Although they are forwarded, they are all carefully classified and sorted.

Related jokes

1. The three most popular words during the Iraq War: peace, war, and found. Connect these three words and read them aloud three times and you will discover a shocking secret...

I farted...

2. The reason why Yang Xiu was killed: One day Yang Xiu went to the bookstore to buy books and saw a book written by Montesquieu. Yang Xiu looked up to the sky and laughed: "Hahahaha, Meng De is a bird who can also write books!"

3. There once was a hero,

His sword was very cold;< /p>

His hands were cold;

His heart was cold,

Finally,

He froze to death...

This story tells us that we should put on more clothes when the weather is cold...

4. A Shandong student went to a small store to buy instant noodles with a Northeasterner who slept with him. On the way, the Northeasterner said to himself: " What kind of flavor is it whole? It's whole with green onions and beef..." People from Shandong didn't know what "zhong" meant, so they asked people from the Northeast, who told them that "zhong" means eating. Once, the two of them went to the toilet together. It happened that the water in the toilet was cut off, and there was ten thousand taels of gold inside. The Northeastern man slapped his thigh and said, "How can this be done!" After hearing this, the Shandong man's face turned pale, and he held his hands against the wall and vomited...

5. A prince fell in love with a princess, but the prince was bewitched by a witch and could only speak one word a year. The prince worked hard for five years and saved five words. He ran to the princess and said: "Princess, I love you!~" The princess said: "What, what did you say?" The prince: "..."

6. This is a true story...

In an English class, a boy suddenly felt anxious and asked for leave from the teacher. The teacher said: "Go ahead." The boy endured the class and learned a lot. The road is far away, I will go up and down to find the sense of place.

After class, the teacher asked him: "Why don't you go to the toilet when you are holding it in like that?" The boy replied: "Why don't you say go to the toilet." Teacher: "..."

< p>7. Three years ago, we each raised a puppy. Yours was called Face and mine was called Butt. Later, you became shameless. Whenever I saw Butt, I would think of your face. If your face were still there If so, he should be as big as his butt!

8. A college student was captured by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and tortured him. They asked him which school he was from and would electrocute him if he didn't tell him. He did it, but was electrocuted.

He said: "I...I...am...from the TV University..."

9. The prisoner was executed, but the first shot did not go off due to the poor quality of the bullets. Then the second and third shots were fired... At this time, the prisoner couldn't stand it anymore and cried: "Brother, please strangle me to death! This is too scary..."

10. Prison Inside, a death row prisoner walked around restlessly. A kind-hearted prison guard said to him: "Don't be afraid, the electric current is very strong, it only lasts for a blink of an eye, and there is no pain at all." At this time, screams came from the execution ground. "What's the sound..." the prisoner asked tremblingly. "I don't know either." The guard said and got up to take a look. After a while, the guard came back, "Nothing, there was a power outage, so I had to use candles." The guard said calmly.

11. A person who rides a motorcycle likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, to buckle them in the back to block the wind. One day he was driving drunk and his car overturned and fell on the side of the road. The police arrived:

Police A: What a serious car accident.

Police B: Yes, my head was hit in the back.

Police Officer A: Yes, he is still breathing. Let’s help him turn his head back.

Police B: Okay... One or two times, I turned back.

Policeman A: Well, I’m not breathing...

12. One day the animals smelled a bad smell in front of the Guandi Temple. The snake said: "I am too young to fart such a smelly thing, it must be a cow." The cow said: "I am a grass eater and I will not fart such a smelly thing." The pig said: "Whoever farts will definitely blush." Suddenly Guan Gong rushed out, beat the pig away and said: "How many times have I told you, I am born blushing."

13. A patient went to see a doctor. The doctor examined him and frowned and said: “You are too ill and I’m afraid you won’t live much longer.

"Patient: "Please tell me how long I can live? "Doctor: "Ten..." The patient asked anxiously: "Ten what? Ten years and ten months? Ten days? Doctor: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five..."

14. Teacher: "Can you tell me the unique characteristics of some scientists in the 18th century?" ”

Student: “Yes, they are all dead.” "

15. Rhinoceros and Mosquito fell in love. Mosquito asked what kind of job Mosquito did. Mosquito said: "Nurse, injector." "I slapped my thigh: "It's fate, I am a pill maker at the Traditional Chinese Medicine Bureau..."

16. A man was taking a driver's license test while studying abroad. During the road test, he saw a turn left sign and was a little hesitant. , asked the examiner uncertainly: "Turn left?" "Examiner: "Right." So he failed the road test...

