1. Pretending to read books

There are always so many people in the world who love to pretend to be B, so there is this incomplete manual of pretending to be B. Why is it not complete? Because the art of pretending is to be reflected in all aspects of your life, and I will only discuss a few issues about pretending to read.

Zhang Jie, a non-famous poet in the Tang Dynasty, once said with emotion that "Liu Xiang didn't study." If you can be as awesome as Liu Bang and Xiang Yu, you don't need to rely on reading to pretend, but a society It can only accommodate one such awesome person at the same time. It is impossible to realize everyone's desire to pretend to be B at the same time, which is not conducive to the establishment of a harmonious society, so it is not recommended here.

Adults always teach children to pretend to be B by reading, read books for 20 years, and then pretend again

Is this interesting?

< p>I don’t think it’s interesting. If you read it in 20 years, you’re already awesome. What’s the point of pretending?

Stop talking nonsense and get to the point------------------

First, classical literature is necessary. You can pretend to be a person's depth, pick up a few of Dante's "Divine Comedy", Goethe's "Faust", Boccaccio's "Decameron" or so-and-so's "So-and-so" to support your bookshelf. Regardless of whether you like the content or not, or whether you agree with the author's point of view, you may only meet a few people in your life who really understand these books these days, so you don't have to worry about anyone actually discussing the work itself with you. . But remember one thing: never buy a large hardcover set of "The Complete Works of Shakespeare". This is a nouveau riche-level package, so it's better not to have it at all. You must not buy Shakespeare's books in hardcover. Only superficial people will care about book covers, and don't buy a complete set. That only shows that you are still an entry-level reader. The highest level of pretending is to buy only a few paperback volumes, and you can't buy "The Merchant of Venice" or "Romeo and Juliet" that even the sweeping lady knows about. You only need to buy those that no one else has even heard of. , this is taste.

Imagine, one day, a little B comes to your house and sees a few Shakespeare books on the bookshelf. He is just thinking about being a talented literary young man. He can take it down and read "Antony and Grams". "Leopatra", he was dumbfounded, and then pretended to turn a few pages, and saw the bookmark you inadvertently inserted inside, an opera ticket from a certain day in the last century, wouldn't he be shocked to pieces? In just a few moments, without saying anything, you have already separated yourself from ordinary little B by several levels.

In addition, there must be a little dust accumulated on this kind of book. This is the thickness of history. At least it means that the book is not just bought and printed, but it should not be too thick. There must be a certain degree of age when it comes to the newness of books. Brand-new ones will definitely not work. They are the bookshelves of the nouveau riche, but they cannot be too old. After all, these are literary books, not reference books, so the tattered ones can only mean that they are old and new. If you don’t take care of your reading, the best way to show off is to keep the book fresh, and then inadvertently (note, it must be done “accidentally”) fold a corner on a certain page and make a few lines on a certain line. Line, if your handwriting is too bad, stop writing notes.

OK, now that your attainments in classical literature have reached the level of an assistant professor in the Chinese Department of a prestigious university, you can say goodbye to the superficial title of literary youth forever.

Second, professional books. In addition to having a profound knowledge of classical literature, it is also necessary for a great person to master several professional skills (literature cannot be a living thing), so it is also essential to have a few professional-looking books as props. First of all, we must draw a clear line between books such as xx introductory books, xx DIY, and xx beginner guides. Always remind yourself that you are now a very good professional. What you want to read is the kind of book that will make non-professionals faint when they read the title, and ordinary professionals will vomit as soon as they read the content.

When choosing books, you should pay attention to a few points. Don’t buy books that are read by people who have just graduated (it won’t widen the gap); buy books in English that everyone is buying; with the same content Do not choose a book called xx Collection. A book is just a tool. Taking it too seriously will only make you look inferior. Among a bunch of reference books, make sure there is at least one original and classic one. (It doesn’t matter even if it was produced in 1985). It is a professional book that only talks about theory but has no practical application. This book will represent the maximum height you can pretend to be, so you must choose it carefully.

