My wife came across a "cute" video. I took a look at it but couldn't stop laughing: a child was crying and called the police. He said in a sweet voice that he wanted the police to arrest his mother. She kept complaining about how such a mother could exist.

This is how the police came to persuade the children: Who will take care of you if your parents take them away? The background music of the video is that kind of cute and cheerful music, but it makes me very sad: the tears of adults may not be sincere sometimes, but the pain of children is 100% true.

Shouldn’t children love their mothers the most? When I was a child, every time I watched the Taiwanese movie "Mom Love Me Again" and heard the song "Only Mom is Good in the World", I couldn't help crying. When did the mother become the enemy of the child?

After eliminating the emperor, there are probably only two types of people left in China who still have absolute authority over another group of people. The first is referees on the football field, and the second is parents.

Have you ever taken it out on your naughty child when you were in a bad mood and extremely irritable?

Have you ever considered your children’s academic performance as your top priority since they were in elementary school? The happiest thing for your children is to get high scores in exams?

When your children get a little older and start to become rebellious, disobedient, and quarrel with you at every turn. When they are unable to complain, do your methods of dealing with them begin to become simple and crude?

When they enter adolescence, do you start guarding your children against premature love like thieves?

When they graduate from college and start working, will you start urging them to get married every day again? Get married and start having children again?

Parents always have a grand and heart-wrenching reason: I am doing this for your own good! This kind of legal moral kidnapping is essentially "playing hooliganism".

Do you understand your child’s true inner thoughts? When you start complaining that they only know how to use their mobile phones to play games, have you really entered their hearts? Under your tireless torture for more than ten years, the luckier children may become heartless, wolf-hearted, and dog-like, but the worst they are afraid of is becoming sensitive, inferior, or even depressed. Have you ever considered whether there is something wrong with the way you communicate with your children?

A video came across on my phone with the title: "Both husband and wife are both masters of 985 program. The woman complains that her son, who is a senior in high school, is a 'scumbag': his father was so angry that he had two heart attacks." Since he had a child, Whenever I see such a video or text, I will watch it more or less for a while. The content of the video is probably about a mother introducing her and her husband’s intellectual background and how hard they worked in raising their children. As a result, their children became tired of studying and became scumbags in the third year of high school. It doesn’t matter if they don’t study well, they are still good at it. Dad. She was so angry that she had two heart attacks. At the end of the video, the mother made a seemingly calm conclusion: "I don't have any expectations for my child now. She just needs to be safe, healthy and happy." Listening to this tone, it sounds like this mother has some kind of terminal illness. After experiencing extreme pain, she suddenly looked away and gave up treatment.

I'm really curious, parent, are you posting this short video to vent your dissatisfaction or to make a fool of your children? Don't tell me that you are here to boost traffic.

Every night at seven or eight o'clock when I go home and climb the stairs to the second floor, I feel a little nervous, because I often hear a mother's scolding voice coming from a window on the second floor: Why are you taking the exam? Such a small score? ! Are you lying? The teacher just gave me this little homework? ! Is this how the word is pronounced? How many times have I taught you? ! Do you think dad will help you? ! What good will a kid like you do when he grows up? ! Occasionally my father would chime in with a word or two to help.

Oh my gosh, I wanted to knock on the door several times and ask the eldest sister: Do you really have a grudge against your child for speaking so harshly to your child? How can a child place his fears and uneasiness in this small space without an exit?

I have a friend who is five or six years older than me. He has been accompanying his children from elementary school to junior high school. He has hired numerous tutors. During the period when his children were preparing for the high school entrance examination, he gave up all work to accompany them and did all the work himself. I did more than a dozen sets of simulation questions.

I lamented to him several times: Brother, do you have to work so hard? My friend's answer was both sincere and helpless: There is no way, everyone else is like this. If you don't fight now, you won't even have a chance to fight in the future. At the end, he would also remind me emphatically: I didn’t think it was necessary to work so hard before, but you will understand when your child reaches this age. My hair almost stood up when I heard it.

I have a female friend who is a warm-hearted eldest sister. Recently, I have wanted to meet up with my two families to have dinner, hang out and chat. The eldest sister is very helpless: I don’t have time for my child. The high school entrance examination is coming soon in the semester. Now I can't wait to break one minute into two minutes to use it. I also have to make reasonable arrangements for tutoring on the weekends.

Every time I listen to what my eldest sister says, I am thinking, my child is not about to take the high school entrance examination, it is still more than half a year away. Is it really necessary to keep him so busy?

I also saw a Douyin video today. A girl called 119: Hello, hello, are you responsible for collecting the corpses? With a cry of despair. When rescuers arrived at the location, they found that the girl had jumped into the cold river water. At the age of 19, she suffered from depression. Her parents wanted her to continue studying, but she quietly found a job on her own. The police rescued the girl in time. Now her life is no longer in danger. Her body temperature has recovered, but how can she warm her heart?

This video reminds me of the three-page suicide note of a 14-year-old girl in the second grade of junior high school in Shanghai that was circulated on the Internet some time ago. In the next life, we should not meet again. A child's heart needs to die hundreds of times before he can say goodbye to his biological parents with these words?

Many people still remember the news from a few years ago: On the Huangpu River Bridge, in the long queue of traffic jams, a boy opened the car door and jumped into the Huangpu River regardless of his mother's obstruction. Doesn’t that boy know that it will be painful for his mother to do this? He knew that he wanted to use this pain to punish his mother. Mom, I know you are in pain, but do you understand my pain?