17. The pastor said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage: "This horse can only understand the language of the church, and it is called 'Thank you. When God says, it runs; when God says, "Praise God", it stops. "The farmer was doubtful, so he tried shouting "Thank God", and the horse immediately started galloping, faster and faster. Only when one ran to the edge of the cliff did the frightened farmer remember the command to stop it, "Praise God". Sure enough, , the horse stopped. The farmer who escaped from death breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God..." (Yesterday the teacher taught the English version...)

18. Gorbachev When my husband visited the United States, Reagan invited him to enjoy the latest high-tech product in the United States - a fully automatic ultra-comfortable toilet. After using it, Gorbachev admired it from the bottom of his heart and secretly determined that we would also develop it after returning to China. It must be successfully developed before Reagan's return visit. The first thing Reagan did when he came to the Soviet Union was to test out their toilets, and he found a more advanced one, and one that was made lifelike by a simulated human hand. Reagan kept trying. , hoping to find some shortcomings. But on the eighth try, a man's head suddenly emerged from under the toilet: "You have finished, I have wiped it for you so many times!" "

19. A young man was about to be drafted into the army. The ophthalmologist at the military hospital gave him a vision examination. While undergoing the examination, the young man said that he was short-sighted. After the examination, the doctor said: "Yes, you You're right, it's myopia. The young man was very happy when he heard this. "Dear doctor, can I be exempted from military service?" The doctor shook his head and said, "No... I wrote down that I can participate in hand-to-hand combat." "

20. The team led by Saddam was surrounded by the US military. After a few days, they couldn't hold on anymore, so they sent a guard out to inquire about the situation. When he came back, he said to Saddam He made a V-shaped gesture. Saddam was very happy: "Great, we won!" The guard cried sadly: "What, we are the only two left..."

Related Slip of the tongue

1. If the bowl falls, there will be a big scar

2. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, it will make your skull stand on end! ! ! !

3. You think I am critically ill!

4. When I was in high school, the teacher grabbed XXX in anger! , said, ”

6. Me: That’s our physics teacher...

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry...

7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted: "Teacher! ”

8. A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then he said a cold saying: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine.

9. Buy oranges. Boss: One yuan and five pounds. Me: It’s five yuan and three pounds. Boss: No, no.

10. My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said the monitor is a color screen. I want to talk about LCD)

11. Junior high school art party, question and answer session

Female host: "Everyone, be careful, don't rush too fast. After I finished speaking, I started to raise my hands."

Then he started to read the topic and said, "Open now. . . "

At this time, a contestant rushed to answer.

The host said, "This student is a little too anxious.

I still have shit in my mouth, why did you snatch it away?"

12. I heard a girl shouting in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper~!" ”

13. One day when I was in school, I received a phone call. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, “Your mother is looking for you.” ”

I answered the phone and casually said: “Boy or girl”

Everyone laughed wildly and I was laughed at for 4 years

14. Classmate A high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and shook his hair coolly: "Boss, 2 liang of green onions and no rice noodles! After that, he added: "Put in more rice noodles!" "boss:". . . . Do you want rice noodles or green onions?

15. Once the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me. I used to say "He's not here", but this time what I wanted to say was "He's gone out." ". The result was: "He is... gone"

16. gg handed me a piece of ice cream, I took a bite and shouted: "It burned me to death! ”

17. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, “Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?” ”

18. Once I patted the belly of my dormitory classmate, and she said loudly: “Don’t pat, there is pee in my stomach.” ”

19. In high school, everyone was given a name tag... Before a check-up, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, everyone, put your bra on quickly and come check... The whole place was silent...

20. When I went home for the weekend, I got addicted to cigarettes after dinner. When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me why I was going. I casually said, "Let's take a smoke." ! "As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and beat me severely.

21. Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce "dismissal" ", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot his words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat! "

22. There was a teacher named Jiang in high school who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..."

23. A colleague said, "I was driving on the road one day and my tire was flat. I asked where I could get inflated tires. My colleague said, "There are tire abortists everywhere on the street! ”

24. There was a teacher who was playing mahjong all night. When he saw that the blackboard was not wiped, he was furious: “Who is playing banker today?” Don’t even wipe the blackboard! ”

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law applying Dabao and suddenly shouted: “Your skin is so good, why do you still use Hushubao?” ”

26. The teacher left homework. I couldn’t do it so I copied other people’s homework. Then I went to the office to hand in the homework. When I saw the teacher, he said: “I’ve finished copying!” "

27. Once, we went to Huangshan for a trip, and the tour guide happened to introduce: The Hundred-step Ladder was Liu Xiaoqing's attraction. Suddenly a man in our group blurted out: "Director... "Everyone was stunned.

