First, maintain a close relationship with your children. Friendship plays an important role in developing a happy personality. Therefore, parents should encourage their children to play with their peers so that they can learn to interact happily and harmoniously.

Second, provide children with the opportunity and power to make decisions. The development of a happy character is closely related to guiding and controlling children's behavior. Parents should try to provide opportunities for their children so that they know how to use their decision-making power from an early age.

Third, teach children to adjust their mental state. Children should be made to understand that the secret to some people's lifelong happiness lies in their adaptable mental state, which enables them to quickly bounce back from disappointments. When a child suffers some kind of setback, let him know that the future is always bright, and teach him to adjust his mental state so that he can regain a happy mood.

Fourth, limit children’s material possessiveness. Because giving children too many things will create the illusion that "acquisition is the source of happiness", they should be taught with examples that happiness in life cannot only be equated with the possession of material wealth.

Fifth, cultivate children’s broad interests. Pay attention to your children's hobbies at ordinary times. Provide children with choices of various interests and give them necessary guidance. Children with a wide range of hobbies will naturally have a happy personality.

Sixth, maintain a happy and harmonious family life. Family harmony is also a major factor in cultivating children's happy character. Some data show that children who grow up in happy families are much more likely to live happily as adults than children who grow up in unhappy families.

In the past, it was often said that "a blank piece of paper is good for drawing the latest and most beautiful pictures." In fact, the psychological state of a child after birth is also like a blank piece of paper. Factors such as the parent's psychological quality and parenting style play a big role. The degree determines the direction of the child's psychological development. Some parents always tell their children that this is not good or that is not good when they bring their children for consultation, but they do not know that many problems are caused by the parents' morbid psychology.

First of all, parents who are overly assertive and have excessive vanity will place excessive demands on their children, putting the children's bodies and minds under overloaded pressure, eventually leading to psychological disorders and even diseases of one kind or another. For example, a parent arranged a variety of training courses for a seven-year-old child in all his spare time, such as piano, painting, English, calligraphy, chess, composition, etc. As a result, the child developed tics due to excessive nervousness - Tourette Comprehensive disease. Some children, under the close supervision of their parents, seem to be studying for exams just for their parents. They usually study well, but when the exam comes, they become extremely nervous, suffer from insomnia, anorexia, hysterical attacks, etc. Some even give up when the exam is approaching.

Second, parents’ excessive pickiness and perfectionism cause many psychological disorders in their children. For example, parents have many demands on their children for homework. When children write, they have to repeatedly trace, erase, and erase. As a result, they drag their movements and sometimes fail to finish the exam. In severe cases, they may also cause obsessive-compulsive behavior.

Third, parents’ tension and anxiety will be passed on to their children. Some children have been frail and sick since childhood, and their parents are very worried. They often complain, be irritable, nag, and pay too much attention to the children. As a result, the children become sensitive, suspicious, inferior, withdrawn, and neurotic.

Fourth, parents always deny their children, causing them to lose their self-confidence. Parents always hope that their children will perform as well as they did when they were children, or even better. They will blame them for the slightest shortcomings and treat beatings and scolding as commonplace. There is a 5-year-old child who often loses his temper and has no motivation to do things for a long time. When asked why he is like this, he says that he always fails to do well. His mother tells him that he has to say it three times a day without any praise, so he wants to lose his temper.

There will always be problems of one kind or another in the growth process of children. Parents should tolerate their children's shortcomings and wait patiently for their children to grow up. When you discover your child's problems, first reflect on your own problems and relax a little. Once your own problems are solved, your child's problems will also be solved. If you can't solve it yourself, you can find a psychologist to help analyze and correct it.

Twelve rules of raising children in the United States

1. The law of belonging: ensure that children grow up in a healthy family environment.

2. The Law of Hope: Always let your children see hope.

3. The Law of Strength: Never fight with your children.

4. Management rules: Before children reach adulthood, it is the responsibility of parents to control them.

5. The Law of Voice: Listen to their voices.

6. The Law of Role Model: Teaching by words and deeds is a huge role model for children.

7. The rule of seeking common ground while reserving differences: Respect children’s views on the world and try to understand them.

