It is easy to blame yourself, indicating that it is also a good thing to expect yourself and things to get better; Self-reproach shows that we have demands on ourselves. However, excessive self-blame is not desirable, and proper self-blame, that is, self-reflection, can improve yourself.

The purpose of self-reproach is to make us better and avoid making the same mistakes. Self-blame is not for self-harm.

Self-blame can be used as a driving force for progress, but don't get too involved in meaningless self-blame. Blindly blaming yourself without taking action (living in the present and making up for your mistakes) will definitely not change anything. There is no point in blaming yourself so negatively.

We should realize that what we can have is the present, not the past. Negative and excessive self-blame is an act of living in the past and wasting the present, and it is an act of adding mistakes to mistakes.

In fact, there are many other factors that affect the final result besides our own reasons.

Turn remorse into introspection. Self-blame sometimes makes things worse.

Self-regulation of remorse:

1. Allow yourself to make mistakes and admit your imperfections.

2. Find the cause of the mistake, and try to solve the problem and improve yourself to ensure that the same mistake will not happen again, instead of blaming yourself.

3. separate things from your sense of value, and don't feel worthless just because you don't do well.

4. First of all, learn to love yourself, be more sympathetic and considerate of your commonness and difficulties. We should not only reflect on ourselves, but also forgive ourselves. Think of yourself as a good friend.

5. Let go of unrealistic pursuit and the need for perfection. Don't judge yourself and anyone by perfectionism. Face the reality and live in the present.

6. Always carry out positive self-suggestion and self-encouragement.

7. Face regret. We need to get back to what we blame ourselves for. Distinguish between your understanding now and your understanding at that time. Don't use the present to ask for the past.

On the other hand, we can try to explore the meaning and value of regret (for example, to help us reflect and improve ourselves).

Self-reproach and children:

1. More affirmation of children's efforts. The process of hard work is more important than the result of hard work.

Because the result is influenced by many factors, it is not only through the efforts of one person that a satisfactory result can be achieved. But the process of hard work can fully reflect the child's will and quality, and learn to affirm the progress made by the child in the process.

2. Create a relaxed family atmosphere. In daily life, parents should forgive some small mistakes of family members.

If you don't allow any minor mistakes, children will be too sensitive to make mistakes and cause psychological stress.

Parents should also pay attention to the unity of opinions, so that children can feel that they are living in a stable and harmonious atmosphere and reduce their psychological pressure.

3. With regard to children's remorse, it is better to teach children how to face it correctly than to escape (see above for details). Self-blame is a situation that almost everyone will experience.

4. Don't put forward too high demands and unrealistic expectations for children.

5. Establish a correct world outlook for children: Many things are not perfect, and sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it. Give up if you have a choice, and lose if you have something.

6. Teach children to consider the consequences before action, develop a cautious character, and avoid self-blame for mistakes.

7. Tell him that the missed has been missed and the lost has been lost. Learn to bid farewell to the past and face life optimistically.

Note: Give enough sympathy and forgiveness to children who are easy to blame themselves. Help him learn a lesson, and then focus on the present and future life.

Excerpt from a guide to character development