First of all, the questions raised

"Learning to get along with others" is one of the "four pillars" of education in 2 1 century. It is one of the important contents of our lifelong education to let students learn to get along with others from an early age and be good at creating good interpersonal relationships.

According to the investigation of relevant departments, many children living in cities, especially the only child, feel lonely. It can be seen that children have compatible needs. Our school puts forward "nurturing love with love", which also emphasizes that children should appreciate each other, care for each other and be kind to others. "Teaching children how to make friends" means teaching children to care about each other in the process of making friends.

Second, the exploration of methods.

1, preliminary investigation and correlation analysis

In order to make the research more targeted, with a scientific research attitude, before the research, the children were investigated with "friends" as the core.

Attached Table: Questionnaire for Grade Three.

1 What kind of classmates do you like to make friends with?

(1) Good at learning (2) Cheerful personality (3) Love the group and be helpful (4) Dare to criticize yourself in person (5) Listen to my command (6) Others.

What do you think when your good friend tells the teacher that you did something wrong?

(1) thinks he did the right thing. Although he didn't say it on the surface, he was blaming him in his heart. (3) Break up with him from now on. (4) I trust him more from now on, hoping to remind myself more in the future.

What do you do when your good friend makes a mistake?

(1) Tell the teacher and ask him for help (2) Talk to him yourself and criticize him face to face (3) Keep this secret for him so as not to offend his friends (4) Tell the parents of good friends and ask adults for help.

If your good friend is not qualified to be elected and he wants you to vote for him, what will you do?

(1) I chose him because he is a good friend. (2) I resolutely voted according to the selection conditions. (3) I promised to vote for him in front of my friends, but don't write his name on the ballot.

Who do you want to talk to when you have a heart?

(1) Parents (2) Any classmates (3) Good friends (4) Teachers

What do you usually do when you are in a strange environment?

(1) Sinking, unwilling to talk to others (2) Active contact with others in order to adapt to the environment quickly.

(3) Feeling nervous, afraid and at a loss.

How many good friends do you think you have in your class?

(1) one (2) two or three (3) four or more.

How long have you been dating your best friend?

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I made statistics on the results of the questionnaire survey and found that the current situation of children making friends is different. For example, the second question "What do you think when your good friend tells the teacher that you did something wrong?" Half of the students chose "(1) think my friend did the right thing" and "4) trust him more and hope to remind myself more in the future", while the other half thought that it was wrong for a good friend to report himself, and even nearly/kloc-0.5% of the students had the idea of breaking up with friends. Another example is "(6) What do you usually do in a strange environment?" About 40% people choose "(2) contact with others actively to adapt to the environment quickly", while nearly 25% people choose "(3) feel nervous, afraid and at a loss".

Based on the comprehensive analysis and research of children's daily words and deeds, it can be found that a considerable proportion of students have different degrees of making friends, which can be summarized as follows:

(1) Strong self-centeredness, others have to obey my tendency. These children are mostly the result of being spoiled by their parents. They only have themselves in mind and are unwilling to accept others.

(2) Don't trust classmates or others. They don't have many or irregular friends in the class, so it is difficult to make new friends.

(3) Have the consciousness of making friends with classmates, but lack the skills of making friends. Have friends, but not close enough.

These problems of making friends are providing basis and direction for us to carry out specific work.

(2) Specific practices

1, create communication opportunities and strengthen the sense of friends (collective perspective)

Children will imitate each other and take care of each other in the group. Teachers actively use the role of collective field, consciously and carefully design some activities with the theme of "making friends", and use "positive reinforcement" to strengthen students' concept, ability and method of making friends correctly. Here, only some tried practices are given as examples:

(1) "Praise my new deskmate"

In class, we often have to change seats. In order to get familiar with each other as soon as possible, make friends and live in harmony, I ask the children to observe and understand their new deskmate within a week, find out his advantages and see who makes friends with the deskmate first. Children explore the advantages of their deskmates through various channels. In the form of tabloids, teachers also provide them with opportunities to communicate in class.