Lastly, I emphasize that it must be professional

Third, popular books. A good person is not a person who is aloof from the world (if you are separated from the people, who the hell are you pretending to show), so you must keep a certain distance from popular social literature. Confucius said, "Only women and villains are difficult to raise." Also, if you are close, you will feel inferior, and if you are far, you will be resentful." Same as this principle, the distance should be maintained at a certain degree. For example, the Analects of Confucius is very popular now. You can put an original version of the Analects by your bedside to show that you are also a very trendy person, but you cannot put a vernacular text or an essay by Yu Dan. Yi Zhongtian is very popular, and you cannot buy his new book. It's so vulgar. If you want to buy it, you have to buy it before he became famous, such as "Reading the City". This is the degree to which he maintains.

Fourth, let’s talk about the placement of books. Serious classical literature must be placed neatly on the bookshelf or desk, and must not be thrown carelessly on the sofa, unless you want to pretend to be a rebel. You can throw some magazines on the sofa to reflect your daily taste.

I remember a reporter interviewed Sister Furong. Sister Furong said that she was also reading books now. The reporter asked, "What book? Reader? Friend?"

Sister Furong said, "No. , it has depth.”

So, even if it is a magazine, you should pay attention to taste and depth. If you really don’t know which magazine to choose, it is recommended to choose superficial magazines about beautiful men and beautiful cars instead of "Zhiyin". 》type of mentally handicapped publications, the former will be despised by others for your appreciation, but the latter will be despised by others for your IQ.

The bedside is also an important place to place books. It can reflect your extraordinary taste in bed. If you put a copy of "Playboy" on the bedside...

Therefore, I suggest that you just endure it, put out a book by Lao Zhuang, and pretend to think about the big issue of the reincarnation of all things in the universe, or put out a copy of "Das Kapital" and use Marx's wisdom to think about it before going to bed every day. It’s not time to cover your position.

There is another place, and it is also a stage that those who pretend to be B cannot forget. I once saw a friend's toilet. There was a copy of "October" on the toilet. Look, it looks like it!

The end of this paragraph, OVER---------------------

2. Pretentious writing

"Nowadays, I am accustomed to numbing my words to the ice-cut skeleton of romance, which enables me not only to escape the torture of my soul, but also to express flattering respect and respect for all realities with strong and irreversible strength."< /p>

"On New Year's Eve in 2006, I accompanied my rapidly aging parents to sit in the reinforced concrete of 1926, enjoying the laughter of the Spring Festival Gala on TV"

"The joy of Chinese culture The emotional charm is profound, and the charm of wisdom and pursuit floats ethereal in our sky."

For those who love to show off, just looking at the title of teacher Zhang Yazhe's article below should make you feel solemn and without hesitation. "I respect" a soul that has the courage to show off, is diligent in showing off, and is willing to show off.

■ About those dark memories - When Polanski encountered Dickens 2006-03-0619:07:07

■ Cruel discourse hegemony and Chen Kaige’s fearful memory 2006-02- 2018:19:48

■ The self-anger of a critical and angry person 2006-02-0911:58:14

■ A declaration of victory in the face of the fierce hooligan debate 2006-01- 1820:48:14

■ The spiritual history of Chinese youth cannot end here 2006-01-1418:52:15

■ Hail Maria Blog Destiny Talisman 2006-01-1112:39 :11

■ Is this our glorious Shanghai2006-01-0509:54:30

■ Hallelujah of China’s private education2005-12-2116:11: 00

■ What is the passion and betrayal of chicken feathers2005-12-0113:51:57

As long as your understanding is not too bad, after reading these pretense articles by teacher Zhang Yazhe ( That is, pretentious writing), basically you should get started with pretentious creation.

