A method that is popular everywhere

---------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------< /p>

Everyone hopes that they can be welcomed by others, but it is not easy to achieve this. Carnegie summarized his own experience and gave us his insights.

Carnegie pointed out that if we just want to express ourselves in front of others and make others interested in us, we will never have many true and sincere friends. Friends, real friends, are not made in this way.

Napoleon tried this method. When he met Josephine for the last time, he said: "Josephine, I am the luckiest man who has ever lived in the world; but, at this moment, You are the only person in the world that I can rely on." And history doubts that he can really rely on her.

The late famous Viennese psychologist Alfred Adler wrote a book called "Life's Awareness of You". In that book, he said: "A person who is not interested in others will have the most difficulties in his life and do the most harm to others. All human failures come from such people."

< p> You may have read dozens of books on psychology, but you have yet to see a sentence that is more meaningful to you and me. Adler's sentence is too profound.

Once Carnegie took a short story writing course at New York University. During the course, the editor-in-chief of Collier's magazine came to the class to give a lecture. He said he picks up the dozens of novels that arrive on his desk every day and can tell whether the author likes someone by reading just a few paragraphs. "If the author doesn't like other people," he said, "other people won't like his novel."

This excited editor said during the course of teaching novel writing, "What I'm telling you now , exactly the same thing as your pastor told you, but remember, you have to be interested in other people if you are going to be a successful novelist."

If this is true of novel writing, you can be sure that it is especially true of dealing with people.

When Luxury Gerston was on Broadway for the last time, Carnegie spent an evening in his dressing room. Jeston, recognized as the magician among magicians, has traveled around the world for forty years, repeatedly creating illusions, bewildering audiences, and leaving everyone breathless in amazement. *** Sixty million people bought tickets to see him perform, and he made almost two million dollars in profit.

Carnegie asked Mr. Jessen to tell him the secret of success. Jessen's success has nothing to do with school education, because he ran away from home when he was very young and became a wanderer, riding in wagons, sleeping in grain piles, begging along the doorsteps, and sitting in the car looking out at the railway line. logo on it, so I got to know the word.

Is his knowledge of magic particularly superior? He told Carnegie that there were hundreds of books on magic tricks and dozens of people who knew as much as he did.

But he had two things that no one else had. First, he can show his personality on stage. He is a master showman and understands human nature. Everything he did, every gesture, every tone of voice, every raise of his eyebrows, was carefully rehearsed in advance, and his movements were coordinated to the last minute. Beyond that, Jessen was genuinely interested in other people. Many magicians, he told Carnegie, would look at the audience and say to themselves, "Those people down there are a bunch of fools, a bunch of fools; I can fool them all." But Jessen's approach was completely different. Every time he walked on stage, he said to himself: "I am very grateful, because these people come to see me perform, and they enable me to live a very comfortable life.

I want to be the best I can be. Show them the technique."

He declared that there was never a time when he walked on stage without saying to himself again and again:

"I love my audience. Love my audience." Carnegie believed that the secret to Jessen's success was simply to take an interest in other people. This was the secret formula used by one of the most famous magicians of all time.

Mrs. Schumann-Heinke said something similar to Carnegie. Even though she was hungry and sad, even though her life was filled with so many tragedies that she almost killed herself and her baby at one point - even though she was so unfortunate, she kept singing and finally became the most outstanding Wagnerian singer in history. . She confesses that one of the secrets of her success is to be endlessly interested in other people.

If we want to make friends, we must greet others with joy and enthusiasm. Use the same psychology when someone calls you. Your voice should show how happy you are that he called you. The New York Telephone Company has taught a class to train their operators to say, "What number would you like to dial?" Forget this.

Showing your interest in others not only allows you to make many friends, but also increases customer trust for your company. In New York, a publication published by a North American national bank published a letter from a depositor, Madeland Rosedale.

