What needs to be done at this time is to give children more encouragement, support and understanding. At the same time, give guidance and help in interpersonal communication, work and life, and enhance children's self-confidence.
Your child's work must not be smooth. If all goes well, he won't come back.
He will bring you this kind of emotion, make you feel unhappy, and then go home openly, even if it is presumptuous at home, it is only natural.
Children should be like this when they are young, and they have no friends in Tianjin. This reason does not hold water. As long as they can talk and have some money, how can they survive? Just three meals a day. That's why I have no relatives in Xi.
It is good for children to have such problems. How can it be a good thing? This is an exercise for him. He has no relatives in Tianjin and his living conditions are poor. God gave him a good opportunity to exercise. He should continue to exercise in this pain. After all these things, even if he is bankrupt and helpless, he can turn over immediately, because he has experienced it before and knows how to do the sea.
When children are young, do parents care too much or even prevent their children from being hurt?
Make a phone call, talk about things at work and communicate. If you really want to come back, explain the relationship between Li Hai and him and let the children decide for themselves.
From your description, I seem to see a wandering and lonely picture, and my heart aches. As a parent, I think I feel more empathy for my children's anxiety.
The pain of a child is the most painful pain.
Working outside and wanting to go home may be the dream of many wanderers, but if your hometown is in a third-and fourth-tier city, or a smaller county, there are really not as many opportunities and opportunities as first-tier cities. This may be the reason why you, as a parent, want your children to have a foothold in Tianjin.
You mentioned that the child's lack of belonging leads to anxiety, and various factors make him want to leave his job and go home. Then, according to my years of experience in psychological work, my child is not very happy working and living in Tianjin, and this unhappiness and the warmth of his family in his memory make him escape. This unhappiness may come from many aspects, such as work pressure, interpersonal relationship, sense of value, sense of existence, sense of belonging and so on. The sense of belonging covers many aspects of life.
A sense of belonging is a feeling that an individual feels recognized and accepted by others or groups.
Psychological research shows that people who lack a sense of belonging will lack passion for their work and a weak sense of responsibility; Narrow social circle and few friends; Spare-time life is monotonous and lacks all kinds of hobbies. It seems that all these phenomena are caused by a lack of sense of belonging. In fact, it is these States that bring about the lack of personal belonging.
In your description, the child doesn't like making friends, so if he doesn't have intimate friends and his own social circle in Tianjin, he will feel lonely. Everyone is afraid of loneliness and loneliness, hoping to get warmth and love in the group, and even more afraid to face this loneliness.
Sense of value refers to a person's talent and personality being valued by the group, enjoying a certain status and reputation in the group, and having a good positive emotional experience in social evaluation.
The lack of self-worth will make individuals feel inferior, or give up on themselves, and they will lose interest in doing anything and fail to see the significance of their own efforts. I always feel inferior to others and have no confidence in the group, so I want to leave this group.
Presence is the feeling that things are influenced by you.
Existence is a feeling that individuals feel that they are seen and paid attention to in their lives. When an individual is always invisible in the environment, he will feel that he is meaningless in the group environment.
To sum up, belonging, value, existence and so on are all human needs, and when these needs are not met, individuals will show various psychological conditions and make corresponding behavioral responses. Such as anxiety, depression, escape, fear and so on.
From the analysis of your child's situation, he wants to quit his job and go home, but he can't escape the above needs.
So how do you get rid of his idea of going home?
1, have a good talk with the child, and find out where his "pain" lies, and which point mentioned above pokes him in the heart.
2. Give him emotional support, affirm the child's advantages, guide him to pay attention to his own advantages, and bring these advantages into play in life, thus enhancing his self-confidence in group work.
3. Encourage children to face up to their own shortcomings, such as being bad at talking, not liking to make friends on their own initiative, and rarely participating in group activities. And respond with a positive attitude. You can sign up for some club activities and try to exercise your performance in the group, so as to strengthen others' affirmation of yourself and form a virtuous circle.
4. Analyze the advantages and disadvantages of bringing children to work and go home in Tianjin, and strengthen the advantages in Tianjin. Give him a strong vision of staying in Tianjin.
