Interpersonal communication is an art, with principles, methods, and techniques. If the principles are used well, the methods and techniques are appropriate and flexible, a person will have good interpersonal relationships; otherwise, he will have good relationships with others. Others are unlucky, relationships are weak, and even tense. The following principles exist for interpersonal communication:

(1) Principle of equality. In communication, treating others as equals is the prerequisite for establishing good interpersonal relationships. Without the concept of treating others as equals, it is impossible to establish close interpersonal relationships with others.

Equality is a manifestation of social progress. In a hierarchical society, equal communication between people is impossible. With the requirements of social division of labor and socialization of production, equal communication has become inevitable. From the perspective of commodity production and exchange, the first is equal collaboration, and the second is equal exchange. Because collaboration and exchange are voluntary, its premise is to recognize the autonomy and independence of collaborators and exchangers, and people have their own right to choose in interactions. Therefore, communication must be equal. In terms of commodity exchange, equal exchange is the principle of equality between both parties. As long as both parties are willing to buy or sell an item, the exchange is equal.

Psychological research shows that everyone has the need for friendship and respect. Young people's desire to make friends and be respected is very strong. They long to be independent from their parents and to become equal members of the family and society. The elderly no longer work due to age, but they have made contributions to their families and society, and they also hope to be treated equally by others, to enjoy the fruits of social progress materially, and to be respected spiritually by others. In short, as long as they are normal people, they all hope to be treated equally by others. Therefore, communication must be equal, and equality can lead to deep friendship.

Methods of equal communication:

1. Reciprocity method. In letter exchanges, if you look closely, you can see that the correspondence is basically reciprocal. In courtesy exchanges, the value of gifts given to each other is basically equal. In reception work, reception is generally equal, for example, the section chief receives the section chief, the director receives the director, the head of state receives the head of state, etc. In emotional relationships, it is often the case that if you are good to him, he will be good to you; if you are indifferent to him, he will also be indifferent to you.

2. Heart-to-heart talk. It’s a way to talk, especially to lead a conversation. Before some people became leaders, they were very approachable. After becoming leaders, their tone of voice changed drastically, and their walking posture also changed drastically. They spoke with three pauses in one sentence and a different accent. What was originally a smooth sentence had to be divided into several pauses before speaking. over. A wise leader speaks without official accent and treats people with kindness. Talking to people is a heart-to-heart talk, which not only educates people, but also cares for them, making people convinced. Heart-to-heart talks focus on the word "heart", which means to speak truthfully from the heart, to exchange opinions, convey information and discuss issues in a consultative tone. This tone of discussion contains intimacy, respect and equality for the other party. The heart-to-heart talk method is not only a method for dealing with superior-subordinate relationships, but also a method for dealing with general interpersonal relationships.

3. Seek common ground. This is a way to seek mutual knowledge and understanding through various activities, especially interest activities. One way for leaders to establish close and harmonious interpersonal relationships with the masses is to participate in various activities with the masses. In the activities, leaders participated as ordinary people. In the relaxed and lively atmosphere, harmonious relations between cadres and the masses emerged spontaneously. The method of seeking common ground is particularly effective in achieving equal interactions between people with disparities in social status. For example, when Marshals Chen Yi and He Long were alive, they were usually very dignified, but they loved playing basketball. Once on the basketball court, the distance between them and the soldiers shortened. For general interpersonal communication, the method of seeking common ground is also applicable.

4. Making friends. This is a commonly used method in equal interactions. The method of making friends means to treat the people you associate with as equals as friends, care, help, considerate, understand and respect others, and make friends with the masses, because the relationship between friends is an equal relationship, and an equal relationship is easy to communicate on an equal footing.

(2) The principle of mutual benefit. Most of the interactions between people are mutually beneficial.

