You will never try to convince anyone unless that is his original idea.

I have a big problem. I like being a teacher.

This question used to make me very painful. I found that when I told others what I thought was good, no one agreed with me. Even if I agreed with my opinion at that time, I never took my advice in private.

This makes me puzzled. On the one hand, why is it difficult for us to accept other people's opinions? Even if that point of view can actually help yourself; On the one hand, why am I such a good teacher? The most distressing thing is that I still can't quit, and I'm not cheap.

Later, after reading thirteen invitations, Jiang Wen put forward a word called "self-expression", and I knew it was it.

Jiang Wendao: "It has nothing to do with me. Any work, when facing the appreciator, is that they are expressing themselves, and everyone is expressing themselves. "

By the way, watching movies, listening to others or reading articles, if I agree to like it, it must be helping us express ourselves, it speaks our inner voice.

This is the first time I felt the power of "self-expression", and later I met this thing in my writing.

Have you ever wondered why we want to output our opinions so badly? Why can't I quit being a good teacher because of my shortcomings?

Why do we like to hear others say what we think? And when we hear that others disagree with us, will we immediately resist?

I offer five angles for you to think about. If you have other answers, please leave a message below and communicate with us.

First, pay attention to yourself.

From the biological level, people are selfish, and we only pay attention to what is related to ourselves.

So you often see a group of people sitting together chatting. Some people say a lot, but you don't feel anything, because this person doesn't say anything about you.

I often have such confusion. During dinner, many people sat together and talked about games. I was so excited that I sat next to them like an alien.

And if someone talks to me about reading and cognition, I will immediately sit back and look forward to it.

I read the copywriting training manual two days ago, and Spencer said something that made me climax again and again. He said, "Remember, no matter who the protagonist is, what readers care most about is not what this person is like, but what your writing has to do with him."

Ma Boyong said something similar, but the original video could not be found.

Many people think that readers like those historical figures, but they are not. Readers are not interested in those historical figures. What readers care about is whether they can find their own shadow in those characters.

So please read this article carefully today, because it is related to you.

Second, memes are immortal.

The word meme comes from Richard? Dawkins' selfish gene, Dawkins mentioned that there are two kinds of genes in the world, one is the gene in our DNA, and the other is the gene of cultural transmission, called meme, which is also translated into meme.

It can explain why we like being teachers so much, because besides genetic inheritance, people actually have a unique way of inheritance, that is, through ideological inheritance.

What is ideological inheritance?

There are many great men in history who don't care about reproduction, but are determined to spread their ideas, such as Laozi, Confucius, Sima Qian, Plato, Aristotle, Socrates and so on. Their works and ideas are their genes.

So who is the writer?

That is, a person with a second gene is more powerful than the gene in DNA. It can spread quickly, widely and remain immortal in the long river of history.

Why do I like being a teacher and writing?

I'm thinking, I should also want to pass on my thought genes. Even if I am gone in the future, I will always exist in this world in another form.

Third, the desire to be a model.

In the last article, Campus Jun analyzed the underlying logic of learning, that is, the desire to model.

In Desire for Modeling, I talked about the essence of leverage. Why can't we ever beat bar essence?

Because the experience of past life has all been transformed into a new model, rooted in the depths of our brains. Once a new cognition comes in, the original model will instinctively resist unless this cognition is the same as your original model.

That's why people don't like to listen to criticism. Criticism means that the original model is wrong. If you accept the criticism from the other side, it means that you need to overturn the pattern and start over.

This is obviously painful, but the most difficult thing is not the pain, but the cover brought by the model, which is called the obstacle of cognition in philosophy.

Just like that sentence, a fool will not know that he is a fool, because the premise of knowing is that he is not a fool.

The same is true of models.

Fourth, defend your position.

The fourth point is more practical, which is a kind of human nature: "We always defend our position".

If anyone dares to offend, I will give him some color to see see.

So you often see this conversation:

"Smoking is harmful to health, don't you know?"

"But there are also many people who still live to be eighty or ninety years old, such as my uncle."

"But doctors have proved that smoking does increase the incidence of the body. You see, the words smoking is harmful to health must be printed on the cigarette case. "

"But I prefer happiness to health."

"But you are happy and the people around you are troubled."

"You mean others are troubled, right? That's someone else's business. I can't wronged myself because others don't like it? "

You see, no matter how you prove the other party wrong, the other party will immediately find a reason to prove that he is right.

Doesn't he know that smoking is harmful to health? Happiness and smoking are not necessarily related. Who says quitting smoking won't make you happy?

