Classic joke (popular)
1.? Wife, can you wear shoes without feet? Then don't wear it. Why are you wearing a bra? Someone in our family must come out and prove that we are not gay, right? ! ?
I was a bitch that day. Ask your husband: Dear, what if one day you see me walking hand in hand with a man and you happen to meet you? If this man is stronger. ? As a result, my husband gave me a disdainful look: hit. ? I said:? Really? ! You care so much about my husband and sneer: Hum, I can't beat him, but I can't beat you.
I went swimming with my husband yesterday, but I can't swim, so I had to take a swimming ring and flop in the deep pool. My husband was tired after swimming a few laps, so he closed his eyes and rested on the swimming ring. Suddenly I remembered the scene in Titanic, so I let out a deep cry: Jack! Jack. ? Seeing her husband slowly sinking into the bottom of the water with great cooperation, everyone around her became petrified.
4. Wife: You are a tyrant! Dave: Why did you marry me in the first place? Wife: You said that if I didn't marry you, you would die. Husband: wouldn't it be better if I died? Wife: But I didn't become the legal heir of your estate at that time!
A couple was shopping in the street. When the woman came out of the shop, she saw the man coming slowly and said to the man, you haven't walked as fast as me. Of course, there are differences between men and women! The woman said, aren't you and I both human beings and have legs? No, if you hang a brick in your crotch, see who walks fast. you
6. wife:? Honey, I took a fancy to that brand of clothes last time, and I haven't bought many clothes recently. I only bought a few sets a week, and they are not enough to wear. People say that clothes make the man, and I look good, so I have face when I take it out. . . ? Husband:? Get to the point. ? Wife:
7. Today, a colleague walked into the office in frustration, and someone asked him what was wrong. He sighed and said, today is my wedding anniversary. If I had killed her on the wedding day, I would have been released from prison and become a free man by now. ?
8. Wife: I am in a bad mood at work, which will reduce the quality of our marriage. Husband: I will be in a bad mood when I work. Wife: No, you can bear it more than me. Because you are bigger than me, and your heart is bigger than me!
9. A couple quarreled. The wife was a bitch and cursed a lot. Fuck you, XXX, go to hell! What an ugly word. Husband is a professor and won't swear, but he can't bear it, shouting: ditto, ditto!
10. A honeymoon couple got out of the taxi and were about to climb the steps of the hotel. Madam: Why don't we pretend to have been married for several years? Husband: All right! But can you carry four suitcases by yourself?
Humorous Life Jokes (Classic)
1. Rich man, recently married a young girl. The friend asked the trick and the old man smiled. I lied about my age. ? Friend:? You said you only had one old man: no, I said I did. ?
2. The wife is sitting by the sewing machine, and the husband is expressing his opinion from time to time: Slow down and be careful, your needle has broken, pull the cloth to the left and stop. The wife said angrily, why do you interfere with me? I can sew. Of course you will, dear. I just want you to experience what it feels like when you teach me to drive.
It's unbearably hot at night. I asked my wife to fan me, and she farted on me and added? I don't make wind, I'm just a porter of nature. . . ?
After dinner, the husband complained of low back pain, and the wife asked her daughter to rub his back with concern. After a while, the wife asked her husband softly, Does it still hurt? Husband replied: It doesn't hurt anymore. The wife asked again: Is it really painless? The husband nodded yes. Well, go and wash the dishes! The wife ordered.
An official attended the meeting for several nights in a row, which aroused his wife's suspicion and disgust. One morning, when he came home, he found a note that read: You went home yesterday morning; Yesterday you went home this morning; So, if you go home tomorrow morning, you will find that I left you yesterday.
6. One day, the husband asked his wife to do the laundry, and the wife said, why do I always have to do the laundry? Didn't you say I was an angel? The husband said: Yes, angels are always bossing around.
7. Our country is not monogamous, but monogamous. No room, no wife, more rooms, more wives. I never understood why my wife was called a big room and two rooms, and now I really understand that the ancients didn't cheat me.
8. At night, my wife came out of the shower wrapped in a bath towel, and my husband secretly stared at her. My wife said angrily:? what are you reading? I've never seen a beautiful woman take a bath. The husband looked at his wife as a whole and said, I think the beauty is out of prison!
9. Wife: Honey, if your mother and I both fall into the river, who will you save first? Husband: at the same time, save. Wife: How do you save it? Husband: Holding mom and carrying you. Wife angry: no! Dave: What was that? Wife: If you really love me, you have to hold me and carry your mother. Dave: But, but, honey, I can only breaststroke.
10. The wife came home from work, picked up her husband's arm without saying a word and took a bite. My husband was bitten badly. Looking at the deep tooth marks on his arm, he shouted: Why did you bite my wife? You picked up her husband's arm, carefully looked at the tooth marks on it and said, I didn't mean to bite you. Just now, my colleague at work said that my teeth were uneven, so I took a bite on your arm to have a look. ?
Classic Humorous Essays (Selected)
1. Wife: Why do you always fail the exam? Is it as difficult as having a baby? Husband: That's different. At least you have goods in your stomach, and I have nothing in my stomach!
2. The female leader and her husband take a walk after dinner, and Lu Yu and the old framework embrace each other warmly. My husband was a little dissatisfied and asked who it was. My wife replied: I used to be an activist in the following work.
By the lake, a painter was painting, and a man and a woman came behind him. They watched it for a while, and finally the husband said to his wife in an irrefutable tone: Look, honey, how miserable it is not to buy a camera! ?
My colleague's wife lives a meticulous life. One night, when my colleague came home, his wife began to say: Unicom paid as much money as possible today. Unfortunately, no. Did it suffer? Half an hour later, my colleague couldn't help it and said, will you stop talking? We are all mobile phone numbers. ?
My wife loves playing mahjong and doesn't go home until the early hours of the morning. In order not to wake her husband, she took off her clothes in the living room and then quietly walked into the bedroom. I was about to go to bed when my husband happened to wake up and flew into a rage. Too much! I can't believe you came back after losing everything.
6.a:? Diving is the best way to get married. ? b:? Why? You can remind the newcomers that from this moment on, you should learn to swallow it. ?
7. Dave: You didn't help me. Wife: When you can't find a girlfriend, I stand up and fulfill your husband's dream. Dave: You have no ambition. Wife: I devoted myself to the life of husband and wife. Dave: You have only a little skill in giving birth. Wife: I have special skills. Husband: You are covered with fat. Wife: I hid.
8. My wife is pregnant and wants to accompany her to the hospital for a check-up. I just couldn't go because of something, so I had to let her go alone. When I got home, I asked my wife what the doctor said. The wife said crossly:? The doctor said, why did the party come alone and the perpetrator was not accompanied? ! ?
9. A couple encountered a family financial crisis, and finally, they couldn't stand it. The husband said to his wife, you go to nightclubs at night and try to make some money. Her husband took her to a nightclub and picked her up at night. ? How much did you earn? The husband asked. The wife replied:? I made a dollar. ? The husband said: some people give points, and the woman said, give points! ?
10. You can't keep watching TV like this! If there is radiation, the dark circles will fall out. Aren't you afraid to go out and let the children call you grandma? Go to bed and wash.