2. See through indifference
The story of Lin Jiawen, a historical genius, who committed suicide at the age of 18 can help you understand. February 23, 23: 45 in the middle of the night. In a residential area in An, Shaanxi Province, a deep "dong" broke the silence, and then a middle-aged woman shouted: "Wen Jia! Wen Jia! " Two minutes later, the cry turned into a heartbreaking cry. Two historical monographs have been published. Lin Jiawen, a 0/8-year-old senior three student, jumped off a building to bid farewell to the night and the world. Six months ago, he suffered from depression. On the night he fell down, Lin Jiawen did his homework, took medicine and sent his last email to his friend, saying, "The future is too unattractive for me. As far as secular life is concerned, I can imagine everything I can do, and I also recognize the boundaries that I can never surpass early ... "
/kloc-Hu Baoliang, who published two historical monographs at the age of 0/8, clearly remembers the shock when he first saw Lin Jiawen's resume. On 20 13, Hu Baoliang, editor of Yuelu Bookstore, searched Weibo for a book compiled by himself and found that the netizen "Jianghu sucks fish" spoke highly of this book. They often communicate with each other. In this way, Hu Baoliang met Lin Jiawen, whom he had never met before. On July 6th, 20 14, at the end of work, Hu Baoliang received a manuscript from Lin Jiawen. "Born in1998" —— Turning to Lin Jiawen's resume, Hu Baoliang was suddenly blinded: "I have always regarded him as a middle-aged historian." "It's okay, apologize to Mr Hu. I will give you "When Taoism rules China" as a gift in the future. " While apologizing, I asked for confidentiality: "My identity has always been false, and Teacher Hu should keep it secret!"
When Taoism Ruled China is Lin Jiawen's first historical monograph. As early as 20 14, he published 300,000 words "When Taoism Ruled China: The Political Practice of Taoist Thought and the Rapid Rise of the Han Empire", which reinterpreted the rule of Wenjing from the perspective of Taoist politics. When this book was published, Lin Jiawen rejected the publicity of publishers and schools, and asked to conceal his age. "I have been familiar with online public opinion since junior high school. It is too easy to think that many people in society do not welcome others to become young and famous. People who don't think highly of young and talented people will naturally think that they are cheating, or take it for granted that others will "hurt Zhong Yong". "Lin Jiawen said in his readme that he didn't want to be a victim of these public opinion bubbles in vain, and he didn't want his quiet reading life to be disturbed. But the secret of Lin Jiawen's age soon became untenable. 20 15, 15 In February, Lin Jiawen published his second historical monograph, Mourning the World: Fan Zhongyan and the New Deal of Qingli. Lin Jiawen became a new star in the history circle of the Song Dynasty, and was praised as a "gifted teenager in historical research". Professor Li Yumin, a great historian in the Song Dynasty, made an exception and prefaced the young epigenetic, praising him as "the youngest author with academic research ability after liberation". Mr. Zhang, an expert in ancient books research at Shanghai Normal University, has known him for a long time. He is often shocked by Lin Jiawen's extensive knowledge and sophisticated views: "His level is beyond the reach of ordinary doctors. Even with a doctor, he can't bring out his current level. "
Elegant songs are rarely sung ―― so elegant that few people can appreciate or understand them.
The history teacher called him "Miss Lin"
Everything is traceable.
Lin Jiawen was born in an intellectual family in Xi. His mother is a primary school teacher and his father works in a law school.
When I was in primary school, it was when TV programs were reading and talking about history, and when my family watched Lecture Room, he followed. Besides Lecture Room, he also read Zi Tongzhi Jian, Shi Lv Chun Qiu and other works.
"Fortunately, my parents are willing to spend money to let me buy books at will. As long as I want to buy it, they will agree. " In a self-reported article, Lin Jiawen recalled that when he was in middle school, he began to read national history and a large number of first-hand documents about Song history, taught himself the knowledge of Xixia studies, philology, bibliography and academic norms, and communicated with active historians on social media.
Historiography is not only Lin Jiawen's hobby, but also his safe spiritual highland. In the last email sent to a friend, Lin Jiawen said frankly: "I have no interest in the history of the ancients, but whenever I feel bored and bored with life, by contrast, I always naturally want to shrink into the world of historical research."
In the eyes of classmates, Jia Lin was named "Teacher Lin" because he got a tattoo in a key class and got good grades, especially in history.
Even Liu Yawen, a history teacher, called him "Miss Lin". The students said that two history teachers named Liu He were called "sisters". In history class, "Big Sister" often lets Lin Jiawen take the stage, but Lin Jiawen speaks too abstruse for many students to understand.