I know everything, but if you say I am wrong, I won't admit that I am wrong. You are not Socrates. You can't convince me.

Five, in order to maintain the balance of the brain.

On top of psychology, there is cognitive neuroscience, which is a science that studies why psychological society is like this.

Studies have found that there is an "interpreter" in our brain.

Once new information is received, the brain needs to interpret and classify it. Isn't it a bit like something? By the way, modeling desire.

This information includes ideas from the outside world, our own behaviors and our emotions.

For example, there is a famous research phenomenon in cognitive neuroscience, that is, when you bite a pencil, your mood will become sunny.

Because when you bite a pencil, your mouth is the same as your smile. Although you are unhappy, your brain has to explain this behavior.

This is also the reason why you should smile more in your life, because smiling can really affect your mood and thus your behavior.

For another example, I bought an expensive lipstick at a discount on Girls' Day. Obviously, we will regret it to death afterwards, but we will still find reasons to comfort ourselves. "Women must be kind to themselves and please themselves once. I will become more attractive. What if the male god suddenly has a crush on me? Anyway, I am happy, and I can't eat for a month. "

You see, the "interpreter" of our brain has been doing one thing, that is, "my behavior must be reasonable" to achieve internal and external balance.

If you don't do this, your brain will be confused, and then your decision will be paralyzed.

This is the lowest truth of "self-expression". Our brain has an "interpreter" who rationalizes all our actions to achieve internal and external balance.

Your emotional intelligence is reflected in chatting most of the time.

If you know "self-expression", then you are likely to do the following things when chatting.

1, listen.

It's easy to get into a state of self-expression when chatting. I always like to interrupt others and then talk on my own.

This has two disadvantages. One is that if you don't let the other person fully express himself, he will be very unhappy. The other is that if you express yourself too much, the other person will be very unhappy. Because the other person only cares about topics related to himself, but you have been talking about topics that you care about.

This kind of situation often happens, even if campus gentlemen chat with intimate friends, they will often fall into it. We should know that our cognition and three views are in good agreement, but we will still talk about many topics that the other party is not interested in, because everyone's experience is unique, and the interest will naturally not reach 100%.

At this time, the practice of campus gentlemen is to immediately realize that the other party may not be interested, and then immediately end this topic and open up a new topic.

When the other person talks about a topic I don't like, what the campus gentleman does is to keep listening and give feedback from time to time until the other person has finished speaking, and then talk about what I want to say.

Because the campus gentleman knows the truth of self-expression, but the other party doesn't, then I should take the responsibility of listening. In fact, love is also like this.

2, it is not good to be a teacher.

First of all, you have to understand a truth, no one likes to be changed, no one!

We are often taught by elders that you should study hard, play less games, don't stay at home all the time, and always clean up the messy room.

Have we heard of it?

I have educated others. As soon as I meet my good friends, I encourage them to study, give them Amway and tell them where to grow up and how to do it. Later, I found that almost no one changed because of my "preaching", but I felt a bit like my mother-in-law.

Since I understand "self-expression", I am not so good as a teacher. Occasionally, I will make some suggestions, but the other party will take the initiative to ask, which is quite good.

3. Don't refute it casually.

Whether something is right or not, he actually noticed it at the moment he said it.

If you show tolerance, I will reflect on myself after the chat; And if you stand up and refute at once, then I can only pick up my weapon at once to prove that I am right.

This is us, and we have been "defending our position".

Understand this, don't be so competitive, you know you can never beat each other.

Even if you force the other person into a corner and make him speechless, the other person will not give up in his heart, and may even call you "stupid" in his heart.

This is a chat aspect, and there is a big aspect, about growth.

Now you know that everyone is expressing themselves. Everyone only cares about what he thinks and can only see what he wants to see.

In this way, you will form a powerful self-masking, which seems to be the same as the masking of the model.

How to understand?

It is usually manifested as disagreement, whether it is chatting, reading or other things. In the event of disagreement, most people's first reaction is to find counterexamples to prove that the other party is wrong and that they are right.

For example, Mi Meng's loyal fans, once they have established their status, will be filtered out by him if you tell him that the values are inappropriate, because he is trying to search for evidence of the other party's mistakes.

For another example, at this moment, if you don't agree with me, your first reaction must be to find a counterexample to prove me wrong.

If you are like most people, you can't understand the way others look at things, and you are not good at exploring other people's ideas.

Because all you can think about is trying to tell each other what you think is right.

People always keep running towards what they see, and keep hitting the wall in their blind spots until failure makes them evolve.

