A: I want to remind you that my husband will be back in an hour. B: But I didn't do anything rude. A: I know. If you want to do something, there is less than an hour left.

a: did your wife make a scene last night? B: Yes, she is angry with the dog. A: Poor dog! I thought I heard your wife even threaten to take away the key to the door!

Lena failed to get pregnant, so she went to church to pray. A year later, she gave birth to a son. A friend wanted to try it after learning about it. Lena said, No problem, as long as the young janitor is still there.

There is a female bear on the mountain, and the hunter wants to catch it. In the first battle, the hunter was defeated and raped by a bear! Take a few days off to fight again and get raped again! After the recovery, the bear laughed wildly when he saw it. You son of a bitch, are you here for hunting or prostitution?

an old lady can't read, but she must listen to the weather forecast every day. I asked my family at dinner one day: I have a question. Where is the local area? It rains there almost every day.

When the old farmer went to town to see a doctor, the nurse said to him, Go! Blood test, urine test and stool test! After a while, the old farmer came back with a basin of shit and said, Daughter, the blood has been swallowed, and the urine has been swallowed. This shit really can't be swallowed!

Two farm children are chatting. A suddenly asks: Do your cows smoke? B: Are you crazy? How can cows smoke? A: Oh, well, maybe your cowshed is on fire.

there is a long queue in front of the toilet. A gentleman: I can't hold it any longer. Can you let me in first? The person in front clenched his fist and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth: damn it, you can at least talk!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, which attracted passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked, What happened? The drunk replied: I don't know, I just arrived!

wife: do you remember last February, when you said you were going fishing? Husband: Of course I remember. Why? Wife: A fish called this morning and said that you have become a father!

Patient: As soon as I entered, I heard the nurse say,' Be brave, don't be afraid! Appendectomy is very simple.' Doctor: That's right. Patient: But she said it to the doctor who is going to operate on me!

Passenger: Your drivers drive at an amazing speed, but they rarely have accidents. What is the reason? The driver said, sir, the driver with low skill died in the car accident long ago.

A patient asked the doctor before the operating table: Will you be punished if the operation fails? The doctor replied: I will be deducted from my January bonus. But don't worry, I just made 4 thousand yuan in stock trading!

A patient who just woke up after amputation asked: What's wrong with me? Doctor: You were in a car accident. Patient: I'm in the hospital? The doctor replied: to be precise, most of you are in the hospital.

Xiaoguang works part-time, cuts pork during the day and works in the hospital at night. One night, he pushed a seriously ill old woman into the operating room. The old woman exclaimed, You kill pigs! Where are you pushing me? Help!

kidney calculi, a colleague, had to rest at home. When his 4-year-old son asked what kidney calculi was, he said that a stone came out when he was peeing. His son said anxiously, Dad, don't hit your foot when you are peeing!

after I was arrested, they forced me to confess. The day before they hit me, I didn't confess; I didn't ask for pepper water the next day; On the third day, a woman coaxed me into confessing. On the fourth day, I tried to confess, but I was dragged out and shot.

man: I really love you, but a young lady is pregnant, and I have to say that I did it. Wife: I absolutely believe it's not you. Take a closer look at our children. What's like you?

two female employees are chatting at lunch. A: The new chairman is really handsome and well dressed. B: That's right. I'm still wearing clothes quickly.

Papa took a cucumber and wolfed it down. Mom saw it and said to Papa, You can't eat the cucumber butt! Papa immediately replied: Does it want to shit?

A Dai saw a man sitting trembling on a petrol tank and asked, Brother, can I help you? The man shook his head and said, no, I have to do it alone.

A, a former soldier, shouted in his dream every day after returning home: Jane! I can't live without you! The wife asked who Jane was, and A said it was his war horse. A few days later, my wife stuffed a letter to A: Your war horse wrote to you!

When a leader made a report on learning Lei Feng's spirit, he said: Lei Feng is not dead! (Laughter) The secretary whispered: There is spirit, there is spirit! The leader went on: still in spirit!

A woman takes a check to the bank to cash it. Teller: Can you prove yourself? The woman was puzzled, took out a mirror and took a photo. A: Yes! It's me!