"I really hope you know how much I appreciate your staff. Everyone is so polite and enthusiastic. After waiting in line for a long time, one staff member kindly talked to you It was such a pleasure to say hello

“My mother was hospitalized for five months last year. I often met a clerk, Mayi Patricillo, who cared about my mother and asked her about her recent past. "

There is really no doubt whether Rosedale will continue to deal with this bank.

Charles Walter, who belongs to a large bank in New York City, was ordered to write an article Confidential reports about a certain company. He knew that a certain person had information that he needed very much. So Mr. Walter went to see that person. He was the chairman of a large industrial company. When Mr. Walter was welcomed to the board of directors. When he was in the chairman's office, a young woman poked her head out of the door and told the chairman that she had no stamps to give him that day.

"I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son." ," the chairman explained to Walter.

Mr. Walter explained his purpose and began to ask questions. The chairman's statement was vague, general and ambiguous. He did not want to say what was in his heart, no matter what Good words and advice were in vain. The meeting was short and had no practical effect.

"Frankly, I didn't know what to do," said Mr. Walter, who put the matter into context. Carnegie brought it up in class. “Then I thought about what his secretary had said to him—stamps, twelve-year-old son…I also thought about our bank’s foreign department collecting stamps—from letters from all over the world. Removed stamps.

"The next morning I went to him again and sent word in that I had some stamps to give to his children. Was I cordially brought in? Yes. He was full of satisfaction. "My George will love these," he kept saying, smiling politely. "Look at this! This is a priceless treasure. '"We spent an hour talking about stamps and looking at pictures of his son, and then he spent more than an hour telling me everything I wanted to know—I didn't even suggest that he do it. He told me everything he knew, and then he called his subordinates in and asked them some questions. He also called some of his colleagues and told me all the facts, figures, reports, and letters. I learned a lot from your words.”

Showing your concern, like any other relationship, must be genuine. Not only does this lead to something productive for the person giving the concern, but also for the person receiving it. It is a two-way street and both parties will benefit.

Martin Ginsburg, who attended the Carnegie course in Long Island, New York, once mentioned that the concern given to him by a nurse deeply affected his life:

" It was Thanksgiving, and I was ten years old and on welfare in a city hospital, scheduled for major plastic surgery the next day. I knew the next few months would be restrictive and painful. , I lived in a small apartment with my mother on social welfare. My mother happened to be unable to visit me that day.

“That day, I was completely overwhelmed by feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and fear.

I knew my mother was worried about me at home, all alone, with no one to eat with her, and no money for even a Thanksgiving dinner.

"Tears rolled in my eyes. I buried my head under the pillow and cried secretly, but my whole body was trembling with pain.

"A young trainee nurse When you hear my cry, come and take a look. She took the pillow away from my head and wiped my tears. She told me that she was very lonely because she had to work that day and couldn't be with her family. She asked me if I would like to have dinner with her. She came in with two plates of turkey slices, potatoes, strawberry jam and ice cream for dessert. She chatted with me and tried to allay my fears. Although she was supposed to get off work at four o'clock, she stayed with me until almost eleven o'clock. She kept playing and chatting with me, and didn't leave until I fell asleep.

"Before I was ten years old, I had many Thanksgivings, but this Thanksgiving will never disappear. I still remember the feeling of depression, fear, and loneliness. Suddenly, the warmth of a stranger made those feelings disappear. Disappeared. "

Carnegie pointed out that if you want others to like you, or if you want to cultivate true friendship, or if you want to help others as well as yourself, keep this principle in mind.

"Show sincere concern for others."

A person's facial expression is more important than what he wears. A smile can illuminate everyone who sees it, like the sun shining through dark clouds, bringing warmth to people.

Carnegie attended a banquet in New York. One of the guests, a woman who received an inheritance, was eager to leave a good impression on everyone. She wasted a lot of money on sable coats, diamonds and pearls. However, she didn't put much effort into her face. Her expression was bitter and selfish. She didn't realize that what every man values ??is that the expression on a woman's face is more important than the clothes she wears.

