Narrator: In 283 BC, the state of Qin won the final victory in the offensive and defensive war, and its national strength soared. It is said that the king of Zhao killed BOSS and got a rare treasure-Choi, and the king of Qin offered to exchange it with a pet Suzaku. At the same time, 200,000 people were armed to the teeth, but the king of Zhao refused and immediately sent troops to invade Zhao. On this day, in Xianyang, the capital of Qin,
The first scene, Xianyang, the capital of Qin State.
Actors: King Qin, Minister A, Minister B and Qin.
Minister A (excitedly coming in to tell him): Your Majesty, your Majesty, 200,000 brothers have all prepared kitchen knives. Shall we go to Zhao State to grab territory today?
King Qin (kicking Minister Jia's ass): How many times have I told you that we are civilized people now, civilized people understand? Don't grab territory and territory at every turn. Civilized people should be like this ~ ~ (in front of everyone! (Take a deep breath) Ah ~ ~ ~ An army is holding a kitchen knife in the dark. Although he looks like a butcher, he will never kill a pig ~ ~ Good poem, good poem! ! (intoxicated)
Minister B (hugging Minister A): Help! ! Your majesty is reading poetry again ~ ~ ~
King Qin (shaking his head): I will personally review the army. There are many people who can't see the edge at a glance ~ ~ ~ 200 thousand. We'll wait and see if anyone hasn't arrived. One, two, three, four ... one hundred and one, one hundred and two (sniffling) Hmm ~ ~ Forget where you just counted ~ ~ Start over! One, two, three, four ... one hundred and one, one hundred and two. ...
Minister B (yawns and looks at the sky and asks Minister A): When is your majesty going to count? My wife is waiting for me to go back for lunch! Minister a: I don't know. I think I can finish counting before dinner.
King Qin: ...199,996,199,997,199,998,199,999, hmm ~ ~ Why is one missing?
Qin: Tell your majesty that his cousin, the second dog in our class, is married. He went to Tianjin for a wedding reception and asked for leave today. King Qin (with a look of resentment): It's really annoying to ask for leave ~ ~ How can military affairs be so trifling! ! ! (Suddenly reminded of something) By the way ~ ~ Call him and ask him to come back and bring me some Goubuli buns! ~~
Qin: Yes ~ ~ King Qin: The roll call is over. I'm exhausted! It's getting late, the meeting is over, let's go home for dinner, and we'll find Zhao again tomorrow!
Minister A and Minister B embrace: Yeah ~~ ~ Go home for dinner ~ ~ ~
The end of the first act
Narrator: The military parade of the King of Qin is finally over, and on the other side, the king of Zhao is playing mahjong with Lin Xiangru in Handan, the capital of Zhao.
Act II, Handan, the capital of Zhao State.
Actors: Lin Xiangru, Minister A, Minister B, Zhao.
Minister A: Your Majesty, what are you going to do about the exchange of pets for Cui?
Wang Zhao: Damn it ~ ~ The king of Qin treats me as a mentally retarded child ~ ~ Shi Bi and I are worth at least tens of billions, and his god beast Suzaku is worth at most one billion, not counting natural skills. Does he think my primary school math teacher didn't teach arithmetic? ~
Zhao (rushing into the report): Report to the king. ...
Wang Zhao (rushing to hit him): How many times have I told you ~ ~ We are not bandits who slaughter mines in Han Mine, we are a big country, and we want to be called King, King. Go out and start over ~ ~ ~
Zhao Jiabing: Yes, yes, yes ~ ~ (burying his face, he turned and ran out and ran back) Master Wang ~ ~ Master Wang (waiting for the minister to hide his face and bow his head to admit defeat), according to spies, a large number of underworld gangs with kitchen knives gathered in Xianyang, the capital of Qin State, today, as if they were coming to our Zhao State to seize territory.
Minister B: Your Majesty, now that the enemy is strong and I am weak, I don't think I can keep Hebi, and I was rejected by their PK. It's not worth it! Just switch with him! The big deal is to organize brothers to play BOSS tomorrow.
Wang Zhao (thoughtfully): (Bleeding painfully) Let's treat it as selling something at the wrong price. I think ~ ~ ~ which Ai Qing can take on the heavy responsibility of this transaction.
Minister A: Oh ~ ~ Your Majesty, the days of every month have arrived these two days, and it is not suitable for traveling.
(With a shy expression) Wang Zhao (touching his chin thoughtfully ~): What date is it? (Suddenly reacting), damn it ~ ~ ~ Are you a man? ~ ~ Get out ~ ~ ~
Minister B: Your Majesty, the sows in my pigsty have given birth to piglets these days and are still in confinement. I really can't leave!
Wang Zhao (grabbing B by the collar): Why didn't you say you died after giving birth to a piglet ~ ~
Lin Xiangru (righteously): I am willing to share my worries for your majesty, and I am willing to die.
Wang Zhao (touching Lin Xiangru): Ai Qing is really a pillar of the country. Now she is as brave, fearless, dedicated, loving her post and not embezzling or misappropriating public funds. ...
Lin Xiangru (remembering something): By the way, Your Majesty, speaking of public funds, please pay more for this business trip! My wife said that a rare public trip should bring the whole family, and my son has long been clamoring to go to Xianyang Disney. Your majesty, your majesty, why are you leaving? Your Majesty ~ ~ Wang Zhao, Lin Xiangru ~ ~ ~
The end of the second act
Narrator: Three days later, Qin Palace.