For those friends who have poor writing skills but are good at writing, if they know how to program computers, they can import all the text on teacher Zhang Yazhe's blog into the computer for analysis. I believe they can easily create a software that can help them write quickly. In order to show off, never give the software a Chinese name, you might as well call it ZBF MadeEasy 1.0 beta3 Professional Edition. If you pretend to be mysterious and don't explain the meaning of the software name, you can also make those who don't know the inside story think hard about ZBF. Is ZBF a pig gone crazy? Are you really upset or ready to eat? At this time, if you continue to give no explanation with a weird smile on your face, they will definitely accuse you angrily and say, "Damn, you are such a pretender!"

You have poor understanding and can't get it. This kind of software, if you still want to be a pretentious person, you can analyze the characteristics of this kind of pretentious article with me. Although becoming a good pretense writer requires some talent, if your goal is just to get a place in the pretense world like Mr. Zhang Yazhe, it is relatively easy, and it can be accomplished quickly.

First of all, if you want to pretend to have a good command of Chinese, use written language as much as possible, at least old-fashioned spoken language, especially "wandering", "hesitating" and "倡 patrol" that can express that you are particularly thoughtful and therefore extremely distressed. ”, “hesitation”, “alienation”, “hesitation”, “anger” and so on.

Onomatopoeia should be used that people today absolutely do not use, such as "bibipipeoxiaoxiaoxusuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuosuo, squeaky,"

If you can't help but laugh out loud , but not "haha", but "dumb". If you want to pretend to be a dog with a profound foundation in Chinese studies, then you must not "bark" but "shou".

If you want to be "very Lu Xun" or "very May Fourth", then write "go" instead of "go", "she" is called "yi", and "or" is written as "or or". "If" should be replaced by "if", "for example" should be replaced by "for example", "because" should be replaced by "because of". Also, in Lu Xun's time, "at that time" was called "when", and "lax" was called "chi" "Relax", "forgive" use "forgiveness", and "nod" use "nod". Since you nod your head, naturally you can't eat "steamed buns" and eat "steamed buns" instead. It's not for the sake of being "fashionable" when speaking like this, but for the sake of being "fashionable". I've already pretended to do so, so "already" can be changed to "already", and "often" has to be "every time".

If you are tired of copying the May 4th style, you can also make up stupid words or make up new words. For example, to stop a reversal, it is called "捯", to be brave and courageous is called "guomeng", etc., eh? Has anyone done this before? Then turn decadence into decadence, and then twist slaughter into massacre. In order to show individuality, the wording should be different for the sake of difference. For example, since everyone says the night is dark, you might as well say Jianghei like teacher Zhang Yazhe did, even if the night Jianghei sounds lame. The important thing is not that the effect is good, but that it is different from others.

3. Pretentious Chinese music

Are you still listening to Jolin Tsai, Stefanie Sun, Angela Chang, Cyndi Wang, and Jingru Leung? How can I be embarrassed to say hello to people when I go out~~~ So I specially wrote this article to popularize it on the Internet, to benefit the vast number of young people who have no way to pretend to be smart. First of all, this article is aimed at Chinese-language songs, that is, songs performed in Chinese by people from across the Taiwan Strait and the three places. This is a more appropriate starting point. If you start playing foreign Calla, Radical Face, Blonde Redhead, Windmill, The Shins, etc., I'm afraid the level is too high and your internal strength is not enough, you will go crazy. And we do this just to show off. If you throw out a few names and no one around you has heard of it, it will be very embarrassing. Well, if the show-off fails, you will be more embarrassed than the other person. Secondly, this article is for beginners. The singers and albums mentioned are all easy to find, and some are even more popular than the mainstream ones. The songs are all on Baidu’s popular mp3 download list. After you finish all these, you will find that you have already When you can show off to the girls, show off to the followers, show off to the parents, show off to the teachers and principals, and show off to the whole world, don’t be content with the status quo, don’t be content, and then look for higher-level materials to continue showing off. Bar.

Listening to popular music is not called pretentious, so what should you listen to? Listen to independent, the term is indie (look, don’t say independent, it’s Chinese! It’s too long to say independent, four syllables, the tongue will curl up, and the stress will be pronounced wrong if you are not careful. So just read it The first half, indie, what a lazy feeling, I love this word so much).

