I saw a mother's question on the internet: every time my daughter finishes reading a book or playing with toys, her father will remind her to pack up, but she seems to have no ears to hear. Every time she pats her ass. Last time my daughter read a book, her father reminded her to tidy it up many times after reading it, but she still didn't change it. Dad flew into a rage and tore up all her books in front of the children. Mother thinks that father's behavior is inappropriate, but father insists that giving children too many opportunities will make them feel confident. Mother had no better way to resist, so she asked for help online. Almost every parent has encountered such a situation: "Children listen to it dozens of times and then stop listening". In the face of children who go their own way, the educational method of "tearing books face to face" seems reasonable, but in fact it is just to vent their emotions, and does not deeply explore the real reasons behind children's "disobedience".

In fact, this is a communication problem, and the child has not listened to it countless times. The key to the problem is not to talk too much, but to talk too much. When the school was closed at the beginning of the year, the school decided to offer online courses. The day before the first online lecture, I was both looking forward to and worried. After checking the internet, tablet computer and other equipment, I went into my daughter's room again and again and asked if the holiday homework was finished and the alarm clock was set, which reminded me of the preparation work before class. Things. Whenever my daughter simply answers "yes" and "ready", her tone becomes more and more impatient, and she still has to do what she should do. I'm a little angry at my daughter's indifference. I'm worried about her online course. Is she still anxious? So she said a few words. Unexpectedly, my daughter took out a loaf of bread and said discontentedly, "I am ready for what I should do." You don't have to come in and remind me again and again. " She also put her lessons and what she needed for class on the table. let me check.

I apologized to her after the exam. The daughter made a joke: "Mom, just talk less and be happy." Only then did I realize that as a parent, I must learn to shut up and not say useless things to my children. When children grow up, they no longer like the command of "doing homework", the evaluation of "this word is a little crooked" and the interrogation of "what's the trouble" ... Remind and ask children again, I only feel the distrust of parents. This distrust makes communication useless. Parents talk too much, but they often make the mistake of saying nothing. In the face of disobedient children, we often take orders, accusations and complaints as a way of communication. Such communication is ineffective, and it will only make children turn accumulated grievances into resistance. Many times, "how to say" is more important than "what to say".

Her friend's two sons like painting very much, so she bought them two boxes of colored pens. One day, my friend came home and found crayons everywhere in the living room. What a mess. She angrily took the two children aside and said to them, "Do you miss these pens? If you don't need them, mom will throw them in the trash can. " Seeing that they didn't talk, a friend took one broom and three. The next five pens are divided by two, and all the colored pens are swept into the trash can. The two children shouted, "Mom, don't throw it away." The friend put down the trash can and asked, "throw away the crayons." Are they sad? " They replied, "Sadness!" Then they asked, "This is the color. Is the pen wrong? " A: "No, I didn't take them home." My friend said seriously, "The marker is yours. If you don't protect them, they will become rubbish, which will make them feel very sad. Mom will give you another chance. If you think you can, rescue the marker and send it home. " The two children carefully packed their crayons, and harsh language would only disappoint the children. Every child should be scolded loudly by his parents. Good communication is the premise for children to be obedient. Smart parents should know how to use communication skills to improve parent-child relationship.

(1) Learn to "shut up" and become a listener. This book mentioned in Listening to Children: If you can listen to your child's thoughts instead of trying to "correct" him, then your child will deeply feel your concern. In The Tale of Teenagers, a second-grade boy shouted to his mother what he had always said: "I don't want to eat apples and eggs anymore." Since primary school, the boy has been asked to eat 1 apple every day. In the sixth grade of primary school, I ate 2 190 a year. After entering junior high school, he finally didn't have to eat apples, but his request for his mother to eat an egg every day lasted for half a year, and the boy was very bitter. The mother didn't get angry when her son was so "disobedient", but listened carefully to the child's thoughts and joked that you were handsome because you ate apples and eggs. Then she readily agreed to her son's request: good!

Don't eat, don't eat. I have grown up. "The boy whose idea was respected walked off the stage easily with a smile. Active listening is the beginning of establishing a good parent-child relationship. When you really listen to your child, you will find that the child will gradually become willing to listen to you. (2) Two effective ways of communication: "Tell your feelings" rather than "command" to express your control over your children. This kind of "command" will inspire children's inner resistance, which will only lead to parent-child relationship in the end. Replacing "command" with "feeling" will bring completely different effects. Before going out in the morning, children always cringe, either naked or without a schoolbag. I will subconsciously use the tone of "command" to urge: "Time is tight, you are still dawdling, hurry up! However, no matter how you urge it, it has no effect. I changed my attitude and talked about my feelings: "I will be late, so I won't eat breakfast, I can only be hungry until noon, and my mother will be very depressed." "Talking about feelings" means letting children know how their parents feel. And have a chance to think about your behavior. This way of communication improves children's cooperation ability and reduces parents' troubles.