He Qing, the hero of today's story, was sexually assaulted when she was a girl. At one time, she lived under the stigma of others. Don't you deserve good feelings and life after being sexually assaulted?

1

My name is He Qing, and I was born in a small county town in Deyang, Sichuan in 1986. My parents run a teahouse, and the business is good.

I also have a sister who is six years older than me. My sister is lively and cheerful, and I am quiet and beautiful. At the age of 15, I am 1.65 meters, and my legs are thin and straight. We are famous sisters. But all this beauty came to an abrupt end at the age of 15.

I will never forget May 16th, 21, which was Wednesday. I am in Grade Three. It used to be a very ordinary day.

The day before lunch, my parents suddenly got a call from my sister's school, saying that my sister, a junior in Chengdu, had a sudden illness and had been taken to the hospital. My parents forgot to eat, gave me a few words and hurried to Chengdu.

on 16th, my mother called to tell my sister that she had just had an operation and they would be back in two days. I asked my sister what's wrong, but she didn't say anything. She just asked me to take care of myself until they came back.

at about 8 o'clock in the evening, I heard someone knocking at the door. When I opened the door, I saw that it was a customer of Dad's teahouse, which I had met twice.

someone waved the fruit in his hand and said to me, "Qingqing, I'm your dad's friend Uncle Wu, remember me? Your teahouse didn't open these two days. I heard that your sister was ill, so I came to see it. "

knowing that he was a customer in the store, I immediately called him into the house and told him that his parents had not returned. I was about to make tea for him, but he stopped me, took out two bottles of coke and a bunch of snacks from his bag and said, "Don't bother, I bought you a drink, just drink this." After that, I unscrewed a bottle and handed it to me, and then I unscrewed another bottle for myself to drink.

I like to drink coke since I was a child, and my father often buys it for me, so I didn't think about it. I took a long drink after taking it. Before long, I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier, and then I didn't know anything.

when I woke up, I found myself lying naked in bed, moving a little, and there was a terrible pain in my lower body. I looked at the little dark red on the sheets and finally realized what had happened. I suddenly felt dead-shocked, and all my blood rushed to my forehead, and my mind went blank.

I was sexually assaulted! That's the bastard! I just stared at the ceiling, what should I do? What should we do? My first reaction was to tell my parents.

but I hesitated again when I picked up the phone. I don't know what's wrong with my sister, is it serious? If it is serious, my parents must be worried about my sister, so I can't make trouble for them. I thought about calling the police. But halfway through 11, I stopped again.

If the police come, I'm sure my neighbors will know that I've been defiled. What's the matter in this small county, it can always spread, so how can I face people? Our whole family will also lift their heads. After much deliberation, I decided to wait until my parents came back.

that night, I took a bath over and over again and almost rubbed off a layer of skin.

As a young man, in my limited cognition, I originally equated things related to "sex" with dirty and unclean. Besides, I was raped ...

2

I cried all night, and my pillow was wet with tears. I didn't go to school the next day. Holding a fruit knife in my hand, I lay motionless on the bed, trying to cut my wrist several times and put it down again.

Two days later in the afternoon, my parents came back with my sister. When I came home from school, I saw my sister lying in bed, looking pale. There is a strong smell of chicken soup at home.

I asked my mother softly, what's wrong with my sister? Mother sighed and said that my sister was not sick, but had a miscarriage. I was too surprised to speak.

It turns out that my sister fell in love in college and went to a hotel with the boy. My sister studied in a sports school, and she did a lot of exercise. She didn't know she was pregnant until she had a miscarriage.

Mom said earnestly, "Sunny, be a woman, you must lead an honest and clean life. It is said that beautiful girls are not many, but you must be clean and honest, and you can't humiliate yourself like your sister. " Say that finish, also warned me again and again, can't let anyone know, otherwise those spittle can drown us.

at that moment, I had organized countless words in my mind, all of which were blocked in my throat. I can't imagine how devastated my mother would be when she found out.

over time, this matter has become a rotten secret in my heart. The man who got a thousand knives has never been seen again. It is said that he went to other places.

now, when I think back on this matter, I regret my cowardice. If I call the police and tell my family at the first time and bring the bad guys to justice, will my story be rewritten?

As a result, I missed the senior high school entrance examination and attended an ordinary high school not far from home.

At that time, I often suffered from insomnia. I finally fell asleep and always had nightmares. Deep fear and despair kept tormenting me.

fortunately, I have a good academic foundation. At that time, many students in my class came from villages and towns. They all thought that I was a loner, arrogant by nature, pretending to be lofty and looking down on others.

In fact, I really want to have friends, but whenever I see the bright smiles of other girls, I feel inferior. It seems that the more they live wantonly, the more dirty I look.