An independent singer must write his own lyrics, compose his own music, arrange his own music, form his own band, record his own music videos, and release them himself. The guitar is crossed with the hands, the bass is circled with the hands, and the keyboard is done.” The songs you write can't always be about love, otherwise you will be a pop singer-songwriter at best. If you want to write about life, small things, ideals, petty tempers, petty tempers, the seaside, and loneliness, if you really want to write about love, you must only write about loving yourself. Well, that is narcissism. This is called the little Bourgeois mood~

If you want to do your job well, you must first sharpen your tools. First of all, you will need to use Douban, where you can find many pretenders. Let’s learn together. ***Come on, the row of English names I just listed were all randomly picked from Douban. Did they shock you? In fact, I have never heard of any of them, so I say Douban is a good thing and a must-have for showing off. The most popular discussion group there, the one about actors is not Takeshi Kaneshiro, not Tom Cruise, but Johnny Depp; (If I say Johnny Depp here, it would be corny. I have just demonstrated it. Students with high understanding have probably summed up the pretense. The first tip: when you encounter a foreigner’s name, don’t use the Chinese translation. If it’s English, just type it honestly. If it’s Japanese, just use the spelling of hiragana and katakana. Someone asked, if it’s Italy or France, where are you not allowed to go? Are you stupid? You don't know how to copy and paste? Someone is asking again, so I am learning Chinese music to show off. Don't worry, we can still find a way. I will talk about it later. , pretending that people’s wisdom is infinite) The one about the director is not Zhang Yimou, not Steven Spielberg, it’s いわいしゅんじ (this is Shunji Iwai, I don’t know if it’s written correctly, I don’t understand Japanese); the one about the Chinese singer is not Jay Chou It's not Li Yuchun, it's Chen Qizhen.

Okay, finally the word Chen Qizhen appears. The preparation is over. I start to give a carpet-like introduction (one sentence review). Without investigation, there is no right to speak. I will review each album below. I’ve heard it for the first time, and it will definitely not fool you:

The Meaning of Travel/The Meaning of Travel

CD / Good Stingy Music Studio / 2006 Spring Sheep Hunting Limited Edition / Chen Qizhen

Chen Qizhen has independent connotation, popular style, literary and artistic tone, and petty bourgeoisie temperament. Damn it, it really makes no sense not to be included. This song "The Meaning of Travel" is both nice to listen to and easy to sing. You can even order it at KTV. It's so rare. You can sing it while standing in the cashier's private room. It's so honorable! "I have seen many scenery, I have seen many beauties..."

Chen Qizhen's Selections (1998-2005) / Chen Qizhen's Selections (1998-2005) / Chen Qizhen's Selections (1998-2005)

CD / China Kangyi Audio and Video Publishing House / Chen Qizhen

She has so many albums that I won’t list them one by one. I’ll add a selection and listen to it yourself. , if you are not used to listening to her songs, sorry, I don’t have the talent to show off anymore, just go back and listen to street songs~

La Dolce Vita / Sweet Life

cd / Avantgarde Garden Records / 2007-11-08 / Taiwan version / Wei Ruxuan / Wawa / waa

"Women's Dysmenorrhea" can be used as a song, so talented, oh my god, Oh my god, oh my god.

Resource Recycling

Audio CD / Fengheli Record Store / ALBUM / Natural Volume

When you meet a girl with a Lolita type, don’t rush to push her down. Listen to her "Keep Your Head Down" from this album, and I guarantee her answer will be: "It's so kawaii!"

C'est La Vie

CD / Fenghelili Record Shop/Natural Volume

Natural Volume is composed of Qi Ge and Wawa (that is Wei Ruxuan in the 3rd album). Qi Ge is also the musician of Chen Qizhen and Yang Naiwen. You can't just listen to Song, these behind-the-scenes information should be memorized as common sense, and then thrown out casually at the right time. It is not that easy to show off.