28. That time some female classmates came to my house to play. I went to get water. They turned on the DVD player to watch a movie. I heard it in the back room and heard it in Cantonese. Then I shouted I was in a wrong tone, and I was speechless. My face turned purple and I almost fainted.

29. I was in high school, and I went home with my girlfriend after school. I saw a barbecue seller at the door. I wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many people in front of the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted loudly: "Boss, five skewers of beef whip." Then there was silence for three seconds. Everyone laughed together. The most embarrassing thing was that MM asked me "What is a bullwhip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail."

30. I had an argument with my sister on the phone, and she turned up the volume on the TV very loudly. I was upset, so I said loudly: "Turn off the phone!" "Now that I think about it, that's so cold!

31. I went to have breakfast with my classmates in the morning. One of them only ate the stuffing, and the other only ate the skin. We were talking about the two classmates who wasted their time eating the stuffing. I said, "Okay, then you can eat my foreskin." All the porridge drinkers present screamed.

32. To tell the truth, on the factory bus at work, MM asked me: My computer is failing and keeps dying. I said: Go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the anti-virus software. MM: Oh, I saw MM again in the car early the next morning, and I asked casually: Did you check it? Then... MM said loudly: What should I do if I check it for a long time? . .

I still remember it now

33. A high school classmate of my dormitory classmate called. He asked who he was looking for, but I said he wasn’t here, and then said thank you

34. Someone else came before. I'm a guest at my aunt's house and I just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said: "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!"

35. We used to have a political economics teacher who really liked to talk! One time we talked about the strength of the U.S. dollar. He said, "Do you know why only U.S. dollars are called 'U.S. dollars', but you have never heard of them being called 'English dollars' or 'French dollars'?"

36. During the military training at the university, the instructor He yelled and said: Use your peripheral vision (peripheral vision) to align~~~~We want to laugh but don’t dare to laugh, that’s so sad...

37. Female classmate and her cousin I was invited to dinner and asked to eat more during the meal. I didn't know how I could make the following mistake: "Thank you, I haven't had any sexual desire lately, please eat more!" Everyone was irritated at that time. .

38. Our company has a car to pick up and drop off work in the morning. Because the car is not big, once, after I got on the car, there was no seat. A male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her enthusiastically. To: "So-and-so, you sit on my ass!" I kept laughing until I got off the car~!

39. I used to be obsessed with online games and would often kill people secretly in Internet cafes. After the semester ended, I went home with a group of buddies. The train was about to leave, but we hadn’t found the platform yet. He said in a hurry: "MD, why are there no coordinates here (in fact, you need to look for a sign)!~" The buddy burst into laughter after hearing this~~

40. When I lived on campus, I had bunk beds. Once mobile phone A needs to be charged. But there is only one socket for each bed, and it cannot be charged when the lamp is plugged in for reading. So, A plugged the charger into B. B wanted to listen to music at night and saw A's charger and yelled: "Hey, why do you keep plugging me in? Why don't you plug it in your bottom?" After that, there was a commotion, sweat~~

41. When I was in college, a classmate was arguing with me. I was at a disadvantage for a moment. In desperation, he slammed the table and stood up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid!

42. A buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At lunch time, two people entered a beef ramen restaurant. The girl said loudly to the chef: Hey, give me 2 bowls of ramen~~~ The chef said: Do you want to eat? I poop when I eat.

43. When I was a kid, people selling popsicles and ice cream would usually push bicycles to sell them. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)

44. My roommate boiled water with hot water. After the water boiled, he read a book leisurely and didn’t move. He couldn’t stand it any longer, so he said: "Is it time to pull it out? You screamed so loudly..." No response. Fifteen seconds later, he added: "It's very hot in there. It's easy to break the plug if you leave it plugged in like this..." No movement. After half a minute, the water boiled completely and splashed. "Then what, I ejaculated. A lot of things were squirted out, and the screams were getting louder and louder. I'm afraid I might break it if I insert it again... Are you sure you don't want to pull it out?" . . A thick book flew towards my head!!!~

45. When we were in the third year of high school, our class teacher taught mathematics... When he reviewed it for us, every time we drew pictures, we drew rays. When~~ I said loudly~~ `My classmates are watching~~ I cum

46. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was half way up the mountain and I was so tired that I wanted to take a rest. When I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs on the roadside, I went up and asked: "My wife..."