8. Punishment rule; this rule can easily make children rebellious and retaliatory, so use it with caution.

9. The Law of Consequences: Let children understand the possible consequences of their actions.

10. Structural Law: Teach children to understand the boundaries of morality and law from an early age.

11. The twenty-yard rule: Respect your child’s independent tendencies and keep at least twenty yards away from them.

12. The Four Ws: Know who your children are with, where they are, what they are doing and when they will be home at all times.

How to deal with children’s unreasonable demands?

As children grow up, as various needs arise, their exploration of the environment will continue to deepen, and they will slowly make some unreasonable demands and show willful behaviors? So, how should parents deal with children's willfulness?

At this time, parents have only two options. The first is that children's unreasonable demands must not be met, and the second is to divert children's attention.

Rejecting a child's request may trigger a series of behaviors in the child, such as crying, rolling, threatening not to do something that someone should do, etc. At this time, some parents often face these tricks. If you are helpless, you may persist for a while and then give in. In the end, the child will win. This is absolutely unacceptable. This usually breeds the child's arrogance, reduces the parent's prestige, and makes the child learn to do the same thing next time, which often results in endless troubles. Children will become more and more willful. Therefore, parents must persevere from the beginning and never give in to their children's unreasonable demands. They must grasp their own position and must not think that this is the only child, so let it go!

The way to reject children's unreasonable requests should be as tactful as possible, try to present facts and reasons to children, and express them in a way that children can understand; some parents know that they cannot agree to children's unreasonable requests, but But they refused in simple and crude ways, and even used corporal punishment on children, which was also inappropriate. When children cry endlessly, parents can stay away. Without an audience, children will be tired of crying. At this time, they must really stay away. Do not hide behind the door and eavesdrop. Once the children find out that you are peeping at them, Maybe it will make you cry more vigorously. Children are still very smart.

When a child cries when its unreasonable request is rejected, certain methods can be used to divert its attention. For example, talk about other things, but this way of diverting attention should be neutral and should not be a positive reinforcement.

Parents' skills in reasoning with their children

Being patient and reasoning with children is an important means for parents to educate their children. Reasoning with children requires not only patience but also

Choose appropriate methods and techniques based on the psychological characteristics of children and adolescents.

First of all, we must fully affirm the child's strengths. As the old saying goes: "It is better to reward one child after counting ten." To reason with children, we should fully affirm the child's strengths, give timely praise and encouragement to the child's progress, and then correct the child's mistakes on this basis. This makes it easier for children to accept adults' opinions. If you blindly scold the child and blame the child for this or that, it will only make the child develop an inferiority complex and a rebellious mentality.

Secondly, the reasoning must be "reasonable". What you tell your children should be reasonable and reasonable. You can't talk nonsense, and you can't be demanding on your children, because children won't be convinced when adults talk nonsense. Children can't handle adults' demands that are too harsh. For example, some parents in life If you like to eat snacks, but you tell your children about the disadvantages of eating snacks, your children will not listen.

Third, give your children a chance to defend themselves.

When reasoning with children, children may defend their words and deeds, and adults should give children a chance to defend themselves. It should be understood that defending is not about making strong arguments, but about letting the children explain things clearly and giving them the opportunity to defend. Only then will the children better understand what you are saying and achieve good educational results.

Fourth, you need to understand your child’s emotional state. Children, like adults, are more likely to accept different opinions when they are in a good mood, and are more likely to be extreme when they are unhappy. Therefore, when you reason with your children, you must fully understand their emotional state and educate them when they are in a good mood. Trying to reason with him when he's depressed won't work.

Help children eliminate psychological pressure

Moderate pressure can motivate people to strive for progress. No pressure at all will make people tired and lazy, but too much pressure will make people unable to bear it. Psychological problems occur. At present, not only adults are suffering from psychological stress, but children are no exception. As parents, we have the responsibility to help our children overcome stress, because for children, parents should be their most important and most trusted people.

So, how to help children overcome psychological stress?

