Their peers, classmates and friends are all about the same age and play the same. The same aesthetics, the same language system, the same popular culture, and even the same physical state, not to mention the hazy attraction between the opposite sex. Therefore, making friends with peers is a very strong desire of children.
This process of getting along is full of changes and fun, which is more interesting than the parents' familiar mode of getting along for ten years. For example, games, music, stars, study, sports, gossip, teachers and classmates, these topics parents can't participate at all, or it is difficult for you to participate, and your cost is too high. You should dig with him, participate with him, and spend time with him.
Although this is what parents should do, it is too difficult. For example, what concert hall would you recommend for your children? You don't know what kind of movie topic to provoke, which will make children shine at the moment and will take the initiative to tirelessly consult relevant knowledge. Whether it's games or movie music, there are reasons why they like it. Every teenager communicates with his peers around him about topics of interest. This kind of fun parents can't fit in. They are like computers on the internet. Combine new things to form a new generation of new equipment. The knowledge tree, or knowledge network, is not boring and shallow, because this is what the future looks like.
These new topics are the new achievements of various human civilizations that have emerged in the world. If you refuse to accept them, it is a sin, which will make it difficult for the world to develop. Only by accepting and actively choosing good and bad can we form a new aesthetic.
Aesthetics is very important. Aesthetics is not something flowing from mountains and rivers. Aesthetics determines the future world.
No one wants to go back to the past when braiding, let alone the embarrassment of cutting braids and half-length hair. Everyone wants to be more advanced and civilized. This is what we should support our children to do.
You may or may not like it, but this new culture formed between them. Cultural exchange and knowledge exchange may be the mainstream in the next 20 years. In addition, making friends in adolescence plays a very important role: learning to deal with contradictions, learning to compete and cooperate, and receiving strict psychological training.
Growing up in the family, we can provide more material and care, but among friends, we can strengthen the fragile mind of children through cooperation, competition, opposition, choice and other ways, and it is a continuous strengthening, and everything can be strengthened. For example, the following questions-
First, there are good and bad grades.
How to sort in the class and how to express yourself in front of the teacher.
Second, who is strong and who is weak in sports.
At the sports meeting, am I a shining star or a mocked fool?
Third, being liked or rejected by the opposite sex.
How can I become more attractive and make more people like me?
In this process, no matter whether it is self-confidence or injustice, these experiences can't be given by parents, and these are precious wealth that must be experienced.
A strong person must be a person who has experienced more such training than others, can survive, can adapt and can face it positively.
The closer the relationship between teenagers and their peers, the more complicated changes they will face, and at the same time, they will be able to cultivate stronger emotional ability.
From one-on-one with children, we can chat happily; To the emergence of some small groups with stable relations; Then in the late adolescence, a small society based on strength, good students, poor students, identity, reputation, image and so on appeared, which is the normal morphological change of adolescent friendship.
If your children are no longer one-on-one, they have started to have a stable small group. Please don't worry about your parents, don't break them up, and don't think this kind of communication is useless.
Small groups are very important. Because the small group has the concepts of hierarchy, leadership and obedience, the leader of the small group is the highest-ranking member and can be allowed to join our small circle. There are different grades for who must leave a small group.
Every small group has a high and low evaluation, and the circle with the highest status is the one that children want to join most, and it also has the strictest control over members. This structure seems strict, but it is beneficial for children to find priority in the group and reposition themselves after they enter adolescence from childhood.
This seems a bit complicated. A little academic. In fact, to put it bluntly, I can see at a glance who is the boss, who is the second child, who is the strong and who is the weak, and what role should I play? Such psychological training is not something that parents can give.
It is an objective fact that small groups do cause emotional distress to some unsociable people.
If your child can't cope with the problems of small groups, can't find his own position and can't survive, does it mean that the child is weak in some ways? Which parent wants their children to be weak?
So, let them experience and try. You should guide, help and care in the dark. But you can't stop it. It is a good thing that people who lose their dominance are recognized, disliked and abandoned by their peers. They are being trained, and then slowly subdivide their strengths and weaknesses.
This is a very important process. Being weak for a while doesn't mean being weak forever. He realized that if he knew that he could make progress and become strong, that was the most important thing.
Because people always change. If you are weak at the moment, you will protect it and quit these dating activities, which means that if stop setting is eliminated, she will be weak all her life.
Peer group is the source of teenagers' emotion, empathy and moral guidance, and also the place where they practice. It is also the backing of children after leaving their parents. All this ultimately points to an important result, which is to build self-confidence.