Charles Scoble told Carnegie that his smile was worth a million dollars. He may have been downplaying it, for Scoob's character, his charm, and his ability to make others like him were almost entirely responsible for his remarkable success. One of the endearing elements of his personality was his charming smile.

One afternoon Carnegie was with Maurice Chevrolet. Carnegie was disappointed. He was unhappy and taciturn, completely different from what Carnegie expected. It wasn't until he smiled that Carnegie's perception changed, as if the sun broke through the clouds. If it weren't for his smile, Maurice Chevalet might still be a furniture maker in Paris, like his father and brother before him.

Carnegie believed that actions have more power than words, and what a smile means is, "I like you. You make me happy. I'm glad to see you."

This is The reason why dogs are so popular among people. They are so happy to see us, and therefore, we are happy to see them.

A baby's smile has the same effect.

Have you ever been in a hospital waiting room? Look at the patients around and their gloomy faces. Dr. Stephen Spauer, a veterinarian in Layton, Mo., said one spring his waiting room was packed with customers bringing their pets for vaccinations. No one was chatting, and probably everyone had one or more things in mind that they should do instead of just sitting around and wasting time. There were about six or seven customers waiting, and then another female customer came in with her nine-month-old child and a kitten. Fortunately, she was seated next to a gentleman who was impatient to wait. But he found that the child was looking up at him and smiling innocently at him. How did this gentleman react? Like you and me, of course he smiled at the kid. He then started talking to the female customer about her children and his grandchildren. After a while, everyone in the waiting room was chatting, and the entire atmosphere changed from boring and stiff to one of joy.

An insincere smile cannot fool anyone. We know that kind of laughter is mechanical and the most annoying. What Kalki is talking about is a real smile, a smile that warms the heart, a smile that comes from the heart. Only this kind of smile can be sold at a good price in the market.

When talking about his views on laughter, Professor James McNair, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, said: People who smile are more effective in management, teaching, and sales, and can cultivate a happy next generation. A smile conveys your feelings better than a frown. This is why encouragement should be used instead of punishment in teaching. A personnel manager at a large New York department store told Carnegie that he would rather hire a girl with a cute smile who had not finished high school than a doctor of philosophy with a poker face.

The impact of laughter is powerful, even if it cannot be seen by itself. Telephone companies all over the United States have a program called "The Power of Voice." In this program, the telephone company recommends that you smile when you answer the phone, and your "smile" is conveyed by your voice.

A manager at a computer company in Cincinnati, Ohio, told us how he found the right person for a difficult-to-fill position.

"I struggled to find a PhD in computer science for my company. Finally, I found a very good candidate who had just graduated from Purdue University. After several phone conversations, I knew there were several others. The company also wanted him to go, and they were all bigger and more famous than mine. When he accepted the job, I was really happy. When he started working, I asked him why he gave up other opportunities and chose our company.

He paused and then said: I think it’s because the managers of other companies were cold and businesslike on the phone, which made me feel like it was just another business transaction. But. Your voice sounds like you really want me to be a part of your company. You can believe that I was smiling when I called you."

One of the largest rubber companies in the United States. A famous chairman told Carnegie that according to his observation, unless a person is very interested in his career, it will be difficult to succeed. This leader of the industrial world does not have much confidence in the old saying that one can become famous just by relying on ten years of hard work. "I know people who are successful because they started their business with so much interest. Later, I see these people become slaves to their work and get bored. They have no interest at all, so they fail."

You must be happy when you meet others, if you also expect them to be happy to see you.

Carnegie encouraged thousands of businessmen to spend a week, twenty-four hours a day, smiling at others, and then return to class to talk about the results. What is the situation? This is a letter from William Steinhardt, a member of the New York Stock Exchange. His example is not unique. In fact, he was a typical example among hundreds of others.

"I have been married for more than eighteen years," Steinha said in the letter. "During this time, from when I get up in the morning to when I go to work, I have rarely said anything about myself. Mrs. Smile, or say something to him. I am the sullenest person on Broadway.

