Author William Stix Luther; Maynard Johnson

Learn from Fan Denglai.

Word 3036

Focusing on artificially interfering with children and giving them too much pressure will destroy the normal development of their brains and make them more anxious and depressed. Correctly guiding children's self-motivation and cultivating children's self-control, sense of responsibility and autonomy are the correct models to bring positive growth to children.

00 1 parents' problems

1. Sometimes we want our children to take care of themselves, but in fact we take care of their homework, extracurricular activities and making friends meticulously and comprehensively.

2. Even if parents go all out, sometimes they still feel that they have not got what they want and have not achieved their desired goals or objectives.

Every time I hear a child say the word "boring", I feel extremely angry. Because "boring" is a very derogatory word in this society, which means incompetence. People often compete with each other to see who is busier, as if their value depends on how busy they are.

002 parents' mistakes:

1, the road to success is a single-plank bridge, and you must never push your children down-go to a prestigious school, take all kinds of entrance exams, buy school districts, and cram schools. ...

If you want to have a better life, you need to behave well in school-too many children are either pushed too hard or break their own pots, and they say, that's it, whatever!

The harder we push, the harder we push, the more promising and successful our children will be when they grow up. -This certificate and that certificate test.

Today's world is much more dangerous than the previous one. Parents must keep an eye on their children, or they will get hurt. The more parents become helicopter parents and circle around their children all day.

The composition of the brain

The first part: the prefrontal cortex-this is the most important part that distinguishes us from other animals. This part is responsible for language, logic and reasoning. All our decisions are made by the prefrontal cortex. It makes us calm, rational and rational. But it has a weakness-too much pressure will lead to failure.

The second part: the amygdala-hidden behind the brain. It is responsible for releasing emotions. If the child is under too much pressure, the amygdala will grow up, be irritable, shout or avoid. Because when the pressure is high, the rational prefrontal cortex doesn't work, and it is handed over to the emotional amygdala, which secretes cortisol, usually at a high concentration for several days.

High-intensity cortisol weakens cells in the hippocampus.

Part III: Hippocampus-the place where memory is produced and stored. In times of acute stress, there will be various learning disabilities.

This is how the brain works.

Teacher Fan Deng uses a very interesting way to identify and explain the structure of the brain. He said you put your thumb in your palm and make a fist. The hidden thumb is the amygdala, four fingers are the prefrontal cortex, and the big fish mark of your thumb (the fattest muscle of your thumb) is the hippocampus.

If the child is angry, then the hidden thumb begins to get fatter and fatter, while the other four fingers are stretched out, and the big fish mark begins to get smaller and smaller. In this way, children can understand the structure of the brain.

004 methods to promote brain work

The way to promote the prefrontal cortex is to improve children's sense of control. It is to let children have the right to choose and do their own things. When a child looks calm, rational and mature, and looks like an adult, it is that his prefrontal cortex has grown up.

If adults deprive children of their sense of control. Yelling at him all day, threatening him, always saying that I would send you away or push you out the door. Let children feel nervous and stressed when they are with you. Then, as described in the previous section. When people are nervous and stressed, the prefrontal cortex stops working. Will not develop, immediately give control to the amygdala.

The amygdala is a structure that exists in almost all animals' brains. It has two tasks: "fight or flight". Therefore, children are either angry and irritable, or taciturn, or flatter, pretend to cater to their parents and pretend to be particularly smart. Actually, I want to get through this stressful period quickly and safely.

However, it is in this process that the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus responsible for memory are damaged.

According to this book, many teenagers commit suicide because of these pressures.

005 pressure classification

1, positive pressure-In this pressure situation, I have exercised my adaptability, and I can quickly increase cortisol to cope with this pressure, and I can also quickly reduce and restore cortisol without letting the pressure destroy me. In The Front and Side of Zeng Guofan, which I am watching, Zeng Guofan is an expert in dealing with this kind of pressure. He often turns personal pressure from all sides into positive pressure that can push himself forward. His famous saying: "Heroes knock their teeth and swallow blood" means this. )

2, can withstand pressure-refers to a certain range, can withstand a little damage. As long as it does not exceed this category, the child can recover. However, if it goes beyond this category, it will completely hurt the child, sometimes irretrievably.

3. Toxic pressure-when the tolerable pressure is beyond the scope and the damage is irreparable, it is called toxic pressure. The book thinks that teenagers' brains are most prone to toxic stress in the process of being affected (this passage can explain why almost all adolescent experts and psychologists, like Li Meijin, call for attention to the problem of left-behind children and call for companionship in their infancy and adolescence).

006 University of new york, USA

The book summarizes some reasons for children's stress and classifies it as a nut angle:

N- novelty: new situation, new environment, new changes.

U- unpredictability: unexpected, beyond expectations.

Threat to self: It may be hurt, threatened and stressed.

S- sense of control: this thing is beyond its ability and control.

Two sentences interpreted by Fan Deng in 007

The first sentence is: "I love you too much to argue with you about homework!" " "

This is the most wonderful sentence that Fan Deng got from reading this book.

He said that the biggest task of parents is to be responsible for loving their children, and this matter should be placed in the most important position, not homework or grades.

Think about it, if the child is sick, what do you care about first is his health or his grades?

And Fan Deng wants us to imagine in reverse: If one day you are too tired to sit on the sofa and don't want to talk after work. Your son came to ask you: How was your day? Did the unit leader say anything about you? Did your salary and bonus go up this month? Is it higher or lower than others?

What would you think if it were you?

Ha ha ha, this scenery is really wonderful.

Fan Deng suggested that the best education parents can give their children is love and patience.

If the child doesn't want to study, no matter how hard you force him, he won't study even if he is admitted to the university. On the other hand, you should not put so much pressure on him. The children are very curious, very curious. One day, he will take the initiative to explore the world and he will grow up on his own. Therefore, treating children can neither be arbitrary nor left unchecked. Learn to gradually let go and gradually guide children to master themselves.

Another sentence given by Fan Deng is: "The old man's own little head is around your neck!"

008 the existence of no anxiety

The book says: 50% of children's anxiety comes from parents' infection.

The meaning of this sentence is that there is not so much pressure in the world of children. But the pressure of children often comes from parents' tantrums. Parents lose their temper because of various life, work, money and interpersonal problems. Many times anger will migrate to children. It's called second-hand pressure.

Just like the principle of brain development mentioned above, children who grow up in this stressful environment for a long time will definitely get this kind of anxiety, irritability and emotional problem in the end.

But calmness, a human trait, can also be inherited. Psychologically, it is called "no anxiety present". When parents are calm, when every emotional child has an "not anxious" parent around him, he will feel at ease. You will feel safe and the stress cortisol will be relieved immediately.

Therefore, what we parents should do is the "non-anxious existence" of our children. They are willing to be around us, at ease, happy, in our arms and happy with us. Instead of being nervous, avoiding and sweating when you see us!

Because we have achieved "no anxiety", home is the safest and safest place for children.

Fan Deng still gives his parents an important suggestion in the book:

Mind your own business!

If you don't want children to watch mobile phones, the best way is not to watch mobile phones all day!

There are other good contents, so I won't list them one by one.

009 abstract

1. The brain consists of prefrontal cortex, amygdala and hippocampus.

2, losing your temper, high pressure, will make the amygdala that should have been hidden jump out to work and secrete a lot of cortisol to meet this challenge. Fight or run. But cortisol has side effects on the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.

3. In the initial heart of loving children, try to encourage them, give them peace of mind and confidence, make them less hurt by stress, let them control their brains, turn stress into positive pressure and promote their progress.

I should reread this book! Many, many reasons are actually directed at me.