When we were young, we thought that the brokenhearted experience was the biggest regret in this life;
We think that the missed promotion is an opportunity that we can never wait for in this life;
Even, we thought our poor speech was the most humiliating black history of life.
As a result, we are anxious and sometimes fall into painful remorse.
0 1 The more you care, the more you will fail. Zhuangzi recorded such a story:
There was a gambler who took gravel to gamble and won almost every bet. But when he gambles with twenty-two thousand gold, he often loses. He took the gravel to the casino without any worries, so he only focused on winning or losing the gambling; And when he went to the casino with 22 thousand gold, he was very anxious and kept thinking, "What if this gold loses?" This photo.
So he couldn't concentrate all the time, and finally he really fought a lot of wars.
Stanford University in the United States has done a related experiment to verify this assertion. The stronger a person's desire for success, the easier it is to fail. This is the famous "Valenda effect" in psychology.
When two people play chess, the general idea of watching others play chess is clear. As the saying goes, "the authorities are fascinated, and the onlookers are clear."
The bystander, because he has no idea of winning or losing, has nothing to do with him. He can see the whole situation clearly. However, the two players, both thinking of surpassing each other, are distracted and paranoid, but they can't play their best.
Many things in life have proved that what you care about will imprison you; What you care about will bother you.
Let go of interests, gains and losses, what you care about, and treat life with a comfortable "bystander" mentality, and everything will naturally get better.
Feng Zikai said: "If the heart is small, all small things will be big; When the heart is big, the big things are small; Look down on the vicissitudes of the world and feel safe inside.
Thinking too much is the biggest problem. A host interviewed a girl of 10, who was qualified for the national amateur championship. The host asked her a series of questions:
"Do you have any expectations for participating in this competition?"
"What was your best performance in the competition?"
"Do you play golf for any purpose?"
"How did you cope with stress when you were young?"
The little girl always answers, "I don't know what you are asking."
The host thought that the little girl was too young to understand what he said. So, I asked these questions again in simpler language.
This time, the little girl replied, "I understand what you said." I just don't know what your question has to do with my playing golf. "
This is the naive expression of an inexperienced child, but it is this expression that makes pretentious adults hit their faces in front of a child.
Because you think too much, a simple question will become complicated. There are not so many problems in life. You think too much. This is the biggest problem.
03 anxiety, can't think quietly in life, I believe you must have encountered such a thing:
The more anxious we are, the less we can find what we want.
A father lost a watch. He complained that he looked everywhere and rummaged everywhere, but he couldn't find it for a long time.
When he went out, his son sneaked into the house and soon found the watch.
Father asked, "How did you find it?"
The son said, "I'll just sit quietly and hear the ticking soon, and then I can find my watch."
The ancients said: "everything moves when it moves;" If you are calm, everything will be calm. "When we can really calm down, we will find that silence is often more powerful than noise.
People who are under all kinds of pressure now seem to be unable to see the light and hear the inner voice. Courses such as meditation and yoga, which are deeply loved by urbanites, all reflect people's pursuit of inner peace.
Some people say, "peace of mind can make you quiet and wise." When the heart is disturbed by anxiety, it is often chaotic and things will get worse.
There is a fragment in Chekhov's novel "The Death of a Little Civil Servant": A little civil servant accidentally spat at the general in the front row in the theater, fearing that the general would think that he had deliberately offended him, so he quickly apologized to the general.
The general said it didn't matter, and he could understand this normal unintentional move, but the young civil servants repeatedly apologized. Finally, the general was furious and the young civilian was scared to death.
Originally, it was a very small matter, but this little civil servant used his imagination to over-guess other people's ideas and worry about possible misfortunes, which eventually led to tragedy.
There is a view in cognitive theory that what affects you is not the event itself, but your interpretation and association of the event.
If worry is inevitable, then whether you are bored or not, it is there; If that's your imaginary trouble, then it doesn't exist. If you are bored, it really comes.
How can this road of life be difficult? To advance tomorrow's troubles is to put chains on your heart. In fact, 90% of the bad things we are worried about will not happen.