"Since you asked me to give a speech based on my experience of smiling, I decided to give it a try for a week. So the next morning when I was combing my hair, I looked at the sad look on my face in the mirror and said to myself, ‘Today you are going to wipe that sad look off your face.

You have to smile. You start smiling now. ’ When I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife with ‘Good morning, my dear,’ and smiled at her.

"You said she might be taken aback. You underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered, she was stunned. I told her that from now on she considered this attitude of mine normal. I have been doing this every morning for two months.

"This practice has changed my attitude. In these two months, our family has been happier than we were in the past year." More.

"Now, when I go to work, I smile and say 'good morning' to the elevator manager of the building. I greet the guard at the door of the building with a smile; I greet the teller of the underground train. The lady smiled when I exchanged change with her; when I stood at the exchange, I smiled at people who had never seen me smile before.

"I soon discovered that every one of them. People also smile back at me. I treat those who are full of complaints with a cheerful attitude. I smiled while listening to their complaints, and the problem was easily solved.

I find that smiling brings me more income and more money every day.

"I share an office with another agent. One of his staff members is a very likeable young man. I told him the philosophy of life I have recently learned, and I am very proud of it. He was delighted with the results. He went on to admit that when I first started working in his office, he thought I was a very sullen person - until recently, he said, when I smiled. , I am full of kindness.

"I also got rid of the habit of criticizing him. I now only appreciate and praise others, not despise them. I have stopped talking about what I want. I now try to see things from other people's perspectives, and it's really life-changing. I became a completely different person, a happier person, a richer person, rich in friendships and happiness - the things that really matter. ”

Please remember that this letter is being written by a seasoned, world-traveled stockbroker who makes his living buying and selling securities on the New York OTC Exchange—a business that is very It’s hard, 99 out of 100 people will fail.

What should you do if you don’t like smiling? First, force yourself to smile. If you force yourself to whistle or hum a tune to show that you are already happy, it will easily make you happy. The following is what the late Professor William James of Harvard University said:

“Action seems to follow feeling, but actually action and feeling go hand in hand. Actions are under the direct control of the will, while we can indirectly control feelings that are not under the direct control of the will.

"Therefore, if we are unhappy, the active way to become happy is to laugh happily and behave as if we are happy..."

Everyone in the world is pursuing happiness. There is a sure way to get happiness, and that is to get it by controlling your thoughts. Happiness does not depend on external circumstances, but on internal circumstances.

What determines whether you are happy or unhappy is not what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing, but what you think. For example, two people may be in the same place doing the same thing; both may have equal amounts of money and prestige—but one may be sad and the other happy. Why?

Because everyone has different ideas.

In the hot and barren tropics, those poor serfs farmed with their primitive farm tools, and we saw many happy faces on them. But these happy faces are the same ones we see in air-conditioned offices in New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

"Nothing is good or bad," said Shakespeare, "but thought makes the difference."

Read carefully this passage from Albert Hubbard Wise advice:

"Every time you go out, tuck your chin in, hold your head high, fill your lungs with air; bathe in the yang energy; greet your friends with a smile, Use strength in every handshake. Don't worry about being misunderstood. Don't waste a minute thinking about your enemy. Try to identify in your heart what you like to do; then, with clear direction, you will be straight. Achieve your goals. Think of the great and wonderful things you would love to do, and as the years pass, you will find yourself grasping the opportunities you need to realize your hopes, just as the coral polyps draw from the tide the materials they need. Same. Imagine in your mind the capable, sincere, and useful person you want to be, and the thoughts in your mind will transform you into that special person every hour...Thoughts are supreme.

Maintain a correct outlook on life - a brave, frank, and cheerful attitude. Having correct thoughts is equal to creation. All things come from hope, and every sincere prayer will. Realize it. Whatever we think in our hearts will become what we are. We are the gods of tomorrow."

The ancient Chinese were so smart - They see things in the world very well; they have a motto that we should all wear in our hats. That motto says: "Harmony brings wealth." (A person without a smiling face cannot do business.