Because there are three aspects of mutual benefit, one is material mutual benefit, the second is spiritual mutual benefit, and the third is material and spiritual mutual benefit. For example, giving each other gifts, comforting each other, me talking to you, you giving me money, etc. are mutually beneficial. Of course, mutual benefit cannot harm the interests of the country, society and others. We advocate mutual benefits that are beneficial to society and others. From a psychological perspective, interpersonal communication should be mutually beneficial. Because everyone wants to be cared for, noticed, and loved by others. This is a psychological need of people. So when we interact with others, we must pay attention to caring for and loving others so that others can obtain psychological satisfaction. Only in this way can we Get care and love from others.

From a time perspective, communication should also be mutually beneficial. Time is very precious in modern society. If one person takes up another person's time to gain spiritual or material benefits, but the other person gets nothing, then this relationship cannot be maintained for a long time.

Methods of mutually beneficial exchanges:

1. Cooperation method. It is mutual cooperation between the two parties on a certain material and spiritual basis in order to satisfy their own interests. Mutually beneficial cooperation between people includes material-based cooperation, such as a joint venture between two people, two families, or two units; there is spiritual and cultural-based cooperation, such as two people co-writing a book; There is cooperation that combines material and culture, such as scientific and technological planting carried out by agricultural experts and farmers. Cooperative law is an important form of mutual benefit, which can benefit both parties in the cooperation.

2. Competition law. It brings a certain amount of pressure and sense of crisis to competitors through competition, thereby promoting competitors to continuously strive to make progress in order to achieve economic, technological, cultural and other progress. On the surface, the results of competition are beneficial to one party, not mutually beneficial, but in most cases competition is beneficial to all parties involved. For example, in competitions, everyone has to study and train harder in order to achieve good results, although only one participant takes part in the end. The winner won first place, but everyone made progress in the competition.

3. Exchange method. Exchange includes exchange between materials, between non-material materials, and between material and non-material materials. The buying and selling of items in the market is material exchange; the transfer of feelings, the exchange of ideas, and the communication of information are non-material exchanges; A sends a gift to B, and B is very grateful, so that both parties A and B get material or spiritual satisfaction, which is the exchange of material and non-material .

(3) Credit principle. The Chinese nation has always attached great importance to credit. In the interactions between people, credit has been regarded as very important from ancient times to the present. People often say: "A promise is worth a thousand dollars" and "Once a word is made, it is hard to keep it back." They all talk about the word "credibility". Since ancient times, people who are trustworthy have been welcomed and praised by people, while people who are dishonest have been rebuked and reviled by people. In today's society, the market economy is a credit economy. Without integrity, no one will do business with you, and no one will be afraid of interacting with you. Therefore, it is said that "no trust can be established", which is the truth. So what does credit mean? There are the following types: First, in the interactions between people, tell the truth and not tell lies. This is called "Be true to your word." The second is to keep promises and practice them. This is called "action must bear fruit". The third is to adhere to integrity in economic life, such as commercial credit, consumer credit, and bank credit, and do not engage in fraud.

Why should we keep our word in interpersonal communication? We know that when an object moves in one direction, the direction in which it continues to move can be known based on the principle of inertia. The emphasis on "faith" in interpersonal communication is as certain as inertia. A trustworthy person can be consistent, consistent in words and deeds, and consistent in appearance and deeds. Therefore, people can judge his actions based on his words and conduct normal interactions. If a person is dishonest, inconsistent, and inconsistent with his words and deeds, it is impossible to judge his actions. This is like what the ancients said, "People who have no faith do not know what they can do." Naturally, normal interactions with such people are impossible.

Ways to win people’s trust:

1. Keep your word. Consistency between words and deeds and doing what one says is the basic requirement for keeping one's word. For example, strictly abiding by the agreed time in a relationship is an important sign of trustworthiness.

If two people agree to meet at a time and place, and one of them doesn't show up or doesn't arrive on time, can they win the trust of others? The former Soviet educator Makarenko said that the accuracy of time "is a sign of respect for oneself and comrades." When the agreement cannot be adhered to due to special reasons, one party must provide necessary explanations to the other party.