The book "Five Abilities of Love" mentioned a very important point, saying that everyone will encounter problems, and whether it can be successfully solved later depends not entirely on the problems we encounter, but more importantly on people's attitude towards how to attribute the problems.
Two attitudes: external attribution, requiring external changes to adapt to oneself; Internal attribution, understand the external world, and then change yourself to adapt to the world.
First of all, don't blame your feelings on the environment.
Read a story:
A family has three sons. They grew up in endless quarrels between their parents, and their mothers were often black and blue.
The boss thought: Mom is so poor! I will be good to my wife in the future.
Second thought: getting married is boring. I will never get married when I grow up!
The third thought: It turns out that a husband can beat his wife like this!
You see, even if the environment is the same, everyone's judgment and cognition of the same thing are completely different, which will also bring different life influences.
External cause is the condition for the development and change of things, and internal cause is the cognition of people who play a leading role. Blame the environment blindly, and more importantly, always observe your heart.
Second, change corners to overtake.
"Hard work and loss, full of pessimism and brilliance", this is the netizen's evaluation of Li Xueqin, a 25-year-old Peking University girl who also suffers from depression in college. Autistic, emotional, crying in the street, unwilling to communicate with others, once cut his wrist and committed suicide.
In front of the problem, from another angle, maybe you can see a completely different scenery.
In fact, have you ever found that no one or one thing can make you feel what you don't want to feel? Only your own thoughts can create your feelings.
The final result of "dying for a lifetime" is to hurt yourself and others, but a simple "forget it" can make people feel relieved and comfortable.
Tagore said: "one night, I burned all my memories, and my dreams became transparent;" One morning, I threw away everything from yesterday, and I have been light-footed ever since. "
Third, it is free from external constraints and interference.
Mo Yan said in the article How to Treat People Who Don't Like You:
"In this world, there are always people you don't like, and there are always people who don't like you. This is all normal. Moreover, no matter how good you are, no matter how good you are, you are demanding of each other. Because it is one thing to be good or not, and it is another to like it or not. "
Having said that, we can't help thinking of Faye Wong. That year, when she and Nicholas Tse joined hands again, someone on the Internet scolded her: "You are an unqualified mother, and you are still pursuing illusory love when you are old."
When interviewed on this issue, she responded domineering: "I'm really sorry that I didn't pursue the so-called decency according to your idea, but how I live is my own business."
Therefore, if you are not disturbed by the outside world, you will not fall into the quagmire of anxiety.
Finally, actively seek the passion in life.
This is a tangled era, the so-called enthusiasm, everyone needs to work hard to "amoy" their own lives. When you are in high spirits, whatever you do, you feel passionate; On the contrary, when you are not enthusiastic and depressed, everything may make you feel depressed and feel useless and worthless.
"This is the best time, this is the worst time, this is the age of wisdom, this is the age of stupidity; This is a period of faith, this is a period of doubt; This is the season of light, this is the season of darkness; This is the spring of hope, this is the winter of disappointment; There are all kinds of things in front of people, and there is nothing in front of people; People go straight to heaven; People will go straight to hell. "
This is a passage from the novel A Tale of Two Cities by British writer Dickens.
It is not life itself that limits our expectation of passion, but our chaotic state of consciousness that prevents us from finding passion.
Sometimes, can we try to be children, look at the world like children, be curious about everything and face it with a simple heart? Maybe this is the real luxury in the adult world.
Finally, success and satisfaction come from our intuition, which is a positive psychological experience, not intelligence. Therefore, as long as you want to have it, it is not difficult to get it.
Happiness is unhappy, inner happiness is unhappy, or you are anxious and not anxious, you are not anxious, just for a moment.
David Schultz said in the book "The Magic of Great Ideas": "Among the factors that determine success, physical strength, intelligence, energy and education are secondary, and the most important thing is the size of ideas."
Life begins with love and ends with love. Let go of anxiety, life can go into battle lightly; Let's get rid of anxiety and meet our new selves.