!

Master Beijing: (to himself, sometimes very painful) What worries me recently is the dispute and struggle between China and Japan over the East China Sea oil field. There are also Sino-US relations, Sino-Russian relations and cross-strait relations, which makes me very uneasy. ...

Female teacher: Say you cough and you gasp! Then why don't you study international relations? Do you find it interesting to wander around here? Don't you think it's a little different Your interests are too much and too chaotic ... since you have entered this school, you should study hard, specialize in technical fields, and find a job to eat after graduation. If you can't learn even the most basic survival skills, everything is empty talk! Archimedes said, if you give me a fulcrum, I can move the whole earth! But many times the world is simple and cruel. For many people, Archimedes' fulcrum is steamed bread, rice and nothing else! I'm worried about you! Have you ever heard of "cultivate one's morality-keep one's family in order-rule the country and level the world"? Hierarchy and logic here cannot be confused. And "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Master Beijing: Yes, yes …

Female teacher: Yes, yes! -For what? The root of all your problems is dislocation! Dislocation-understand?

Master Beijing: My overall quality is high!

Female teacher: Let's see who we can compete with …

Schreiber: Hey! Where does the network technology department report? I'm from the network technology department!

Master Beijing: Here comes the new teacher!

Female teacher: (walks back to her seat) Come and meet her. Let's go

Freshman A: (Northeast accent, carrying luggage) Where does the network technology department report?

Freshman B: (Yunnan minority youths stumble and gasp) I am, I am, I am!

Master Beijing: (gesturing to the traffic police to direct the vehicle to move forward) Freshmen from the network technology department line up here to report for the formalities! Go, you!

(Freshman B runs faster than Freshman A, and A grabs B)

Freshman A: (to Freshman B) Where are you from (learning to learn a better life)?

Freshman B: (chatting with A on the stage) I'm from Yunnan.

Freshman A: Yunnan? Is Yunnan in Kunming?

Freshman B: Well, Yunnan is the capital of Kunming!

Freshman A: Have you liberated your acne?

Freshman B: No liberation! We take guns to school every day.

Freshman A: Wow! It's cool to go to school with a gun on your back

(Master Beijing leans forward)

Master Beijing: (to freshman B) I said, I still want to go to Urumqi, but it's inconvenient to have no acquaintances. Today we are good friends. Then can we stay at your house?

Freshman B: Sure, go to Urumqi, stay away!

Master Beijing: It's okay to stay away. What house do you live in?

Freshman B: Bamboo House.

Freshman A: I want to go too!

Master Beijing: Your family lives on the second floor and we live on the first floor.

Freshman B: My family lives on the second floor, and the donkey lives on the first floor. Where did you live when the donkey lived?

Master Beijing: Huh?

Freshman A: What?

Master Beijing: Hey, hey, curse! Let me ask you, how come your home is so far from school?

Freshman B: Riding a donkey!

Master Beijing: Impossible!

Freshman B: (Seriously) Really. I rode a donkey to Beijing first, then sold the donkey and bought a plane ticket to come to our school by plane.

Freshman A: Blow!

Freshman B: You don't believe it?

Beijing Master and Freshman A: (* * *) Don't believe it! Firmly don't believe it! I don't believe it if I die!

(Grab a freshman B and beat him up)

Freshman B: (referring to the red pain on his face) Look at my face, because the donkey was beaten!

Freshman A: (arm in arm) Who did it?

Master Beijing: Are you tired of being beaten with a girl at the airport?

Freshman B: (immersed in romance and affection) I saw a girl in Beijing. I led the donkey after her and sincerely said to her, "I love you, and I am willing to dedicate my life and all my property to you." All I can give is my donkey, which is all my property! I am sincere, I am absolutely right, I didn't cheat the girl, I gave my love, I may be responsible for the girl, I will go through fire and water for the girl ... but the girl didn't appreciate it at all, and said I was disgusting and wanted to kick me away with the donkey.

Beijing master, freshman A: (looking at each other, speechless ...)

Freshman B: I'm still trying to explain to girls that a young man came from somewhere and punched me with a bang! Do you think I'm wrong? What did I do wrong? This is how our hometown expresses love!

Freshman A: (rubbing hands) Where is the person who hit you?

Freshman B: I don't know my last name and where I went. ...

Master Beijing: (wandering alone, thinking, suddenly realizing) I love the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong person and the wrong way. This is dislocation-dislocation, understand? ! It can also be said that it is wrong love. ...

Female teacher: Liu! Are they here to report? Tell them to go through the formalities! What are you doing with someone else?

Master Beijing: (Pushing a freshman to a second) Go through the formalities first! Talk to you later ...

(Freshman B goes to the female teacher)

Master Beijing: (to freshman A) Dude, where are you from?