Act III, the Palace of Qin State (actors: Qin Wang, Lin Xiangru, ministers A, B, C and D)
Minister C: Your Majesty, the envoy of Zhao has come to see you.
King Qin: Send him to the temple.
Minister Ding: The special envoy went to the temple.
Lin Xiangru (suit and tie): Here we go ~ ~ ~
Qin Wang: Who's here?
Lin Xiangru (adjusted his suit and put on a POSS): I am handsome, pure and lovely. Computer has passed Grade 2, and English has passed Grade 4. Jianghu people call me Pear Flower over Begonia, nicknamed Lin Xiangru, jade-faced, black shirt and little white dragon.
Ministers A, B, C and D: Wow, Lin Xiangru and Lin Xiangru sign, sign. . . Qin Wang (surprised): Lin Xiangru, so you are Lin Xiangru! (suddenly asks the minister aside) Who is Lin Xiangru?
Minister A: I don't know, I don't know! Wipe your nose with signed paper and throw it away.
Minister B: Shit ~ ~ I thought it was famous! (Throw the signature on the ground and step on it with your foot) I step on it, I step on it ~ ~
Minister C: I'll look it up in the dictionary. Well, Zhao's last SARS patient's name seems to be Lin Xiangru.
Minister Ding: God ~ ~ I just shook hands with him. Wash your hands with alcohol when you go home at night.
King Qin (in fear): Lin Xiangru, what are you doing here?
Lin Xiangru (thoughtfully): What am I doing here? Let me think ~ ~ ~ (suddenly realize) I remember, I'm here to offer a picture!
King Qin and his ministers: present a map.
Lin Xiangru: Yes, you know, it's not convenient to ask new people without a detailed map. They didn't even know how to get there when they killed the monster. With this map, it is much more convenient for you to find the ancient demon king, the highest day star, gold and silver jewelry and the moonlight treasure box. (Turn to the audience to advertise) Seek the brand map, which is easy to carry and read. Traveling at home, killing monsters and playing with treasures is really a good plan.
Qin Wang (anxious): Come on, bring it up for me.
Lin Xiangru (shows the map and opens the explanation): Look, there is a mark on the highest day star here, and you can find the ancient demon king here. . (The picture shows the poor dagger) Qin Wang, take life ~ ~ ~ (Lin Xiangru holds the dagger in one hand and the clothes of Qin Wang in the other).
Qin Wang (frightened): Help ~ ~ Help! ~~~
(Ministers A, B, C and D are carefree and don't smell it. They say to Lin Xiangru! ) wait a minute! ! Dear Ai Qing, why don't you come and save me?
Minister A: Save you ~ ~ You haven't returned the three Nuwa stones you borrowed from us last year. Why save you!
Minister B: That's, that's ~ ~ I asked you for jewelry yesterday, but you refused to return it.
Qin Wang: Didn't I pay you back 6 million last month?
Minister C: Please ~ ~ ~ Although Nvwa Stone has depreciated, your price of 6 million yuan is worth at most one.
Minister Ding (taking out a list): In addition, it is clearly stated in the IOU that if the loan is repaid one month late, it will add 65.438 billion yuan. How many months have passed now, and your money and interest are almost the same ~ ~
Qin Wang (angry): You are robbing money. I clearly wrote that it will take two months to add 654.38+0 million. Minister Ding (looking down at the iou): No, no, it's in black and white. Don't think we can't count.
Qin Wang: Impossible! (Pushing Lin Xiangru's hand and walking beside Minister Ding), let me have a look. Mm-hmm ~ ~ It seems that it is really 1 ten thousand a month ~ ~ No ~ ~ Sorry! ! Well, I'll pay you back with interest next month, so you can save me, right?
Minister A, B, C and D: OK ~ ~ But remember to return it next month! ! !
Qin Wang (nods, turns around and grabs Lin Xiangru's hand and his collar again): Help! ! Help! ! Somebody help me ~ ~ ~
Ministers A, B, C and D (urgent): Your Majesty ~ ~ ~
Lin Xiangru (smug smile): It's too late ~ ~ It's no use shouting your throat out ~ ~ (I want to stab)
Qin Wang: Wait a minute ~ ~ ~
Lin Xiangru (impatiently): What is it?
Qin Wang: Hero ~ ~ Excuse me, is that a snake dagger in your hand?
Lin Xiangru: Yes, why?
Qin Wang: Is the attribute full phase plus 5?
Lin Xiangru: How do you know Qin Wang (excited): Hero, can you lend me your dagger?
Lin Xiangru: Oh ~ ~ OK! ! (Handing it to the King of Qin) King of Qin (touching the dagger and sticking it on his face): Xiao Qiang, Xiao Qiang, I finally found you ~ ~ ~
Ministers, Lin Xiangru (horrified): Xiao Qiang ~ ~ ~
Qin Wang: To tell you the truth, the dagger was sold by mistake last time I opened a shop to sell things. It grew up with me, just like my brother Can you give it back to me? I'm willing to pay any price.
Lin Xiangru (moved, thinking for a moment): Your experience is so touching. Since you are so sincere, I have a question. As long as you guess correctly, I will give it back to you.
. Qin Wang: OK, please ask the hero a question.
Lin Xiangru: Guess how many green crystals I have in my pocket?
Minister B: Objection, there is no intellectual factor in this question at all. It's unfair to guess by luck! !
Qin Wang (very excited, completely ignoring the kindness of Minister B): Hero, did you just say green crystal? God ~ ~ I've always wanted one. If my answer is correct, can you give me one?
Lin Xiangru (generous): No problem. As long as you get it right, I will give you all five dollars in my pocket.