5. Why do some people face difficulties, while others run away? This is related to your own beliefs and motives. Belief is a subconscious thing formed from childhood, and motivation is the foundation of individual action. Children's belief and motivation to stay in Tianjin are insufficient. It is very important to inspire faith and strengthen motivation.
Finally, let's look at your problem from another angle.
1. Now that the child is working and has the ability to think independently, parents need to gradually let go and leave the child's affairs to him to decide. Parents can give the child a reference like a friend instead of letting him make a decision, because you may never really understand what the child has experienced in your life.
2. Be flexible about children's choices. Life is a long road. Who knows what children will go through? He wants to live his own life. When parents try their best to stop their children's decision, they are actually "denying" a part of their children. The subtext is this: "If you change what you have now, then you won't have anything better in the future." This invisibly affects children's self-confidence.
3. Relationship is greater than education. In many families, the relationship between children and parents has been very tense. Parents always say that children are disobedient and education does not listen. Have parents ever wondered why children don't listen? Because your relationship with your child is tense, your child's ears are closed. No matter how correct the parents' education is, it has not reached the children's ears. So, don't ruin your relationship with your children for a right reason. This is the most effective education.
4, obviously feel the parents' desire for control, and know how far-reaching the influence of parents' attitude in the family is on children. Adler's words: "Happy people are cured by childhood all their lives, while unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives".
I feel that parents' anxiety about their children coming back may be greater than their children's anxiety, so parents' letting go of their anxiety is also the beginning of giving their children confidence.
I hope my answer can inspire you deeply and help you!
Liang has a heartfelt word-light up your life!
People in reality have almost no sense of belonging! Everyone is deeply lonely, straight into the club to fight hard, complex and fickle, hypocritical and melodramatic people and things, so that caution is treading on thin ice! Can't calm down! I always feel that there is an empty "helplessness"! Can't help it is inevitable! Heart and soul will produce strong, excited, anxious or depressed emotions! Angina pectoris or unpredictable diseases of the times … this is directly related to what people do in reality … and affects stimulation! Even affect! To tell the truth, we can only rely on the timely companionship and guidance of family and relatives, calm down, listen and communicate, and give spiritual comfort to gradually recover. thank you
Seeing your problem and knowing that you don't like this job very much, I understand you very much. I wonder if this is your first job (or a part-time job)?
Bao Xu thinks this job is just the beginning for you. You should take a long-term view, take it as an exercise and learn to do what you can! If you really don't like this job, a change of environment is also the right choice!
With the approach of the New Year in 2020, the appearance of novel coronavirus changed everyone's life trajectory. With more and more case data, we all isolate ourselves and stay at home to eat and sleep. Makes most people more or less anxious.
I wish I could go to work early. But after going to work, some people don't want to work because they stayed at home for more than 70 days, especially when they are alone in a foreign country, and their sense of belonging is gradually changing!
Due to the double pressure of life and work, anxiety cannot be alleviated!
According to the statistics of the World Health Organization, 13 people in the world suffer from anxiety. According to 20 16 Global Burden of Disease Research, there are more than 40 million anxiety patients in China, which is one of the countries with the largest number of anxiety patients in the world.
With the gradual relief of anxiety symptoms, we have a bright future!
Come on, you are the best!
Hello, I can understand your feelings and feel your concern and worry about your children.
A person in a foreign country, no relatives and friends, no sense of belonging, feels anxious, and it is conceivable that the child is lonely, lonely, worried and helpless. Anyone in the same situation may have the idea of going home.
You asked how to guide children to dispel this idea and live a happy and peaceful working life. I don't think this can be done through such a simple question and answer. Because, if you want to reassure your child, you need to help him meet his inner needs first: he needs to have his own contacts there, make some friends, or make a girlfriend, so that he won't be lonely. Having several good colleagues in the company will make him feel a sense of belonging to the company, cultivate his hobbies and increase the fun of his life. These are all things that he needs to do by himself, and he can't finish them right away.
If you have already worked, your children have grown up. What I want to know is: Have you advised your children to seek professional help? Because his problem can't be solved by your guidance.
Understanding children's difficulties and accepting children's emotions is what parents need to do most at the moment.
I am Sun Caiqun, a psychological counselor. I will always be here. Contact me when you need it. I am willing to face the joys and sorrows of life with you.