? I put the gun in my mouth and quickly pulled the trigger. The bullet went through the upper jaw, tore the brain stem, and spewed blood and brains. I left it at lone eagle ridge. This posture is called suicide by swallowing a gun.

I didn't choose to shoot at the heart, because it might miss at the moment of shooting, catch my breath and leave them a chance to judge me.

I didn't choose to shoot the gun at my temple, because it would be ugly and my whole face would be distorted.

If I swallow a gun and die, I will lose the back of my head, but I can leave a complete face, my handsome, sunny face, the face that was once shaped into a hero. This is my last confrontation and my last dignity.

? Hou Liangping ran into the room, revealing a regret of missing. I know what he regrets is not that I left, but that I left with a secret. Maybe I lost the game, but I don't think he won.

2

This is the fourth bullet that entered my body.

The first three are also in lone eagle ridge. As you know, Qi Tongwei, the anti-drug captain, was shot three times in the drug dealer-intensive Lone Eagle Ridge and was named a hero.

? Teacher Qin, standing not far from me, watched me get shot three times and watched me feed myself the last bullet.

? Teacher, compared with my teacher Gao, I prefer to attribute the title of teacher to Teacher Qin.

? Teacher Qin was originally a public teacher. Seeing that the children in his hometown could not go to school, he applied to go back to Guyingling to run a primary school. Teacher Qin didn't take part in those villagers' drug making and trafficking. He has high prestige among his neighbors. The anti-drug operation killed many people in the village. Teacher Qin was hated by the villagers for saving me, a drug hero.

? Teacher Qin has fewer and fewer students. Later, all the young people in the village went out to work one after another, and there were no more students in Teacher Qin's primary school.

I don't want to be known about my relationship with Mr. Qin. I only come to Mr. Qin for a drink when my heart is particularly blocked.

For me, Teacher Qin is a clean stream moving against the current and a quiet life in poverty. I fought against all the unfairness in my life, but he accepted it indifferently. Teacher Qin didn't teach me anything deliberately, but showed me another answer.

? I want the whole world to know that I am in love with Gao's teachers and students, but in fact our relationship has already become a brother-in-law, a pawn of each other, and even an opponent.

? I despise the face of tall sages. I once complained to him about how painful it was for me to live with a woman 10 years older than me. He taunted me, "Who knelt on campus and proposed to Liang Lu?" .

? This is him, always standing on the moral high ground. He took a fancy to Gao Xiaofeng, didn't he say that discussing Fifteen Years of Wanli together resonated with his soul? But his family, his old lady Mr. Wu, is an expert on the history of the Ming Dynasty.

? So, we took a fancy to a pair of sister flowers. I was classified by him as ungrateful and lustful of young bodies, and he himself became a lover of love.

? This man is so hypocritical that he can't even look at his own body. It's as if the TV series has been broadcast for more than 50 episodes, and the gray sweater he is wearing at home hasn't changed.

three

My life is intertwined with three women.

I'm wearing the pull-back shoes that Yang Chen gave me, but I can't walk next to her. Liang Lu held out her wayward little hand and waved it, blocking my way. Blocked the heroic image that I worked hard for more than 20 years and bought with blood. Later, I met Gao, smart, calculating and forbearing. We understand each other's desires and pride, and we also know each other's gloom and scars.

? Yang Chen and I are like a pool of water. Clean and bright. It's just that when the wind blows, it gets dirty; As soon as the vicious sun shines, it's gone.

? Liang Lu and I are like drinking two glasses of poisoned wine in each other's lives, which is expensive and bitter, and slowly permeates, but we both shake our glasses and tell the world that, well, it's really good wine.

? Gao and I are like a cup of soup. In the first half of my life, I owed each other, and I made this pot of soup. In this pot of soup, there are sympathetic sufferings, laid-off love and common interests.

? Too much fire for soup and too much tonic. We have nosebleeds when we drink. We looked at each other and drank together.

four

Besides my parents, I knelt twice. Once I knelt down to propose to Liang Lu, and once I knelt down to cry to Zhao Lichun's ancestors. Since you city people need such a sense of ceremony in their lives, I will kneel down and feel it for them.

Kneel for the first time, let Hou Liang flat they really look down on me. Kneel down for the second time, let Dakang Li, let the whole Han Dong officialdom despises me.

Kneel down for the first time and stepped on the steps of the beam; The second time I knelt down, I grabbed Zhao Lichun's ladder.

It's not Liang Lu I'm kneeling on, nor is it the ancestral grave of Zhao Lichun's family.

I succumbed to the rules of the game, to the hands that manipulated fate. Only by kneeling down can I get a chance to play and play against them.

? Among those who came in, Zhao Ruilong came in sideways, came in naked, carried the archway high, and came in calmly. Only I came in on my knees.

? I fight on my knees, kill on my knees, and trade on my knees. I have been kneeling for a long time, and many people want to kneel for me. In fact, I really want to take my degree to pay homage to my Qijia ancestral grave and see if he will kneel in front of the grave and cry.

? If there is no anti-corruption storm, if I am promoted to vice governor smoothly, if I can finally stand up and end up with both power and money, will many people laugh at me kneeling? I even wonder, will this become the image of some people who want to be tried and learned?

? Hou Liangping always said that justice, law, ideals and beliefs are all paper? Actually, I really want to tell him, Liang Ping, how about we exchange our lives and try?

? One of my favorite books, Sky, played chess with God in chaos, and the death was like this-the ecstasy valley was full of white fog. When people gather in the fog, it's like a man of God rolling up his veil. They looked up, scared and sad. I saw that the chessboard in the valley was flat and covered with black stones. Kneeling in the lower right corner, people freeze early; Hold your head high without losing stubbornness and arrogance.

? I failed to stand up and died on my knees. There is a road ahead, which is dark and cold, just like the road when I came.

? Quoted from Hua 'er Street Reference