Not long ago, there was such a news among the overwhelming epidemic reports: Yan, a 26-year-old second-generation rich man in Shanghai, was addicted to gambling and owed a debt of 4 million due to his wife’s nagging. He tried to dissuade him from killing him and then tried to set a fire to cover it up. His wife was still more than 3 months pregnant at the time. Later I learned that Yan was an orphan. His adoptive parents, who came from a wealthy family, took good care of him, sent him to study abroad, and bought him a villa and a luxury car. This man with a higher education and a decent job is actually a gambling addict.

People who are addicted are like being possessed by the devil, and their behavior and will are not controlled by the brain. And "addiction" not only refers to addiction to gambling, cigarettes, and alcohol, but also includes those things that are not beneficial to you but you cannot restrain yourself from doing them unconsciously. Once a person becomes addicted, he will be firmly grasped by the addiction, and the harm caused by the addiction will continue. When it reaches the most serious stage, it destroys not only oneself, but also the entire family. Therefore, we must learn to be aware in time. Once we find that we or our family members are prone to addiction, we must take action. Stopping losses in time is a life-saving wisdom.

So, how can we detect our addiction problems in time? The book "Can't Stop" that I introduce to you today completely overturns our understanding of addiction. The book contains detailed test questions to guide us to judge whether we are addicted and lead us to become addicted through seven specific steps. Addicts overcome various addictions and teach us how to deal with intimate relationships with addicted family members.

The author of this book is Shen Jiahong, a psychology expert in the treatment of addiction. He has conducted systematic research on addiction and has accumulated certain experience in psychological intervention for addiction. I have been practicing medicine for 32 years and have treated many people suffering from various addictions. Now, let us take a look at this book.

01. How to tell if you are addicted?

We often ignore the invisible addiction in daily life, thinking that many things are just our own living habits, and fail to see the problems it brings to us. When it comes to addiction, everyone is more familiar with addiction to cigarettes, alcohol, gambling and gaming. In fact, sometimes we mistake addictions for hobbies, such as our passion for shopping and obsession with fitness, which we don’t take seriously.

In the book, the author mentioned that he knew a friend who was extremely crazy about fitness. He went to the gym more than ten times a week. Muscle, he didn't realize he was addicted until his physical examination revealed serious problems. This also reminds us not to treat addiction as a hobby.

So, how to distinguish a hobby from an addiction? The author believes that hobbies are a healthy behavior and are good for our body and mind. Although addiction can bring us pleasant feelings, it can also harm our physical, mental and social functions. If there is no harm, it is not an addiction; if there is harm but cannot be controlled, then it is an addiction.

For example, when you come home after working for a day, you can play a few games to relax before doing other important things. This is helpful to eliminate fatigue and has no harm. It is a hobby. But if you become unable to stop and are immersed in the game and can't extricate yourself, you tell yourself "play one more game and then go to bed", but game after game continues until four or five in the morning, and you have to go to work, but you still can't Control, that's addiction.

What is addiction? It is actually a disease and must be cured. Therefore, we must learn to detect and judge whether we are addicted. If so, how deep is the addiction? In addition to distinguishing between hobbies and addictions, in the book, the author clearly provides us with 7 judgment criteria and a 40-question scale. We can apply these two tools to accurately judge our own specific situation.

02. How to successfully quit addiction?

The vast majority of people with addiction problems have deep-seated psychological distress hidden behind them. Addiction is just an external manifestation. Only when the psychological distress is resolved can addicts truly quit their addiction. And psychological problems can only be solved through psychological methods, which is what we need to understand first.

People with addiction are usually aware of the dangers of addiction. They also want to quit addiction, and some plan to rely on their own willpower to get rid of addiction. The author, Professor Shen Jiahong, mentioned many times in this book that one of the most striking characteristics of addiction is the inability to control it. Therefore, quitting addiction is not something that can be accomplished overnight. It is very difficult to quit addiction simply relying on willpower.