)

Your smile is the messenger of your good intentions. Your smile lights up everyone who sees it. For those who see frowns, sad faces and turn a blind eye all day long, your smile is like the sun shining through the dark clouds; especially for those who are under pressure from bosses, clients, teachers, parents or children, a smile It can help them understand that there is hope for everything and that there is joy in the world.

Speaking of doing business, Frank Irvin Fletcher, in one of his ads for Oppenheimer & Carlin, offers us a bit of practical philosophy . This is a compliment to a smile.

The value of a smile at Christmas costs nothing but creates a lot of results.

It enriches those who receive without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a moment, but sometimes it gives people a lasting memory.

No one is so rich that he does not need it, and no one is so poor that he does not become rich because of it.

It creates happiness in the home, goodwill in the business world, and is the go-to word among friends.

It is rest for the weary, daylight for the depressed, sunshine for the sad, and nature’s best medicine.

But it has nowhere to buy, nowhere to ask for, nowhere to borrow, and nowhere to steal, because it has no practical value before you give it to others.

And if during the last-minute Christmas shopping rush, our store clerk is too tired to give you a smile, can we ask you to leave a smile?

Because those who cannot give a smile need a smile the most! So if you want others to like you, follow this rule:

"Smile."

Carnegie emphasized the importance of remembering other people's names. Remembering the other person's name and calling it out is equivalent to giving the other person a very clever compliment. And if you forget his name or write it wrong, you will be at a very disadvantageous position.

Sometimes it’s hard to remember someone’s name, especially if it’s hard to pronounce.

Most people are unwilling to remember it, thinking: Forget it! Just call him by his nickname, and it's easy to remember. Sid Levi visited a customer whose name was very difficult to pronounce. His name was Nicodemas Papadouras, and everyone else just called him "Nico." Livy tells us: "Before I visited him, I pronounced his name several times with great care. When I called him by his full name: 'Good morning, Mr. Nicodemas Papadouras.' He was stunned. After a few minutes, he didn't answer. Finally, with tears rolling down his cheeks, he said: "Mr. Levi, in my fifteen years in this country, no one has ever tried." Just call me by my real name.'" What is the reason for Anzu Carnegie's success?

He is known as the Steel King, but he himself knows very little about the manufacture of steel. He has hundreds of people under him who know more about steel than he does.

But he knew how to behave, and that's why he made a fortune. As a child, he showed organizational and leadership talents. When he was ten years old, he also discovered that people place a surprising amount of importance on their names. He used this discovery to win the cooperation of others. For example: when he was a child in Scotland, he once caught a rabbit, a female rabbit. He soon discovered a whole litter of baby rabbits, but had nothing to feed them. But he had a wonderful idea. He told the children nearby that if they found enough alfalfa and dandelions to feed the rabbits, he would name the rabbits after them.

This method was so effective that Carnegie never forgot it.

Several years later, he exploited this same human weakness in the business world and made millions. For example, he hoped to sell the steel tracks to the Pennsylvania Railroad Company, of which Iger Thomson was chairman. Therefore, Anzu Carnegie built a huge steel factory in Pittsburgh and named it "Iger Thomson Steel Works."

Anzu Carnegie remembered and valued his friends and business people. Name manner was one of the secrets of his leadership, and he prided himself on being able to call many of his employees by their first names. He was proud to say that when he was personally in charge, there was no strike at his steel plant.

Bandon Love, chairman of Texas Commerce Bank, believes that the bigger the company, the more ruthless it becomes. He thought the only way to make it warmer was to remember people's names. He said that if a manager told me that he couldn't remember other people's names, he was telling me that he couldn't remember a very important job and was doing his job on quicksand.

Karen Kirsch of Los Angeles, Calif., is a TWA flight attendant who often practices remembering the names of passengers in the cabin and serving them call them. This earned her much praise, and some people told her directly and also told the company. A passenger once wrote to the airline and said: "I haven't flown with TWA for a long time, but from now on, I will only fly with TWA. You make me feel that your airline is exclusive." and it meant a lot to me."

