There are also some women who forgive their husbands on the surface, but in fact they can't forget the harm at all. I have been tearing the wound every now and then, destroying each other again and again, leaving both sides in grief. This conclusion is usually mutually assured destruction. In fact, after a woman is betrayed, there is a third way besides divorce and tolerance. That is: regard marriage as a cooperative relationship. Put your emotional needs on yourself, on your children and on making friends.
Wei (pen name) is a woman who regards marriage as cooperation after being betrayed. Wei and her husband were colleagues at first, belonging to that kind of everlasting love. They dated for more than two years before they officially became husband and wife, and they gave birth to twins the following year. In order to take care of the family and children, Wei quit his good job and stayed at home as a full-time mother. Life after having children is a case of really sharpening the relationship between husband and wife. Because of the time and energy, care and affection that have been spent on each other, a part should be set aside to provide children with better food, clothing, housing and transportation. The wife revolves around the children and the husband revolves around the work. It should be the final division of labor, but it often leads to the inequality of family status. Many husbands support their families by themselves, while their wives "eat and live for nothing", and they begin to look forward to the whole world of extramarital affairs. So is Wei's husband. The husband betrayed their marriage when the children first went to kindergarten.
Wei was angry and unwilling to deal with such an ending. But after a few days of sadness, I may let go. She said that if she had just got married, she would have divorced without looking back. Because at that time, they had no other interests except emotion. Loyalty is the key. But it's different now. Through so many years of marriage, they are inextricably linked. They have already passed the age of taking feelings as the only one, but they have learned to weigh the pros and cons of everything. In her eyes, they have elderly parents to support, underage children to take care of, and capital accumulated over the years, which are more important than feelings. As long as her husband's marital infidelity doesn't hurt these "roots", she can definitely use her husband as an ATM to ensure that the stable life of herself and her children has little impact.
In fact, Wei always does this. After her husband returns to the family, she will not be as stupid as before, but learn to negotiate with her husband. She just did her part, and her husband had to pay for the excess. At the same time, she no longer revolves around her children and her husband all day. As long as it takes a long time sometimes, she will invite her best friend to have tea and chat with her. Or spend a quiet afternoon alone in the library, then go for a beauty and skin care, and then walk home slowly. Wei thinks this kind of life is also quite good. Rich, also have leisure.
I firmly believe that everyone wants to divorce at the beginning of betrayal in order to maintain their self-esteem. Some people dare to fight and go. Also, the idea of divorce was quickly cut off after turning around in my mind, and I chose to give up again. Looks "quite incompetent." Is it really because they are stupid or "incompetent" Actually, it is not. They usually don't get divorced, because some things are more important to them than the feelings they have to defend. Like children. Divorce is natural and refreshing. However, after divorce, how to treat the storms of life and how to build a spiritual harbor for children is the most concerned issue for every "mother" who does not want to divorce.