I am like a snail, hiding in a self-righteous hard shell, looking up at them as free and cheerful as orioles.

3

In May 23, I was a sophomore. The students made an appointment to celebrate the birthday of the male monitor who is usually very popular, and invited me. I was surprised and a little flattered.

The party was held in the barbecue shop on Binhe Road. Everyone said that drinking drinks was boring, so the boss recommended special mixed wine, saying it was sweet and not intoxicating. Everyone chatted with each other about all kinds of interesting things, and I just listened quietly, occasionally echoing the laughter.

I didn't expect the wine to taste sweet, but its stamina was not small. I was drinking for the first time in my life, and I soon became dizzy.

Seeing that I was drunk, a girl named Rebecca offered to take me home. On the way, she said half jokingly, "We all envy you very much. You are rich at home, you study well, and you are so beautiful, but you are too lofty."

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was suppressed for too long. I burst into tears and blurted out, "What's the use of being beautiful? In fact, you don't know how much I envy you. I hate my face ... I, in fact, have long been ruined ... "

Rebecca immediately asked me in surprise what happened, but I didn't answer, just kept crying and crying.

before long, the school inexplicably began to spread all kinds of gossip about me. Some say I slept with someone, others say I'm someone's girlfriend in the outside world, and they say I'm a prude on the surface, and I don't know how chaotic it is in private, so I'm definitely not a virgin long ago.

I had no idea that my words could lead to so many associations. I didn't expect that my classmates would guess me with such malice. Everywhere I go, people point fingers. Those whispering and strange eyes, like handfuls of sharp knives, plunged into my heart.

rumors kill my heart, but I'm at a loss. Become more cautious, more self-abased and withdrawn, thinking that this can isolate right from wrong, but trouble still took the initiative to find me.

One day in June, I studied by myself in the evening, and I went home alone as usual. As usual, I took a shortcut from the alley of the second street. As a result, as soon as I turned into the alley that day, I saw a yellow-haired gangster Li Ziqiang with two younger brothers stuck there.

Li Ziqiang's name is well-known in our school. People in their twenties, who don't work, hang out in billiards halls all day, fighting and blackmailing students.

I was about to turn around and go back to the main road when Li Ziqiang stopped me: "He Qing, why are you running?" Give you a chance to be my girlfriend, don't hurry. "

I quickly stepped up and wanted to run. But he rushed up, grabbed my sleeve and pulled it hard, and I was pulled back.

Maybe my attitude made him brush his face in front of his brother. Li Ziqiang took my collar and said, "Shame on you, right?" Where are you pretending to be? Who doesn't know that you have been slept in for a long time and are still pretending to be pure in front of Lao Tzu? ！”

I'm anxious and scared. The shops in the street outside are closed. Even if I call for help, it is estimated that no one will come to save me. I am filled with despair at the thought that the nightmare of two years ago may be repeated. No, I don't want to repeat the tragedy!

even if I am a broken jar, I don't want to break it. As long as I am awake, I will try my best to protect myself.

I was furious. I cried and grabbed him, shouting, "I will never be your girlfriend after I die! Kill me if you dare! "

Li Ziqiang was shocked. Then, a slap in the face hit my face and my ears buzzed.

At this moment, a man with a steel pipe suddenly rushed in at the corner of the lane and hit Li Ziqiang and the three of them. I didn't see who it was, so I stayed for a few seconds before I reacted and ran. My legs were still shaking until I ran home.

from the second night, for three days in a row, I found someone far behind me. I am nearsighted and astigmatism, and I only know that the other person is tall and thin, but I don't think his figure is Li Ziqiang.

I told my family about it, and then my father picked me up for self-study at night, and it didn't stop.

towards the end of the term, I suddenly got acute appendicitis. When I returned to school after the operation, I realized that there was a new version of the rumor about me: everyone said that I had an abortion in those days when I took leave. I want to cry without tears. No one has ever asked me the truth. They don't need the truth.

As the "rabble" said, if fallacies are more attractive to them, they are more willing to worship them.

4

I stayed in fear until the summer vacation of my second year of high school. I don't know if heaven has eyes. From the mouth of the neighborhood, I overheard that the bad guy who invaded me that year died in a car accident in Guangzhou.

Like a person who has been caught in a big net for a long time, a crack suddenly opened-I ran to the lake and cried wildly.

that summer, my sister got married. She married the boy who got her pregnant and settled in Chengdu.

When my sister got married, she took the initiative to talk to me about the youth disaster she experienced in those years, saying, "That incident made your brother-in-law and I both pay the price and deeply reflect on ourselves.

"Sister, you must remember that women must protect themselves. However, since things have happened, it is useless to feel inferior and inferior, not to mention denying yourself because of the eyes of the outside world.