2. Trust. "Being trustworthy" is a kind of trust. If superiors and subordinates, colleagues, friends, and couples trust each other, the interpersonal relationship must be harmonious. On the contrary, if there is mutual suspicion, the interpersonal relationship will be disharmonious.

3. Don’t take your word lightly. Keeping promises is an important guarantee for keeping one's word. The so-called light promise is to make a promise without any certainty. The result of light promise is often that the promise cannot be fulfilled and eventually the promise is broken. To not make promises lightly, in addition to having a relatively clear understanding of your own abilities, you must also have a relatively in-depth understanding of the objective situation. At the same time, you must also develop the habit of not bragging or telling big words, and be careful when making promises. Once you make a promise, you must always keep your promise. We must do it resolutely.

4. Honesty. Honesty is a virtue of the Chinese nation. The ancients said: "If you touch others with sincerity, people will respond with sincerity." If you are honest with others, they will be honest with you. Just like when a person looks into a mirror, the mirror will reflect you what you look like in the mirror. This is the law of reaction in interpersonal communication.

5. Build self-confidence. In daily work, it is common to win people's trust with firm self-confidence. For example, when assigning work, if one person is confident and resolute, while the other person is hesitant and unclear, the leader will consider giving the task to the first person to complete. In communication, if a person's attitude is neither humble nor arrogant, his actions are decisive but not arbitrary, and he is upright but not casually echoing, people will generally have full trust in this person. On the contrary, if you speak without any opinion and act hesitantly, people will generally not have trust in this person. Because people seek stability and reliability in their interactions, people with self-confidence give people a sense of stability and reliability when speaking and doing things, so they can win people's trust.

How to build self-confidence? On the one hand, it requires daily training and cultivation, on the other hand, it requires a certain amount of moral knowledge and talent learning as a backing. These two points are the basic ways to build self-confidence.

(4) Principle of compatibility. Compatibility means being broad-minded and patient. Also called magnanimity. People often compare their broad mind to the sea, which can embrace the trickles of hundreds of rivers, and do not refuse heavy rain and hail; others compare their patience to a spring, which has the flexibility to stretch and bend. Tolerance is the humility of a person who is confident, firm-willed, cheerful and open-minded to others. He is not afraid of others, but actively tolerates others in order to unite people and reduce unnecessary troubles. Psychological research shows that people with higher self-confidence are more likely to be compatible.

Compatibility is not about following the crowd and not following principles. People who follow the crowd appear to be tolerant on the surface, but in fact they have no independent opinions, unclear goals, and weak principles. People who are tolerant of others have their own opinions, clear goals, and strong principles. Their ability to tolerate others organically combines principles and flexibility in order to better achieve their ambitious goals. At the end of the Spring and Autumn Period, the State of Yue was defeated. King Gou Jian of Yue declared himself a vassal to the State of Wu and served as a hostage to King Wu Fu Chai. During his three years in the State of Wu, the King of Yue was very obedient and could endure any insult, including tasting Fu Chai's stool. Later, the King of Wu thought that Gou Jian had lost his self-confidence and would not pose a threat to the state of Wu, so he released Gou Jian and returned to his country. After Gou Jian returned to the country, he worked hard and tried his best. After long preparations, the country of Yue became rich and powerful, and finally he raised an army to destroy the country of Wu. This story illustrates the importance of tolerance and tolerance. Only by enduring humiliation and hardship can the King of Yue finally achieve his lofty goals.

Ways to be tolerant of others:

1. Compare yourself to others. It means to put yourself in other people’s shoes, to understand others, and to be considerate of others. If you develop the habit of comparing your feelings to yourselves, you will not be turned away by others because of their "offenses".

2. Be clear about big things and confused about small things. The so-called major events refer to major matters and issues of principle. The so-called trivial matters refer to daily trivial matters and small problems.

