The artistry of refusal lies in the flexibility of its skills. The key to learning to refuse others in a friendly way is to master the skills of refusal. Here are some ways and techniques to refuse. We should consider their application in real life on the basis of understanding, and we should not blindly copy them regardless of the actual situation.
1. Raise first and then suppress.
It can also be called "inheritance before transfer", which is a way to avoid positive expression and take indirect attack. For some ideas and demands of others, first express appreciation in a positive tone, and then express rejection. This will not directly hurt each other's feelings and enthusiasm, but also make them easy to accept and leave a way out for themselves. Usually, you can express your opinion with the following words, "This is really a good idea, but it's a pity that we can't adopt it at once because …"; "The idea is great, but I'm afraid we have to give up now, and I think it will be useful in the future"; "You are a considerate person. I know you wouldn't come to me if you didn't trust me very much and thought I was capable of doing this well, but I'm really too busy. I'll try my best to do something next time "and so on.
If something is out of respect, you can also agree on the spot. There is no need to show your attitude on the spot and embarrass both sides. You can say "this is a good thing, but for some reason, I have to think about it carefully" to seriously think about yourself, or find an excuse acceptable to the other party, and the other party will think that you are taking their opinions seriously, so as to understand your later choices or actions.
Sometimes the other party has urgent requirements, and you really can't help. Considering the actual situation and mood of the other party at that time, in order to avoid the other party becoming angry from embarrassment and causing misunderstanding, you can show a positive attitude first, but you can only find another time to deal with it. The other party must do it at once, and then he will find another countermeasure.
Xiao Jia is the chief violinist of the school art troupe and often participates in some large-scale performances. Once, a friend said to him, "I really want to go to the theater to see you play the violin, but the ticket office has been sold out." Xiao Jia doesn't have a ticket at hand, and he doesn't want to worry that a ticket will affect his mood before the performance, and he doesn't want to agree to his request. But he didn't refuse directly, but took it first and then turned it around, making the refusal indirect. He calmly replied, "It's a pity that I don't have a ticket. However, I have a seat in the hall, if you are happy ... "The friend asked happily," Where is it? " Xiao Jia replied, "It's not hard to find-it's behind the violin."
2. Silent suggestion method
Sometimes, refusal can also be implied by some allusions. For example, a person with a large collection of books is often worried that others will not return the books. One day, he read in a book that a famous writer's way to deal with others borrowing books was to stick "borrower, fool" on the bookcase; Give me my book back, fool. "So he quoted this practice and said to the borrower with regret, I don't want you to be a fool, and I don't want others to call me a fool. Sometimes, some people like to ask for directions by throwing stones at them by stating difficulties and other methods. At this time, you can also express your refusal in the same way, because it is best for them to express "no" through their minds. This method is often used by friends to borrow money. Generally speaking, borrowers like to state their difficulties. At this time, you can also pick up the topic and talk about your own sufferings, and the other party will understand. You can also list your own difficulties by talking to yourself, so that the other person can feel your meaning from your words. Of course, at the same time, you can express your deep sympathy and understanding, your concern and helplessness, and send your blessing when the other party leaves.
Story: One day, Bernard Shaw received a red invitation from a rich man: "A lady will be waiting at home from 4 pm to 6 pm on Tuesday." Bernard Shaw returned the invitation and wrote a note at the bottom: "Mr. Bernard Shaw will be waiting at home at the same time."
3. Defend the law by attacking.
If we have learned something from other channels before the other party makes a request, or we have learned the other party's purpose in the conversation, we can take the offensive and defensive way to refuse. For example, if a classmate asks you to borrow money to do something improper (such as gambling), you can take the lead in asking before the other person: "I just met you and was about to borrow some money from you ..." When the other person hears this, he will naturally not ask you to borrow money, and will regret that he borrowed the comb from the monk temple-he went to the wrong door.
4. Self-deprecation method
For those activities that are meaningless and waste time and energy, muddle through in a joking atmosphere in this way. For example, if a friend invites you to play video games, you can say, "I'm not afraid of your jokes." I've been studying for several years, but I haven't been good at it. You will feel sorry for this. In order not to affect your interest, I still won't go. " For example, at a class reunion, you really don't want to drink. You can say, "I am a good son of my parents and have no position in my family." If I drink, my father will kill me when I go back. Please spare me. " At the same time, you can also use other examples to illustrate, or find some better excuses to enhance the effect of this self-mockery.
5. Fuzzy response method
In real life, some people ask us to evaluate or express our opinions on certain things or people for some reason or purpose, so as to find out our attitude, but in fact, we should not concretize our own evaluation or opinions. At this time, if you can't respond tactfully and answer skillfully, you may fall into a passive situation and be at a loss. For example, some people like to speak ill of others behind their backs, gossiping and gossiping. When we meet such people, we should be cautious, try to talk less and comment less, and speak less tendentiously. At this time, using fuzzy coping method can avoid getting involved in some unnecessary troubles, which is also very beneficial for us to get out of society and deal with interpersonal relationships.
One day, classmate A mysteriously said to classmate B, "I always feel that someone in our class is a little' that'. What's your impression of him? " Classmate B pondered for a moment and replied, "I was deeply impressed by him." The answer is ingenious and flawless.
Step 6 go with the flow
For some problems, we can skillfully put each other in the same situation to lure each other to make judgments, let each other understand their own situation or meaning, and skillfully refuse each other's demands. There is a classic example of this method in history: once, a reporter asked General Eisenhower a question about military secrets, and General Eisenhower whispered, "This is a confidential question. Can you keep my secret? " The reporter quickly said: "Yes!" The general replied, "So can I!"
Xiao Liu borrowed a camera from a friend of the Tourism Bureau and played with it while walking. It happened that "Wang Shantou" came face to face. "Wang Shantou" has a problem: when he meets an acquaintance, he has an interesting thing to borrow for a few days. I have to borrow Xiao Liu's camera this time. Although Xiao Liu explained the situation in every way, "Wang Shantou" still refused to let go. Xiao Liu had a brainwave and said in a pretentious manner, "well, I can lend it to you, but I want you not to lend it to others." Can you do it? " Hearing this, "Wang Steamed Bread" is exactly what he wants. Busy said: "Of course, of course. I will do it. " "Never break your word?" Xiao Liu added. "Never break your word. Can you call someone if you break your word? " "Wang Steamed Bread" is vigorous and vigorous. "I can't break my word, because I also promised the owner of the camera that I would never lend it out." Hearing this, "Wang Shantou" was dumbfounded and had to give up.
Some students may have this idea after reading the above method. Do we all reject others in real life? Should we all use these euphemisms to refuse? That's a good question In real life, we should also pay attention to the following questions about refusal. First of all, in normal times, we should treat our friends and classmates sincerely and help them actively. The methods we talk about are mainly applied to those things that really go against our wishes. We should be clear about a simple truth: "It is not difficult to help others at ordinary times, and it is not difficult to refuse talents". Second, if it is because of your ability and objectivity, you should call a spade a spade, explain the actual situation, and actively help the other party find a way. Third, for some things, it is best to say "no" directly, especially those that violate the law and discipline, and should be resolutely rejected. For those things that may cause misunderstanding, we should also take a clear-cut stand, otherwise we will be "constantly interrupted and disturbed by it." In addition, if the refusal is not clear, it may affect the development direction of the other party or thing, and it should also be rejected directly. Fourth, even if you master some better methods, you should be tactful in general refusal, preferably smiling, which can alleviate or even eliminate the unhappiness caused by refusal.
After learning these contents, can you handle the questions we raised at the beginning of this chapter? I believe you can solve it skillfully.