Hangzhou No. 7 People’s Hospital is a hospital that mainly treats mental illness. Two experts from the hospital, Xie Jian and Tan Zhonglin, said: 90% of the patients who come to the hospital come to see depression, among which 1/3-2/5 of patients with depression are under the age of 18, and 1/4 of inpatients are adolescents under the age of 18.

What kind of anxious parents can raise so many unhappy children?

Let’s analyze the sources of parents’ anxiety.

First of all, the atmosphere in the entire society is that everyone is very anxious, and I feel a little embarrassed if I am not anxious.

A friend told me: Her Dabao has always been "free-range" and she did not let him learn any advanced content before preschool. As a result, she regrets it now because many other classmates have already learned this before they entered elementary school. I have participated in many early childhood education courses, so after my son entered elementary school, he could not keep up with other students in many aspects of his studies. So, when it came to educating Erbao, who was five years younger, she began to "change her past mistakes." She began to teach reading, reading English, and arithmetic when she was more than one year old. She began to learn to use chopsticks when she was two years old, and started professional training when she was three years old. Table tennis, showing off their son's daily "progress" in the circle of friends... The emotion of many parents is: if you don't work hard, your child will not be able to keep up and will fall behind. Children have self-esteem, but once they lose their self-confidence since childhood, That's it.

It’s true that parents are very anxious. This is a common social phenomenon.

This collective social anxiety has given education and training institutions an opportunity to further sell "anxiety." Someone once joked: The collapse of a middle-aged man starts when he enters the elevator. When he raises his head, there are medical beauty advertisements on the left, hair loss advertisements on the right, and education and training advertisements in the middle. Education and training institutions take pains to instill in you a concept: if only 1% of children can eventually become successful, then you must let your children become that 1%!

The question is, why is your child the 1%?

The country’s rectification of the education and training industry this year is to disinfect these poisonous chicken soups.

Injecting chicken blood to one student may improve the score, but giving chicken blood to all students will only increase the score line. If the enrollment of key universities does not increase, then what is the difference between everyone tightening the clockwork and everyone relaxing the clockwork? Woolen cloth?

I really like what Professor Zheng Qiang of Zhejiang University once said: Life is like a marathon. If you exert too much force at the beginning, be careful not to have enough stamina. I also like another sentence he said: Let's go to the Hangzhou Wildlife Park and see which bear is sitting in a well-behaved manner?

Isn’t it natural for children to be naughty and jump around? By killing the innocence and curiosity of children, our nation has gained a cold GDP and a rigid one-sidedness. Is this really what we want?

There are also many parents whose anxiety comes from their unsatisfactory living conditions and from the fact that they must not let their children repeat the heroic spirit of their miserable lives. Many mothers will tell their daughters that you must find a rich man, otherwise it will be a lifetime of hardship for your mother to marry a man like your father! Many mothers tell their sons that you must study hard and earn a lot of money when you grow up, otherwise you will be scolded by your wife for the rest of your life like your dad! To put it bluntly, many parents work tirelessly to instill their own anxieties in their children.

Success is accidental. Jack Ma also said, don’t try to become the second me, that is impossible. Sadly, many of our parents have fallen into this collective unconsciousness. If their children cannot succeed in the worldly sense, their lives seem to be meaningless. These parents do not want their children to be recognized by themselves, but they want their children to be recognized by others.

Adults, when you say that I am doing this for your own good, have you ever thought that the "child" will really be "good"?

As adults, if a husband and wife don’t get along, they can choose to divorce; if a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law don’t get along, they can choose not to live together; if they don’t get along with the boss, they can choose to resign. But as for children, they have no choice. We want them to come into this world, we want to raise them in our own way, and we ask our children to become what we want them to be.

It’s horrifying to think that you don’t need to pass a test to be a parent!

I first saw this sentence by the Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka many years ago, and it immediately stuck in my mind. At that time, I was not married yet a father.

Children are the most innocent. They grow up under the wings of their parents. All our words and deeds shape their personalities. They have no way to choose not to be our children. When they cannot love When parents cannot escape their parents, tragedy may occur.

Leave the child alone!

Parents, please calm down and think about it, do you expect your children to support you in your old age in the future?

Most people probably wouldn’t have this idea, so why do you have such high demands on him? As long as he can grow up healthily and happily, don't follow evil ways, and can support himself, isn't that enough?

There is probably only one child out of a hundred who will eventually "become successful" in the secular sense. Just relax and worry about that 1% chance that it will not be your child. As your children grow up, please let go of your parents' ridiculous pride and arrogance, and be friends with them seriously. When you have time, take them to the playground, jump with them, listen to their nonsense, and take them to the playground. Of course, go on a self-driving trip, take the time to patiently tell a story to your children, and try to show your smiling face in front of your children. If you really can’t help yelling at your children, give them a hug in time, and let go of your sad feelings. Put on airs, say sorry to them, forgive dad (mom), okay? Let the children really smile like flowers, play like monkeys, and let them be children again.

China’s 400 million ordinary and mediocre parents born in the 1980s and 1990s, which one of you has not devoted your efforts to the growth of your children and wasted your own green hair? When you look back on the past, you may also complain about the worthlessness of your life, but if you are given another chance, I guess you will still go back to the old path without looking back.

After many times of disappointment and helplessness, you still quoted the famous saying of Empress Dowager Cixi to comfort yourself: Poor parents in the world!

We are lucky enough to be parents in this life. Please ask yourself, do our children need us more, or do we need our children more?

As parents, let your children go. In this way, you will also let yourselves go.