Listen carefully to your children. If you want to help your children, you must first understand them and understand their psychological pressure and where it comes from. Therefore, parents must first listen to their children, take time to talk to their children face to face, and listen to their children attentively and carefully. Only when parents are willing to give their hearts to their children, will the children be willing to give their hearts to their parents. In this way, you can understand the real situation of your child and give your child practical help based on the problem.

Helping children overcome their fears. Sometimes, children are isolated because they do something different from some of their classmates. For example, some boys do not want to play hooky with others or cheat with their classmates on exams. , unwilling to learn to smoke secretly, etc. They will be ridiculed, even isolated, and feel fearful and overwhelmed. At this time, parents should educate their children to stick to principles and not do anything that is wrong; they should let their children know that it is not easy to not follow the crowd. This is a sign of maturity and bravery, as well as being independent and thoughtful. performance.

Let children share their experiences. Let children know that everyone experiences stress, and parents often have troubles as well. In this way, the suspicion of preaching can be avoided, and it will be easier for children to listen to what their parents say. At the same time, parents should also tell their children how they cope with difficulties and overcome pressure, and set a practical example for their children to enhance their courage and confidence.

Cultivating children's self-esteem can strengthen children's determination to resist various bad temptations, and also help them face adversity and setbacks bravely. When encountering some specific things, let the children express their opinions more; give them some things that are suitable for the children to do, and encourage them to do it themselves; respect the children's ideas and let the children more when discussing some right and wrong issues. Expressing opinions, etc.; these are all great ways to build your child's self-esteem. Children with self-esteem will have courage and courage, and will have a stronger ability to distinguish right from wrong.

Care about children's growth. Encourage children to develop a wide range of interests and hobbies, and usually participate in extracurricular activities or social practice activities organized by the school. This is of great benefit to easing children's psychological pressure. Some parents are eager for their children to succeed and always force their children to learn this or that after class, but the result is often counterproductive. The correct approach should be to respect the child's own wishes and rationally select and cultivate them based on his interests and strengths.

In most cases, as long as parents can detect their children's problems early and provide appropriate guidance, their children's psychological pressure will be effectively relieved or eliminated, allowing them to grow up happily and healthily.

When a child makes a mistake, it is not advisable to blame or beat him or her while eating, as this will affect the child's appetite and digestion.

Because the activities of the human advanced nervous system have an impact on the digestive function of the gastrointestinal tract. When eating, due to the effect of conditioned reflex, the secretion of digestive juice in the gastrointestinal tract is strong, gastrointestinal motility is enhanced, and the appetite is good.

When people are in a bad mood, the excitability of the cerebral cortex in response to the external environment decreases, which reduces the amount of water secreted by the gastrointestinal tract and weakens gastrointestinal motility, thereby reducing the digestion and absorption of food. This makes the food stay in the stomach longer, making people feel less hungry and unable to eat. Even if they eat reluctantly, they often feel stomach discomfort.

In addition, do not let your children eat while listening to stories or eating while watching TV. These will affect digestion and cause children to have poor appetite and indigestion.

Whether a child is lazy or not is not determined by genetic factors, but by the environment. Among them, parental factors play a decisive role. For some parents, their children have been like jewels since they were young. If their children want to do something by themselves, they are either afraid that they will not be able to do it well, or they are afraid that their clothes will get dirty, or they are afraid that they will waste their time. As a result, it was too late when the child developed the habit of reaching out for clothes and opening his mouth for food.

Cultivating children’s working habits and hands-on ability should start from a young age. When children are young, they are very curious about anything new and are always eager to try it, helping adults sweep the floor, wash dishes, etc. At this time, parents can help their children form good habits as long as they pay attention to guidance.

First of all, when children do something by themselves, no matter what the result is or how small the thing is, parents should enthusiastically encourage them. Only in this way can the children realize the power of doing it themselves. pleasure.

Let the children participate in their own labor. For example, when the mother is washing clothes, she also asks the children to join in, washing red scarves, etc., to make the work more interesting; at the same time, it also takes the opportunity to teach the children some labor skills. .