Judge: You claim that the defendant stole money from your stockings? Girl: Yes, my Lord. Judge: Then why didn't you resist? The girl blushed and replied, I didn't know he was trying to steal my money. 1. A man's greatest skill is to indulge his girlfriend until other men can't stand it.

2. I'm in pain when you leave, and I'm the only one who smells the fart in the future.

3. Don't praise me, really, especially don't praise me for being handsome. I'm afraid I can't stand it and I'll go with you all my life.

4. Search things with your roommate's mobile phone, and I see an item in the search history: How to rape your roommate? I was scared green at that time!

5. People with dirty mouths are generally hiding their inner integrity.

6. Every woman who has failed to lose weight for a long time has a best friend around her who has failed to gain weight for many years.

7. If there is an afterlife, I want to be a quilt, either lying in bed or basking in the sun!

8. The tragedy of life is that when you want to do anything, there is only one knife.

9. Your complex facial features can't hide your simple IQ.

1. Teacher, Xiaogang will ask for leave tomorrow, because he may be ill tomorrow.

11. I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

12. I am a student with infinite potential. I can finish my National Day homework in three hours, but this is a fucking passive skill and can only be started on the evening of October 7th.

13. Why are you such a child? My uncle is here, how can you think of going to the zoo to see the bears?

14. My hobbies can be divided into static and dynamic. Static means sleeping, while dynamic means turning over.

15. It's not that I'm mentally gloomy, but I think the air pollution is caused by those mask manufacturers.

16. Part One: I didn't bring my student ID card, the admission ticket, and Part Two: I didn't do the listening reading composition questions. Horizontal approval: focus on participation.

17. I went shopping without glasses one day and saw a handsome and familiar person. I want to go over and see who it is. It turned out to be a mirror.

18. Hee hee and Haha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee was very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, Haha, you are dead.

19. The so-called pig-like roommate should mean that I have a cold, so let him come back and bring me a box of white and black, and he brought me a pack of Oreos.

2. If I were Ma Liang, I would draw a well, put you in it and draw a lid.

21. The teacher asked me why I slept in class that day, and I replied that the doctor said I had to sleep after taking the medicine.

22. In the chemistry experiment class, the teacher asked me: Add barium? No barium? I immediately shouted: rob the landlord! I don't think the teacher will love me anymore. The teacher shouted: I'll grab it!

23. Don't be afraid, children. I'll let you fail!

24. I have been in a nervous crowd for a long time, and I found that I am normal.

25. I'm so lonely, even my desire is broken free.

26. Give me a pair of chopsticks. I can eat the whole earth.

27. You see, there are always so many things that make you sad: ups and downs, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation

28. Don't be too confident in yourself, there are more people who can clean you up than you can think of.

29. For girls, it's not so terrible to gain a few pounds. What's terrible is that that bitch has lost weight again.

3. Sometimes I feel ugly. When I take out my ID card, I find I worry too much.

31. Life is like an angry bird. When you fail, there are always several pigs laughing.

32. Don't say that the world has abandoned you. The world has no time to talk to you.

33. It is God's business to forgive him. My task is to send him to see God.

34. Empty happiness means waking up in the morning and thinking that you have grown taller. When you look closely, it turns out that the quilt cover is horizontal.

35. Your father and I are free-range in the grassland. When I was hungry, I ate grasshoppers. Not all chickens were called Shi Guangji.

36. You said you would like to live with me forever. No, I want to have black hair.

37. Call me if you are really hungry, and I'll have some snacks to chew for you.

38. There are generally only two kinds of people who pay too much attention to me, one is secretly in love with me, and the other is plotting against me.

39. I'm looking for lost memories! I'm reviewing

4. The world is so chaotic, who am I pretending to be pure for?

41. If you are the one, the female guest will turn off a man's light again, and the aunt downstairs in the dormitory can turn off the whole building!

42. In this fickle age, the best way to make others remember you is to owe money and not pay it back!

43. As long as we have a self-confidence, everything has pears.

44. Half of my life is unlucky, and the other half is dealing with unlucky things.

45. I always feel that the bed, too neatly laid, will have a little meaning of enjoying my old age. Well, it's still messy and more energetic.

46. during the exam, I wanted to turn over the salted fish, but damn it, I didn't expect to stick to it.