On the other hand, Pedski made the black chef on the Pullman train feel important because he always called him " Mr Cooper". Fifteen times, Pedeschi traveled the United States, playing before enthusiastic audiences; each time he occupied a private car, and after the concert, the chef prepared a supper for him. In all those years, Pedeschi never called him "George" in the traditional American way. Pedeschi always called him "Mr. Cooper" in his old formal way. Sir is very happy.

People are very proud of their names and will do whatever it takes to immortalize their names. Even the domineering and grumpy R.T. Banan was once disappointed because he had no heirs to inherit the name Banan. He was willing to give his grandson CH. Xili $25,000 if the latter would call himself "Banan" Xili. .

For centuries, nobles and entrepreneurs patronized artists, musicians, and writers in order to have their works dedicated to them.

The most valuable collections in libraries and museums come from people who feared their names would disappear from history. The New York Public Library has the collections of Astorus and Lee Zhux; the Metropolitan Museum of Art preserves the names of Benjamin Atman and JP Morgan; almost every church is equipped with stained glass. window in honor of the donor.

Most people don’t remember other people’s names just because they don’t want to spend the necessary time and energy to cultivate the names into their hearts attentively, repeatedly and silently. They create excuses for themselves: They are too busy.

But they may not be busier than Franklin Roosevelt, but he took the time to remember and name everyone, even an auto mechanic he only saw once division.

Franklin Roosevelt knew that the simplest, most obvious, and most important way to gain favor is to remember other people’s names and make them feel important——

But How many of us do this?

When we are introduced to a stranger, chat for a few minutes, and say goodbye, most of us don’t remember the other person’s name.

The first lesson a politician must learn is: "Remembering the names of voters is political talent, failing to remember them is absent-mindedness."

Remembering other people's names is a sign of political talent. It is almost as important in business and society as it is in politics.

Napoleon III, the French emperor and nephew of Napoleon, proudly said that even though he was busy with everything, he could still remember everyone he knew.

His technique is very simple. If he doesn't hear the other person's name clearly, he says, "Baoqian. I didn't hear it clearly." If he encounters an unusual name, he says, "How do you spell it?"

In During the conversation, he would repeat the person's name several times, trying to mentally associate it with that person's features, expression, and appearance.

If the other party is an important figure, Napoleon will go one step further. As soon as there was no one next to him, he would write that person's name on a piece of paper, look at it carefully, remember it deeply in his heart with concentration, and then tear up the paper. In doing so, he will not only have an impression of the name with his eyes, but also with his ears.

It all takes time, but "courtesy," said Emerson, "consists of small sacrifices."

Remember other people's names and use them Its importance is not the prerogative of kings or corporate managers; it is important to each of us. Ken Nottingham, an employee at the General Motors plant in India, usually eats lunch in the company cafeteria. He noticed that the woman working behind the counter always had a sad face. She had been making the sandwich for almost two hours, and he was just another sandwich to her. He told him what he wanted, and she weighed a slice of ham on a small scale, then gave him a few slices of lettuce and a few potato chips.

The next day, he queued up again. The same person, the same face; the difference is that he saw her name tag. He smiled and called her: Eunice, and then told her what she wanted. She had really forgotten what was on the scale, and she gave him a pile of ham, three slices of lettuce, and a pile of potato chips so many that they almost fell off the plate.

We should pay attention to the wonders that can be contained in a name and understand that a name belongs entirely to the person with whom we are associated and no one can replace it. A name can make a person stand out, it can make him appear independent among many people. The requirements we make and the information we want to convey will be particularly important as long as we start from the name. Whether it's a waitress or a general manager, names have a magical effect on how we interact with others.

Therefore, if you want others to like you, remember this rule:

“A person’s name is to him the sweetest and most important thing in any language "

Carnegie believed that the best way to touch a person's heart was to talk to him about the things he valued most. When you do this, you will not only be welcomed, but your life will be expanded.

Anyone who has ever visited Roosevelt,