Make full use of role models and closely cooperate with teachers’ activities. Children especially like to imitate. You can appropriately praise other children in front of them for their hard work, etc. At the same time, don't forget to tell them, "As long as you are willing, you can be like him. Let's try it together?" In this regard. Teachers often do a good job. Many children are very diligent in kindergarten or school but do nothing at home. At this point, parents should learn from teachers and guide their children correctly, but they should also provide examples in moderation and do not cause problems. Children's rebellious psychology.

If you want to observe whether the spontaneity of children over four or five years old is developing smoothly, parents should pay attention to whether the child is willing to play with other children. If playing with children is lively and naughty, it can be considered that the child's spontaneous development is going smoothly.

When such children are playing, they often conflict with their friends' opinions, quarrel and fight. This situation proves that the child has self-assertion, and parents should pay attention to it with a trustful attitude. Even if the children had a serious fight, they would play together again the next day as if nothing had happened.

In this regard, children are obviously different from adults. If adults quarrel, it is difficult to reconcile, and sometimes they even break off contact.

When children find that playing with children is more interesting than playing alone, they will use their own way of thinking to find ways to resolve conflicts.

What would happen if the mother stepped in when the children were quarreling?

Most mothers will arbitrate who is right and who is wrong. However, children's quarrels and fights are by no means bad things, so the one who is designated as the bad child will be traumatized.

Some mothers will give each other 50 big boards, that is, let both parties say "I'm sorry" to each other. However, since children's quarrels and fights are not a bad thing, this approach will still leave a shadow in the hearts of the two children.

Energy children will learn how to get along with their friends through quarrels. Arguing, and then making up - after countless repetitions, children gradually become able to understand each other, and at the same time learn to try to make each other understand themselves, thereby establishing a mutual trusting relationship between friends.

In the past, you could often see groups of children playing in open spaces or parks. Without adult intervention, they quarreled, fought, and reconciled among themselves in the group. In this coming and going, the child's ability to make friends is developed.

However, there are no such places now. Children can rarely play in groups, and the opportunities to practice making friends have become less and less.

Speaking of quarreling and fighting, there are quite a few families who are troubled by this. Between brothers and sisters, the younger they are and the closer they are in age, the easier it is to quarrel and fight. However, such quarrels will gradually become less frequent as age increases, so as long as there is no danger, it is better for parents not to interfere.

For example, the mother saw the older child hitting the younger child, so the mother said: "My brother did it first, my brother is not good." Then she asked the older child to admit his mistake. But this is wrong. Because when the older child took action, his mother happened to see it, and before that, the younger child had already kicked his brother. This is a common occurrence.

Events develop continuously, and it is impossible to judge only a part of them, and this kind of judgment itself is not correct. If there is a referee, one of the parties must be the "bad guy", but parents should not regard their children as bad guys.

In addition, children whose spontaneous development is smooth will show interest in housework, especially cooking, and want to help their mother do things. At this time, if you go out of your way to give him the opportunity to be a helper and teach him how to cook, your child's skills will gradually improve and he will even be able to cook simple dishes by himself.

When children can make poached eggs effortlessly on their own, their self-confidence will suddenly increase. However, when the child wants to be a helper, the mother refuses: "Stop making trouble." In this case, the child will lose interest in doing housework and will not agree to help when the mother wants him to.

Boyhood is the most beautiful period in life, and it is also the most critical period for a person's psychological growth. Relevant experts pointed out: A healthy family education method should pay attention to three aspects: first, parents should regularly communicate with their children psychologically, respect their children, and adjust their own expectations; second, pay attention to children's emotional needs; third, parents Study should be strengthened and one's own quality should be improved. Parents should be careful not to "emotionally abuse" their children.

According to reports, surveys show that currently in 4 cities including Beijing, Shanghai, and Wuhan: more than 90% of parents think that the happiest thing is that their children have good academic performance, and almost 100% of parents think that the most satisfying thing is that their children have good academic performance. The distressing thing is that children have poor academic performance, but good health and good thinking are ranked behind. It can be seen that high expectations have become an important emotional bond for parents of underage children in our country. Once this emotional knot occurs, it will easily lead to "mental abuse" of the child. Research by psychologists shows that "mental abuse" causes far greater harm than doting, and is also greater than beating, scolding, and corporal punishment.

