? This book is co-authored by the philosopher Ichiro Kishimi and the freelance writer Fumi Koga. The content is presented in the form of a dialogue between young people and philosophers.
Kishi Ichiro, philosopher. Born in Kyoto in 1956, he studied philosophy in high school. PhD in Literature from Kyoto University. He began studying Adlerian psychology in 1989.
Koga Shiken, freelance writer. Born in 1973, specializes in dialogue creation. When I was nearly 30 years old, I encountered Adlerian psychology and was shocked by its ideas that subverted common sense.
Adler was born in 1870 and died in 1937. He was an Austrian psychiatrist and a humanist psychologist. A pioneer in psychology and the founder of individual psychology. Together with Freud and Jung, they are known as the three giants of psychology.
Adler summarized interpersonal relationships into three types of topics: work topics, friendship topics, and love topics. Among them, work topics are relatively simple, and love topics are more complex topics. "Adlerian psychology is not a psychology of changing others, but a psychology of pursuing self-change." After reading this book, I discovered that the root of all interpersonal relationships and all troubles lies in oneself. No matter how difficult a relationship is, you cannot choose to escape, you must have the courage to face it. The most terrifying thing in life is not being able to face it and standing still. People always like to use lies to help us avoid problems. In fact, these are excuses for not wanting to face them.
? Chapter 1: Whose fault is our misfortune? This section introduces the basic position of Adler’s philosophy, which is to deny Freud’s “cause theory” and propose how to understand the current “teleology”. ". In the process of growing up, we form a certain kind of self, that is, a certain way of life - called personality in a narrow sense, and world view or outlook on life in a broad sense. But when we understand the concept of lifestyle, we have the responsibility to choose to continue the original lifestyle or choose a new lifestyle. People can change at any time. The reason why we cannot change is that we have made the determination not to change. Change requires courage. The reason why people are unlucky is not caused by the past or the environment, nor is it caused by lack of ability, but because of the lack of courage to achieve happiness.
Chapter 2 All troubles come from interpersonal relationships. In interpersonal relationships, most people are too afraid of being despised or rejected by others, and afraid of being hurt in interpersonal relationships. When they see the active and happy posture of the people around them, they easily feel jealous or very anxious, which leads to a strong sense of inferiority. , and choose to shrink into their own shells and avoid interacting with others. A moderate sense of inferiority, if handled correctly, can also be a catalyst for effort and growth. The pursuit of superiority does not mean trying to surpass others or even pushing others to get promoted, but actively looking at the differences between oneself and others, accepting one's own shortcomings, making use of one's strengths, comparing with the "ideal self", and constantly moving forward. , constantly surpassing ourselves. Adler's psychology is the psychology of courage, the psychology of use, using our own hands to choose our own life and lifestyle. We use our own hands to choose our own life and lifestyle.
Chapter 3: Go to hell with anyone who interferes with your life. Here we mainly introduce the separation of subjects - this is a concrete and epoch-making concept given by Adlerian psychology that can change the troubles in interpersonal relationships. All conflicts in interpersonal relationships are caused by interference in other people's subjects or by oneself. If your subject is arbitrarily interfered with by others, you must start from the concept of "whose subject it is?", separate your own subject from other people's subjects, do not interfere with other people's subjects, and do not allow others to interfere with your own subjects. How to determine whose subject? Just think about "Who will ultimately bear the consequences of a certain choice?" Adler denies the pursuit of recognition. "Don't want to be hated" is my subject, but "do you hate me" is someone else's subject, even if If someone doesn't like me, I can't interfere. The courage to achieve happiness includes "the courage to be hated" - not caring about other people's evaluations, not being afraid of being disliked, and not pursuing others' approval. The "relationship card" is always in your own hands.
Chapter 4: Have the courage to be hated. The separation of topics in Adlerian psychology is the starting point of interpersonal relationships, and the end point is the sense of empathy - the state of seeing others as partners and being able to feel that "one has a place". To understand the sense of empathy.
Adlerian psychology believes that a sense of belonging can not only be obtained by being there, but can only be obtained by actively participating in the community, that is, actively facing the issues of work, making friends, and love. People can only gain courage when they can feel that they are valuable. Only when they realize that they are useful to the same body can they feel their own value. As Adler said: "Whether it is you or me, we are not the center of the world. We must use our own feet to take the initiative to face the issues of interpersonal relationships."
Chapter 5 A serious life of "living in the present" further explains the "feeling of oneness" and further extends to the theme of "what is happiness". Establishing a sense of community needs to start from three points: self-acceptance, trust in others, and contributions from others. Self-acceptance means honestly accepting this "unable to do it" if you can't do it, and then trying your best to work in the direction of what you can do without lying to yourself; trust is unconditional belief; the contribution of others is experiencing my The subjective feeling that one's existence is useful to others. Happiness is the "sense of contribution". If you can have the "courage to be ordinary", you will see the world differently.
? Life is actually a succession of points, a succession of moments. We can only live in "this moment" and do what we can do now carefully and carefully. It’s okay to have no goals. Live this moment seriously and don’t make life too profound. The only person who can give your life meaning is yourself. Live this moment seriously, do not look at the past or the future, just live every final moment well. There is no need to compete with anyone, and there is no need for a destination. As long as you walk, you will definitely reach a certain place. For you, the meaning of life is to live every "moment" seriously.
? Finally, after reading this book, what am I doing at this moment? Starting a new life, preparing for a new journey, trying to change some of my perceptions, and adjusting some of my thoughts...