47. If you don't have health insurance and life insurance, don't be brave after dark.

48. I often wake up from my dream, because I had a hungry dream, a hungry dream.

49. The face is a thing outside the body, but it is necessary. Money is a necessary thing, so it has to be.

5. I'm so tired, I want to make a cut on the back of my head, and then collapse to the ground to install the piggy bank.

51. I told myself a good night story, the plot was ups and downs, and it was exciting. Now I'm too deep into the play to pursue the murderer without any sleep.

52. If you have military training, it will be sunny. If you have a holiday, it will be rainy. If you work hard at your homework, it will be the day before school starts!

53. The teacher always tells us not to lie, and teaches us to lie as soon as we come up to check.

54. Our boss is a little monster, and we are Altman. But we ran away when we met the boss, because we didn't bring the summoner.

55. If you give me a smile, I will give you a smile back. It's not a kind greeting, just to let you know that I look better when I smile.

56. Marriage is certainly a good thing, but addiction is troublesome.

57. The landscape is as picturesque as skin, and life is like a dream.

58. Don't say that others are mentally ill. The premise of being mentally ill is to have a brain.

59. Can we fight for breath without steaming steamed bread?

6. Don't be optimistic like a fart, thinking that you can shake the world.

61. BBK lighter, you won't click anywhere.

62. Men can't get used to it, and the more they get used to it, the worse they become. Women are favored, and the more they are favored, the more they have balls, and they are still others'.

63. One dress is more dangerous than the other, and one looks safer than the other.

64. The garden can't be closed in spring, so I lure the red apricots out of the wall.

65. I am a special person. I am an ordinary person, so I am an extraordinary person.

66. Mom said: Even if you are jealous, you should pretend that you have drunk soy sauce, and you can't let others look down on you.

67. There must be a road in front of the driveway, and I can't stop it.

68. Why are you pointing at me with your chicken feet? Do you know that I prefer pickled peppers to scum?

69. The happiest thing to hear at school is that the head teacher is not here today.

7. Every time you say that I am not independent enough, I choose silence. I really want to tell you that when I no longer depend on you, it's time for you to get out. Funny talk that can make people laugh

Funny talk that can make people laugh

1. I am strong, and I am more and more brave: I have been dumped for 28 times, and I am still alive

2. I love my parents very much, and I hope you will give me your full support: I regard money as my parents. I hope you can satisfy me

3. I am a sunny girl: black as charcoal

4. I have perseverance: after eating and chatting with my friends for five hours, my friends finally checked out

5. I hope you can tell me what you see and hear every day: monitor your schedule every day

6. My appearance meets the standard of being a wife: too beautiful. My wife can look pleasing to the eye

7. My figure is very burly, giving people the feeling of big brother: Wu Song's big brother Wu Dalang

8. I have been edified in Tsinghua University for many years, which has shaped my cultural taste today: I set up a stall at the school gate of Tsinghua University

9. I like to delve into history in my spare time. Especially history of qing dynasty, a loyal fan of Empresses in the Palace.

1. I like watching movies with ethics of life: all kinds of pirated porn.

11. I often deal with people in the upper class: I have repeatedly warned against setting up stalls at the school gate.

12. I am very enthusiastic and often care about the lives of ordinary people: I see who forgot to close the window when I went out.

13. I heard that someone wanted vegetable rice. I want to be quiet outside: the police are coming to arrest me, and I have to hide for a while

14. People at my level are very reluctant to take the train: I often ride three rounds to sell Tianjin big twist everywhere

15. I have a strong understanding. My ex-girlfriend inserted the flowers I sent her in a piece of wild manure, and I immediately understood

16. Female: It is said in ancient times that a woman without talent is virtue. I'm in line with this: I dropped out of primary school until the third grade

17. Others praised my cooking skills, because I didn't want to try every dish several times.

18. I hope you like food as much as I do, and like to show off in the kitchen: I like food but I can't cook, so you'd better cook.

19. I don't mind that you are busy at work for ten and a half days and are not at home, so I can play as I like. Occasionally, you can stay out at night

2. A man's gentlemanly demeanor is not to admire you, but to show himself

21. God likes watching news and taking Mike Wallace, God likes music and taking Mike Jackson, and God likes ghost girl and taking Leslie Cheung

22. I said how I lost my wife, so you are hiding in your mommy's stomach

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