Children who have experienced "mental abuse" will have many psychological and behavioral disorders, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, selfishness and other mental illnesses, making it difficult to adapt to society.

"Emotional abuse" has many manifestations. In order to put pressure on their children, or find that their children's thoughts are against their wishes, some parents use warnings, threats, exposure, sarcasm, etc. to control their children. , which greatly restricts children's imagination and creative spirit. In order to prevent their children from being arrogant, some parents often use sarcasm to compare the advantages of other children with their own children's shortcomings, which makes the dark cloud of inferiority cover their children. Mental space. Numerous mental abuses did not satisfy the parents, and then the parents increased the intensity of the "mental abuse", leading to a vicious cycle and inducing rebellious psychology in the children, making the gap between the two generations deeper and deeper. , or even generate hostility.

Therefore, parents should pay enough attention to their children's psychological development and never give their children "mental abuse".

There are often some incidents at the entrance of kindergarten. Parents are angry but have to put on a smile to coax the children who cry and refuse to go to kindergarten. These children are naughty at home, timid and fearful at school, have a partial eclipse, are afraid of strangers, and have poor language expression skills.

The poor interpersonal relationships of children at this age may be due to the following factors: First, there are problems with intelligence or basic abilities, so that they do not know how to express themselves, or express themselves poorly, and are afraid of being laughed at, so they become more bold The second is that they are afraid of interacting with others due to frustration in making friends; the third is that they have no motivation to make friends and do not feel that friends are of any benefit and feel that they can just play by themselves, or they are purely introverted and do not like to play with children.

As far as external factors are concerned, the following situations exist: buildings have replaced courtyards, and neighbors do not interact with each other; the elderly are afraid that their children will be in danger and do not let their children go out to play; nannies have replaced the labor of their parents, but It cannot make up for the parents' emotions, causing the children's emotional hunger...

How can we help children no longer be "afraid" of interacting with others?

In daily life, children can be trained to communicate and express their abilities. For example, using non-authoritative parenting methods allows children to have more opportunities to express themselves and let them try to answer questions such as "What do you want to eat?"

Encourage children more and build their confidence. On the other hand, you can ask him more about his situation in school or kindergarten and ask him to report what his classmates are doing. For example, when your child complains that someone is treating him badly, you can ask him: "How do you think we should treat our classmates better?" "You don't like him doing this to you, have you told him?" Let the child think about how to express himself accurately and let others understand his emotions and thoughts; then "simulate" with the child, under what circumstances What to do, what to say.

You should also often take your children out to interact with people, such as taking your children to spend the night at a good friend's house on weekends, so that your children can experience the joy of interacting with others; mothers should try to take care of their children by themselves, even if the children cannot speak yet. , also communicate with him more, hug and caress the child more. If interpersonal communication problems have already occurred, they can be solved through psychological training, such as letting the child roll on the mat. Crawling, brushing the child's body with a soft brush, letting the child jump on a croissant ball, etc. In serious cases, special psychological training is required with the help of a psychologist.

The following exercise uses a variety of intense emotional situations to test the mother's ability to handle cognitive skills. It also provides you with a practice for emotionally coaching responses to your child's negative feelings.

In each item, a parent's reaction to one person's "wrong" is provided. You are then asked to guess how the child would feel in this situation and discuss how the parents would handle it. Finally, ask you to provide a new way to validate your child's emotions.

Example: A child was lost in a large department store, and the parents were very worried about him. After a while, a store clerk found an obviously upset child and helped him find his parents.

Wrong reaction: "You stupid kid, I am going crazy because of you. I will never take you to the company again."

Discuss how parents handle it: Parents It was scary, but the way it was handled was for the safety of the child and to prevent the same situation from happening again.