The classmate is young and sits with a classmate who has a conflict. At first, he often found fault with his deskmate. But after this activity, she commented on his deskmate like this: "I especially don't like my new deskmate before." I never thought of making friends with him. Now, I find that he has a kind heart. I was ill on Monday. He took the initiative to take care of me, poured me water and served me rice. I am very touched. Later, I found out that he also loved labor and was once rated as a "small model worker". I'm glad that he is sitting with me now. We study and play together. I don't agree with anyone who wants him to go! "Now they have become good friends.

"Discovering advantages" is a two-way process. They appreciate and praise each other and get to know each other, laying a good foundation for further friendship.

(2) The friends of "Good News" are all distinguished guests.

For children who have made friends, we should consciously guide them to better consolidate their friendship. You can design some related activities. For example, the "friend complex" is reflected in the "good news meeting".

Every student who gets a good news meeting should take the initiative to invite a friend to attend. During the activity, friends can be exhibitors' assistants, or they can be participants to announce good news for their friends. In order to express congratulations and thanks, friends sincerely shook hands and hugged, and the scene was really touching.

This arrangement has two purposes: to strengthen students' ability to remember the important role of friends when they succeed, and to let friends share their happiness with you. Invited friends will naturally feel grateful in their hearts, feel proud of being recognized and valued by their friends, silently form a desire to continue to associate with this friend, and strive to strengthen friendship.

In addition, there are activities such as "I do something for my friends" and "Dr. Friends", all of which are carefully designed by teachers to make friends.

2. Make scientific corrections for different dating problems (from the perspective of individual groups).

It is very effective to educate individual students with poor ability to make friends by using scientific behavior correction theory and methods.

(1) regulating insight

Self-centered, unacceptable children judge their friends unilaterally for their partners' objections. In the process of making friends, they pay attention to how others treat me, not how I treat others. This kind of communication is immature, and it is difficult to make regular friends.

For such students, we should first guide them to "introspect". Ask him to analyze the internal causes of "talking" about making friends. Only when he realizes his own problems can he adjust himself.

Step 2: Learn to accept the love of others. The teacher arranged a classmate with strong ability to make friends for him as his goal of making friends and encouraged him to make friends records himself. When he can patiently listen to what others think of him, he can draw a small red flag on the appointment record. Doing so can reduce the chance of conflict with others. The teacher regularly asks him about his recent friends and instructs him on some communication skills. Once he is found to have made progress, he should be praised in time to enhance his confidence in continuing to make friends.

Step 3: Encourage him to take the initiative to do something for this classmate and give others help and care. At the same time, it was praised and affirmed by good news.

Step 4: Encourage him to take the initiative to ask the classmate if he can establish a friend relationship. If he can, he will succeed in making friends. You can also encourage him to make more friends with others.

Through such guidance and help, children can re-examine their past words and deeds, and through step-by-step guidance, let him realize that friends are interacting with each other. "Good friends are not shadows, they only accompany you when the sun is shining; A good friend is a crutch and always supports you in an emergency. " Friends should do this to themselves and to their friends. This is the embodiment of true love.

(2) Summary of making friends skills

Good communication skills are helpful for students to maintain long-term friendship with friends. Middle school students should be able to master some skills of making friends:

① Language skills

Rule 1: The language should be clear and specific. Avoid misunderstanding to friends because of vague expression. When making a decision, make clear the purpose, explain the truth and avoid conflicts with friends. So as to gain the recognition and trust of the small partners and be willing to cooperate again.

Rule 2: Use words reasonably, seek truth from facts and never exaggerate. You never play with me, you never help me, you never ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄ ┄.

Rule 3: Actions should be more than words. "I'll give you an eraser tomorrow" and "Ask me if I can do it". Once you say it, you can't just say it without doing it, so as not to cause resentment and distrust among friends.

② Learn to listen.

Listening can make others feel respected and appreciated. One advantage of listening to others is that your friends will respect you more and be willing to make friends with you.

When using this listening skill, we should also pay attention to: be sincere and concentrate; Encourage with actions or short words when appropriate to show your understanding of your friends; If you understand what others say, you should also give accurate feedback. Only in this way can we enhance the effectiveness of the skill of "listening".

③ Communication skills in unfamiliar environment.

