After the affair, this expectation is made up and realized, but beyond that, the expectation will be expanded to accompany the derailed man to his old age.
In this mutiny, the man's heart fell to the ground, and he either chose to accept it or had to keep in touch; Women, on the other hand, are devastated in spirit, not only because they are full of positive ions, but also because they are disloyal, extravagant and shameful and need to be reviled.
Are there some unspeakable difficulties behind the derailed woman? Is it heinous to cheat a woman? After having an affair with a woman, what can I do to make my husband understand and return to China?
Will a woman's infidelity affect her husband's fortune? Han Xiao is one of the unforgettable examples of female infidelity I have received. At the age of 29, she is a journalist with good professional knowledge and logical thinking ability, and a wide circle of friends. She is a particularly high-quality lady, but she uploaded a big fuss in her marriage life.
When she found me, she was already scarred by her husband's domestic violence, and she had an obvious impulse to talk:
"I'm a reporter. He is a police officer. We can all fall in love freely. We have been married for more than three years and have a 2-year-old child. After the baby was born, everyone has been sleeping in separate beds.
Everyone's husband and wife life is not harmonious, four or five times a month, sometimes once a month or two. He likes watching porn and solving problems by himself.
His mother died a long time ago. He listens to his father, depends on me and misses home. I like a boy, I don't like to deal with problems, I drag my feet, and my temper is not good for my children.
I don't think he can meet my emotional needs, whether mentally or physically, so I cheated.
The object of my affair is my boss. He has temperament, knowledge, status, high emotional intelligence and is very good to me, even now because it is difficult for me to forget him.
Later, his daughter-in-law learned about everyone's affairs and went to the enterprise. I was afraid that if I introduced my husband to a third person, he would be too much, so I told my husband a showdown.
He didn't announce it to the public, and he couldn't see it in front of us, but in private, everyone was basically silent, cold and violent, but then he swore at it.
The child is still young, and for the sake of better face, everyone is unwilling to divorce. In fact, everyone has a certain emotional foundation, but I don't want to live such a fearful, timid and obedient daily life.
I also think he can get through this, learn to let go of the burden of mental state, run our marriage together and live a good life. "
Han Xiao told a similar story for more than two hours. After listening, I put forward a standard:
"People can divorce if they don't kneel, but they can't insult their personality. Making mistakes is an objective fact, and injuries have been caused. Everyone wants and actively repents and fills, but this does not mean that people are inferior. As human dignity and personality traits, we can't lose them. "
Then from the big environment to myself, I deeply analyzed the hidden reasons behind the "affair" for her.
First, social factors.
In 20 16, the divorce rate reached 9% in China, and reached 33. The divorce rate in China reaches 2. The change of interests shows that the moral concept of social development has seriously declined, and everyone's acceptance of divorce is increasing.
An affair has gradually developed into a popular factor causing divorce, and the lack of social ethical beliefs and the normal view of marital infidelity are all social factors of "an affair".
Second, family factors.
My husband's father has been giving him a suffocating cultural education, and their marriage relationship is very good.
The mother's death and the father's toughness made the husband's essence not completely become a man. If you are not confident in your heart, you will have external behavior.
Han Xiao, an only child, has developed smoothly since childhood and has a strong personality. She has her own standards and ideas in her daily life. But in the growth stage, I lack communication with my peers and don't know how to establish close contact.
Therefore, the difference of factors between the two families will lead to a low degree of friendship between the two people.
Third, men's life experiences and work problems.
From the development trend of human nature and the point of view of psychologists, men experienced masturbation in childhood, but it was quickly transformed into a good husband and wife life. In this way, men will feel insecure, so their marriage life is not harmonious.
In addition, men are policemen, and their working hours are irregular. To a certain extent, this will also make lovers feel depressed, and their physical and psychological needs can not be met at an early stage.
Fourth, female reasons.