Child's feelings: Fear

Correct response: "You must be greatly frightened. I am also frightened. Come on, let me hold you." Wait for a while, and then talk about what happened. "

1. After the child came home from school: "I will never go to that school again! The teacher yelled at me in front of my friends." p>

Incorrect response: "What did you do to make the teacher yell at you?"

Discuss how parents handle it:

Children's feelings:

Reaction to:

2. In the bathtub, your child says, "I hate my partner. I wish he would die."

Wrong response: "That's scary. That's not how we behave in this house." You don’t hate your partner, you like him. I don’t want to hear you talk like this again."

Discuss how parents should deal with it:

Children. Feelings:

Reactions:

3. At dinner, your child says, "Gee, I hate this dish and I won't eat it."

"

Wrong reaction: "You can eat it if you want it, and you still have to like it! "

Discuss parents' handling methods:

Children's feelings:

Correct reactions:

4. Your child comes back after going out Said: "I hate those kids. They don't play with me, they are so mean to me! "

Wrong response: "If you weren't a coward, they would be willing to play with you. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Do you want to fight back?

Discuss the parents’ handling methods:

Children’s feelings:

Correct reactions:

5. Your child says: "I wish you weren't here to accompany me tonight. I wish ××× was here to accompany me."

Wrong reaction: "What a terrible thing to say! You are a child who doesn't care about others." "

Discuss parents' handling methods:

Children's feelings:

Reactions:

6. Your child's friend comes to visit and my child says, "I don't want to play with this toy with you. You're not allowed to play with it!"

Wrong response: "You're a selfish kid. You should learn to play with it." Share with others "

Discuss how parents handled it:

Children's feelings:

Reactions:

Answers

1． Discuss how parents handle the situation: Parents want their children to do well in school and be liked by their teachers. Parents are worried that their children will make mistakes in school and cause dissatisfaction with teachers.

The child’s feelings: uncomfortable.

Correct reaction: "That must make you feel uncomfortable"

2. Discuss the parent's approach: The parent hopes that he will get along well with his partners.

How the child feels: Anger.

Correct response: "I know your partner does make you angry and upset sometimes. What happened?"

3. Discuss how parents handle the situation: Parents want their children to enjoy the food that has been prepared, and parents do not want to have to cook anymore.

How the child feels: Disgusted.

Correct reaction: "Today's food doesn't seem to be to your taste. What do you want to eat?"

4. Discuss the parent's approach: Parents want their child to be able to get along happily with other children but not to have his or her feelings hurt so easily.

How the child feels: Sad.

Correct reaction: "That must break your heart. Tell me what happened?"

5. Discuss the parent’s approach: The parent hopes the child will appreciate the time and effort the parent spent tonight.

How the child feels: Sad.

Correct reaction: "I can understand that you really miss ×××, and I also miss ×××."

6. Discuss parents’ approach: Parents hope that children and visitors can have fun together and behave generously.

How the child feels: Anger.

Correct response: "Sometimes it's hard to share a favorite toy. Let's put this toy away and get another toy that you would like to play with."

How should you criticize your children?

In children's education, criticism and rewards play equally important roles, and they are both means of shaping children's good behavior. However, when criticizing children, we must pay attention to a certain art, and we must pay attention to the following points:

First of all, we must pay attention to the time and occasion of criticism.

Don’t criticize your children when you and your children are angry. You should do it when both parties are calm. When children lose their temper, they often talk back to their parents' criticism, at least in their hearts. Even if it is good advice, he cannot listen to it. Do not use the dinner table as a place for criticism. Criticizing children at the dinner table is likely to cause anorexia in children, and will not achieve the educational effect.

Don’t criticize your children in front of others, especially guests and children.

Criticizing a child in front of guests and children will greatly damage the child's self-esteem, and often arouses the child's resistance, making the child feel embarrassed to face these people in the future. This is a painful experience, and I hope you don’t let your children go through it. You can call your child in front of you alone, and calmly but solemnly point out the areas where he needs improvement.

Criticism should be timely. After a child makes a mistake, he must be criticized in a timely manner. Otherwise, if you say anything, he will have forgotten it and will not remember that he has done such a thing. So what is the point of criticism?