There is such a case: a new classmate came to the class at the beginning of school, and the children were complete strangers. After the new classmate introduces himself, children who are willing to make friends with him can introduce themselves to him and express their willingness to make friends with him. If they want to get to know their new classmates, they can also ask him questions at will, such as "What do you like to eat?" "What books do you like to read?" Wait a minute. In the communication, children get to know and be known quickly. After class, some students took the initiative to find him to play, and soon he had friends in the class. This is to tell children that if they want to make friends with others, they must first open themselves up and let others know about you. The other party will also show their feelings and ideas while trusting you, so as to achieve sincere communication. That is, what psychologists call "openness can produce openness" has a two-way effect. Therefore, "openness" is the "golden key" to make friends in a strange environment.

Third, the effect and reflection after practice

Through a year's trial and exploration, every child in the class has a fixed friend, and many students have added several friends. The contradiction between friends is obviously reduced, and some children who are not good at making new friends can take the initiative to communicate with others. By comparing the performances of some children with serious communication problems before and after, it is found that they are more mature than a year ago, can reflect on themselves when encountering problems, and enhance their awareness of cooperation with others. Parents also give them recognition and high evaluation. Of course, children's progress is different, which also points out the direction for our further work.

Fourth, the direction of future efforts.

In the future, we should also do the following work on the basis of existing research:

1, because I was busy at the end of the term, I didn't do a written post-test survey, and I couldn't compare it with the previous questionnaire before practice, which made the effect of the experiment lack of data basis. I will continue to work on the questionnaire after the start of school.

2. For students whose actual effect is not obvious, further follow-up help and guidance should be given.

3. Try new skills and methods to promote communication and summarize them in time.

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The distress you mentioned, I had it when I was 20 years old. We can talk about your five together.

1: It's good to be kind, but kindness may not do good. Everyone's personality is different, some like to rely on others, some like to rely on themselves in everything, and people will want more private space when they grow up. Maybe what you want to do for others is exactly what others don't want you to know. So it is best to master proper limit, distinguish between you and me, and provide help to others in time.

2. Not being talkative is also an advantage. I said the most in front of my friends, said more and made more mistakes. I am worried that others will treat me like a clown, and sometimes I really envy those friends who talk less. Looking so mature, I envy you! I like talking very much, and I like talking better, but when I am agitated and lonely, I always like to be alone quietly and don't want to talk. It doesn't matter if his eloquence is not good, nor is Guo Jing's, but he is honest, and if he doesn't talk, he will make a blockbuster.

3. Not refusing to easily agree to other people's demands just proves that you don't keep your word (don't blame me, I am telling the truth), which is not good. Over time, others will not believe what you say, and what you say will have no weight. You work hard to finish what you said and promised. When you find that they are not as simple as you think, or can't be realized at all, you won't promise others so easily in the future.

Now people are afraid of trouble. You don't want to trouble others. I'm sure everyone will appreciate your kindness. Asking for help is not ordering anyone. The world is too big for everyone. Everyone needs help. Just like when I was a child, my teacher always said, you can ask your teachers and classmates questions that you can't. If you have too much self-esteem, you can also turn to textbooks and reference books for help. If you can't or can't do something, you should ask others for help. That's also a modest attitude.

5: The fifth point is very interesting. I think you must have studied psychology or sociology. When everyone gets together to form a collective, after getting along for a period of time, someone will inevitably stand out and become the default leader in everyone's heart; Some people have become dispensable, unnecessary and even "bad guys" like rat shit.

When you have felt such a crisis in this group, you should take action. The way is to act in concert with everyone and get close to the leader in your heart. Don't let yourself be more separated from the group because of jealousy. It shows here that jealousy is also one of the driving forces for progress. Don't get me wrong. In this way, you can also become the core of the group. If you find that you can't "follow the crowd", you can choose to quit the group and be an audience. People who don't like to talk are the most suitable audience, hehe!

Everyone grows up after experiencing some setbacks, and the song sings-no one can succeed casually. But not everyone will think as seriously as you do. This is your advantage, don't you understand?

Remember, words are the most deceptive, and eloquence is only a part of energy performance, which can only be seen for a long time.

The question of how to make friends is too difficult for me to answer. Why don't we make friends, because I haven't drunk water for a long time?