Before getting married, Han Xiao was not satisfied with her husband. So her potential pride after marriage will make her husband feel depressed invisibly.
The disharmony in daily life led Han Xiao to seek comfort. At this time, when a man with high emotional intelligence can meet her emotional needs, her affair can be said to be forced by instinctive reaction.
Fifth, the husband's requirements cannot be met.
Husband is still subjected to domestic violence by his father after marriage, but his filial piety and face view are too heavy, completely ignoring his inner real requirements, unable to achieve the venting of boys' instinctive reactions, so that he will live in a violent way in daily life and his emotional intelligence is very low.
There is no doubt that there is no husband in front of dad, and there is no attention in advance here in Han provided. His heart is bent. Therefore, after his wife cheated, he would vent and stimulate his wife with an extreme physical personal behavior or family cold violence.
Everyone said that there was no family conflict caused by marital infidelity, just because of family conflict.
Han Xiao and her husband take the practice of "hiding others". Although mending the relationship between the two people reduces the external friction resistance, long-term daily life can only aggravate each other's psychological state, and even lead to the trend of schizophrenia, which is extremely unfavorable to the normal development trend of the family.
There is a state of guilt and self-blame subconsciously after being unfaithful to a woman, but it is also a state of mind to get rid of it in extreme times and divorce as soon as possible.
These two different psychological States will lead to their psychological imbalance, pain and hopelessness. Therefore, I used the Tao Te Ching to clear her heart.
"Heaven and earth know that beauty is beauty or evil, and it is well known that good deeds are improper. Whether there is a phase, the difficulty coefficient is in phase, the length is in phase, the outcome is tilted, the sound is in phase, and the front and back follow. Hengye. "
How can the whole world be beautiful? If you think there is beauty, there will be ugliness; If you know what is good, you have evil.
Existence and non-existence are mutually transformed, and it is difficult and easy to produce each other. The length is short, the height is rich, the sound and chord are harmonious, and they follow each other.
In other words, to look at the problem dialectically, we should not only judge that we have made a heinous mistake, but only say that we should know how to have an affair.
An affair is not caused by one person, it has its reasonable components, family relations, or it may be caused by the separation of two people.
So _ how can we correct it?
"The sage is in the buried hill and teaches no words."
Be yourself first, improve yourself, then attract and impress the other party, and finally endanger the other party's change of heart.
Haste makes waste, and it takes time to heal the inner hurt. Therefore, to give her husband a space to vent his emotions, he also needs to improve his chances.
After listening to my analysis, Han Xiao also broke through his inherent logical thinking dilemma and was able to treat the whole thing rationally.
I gave her a clear plan for self-construction, including running every day, and strongly recommended her to read parenting education books, learn to cook independently, cook by herself every Sunday, and do housework with a family nanny to enhance her use value at home.
It is also necessary to have in-depth communication with the father-in-law, master the father-in-law's requirements, master the husband's family relationship, and the attachment relationship with the mother. Praise your husband more, so that your father-in-law will no longer face the children in a high-pressure way.
/kloc-After more than 0/month, although her husband gradually agreed with Han Xiao's change, his thoughts kept changing. In some cases, he would continue to insult her all day.
At this time, I gave her courses such as "Excellent Quality of Women", "Differences between Men and Women" and "Characteristics of Female Parent-child Uncertainty". According to the self-evaluation and the mastery of the criteria for boys and girls to find a partner, I asked her to distinguish whether she meets the criteria as a woman and feel her own shortcomings.
From the perspective of personality psychology, most cheating men will bring an illegitimate child home, but cheating women may leave this man childless.
Let her understand her husband's rude personal behavior from the perspective of empathy. At the same time, the seventy-eighth chapter of Tao Te Ching also said that "the balance of a country is called a country of mountains and rivers, and the ominous of the host country is called the king of heaven and earth."
Only those who can bear the humiliation in order to better benefit our country are qualified to lead our cadres; Only those who suffer disasters for the better interests of the world are qualified to be the king of the world.