47. When I went to self-study, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM: "I just memorized the words, please help me write them silently." MM didn't want to be silent, so GG begged her, please (touch) silence me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't bear it anymore and shouted, "Teacher, look, I don't want to (touch) him, but he insists on me (touching) him~~~!" ! !

48. One day I went to a classmate’s house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call her uncle, but he made the mistake of saying, “Dad, come sit down!”~~ cold! Most of my classmates were laughing so hard

49. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating.

"

50. When I was in elementary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I refused, he would stalk me. After that, I yelled with all my strength, "I won't marry (borrow). ) for you.” At that time, the students immediately became quiet,,,.

51. One time when I asked for a song on KTV, I shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun. ....

Related jokes

1 Once I took the bus and took my IC card and lined up to get on the bus. The person in front of me was tossing coins. My brain short-circuited and I threw the IC card in.

2 The neighbor forgot to bring the key, so he climbed over from my balcony, found the key in the house, turned back, and opened the door of his house again. What's even more amazing is that I was there all the time. The balcony responded, and I didn’t notice anything wrong. Alas, our heads must have been squeezed through the same door crack. 3 My surname is Zhu, and I manage the computer room of my unit. Someone called me on my mobile phone once: " Chief Chicken, are you in the pig room? "I scolded the guy wildly

4 When I was cooking at noon, my mother gave me a pot of carrots: "Go and cut the carrots into cubes!

I remember one time when I went to buy a fruit called Elizabeth, I opened my mouth and said: Boss, how much does Shakespeare cost? The boss was stunned on the spot

5. Drinking with the leader and others, he raised his glass and loudly said: "Let us die together!" His head was too hot at the time

6. Once while eating in the cafeteria While eating and chatting, I suddenly realized that I had dropped a piece of rice outside. I secretly felt sorry for the farmer uncle for wasting food, so I picked it up and ate it.

But later I found out that the rice didn't seem to be mine... (This is too ridiculous)

7 I pinched the neck of a big rooster but didn't dare to cut it. After hesitating for a long time, I pinched the chicken. Dead

8 One night I was drinking with some friends, and all of them drank too much. One fell asleep on the roadside, and we couldn’t lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him with. , don’t catch a cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that when he woke up the next day, he found three bicycles on his body

A humorous sentence

1. If you push me again, If you push me again I will pretend to be dead for you!

2. There are so many people who despise me, who do you think you are?

3. Don’t worry if you leave it to me, nothing can be wrong!

4. Don't be nervous, I'm not a good person...

5. Don't thank me, how can I have the nerve to collect money from you after thanking you!

6. Don’t tell me to come here—I am Afanti!

7. If you don’t pay attention to me, then I will become a dog and ignore you!

8. When will the bright moon come? Ask Yi Zhongtian!

9. If you can’t reach it, try stepping on it with your left foot and the right foot.

10. Some people are alive, but she is already dead. Some people are alive, but they should have died long ago!

11. You said...you like me? Actually...at first...I actually...well, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a lot.

12. Do you want to drink water, water, or water? It’s up to you!

13. Say what you should say, and whisper what you shouldn’t say.

14. Zi once said: Don’t regard my tolerance of you as your shameless capital!

15. Don’t think that just because I am handsome, I am unattainable and unattainable. In fact, I am open to all rivers.

16. The weather is good today, windy and rainy. .

17. As a typical failure, you are so successful!

18. The feet of three cobblers smelled so bad that Zhuge Liang died.

19. In this golden autumn with red maples...

20. If you bother me again, I'll tie you to a straw boat and borrow arrows!

21. The wind is rustling and the water is cold. You have to pay back the money you owe!

22.A: Where to eat? I have no money.

B: Let’s go to a restaurant, I’ll pay for the water pipe.

A :It’s hard to swallow this bad breath if you don’t take revenge.

B: Then how can I let you die?

24. There is a path in the mountain of books, first of all, learn from the sea. Boundless Eight Treasures for Making Porridge 25. The world belongs to us and our sons, but in the end it belongs to those grandsons.

26. How much does this shoe cost per pound? .

27. My dog ??eyes were really blinded back then...

28. Is this blind man a blind man?

29. Even if you beat me to death, you haven’t made me beautiful yet. What a plan!

30. Not only do I have good luck, but I also have good athlete’s foot!

31. I hate it, don’t ask single men such questions!

32. Can a scholar be accused of stealing?

33. I really want to get rid of this little bug, but my tongue is not long enough...

34 .She is so fat that I can’t even twist her arm with my thighs

I am the moderator of the humor section of Youzhou Taiwan Forum. If you want more, please contact me