"Mouth belongs to others, but life is our own. Living with confidence and living beautifully is the best response to those rumors! "

my sister's words made me wake up a lot. Yes, the bad guys are dead. From now on, I will live well.

Because I don't have many friends, I like to go to the Internet cafe near the teahouse, listen to songs and write blogs. I like this feeling, as if wearing headphones is my own world.

The owner of the Internet cafe is a tall, thin man who looks less than 3 years old. He has a refreshing buzz cut, loves to laugh, and often grins with big white teeth. I don't know what to be happy about.

every time I check out, he always undercharges me. Actually, I have a lot of pocket money. I think maybe the boss can do business and wants to keep old customers.

one day, after I was busy in the teahouse, I went to the internet cafe to listen to music. Shortly after I sat down, a woman in red rushed in. Before I could see the face of the visitor clearly, she grabbed her hair, slapped her face like rain, and scolded, "You shameless fox, seduce my husband, and I won't kill you."

I have no idea what's going on. I just feel that my scalp is about to be pulled off. I shouted, "You mistook me for someone else. I don't know you." There were people around looking at us, but no one came up to help.

I feel like a stove about to explode, brewing a long-planned fire-why? Why is the devil dead, or is there so much right and wrong? Is it because of my face?

I don't know where I got the energy. Suddenly, I kicked the woman like crazy, broke free, slapped the woman with my backhand, and roared hysterically: "Whoever I recruited provoked, you all bullied me!" "

I didn't expect that woman to be stunned by me. All the people in the internet cafe stared at me in silence.

that was the first time I knew that I could also have the power to shock others.

At this moment, the owner of the Internet cafe rushed in and took the woman away: "Xie Lihong, if you have something to do, it has nothing to do with her."

The woman just reacted, pointing to the owner of the Internet cafe and saying, "Yuan Peng, don't think I don't know. You provoked Li Ziqiang with yellow hair for this fox. You snuck out a few nights, and you were dating her. I heard that she also had an abortion. Is it yours? Don't think I don't know! "

I was shocked to hear these words!

Did Yuan Peng, the owner of the Internet cafe, run away from Li Ziqiang? The man who followed me was Yuan Peng? But why? I have never said anything to him. I couldn't hear what they said behind, only to see Yuan Peng desperately pulling Xie Lihong out.

However, I don't know which busybody told my parents about it. That night, my mother came home early and asked me about the Internet cafe, saying that everyone outside was saying that I was having an affair with Yuan Peng, and she was scolded by her wife as a "fox"!

I was so angry that I was beaten for no reason, and I became a mistress for no reason. What else did I have? I'm not a centipede, where did I get so many legs?

I was wronged, but I patiently explained that I didn't know why I was called a mistress. But my mother doesn't believe me, saying that there is no smoke without fire, and it can't be groundless, can it?

My mother looks like she hates iron and doesn't produce steel: "Sunny, mom told you, you must be a clean and honest person. A woman's reputation is very important. How can she be a mistress? This is shameful and will be reviled for life. "

when I heard the word "clear and white", I remembered that terrible past again, and my tears rolled down. Am I that miserable?

I haven't revealed the secret of being raped to anyone; On weekdays, I don't associate with people, but even so, I can inexplicably attract so much slander.

Dirty, non-virgin, abortion, fox, these have become my labels, but what did I do wrong? I remembered what my sister said to me and secretly vowed:

I will safeguard my reputation myself; My destiny should also be dominated by myself!

5

So, the next day, I had to drag my mother to the Internet cafe to find Yuan Peng, and asked about it, only to learn that Yuan Peng had gone back to his hometown.

A few days later, I finally saw Yuan Peng outside the Internet cafe. I quickly informed my mother and went to the singling out. Yuan Peng saw our mother and daughter come to the door, apologized again and again, and solved the mystery to us in the coffee shop next to the Internet cafe.

It turns out that Yuan Peng knew me as early as seven years ago, in 1996, when I was still in primary school. Yuan Peng's mother took a bus all morning to sell local products in the county. I didn't expect her wallet to be stolen. She was penniless and couldn't go home. When she was in a hurry, I saw her passing by after school.

I ran to the teahouse and asked my parents for 2 yuan to give her a ride. Later, Yuan Peng accompanied Yuan's mother to pay back the money. I went to school, so I haven't seen Yuan Peng, but Yuan Peng remembered the address of my teahouse.

In p>22, 25-year-old Yuan Peng planned to open an Internet cafe in the county. He remembered that there was a high school near my teahouse, with many students and good ports, so he decided here, but he never wanted to disturb my life.

that day, Li Ziqiang went to his Internet cafe to surf the Internet, and he overheard Li.