Being clear about big things means not giving in on matters of principle, and being confused about small things means not caring about small gains and losses and getting hung up on small things, and not losing big things because of small things.

3. Be strict with yourself. It means being generous to others and strict to yourself. Strict self-discipline manifests itself in meticulousness and conscientiousness in work. This manifests itself in daily interactions by treating others with courtesy, keeping promises, and checking yourself first when there is friction with others. The manifestation in family life is to be considerate of family members, talk less and do more, and give in when friction occurs

31 tips on how to gain good popularity

1. No matter what happens, you must think of it first Did you do something wrong? If you are right (that is impossible), then stand in the other person's perspective and experience the other person's feelings.

2. Allow yourself to adapt to the environment, because the environment will never adapt to you. Even if it's a very, very painful process.

3. Be generous. If you don’t know how to be generous, learn to be generous. If being generous really makes you feel bad, then pretend to be generous.

4. Be low-key, low-key, and low-key (even more low-key than a temporary worker. In the eyes of others, you may not be as good as a temporary worker who has worked for several years).

5. Be sweet and don’t begrudge your cheers. (Know how to praise people. Good compliments will make people feel happy, but don’t overdo it to the point of disgusting.)

6. If you feel that your work has gone very smoothly in the recent period, then you should Be careful.

7. Be polite. Look the person in the eye when you say hello. Communicate with older people using the title of elder, because you are just like a kid.

8. Talk less and do more. Talking too much will lead to mistakes. Talk less when there are many people.

9. Don’t take other people’s goodness for granted, but be grateful.

10. The hands are high and the eyes are low.

11. Keep time, but don’t expect others to keep time.

12. Be true to your promises, but don’t make them easily. Don't always keep other people's promises to you in mind and take them as true.

13. Don’t borrow money from colleagues. If you borrow money, you must pay it back on time.

14. Don’t lend money to colleagues. If you have to borrow money, just give it to him.

15. Don’t shirk responsibility (even if it is someone else’s responsibility. Will you die if you take it once in a while?).

16. Don’t speak ill of a colleague behind another colleague’s back. You must insist on saying good things about others behind their backs, and don't worry that the good words won't reach the ears of the person involved. If someone speaks ill of someone in front of you, smile.

17. Avoid open confrontation with colleagues (including public objections, fierce ones are even more undesirable).

18. Always help others, but do not let the people being helped take it for granted.

19. Telling the truth will get you into trouble.

20. Be kind to things but not people; or be ruthless to things but be affectionate to people; or be a person first and work second.

21. Always check whether you are arrogant, proud, or looking down on others. (Even if you are talented, it will be in vain without the cooperation and help of others)

22. Patience is a required course in life. (You have to be patient for a lifetime. Some people will fail this lesson until they die.)

23. When you are new to a place, don’t rush into one of the circles. After enough time, the circle that belongs to you will automatically accept you.

24. Have a normal heart. It’s not a big deal, just think of the bad things in the best light and good things in the worst light.

25. Try not to have an office romance. If it cannot be avoided, avoid any form of physical contact in the office, including eyes. (If you or the other person are married, - congratulations, brother. You are dead!!!!)

26. Able to flatter (this is one of the important ways to communicate with your immediate boss) , but be careful not to get your hands dirty. Never use your tongue to lick flattery.

27. Qualifications are very important.

Don't play tricks with the old guys, otherwise you will die ugly.

28. Good intentions sometimes do not have good results, but you should not be discouraged by this.

29. Be respectful when you are above and be generous when you are below.

30. If you lead a team, when summarizing the work, you should take all the mistakes on yourself and give all the credit to your subordinates. When your boss and subordinates are present at the same time, remember to praise your subordinates promptly. When criticizing someone, you must do it when it’s just the two of you.

31. If you see a post that is worth reading, then you must reply, because your reply will give people the courage to move on and will be a great incentive. At the same time, it will also make people appreciate you (haha, this is copied from another post, it is not easy to write something, everyone will support it).