"Many people don't like him, don't like his arrogance, don't like his lack of cleaning, and don't like his unsociable." JASON ZHANG (a pseudonym), a junior high school classmate in Lin Jiawen, was praised by Lin Jiawen in a special way: "You don't know anything, only JASON ZHANG knows a little, but it's just nine Niu Yi hairs."
"His words are full of conceit, but his conceit is not willful, but really full of knowledge." JASON ZHANG once jokingly commented on Lin Jiawen-lonely at the top. Lin Jiawen agrees with JASON ZHANG's evaluation and often looks around the class and sighs: "You can only learn, but not learn."
"The song is high and widowed." In the view of director Wei of the school information center, his knowledge far exceeds that of his peers, so not many people can talk to him.
Being sick for half a year is more active in the online world.
Six months ago, Lin Jiawen suffered from depression. His parents took him to the Fourth Military Medical University and prescribed medicine, which he has been taking. This kind of pain is occasionally revealed in his WeChat circle of friends. 2015,2065438+05, he wrote: "The side effect of the medicine written in the instructions is to gain weight. Results After taking it, the side effects are body pain and drowsiness every day ... "
65438+1On the evening of October 26th, he sent another WeChat saying: I don't understand why I spell it like this. If I say it's for myself, I can only say that I won it.
Lin Jiawen in the online world seems to be more active. He is knowledgeable, thoughtful and often interacts with many historians. Professor Li Yumin recalled that they met on July 22nd, 2065438+2005. Since then, Lin Jiawen visited him six times, and discussed historical issues every time they met. Li Yumin thinks this child is a rare genius. On the fifth day of this year, Lin Jiawen went to Li Yumin's home to pay New Year's greetings with gifts such as Lycium barbarum. He lingered in front of Li Yumin's bookshelf for a long time, and finally borrowed a book by Li Yumin's brother. On February 19, Lin Jiawen went to return the book. This farewell became the last time they met.
Li Yumin said that at that time, he knew that Lin Jiawen had read this book for a long time. The reason why he borrowed this book seven days ago is that Li Yumin made many comments on it. "He said he wanted to learn the doorways of criticism."
"In two or three years, I published two books and translated the Xixia language. Many doctoral students can't do such a big academic span. " Li Yumin said that Lin Jiawen has a wide range of knowledge, and every time they talk, he will try his best to give him advice.
"Every time I go to Li Yumin's teacher's house, I can feel the warmth and stability that I rarely experience on weekdays. I am sorry for the care of Mr. and Mrs. Li. " In the last email, Lin Jiawen said.
Don't forget to send a history book to the professor at the last minute.
When spitting in the circle of friends has become a blatant way of "selling cute", it seems that few people care about the loneliness and pain that Lin Jiawen occasionally opens. A few days ago, Lin Jiawen and JASON ZHANG discussed the "suicide mode".
"JASON ZHANG, what do you think is the least painful way to die?" "Take sleeping pills." "Ha ha, you are so stupid! Taking sleeping pills seems painless, but it actually hurts. Because death is a long process. Unlike jumping off a building, hanging, and dying at once. You see, life has to go through so much pain, and the moment before death is nothing at all. "
"I don't have a hunch about his death. Because he often committed suicide and didn't practice, I talked with him about' death' freely. " After Lin Jiawen chose to jump off a building to bid farewell to his life, JASON ZHANG blamed himself: "I feel guilty." Everything is too sudden, but it seems to have been planned for a long time.
In the past two days, Professor Li Yumin recalled a detail that he regretted. When they met for the last time, Lin Jiawen gave him a copy of the New Song History of Taiwan Province Province. "Hundreds of copies, he said he still had one, so he gave it to me." Li Yumin said, "He gave me this book because he wanted to repay me. Maybe he has made some decisions. "
To Li Yumin's regret, after talking so many times, he never knew that Lin Jiawen suffered from depression.
In his last sentence to the world, Lin Jiawen said: "The idea of leaving has sprouted in my mind too many times. Every feeling of depression and fear over the past two years has prompted me to fix my thoughts on life and death in my mind today, so that I no longer feel that my departure is just a hasty suicide. "
"The final departure is not only an emotional solution to depression and loneliness, but also a disguised expression of my rational thinking results." Lin Jiawen said, finally want to leave.
Yesterday at noon, some senior three students and friends attended Lin Jiawen's memorial service, and Lin Jiawen's body was cremated.