In other words, you can bear a lot of slander and a lot of cheers.
To put it another way, if you can be the hostess, you need to bear the criticism of others.
According to the basic knowledge and ideology, she can better understand her husband's angry personal behavior, and her mentality gradually tends to be stable.
Just when things were going in the right direction, once, her husband pointed out the rules of oral sex, which was unacceptable to Han provided, and her husband became angry with her again.
This time, Han Xiao even went to buy a medical surgical blade and made preparations in advance. I can't communicate with her in the normal way. I just let her release the pressure in the form of destroying sleep and subconsciously give her a positive hint. After coming out a few times, her mood can be restored.
During that time, I waited for her for more than three hours almost every day to give her specific guidance on the basic philosophical issues in Chinese classics such as Tao Te Ching, Yijing and University.
Like many trustees, she will be anxious to think about it. At this time, I will tell her "natural selection, let nature take its course." Lonely, alone and unchanging, walking around without danger, can be the mother of heaven and earth. I don't know its name. Saying "Tao" is stronger than saying "Da". Death is great, death is far away, and distance is relative. The old road is big, big, big and crowded. There are four fields, and living environment is one of them. People govern the land, the land governs the sky, the pipeline of heaven, and the rule of inaction. "
We all cheated on each other, which is an objective fact, but it was also our previous fault. Now it's time to revise the article, and everyone needs to develop it again.
Life is like spring, which comes and goes with each season. Everyone has his own rules for everything. Tao, it seems that there are four seasons in a year, and everyone will have the same cycle of life and death.
You are now in winter, frozen by others, and you have only silence, which is suitable for three thousand roads. If we play tricks, we will get hurt.
It was in this process that her closed and depressed heart gradually opened.
At this time, I gave her lessons such as attraction switch, language of love and five abilities of love, and learned how to get in touch with her husband, how to communicate effectively with her husband, how to show her love, and how to find the expression of her husband's love, thus improving her married life.
I asked her to write a letter to her husband during the ice-breaking trip until she built herself to a certain level and had enough mental endurance to cope with her husband's counterattack.
Usually, I will prepare clothes for my husband in advance and invite him to participate in family and family trips. Gradually and smoothly promote each other.
After that, her husband was injured and hospitalized. Han Xiao also ran on both sides of the outpatient department of the enterprise hospital, and her husband and children took care of it without delay. What will happen to a woman whose heart is derailed?
People are relatively sensitive when they are sick. Seeing the change of Han Xiao during this period, her husband also thought of his own violent tendency, saying that the past is over and they will have a good life in the future.
After finishing the case, I finished some thoughts about "female infidelity".
From the perspective of social psychology, derailed women will have two kinds of incorrect logical thinking.
First, for the sake of the baby, I want to maintain my marriage life humbly;
Second, women are happy and have sex first, so after cheating, women will think they don't like this man, so they must leave their husbands and children behind.
In view of the former, everyone says that tolerance is moderate, and the married life maintained by patience will not feel happy.
A woman who cheats doesn't have to eat grass, but she must really feel that her husband is worthy of love before she can stay. This is the real reward.
In view of the latter, according to the social environment, in fact, such a woman who abandons her husband and children is usually the most regretful. What will happen to a woman whose heart is derailed?
After the divorce, she remarried with a third party, and she would automatically forget all the shortcomings of her ex-husband and only remember the advantages. On the other hand, she can only see the defects in her own hands and shield her own advantages.
Well, a boy with both advantages and disadvantages, how can she not regret the past and complain about the present situation?
In fact, marriage salvation is only a branch of traditional psychological counseling, just as marriage life and feelings are only a small part of everyone's life.
Therefore, what we really need to master is where our life direction is and what kind of life path we need.
Will a woman's infidelity affect her husband's fortune? When we decide the direction of our life path and look at the situations and options thrown out by daily life, we can make rational choices more calmly.