Freshman A: A pimple (silver) in Arctic Village.

Master Beijing: (I read black books, so I have special knowledge) I know the North Pole, which is 66.5 degrees north latitude of the earth. Arctic region refers to the area near the North Pole in the Arctic Circle. The Arctic Ocean (this sketch script comes from the cartoon www.pangdan.com of Fat Egg) is a huge frozen ocean surrounded by many islands and coastal areas in North America and northern Asia. ... a few days ago, the Russian navy submarine went to the North Pole and planted the Russian flag at the bottom of the submarine continental shelf! Swear that the Arctic is Russia's territory and territorial waters. Canada also declared the North Pole their home. Article 76 of the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea clearly defines the "continental shelf": "The continental shelf of coastal countries, including their territorial waters, extends to the seabed and subsoil of the seabed area at the outer edge of the continental margin according to the natural extension of their land territory ... Norway in the Arctic Circle withdrew, and Britain also sent a reconnaissance plane to hover over the Arctic! Germany also protested! After Russia and Canada successively claimed the ownership of the Arctic continental shelf, an icebreaker named Healy of the US Coast Guard will set off on August 17 to survey the Arctic seabed and find the basis for the US government's sovereignty claim in the Arctic. It seems that there will be chaos in the Arctic!

Freshman A: Why didn't I hear that?

Master Beijing: Is it imported?

Freshman A: (a little urgent) What are you talking about? You're welcome. Why?

Master Beijing: (looking at the black book) No! Let me check, alas, misunderstanding! You come from Arctic Village, right?

Freshman A: Hmm!

Master Beijing: (according to the black book) Arctic Village was originally named Mohe Village. ...

Freshman A: Mm-hmm.

Master Beijing: Beijing is the northernmost Linjiang town in Chinese mainland. Located at the foot of Qixing Mountain at the northern foot of Daxinganling Mountains in Heilongjiang, the latitude is as high as 53 33' 30 ",and it faces Igna Ennino village in Amur region in northern Russia across the river. Arctic Village means the northernmost part of China, separated from the North Pole of the Earth by Russia!

Freshman A: Ouch! It's almost imported to me!

Master Beijing: Listen to me. In the Arctic village, the summer solstice is almost daytime all day. Looking north at midnight, the sky turns white, just like dusk and dawn. People can play chess and basketball outdoors. If you are lucky, you can see the magnificent and colorful Northern Lights. The vast Heilongjiang River flows through the village, and the river is rich in precious cold-water fish such as Zheluo, fine scales, heavy lips and mandarin fish. Stewed river fish with river water is delicious and beautiful, which is unparalleled. You can also hang fish on the screen and fish by the river. It was fun. In winter, hard ice is cut off on the frozen river, and fresh fish are pulled out from the ice eyes with barbed wire, which adds more interest to the northland.

Freshman A: Yes, yes!

Master Beijing: (intoxicated, reciting) Ah, the North Pole! No, ah, Arctic Village! How charming! Hey, buddy, how about going to your house during the winter vacation?

Freshman A: Hmm!

Master Beijing: Keep your word! Hook!

(Beijing young master and new student A pull the hook): "You can't hang a hook for a hundred years!"

Freshman B: (running back after completing the formalities) I'll go too!

(Three people hug): Let's go together! Yeah!

Female teacher: Next!

(Freshman A goes to find a female teacher)

Master Beijing: (to freshman B) I said, buddy, what did you do with your donkey later?

Freshman B: I sold the donkey.

Master Beijing: How much is it?

Freshman B: One thousand dollars.

Master Beijing: A thousand?

Freshman B: More or less? Buy a donkey in my house and ask for 50 yuan.

Master Beijing: Wow! A donkey netted 950 yuan! -Great business opportunities! Is it easy to buy donkeys there?

Freshman B: Everyone keeps donkeys. No outsiders buy it. I wish someone would buy it!

Master Beijing: Then let's do donkey business!

Freshman B: So you won't go to school?

Master Beijing: If you can learn, you must do business. Let me think about it ... that's a problem!

Freshman A: (running back from the formalities) I'll go too! Yeah!

Freshman B: What are you going to do?

Master Beijing: Yes, you are so big!

Freshman A: (stunned, confused ...)

(The three men look at each other and suddenly fight): Yeah!

Female teacher: (walking from the right to the middle with a folder in her arm, talking to herself) This year's enrollment work is over. It is said that it is difficult for post-80s students to take care of themselves. It's the post-90s generation now. This is a problem that must be carefully studied under the new era, new students and new characteristics ... (holding glasses to the audience and mumbling) I almost forgot. I have to go to Miss Gao and ask what the "squatting pit" is about! ..... Miss Gao! Miss Gao ...

(At the end of the play)

Curtain call "