Just said, no one likes to be changed.

I didn't say this sentence, but Huang Zhizhong said it.

Since no one likes to be changed, do we have to change others? After all, thankless.

Yes, if it is someone who has nothing to do with you, you can ignore it, but your relatives, your lover and your friends, if they are doing things that are not good for you, you have the responsibility to remind them.

Even in the team, for the common ideal, you need to "change" your peers and even your leaders, and you need to convey your ideas.

This is not, that is not, what do you want me to do?

The way is to change your expression skills. I'll give you several ways to stand on the shoulders of giants.

The first tycoon is Huang Zhizhong, who is my most admired debater. Fans often leave him messages saying, "What you said makes sense. I have thought about it, but I can't be as clear as you said. "

It is said that no one likes to be changed, but why do fans agree with Huang Zhizhong so much?

In fact, fans have not been changed. The implication of the fans is "I'm not convinced by you. That truth is actually something I had a long time ago. You said what I thought. I was just inspired by you and suddenly figured it out. "

In fact, before Huang Zhizhong said this, he had never thought of it this way.

This is the first persuasion skill, which is called "turn your words into the other person's own words" and let the other person say "Ah, this is what I've always wanted to say" from the heart.

The second technique is called "giving the other person the right to choose".

What do you mean by giving each other the right to choose?

There are two sentence patterns, one is to change "you should" into "I need"; One is to change "why not" to "why not".

For example, when we preach, we don't actually give each other the right to choose, such as "You shouldn't play games every day" and "You should quit smoking". You see, the other person has only one choice, that is, not to play games or smoke.

If you don't give me a choice, then I have to use my last choice, which is the so-called "I don't listen".

And what if we change the sentence pattern to "I need"? For example, between lovers, boys always like to play games and ignore girls, so girls can express "Dear, I need your company".

When a boy hears "I need you", he has many choices, such as continuing to play games, or playing less games and spending more time with his girlfriend. After all, that's what you need. I have the right to satisfy you or not.

But if we change the sentence pattern back to "you should", the effect will be completely opposite. For example, "you shouldn't always play games, you should spend more time with me." The boy must resist hearing such words.

In the second sentence, replace "why not" with "why not".

For example, "Why don't you quit smoking?" "Because I think happiness is more important." "Don't you think this will bring trouble to the people around you?" "That's someone else's business, I can't injustice yourself because others don't like it?

You see, the more you talk about him, the more he resists. Let's change the sentence to "why"?

"Why did you give up drinking?" "Because drinking is easy to have an accident." "That's no big deal, after all, people are happy." "No, no, you don't know how embarrassing it is to make a fool of yourself in front of others."

You think people are such interesting creatures. I don't really want to quit drinking, but you ask me why I want to quit drinking, and I will defend my reasons.

These are the chatting skills I want to tell you in life, such as chatting with friends and lovers.

What about work? Do you use this method?

No, the work situation is more rational and pays more attention to efficiency, so your chat mode should also be changed.

I want to share with you the second giant, Song Chao, the founder of the future university. He mentioned five dimensions. Because the number of words in today's article is seriously overloaded, I will only say two that are most relevant to the theme, and I will share the others later.

The first skill is called "helping the other person to ask questions in his heart".

As mentioned above, when people encounter "preaching" and "suggestions", their first reaction is to look for counterexamples immediately. For example, you are looking for a counterexample to refute me at the moment.

He must have a lot of doubts in his heart. All you have to do is help him raise them. If you pay attention, you will find that the campus gentleman will often help you put forward your doubts in the article and then help you answer them.

In this way, you will feel that we are on the side and accept it to a greater extent. Instead of me telling you a truth directly, nine times out of ten you will resist.

Before the problems pile up, you should help the leader ask and answer his questions.

The second skill is called "What+Why".

After helping the leader ask questions, how to answer them? There is a routine, which is "what+why".

In addition to telling the leader that truth, you should also tell the underlying logic behind that truth. Why are you doing this? And what is the significance of doing so?

In fact, every article of campus jun is written like this.

First tell you the phenomenon, then tell you the reason, then help you ask questions, and finally tell you what the meaning is by explaining the underlying logic behind the reason, plus how to do it, which constitutes an article of three or four thousand words.

Finally, sum up.

Each of us is doing "self-expression", and what we can see is what we want to see. In order to maintain this balance, we don't like being changed, and we will defend our position to the death.

If you see this, give yourself a big reward.

Because in such an impetuous era, it is not easy for people who can patiently read about 5000 words.