After understanding the above two points, what should we do to successfully quit addiction? In fact, the best way is to find out the trigger and stay away from it. The book provides 6 key strategies for staying away from triggers:

Reduce contact with addicted peers and spend more time with friends who do not have addiction. For example, you are quitting smoking, but your roommate likes to play games. At this time, you should consider going to the library to study every day, and try not to get together with them. Otherwise, you may play with them unconsciously.

Avoid high-risk locations. High-risk places are those places that can easily trigger you to addictive substances or associate you with addictive behaviors. Always remind yourself to take a detour, so as to effectively reduce the chance of relapse.

Get rid of addictive items. For example, block your game account, uninstall related apps, transfer fitness membership cards, etc. You can do this now.

Distraction. When we first start recovering from an addiction, it is easy for us to feel empty and bored due to the sudden loss of the companionship of the addiction. We must be careful not to let ourselves stay in this feeling for too long. The most effective way is to do something that makes you feel happy, such as listening to music, watching movies, socializing, practicing calligraphy, exercising appropriately, etc.

Talk about your own experiences and experiences with addiction. In the process of recovering from addiction, there will inevitably be times when you particularly need addictive substances or want to engage in addictive behaviors. At this time, you can talk to someone you trust about your feelings, including physical feelings, emotional feelings, The ideas that are popping up in your brain, etc. When we talk about this feeling, the anxiety and helplessness that comes from not having our needs met is greatly reduced.

Talk to Yourself Sometimes the urge to return to an addiction can make us very emotional. At this time, many absolute thoughts will emerge automatically and cannot be suppressed at all. Like, I have to drink now. I have to smoke now. .

The above 6 points can be used comprehensively. As long as we have patience and perseverance, we can successfully defeat this obstacle on the road to addiction recovery.

03. How to help your family members quit addiction and maintain a good intimate relationship with them?

Many addicts do so because their inner problems cannot be solved or their inner needs cannot be met. They want to find a partner to transfer their pain or escape from their problems. The root of all kinds of addiction is actually "heart addiction". Unfortunately, we tend to think of addicted people as depraved and immoral. This often results in us either sternly preaching or physically beating our addicted loved ones. In this way, the addiction problem of the loved one has not been solved, and the relationship between the two parties has become tense.

Then it is very important for us as family members to make up for the addict's lack of intimacy. In the book, the author puts forward two principles. First, as relatives of addicts, we must learn to respect each other unconditionally. This requires us to put aside the thoughts and behaviors of "I will only recognize you if you start to quit addiction" and "Only if you behave well, I will care for you." When dealing with an addict, change these thoughts to "No matter how you behave, I love you and care about you."

In addition, what the loved ones of addicts need to do is to let the addicts take all responsibility for their own addiction, rather than taking responsibility for the addicts. For example, when faced with the gambling debts owed by addicts due to gambling, credit card debts owed by excessive shopping, and overdrafts on living expenses for buying gaming equipment, the addicts’ family members must be able to be ruthless and not pay off the money for them, but let them face the problem themselves. This is very important when it comes to the consequences of addiction.

In addition to these two principles, the author also reminds us that in daily life, when dealing with addicted family members, we must "listen patiently to their expressions, actively handle the conflicts between you, and express them directly." How you feel, say words of encouragement to the other person, have the courage to admit your mistakes, and learn to give in and compromise." These six points.

Family is very important to each of us. We can use the methods proposed by the author to manage close relationships, so as to increase our happiness.

When we are aware of our "addiction", we can get rid of it through the correct method. Eventually, self-discipline will come naturally, and self-discipline is precisely the necessary path to success. Only when we become aware of our family members’ “addiction” can we realize how important it is to repair the close relationship with our family members. As the saying goes, the richness of life is the richness of relationships. Only by helping our families get out of the dilemma of addiction can we truly enjoy the happiness and fun of life.

The ultimate goal of reading is change. I hope we can learn how to quit addiction through the book "Can't Stop at All", so that everyone can stay away from the harm of addiction, take the initiative in life, use psychology to effectively quit addiction, and become a truly self-disciplined and happy person. .