We Can't Stop Smoking in the Vicious an

Audio CD / Victoria Harbor Music/ 2007-10-10 / My Little Airport

It wouldn’t be the title of the album if I didn’t include this, it’s so boring to the extreme.

The Disappearing Light Year

CD / Jiuzhou Audio and Video Publishing Company / 2007-07-12 / First Live Commemorative Edition / Da Qiao Xiao Qiao

Mainland , an uncle and a little friend, this combination itself is very artistic. Take a look at the album introduction: "Her uncle would listen to Zhong Lifeng in the quiet mornings, and Xiao Qiao would sleep holding her teddy bear. She dreamed of white clouds and kites, and we were busy."

Just because I was too nervous at the time/Just because I was too nervous at the time

Victoria Harbor Records/My Little Airport

Before listening to this album, I didn’t know who Osamu Dazai was, so I said, Pretending is the same thing, hurry up and read "Disqualification in the World"

Walking in the zoo is the serious thing

cd / Pocket Record / 2004-08-07 / Imported Edition / My Little Airport

The sentence pattern "XXXX is the serious business" has been very popular for a while, and it comes from this album. Cantonese sounds very satisfying~

A Wishful Way / A Wishful Way

CD / Shanghai Audio and Video Publishing House / Import / Hopscotch

Tahara is me My junior high school alumna is in the next class...but I don't know her and she doesn't know me.

Breakthrough

Grassing Fish / 2007-08-15 / EP / Fan Xiaoxuan & 100% Band

Xuan has rebounded greatly recently, and is on the Mainland Notice That's called intensive. There are more and more fans, and they often shout "I have liked her for more than ten years." In fact, I will only live to be twenty years old. It's true~

My Life Will. ..

Audio CD / Sony Boardman Music Entertainment Co., Ltd. / Import / Zhang Xuan

If I have to say more about Malaimo, it means that I am not pretentious enough

p>

Meet Me

cd / Chuangmeng Music Titanium Friendship Culture, Xingsiyu / December 2005 / [citation] / Cao Fang

This one is not at all It's boring, the songs are all catchy, everyone is blessed, thank you Miss Cao Fang for letting the pretenders not be too depressed

2007 Xiaocaodao Second Grade Alumni Concert/Caocao Music Alumni Reunion

CD / Tacit Music / 2007-05-25 / Various Artists

A big show, the cult cult has held a meeting. . . Remember the name quickly, and then find each singer’s own album to listen to!

Honey and White Primrose/Dew Eleven Collection

CD/Dew Eleven/October 2007/Independent Release/Various Artist

Same as above, no. It’s the second meeting~ At least let us hold it until ***, convey more spirit, and show off to society. . .

Close To Tanya Tanya/ Original x Tanya Demo

CD / Yashen Music/ 2007-10-03 / Tanya Tanya

Don’t miss the demo, only indie has it Ah, it won't appear in the mainstream. Once it's released, it will be a hardcover luxury edition and a limited edition.

OK / Missing is a disease

Audio CD / Rolling Stone Records / 2007-07-06 / Album / Zhang Chenyue

Zhang Chenyue has also gone from the mainstream to the non- It's mainstream, this album is so awesome, I'm starting to regret putting it here because of the overall ridiculing and contemptuous tone of this list.

Can Only Talk About Love but Not About Love

Label: Wasabi Studio/ "Can Only Talk about Love but Not About Love" is a novel and a concept album with the soundtrack of the novel. Music + Theme Song/Various Artist

Is there anything more artistic than putting together a monologue, a recitation with music, and a few songs?

Si Life / The Private Life of Chetlam

CD / LYFE / Warner / Lin Yifeng

What does it mean to "create songs about life"? Just look at the names of each song on this album and you'll understand.

Unparalleled Beauty/Unparalleled Beauty

CD / Lin Weizhe Music Club / 2007-10 / Album / Soda Green

Both labor and management have heard this guy’s third I have released an album, but I can’t figure out whether it’s a boy or a girl. Looking back at this list, more than 80% of them are female voices. . . Can anyone tell me whether there are more women or men who pretend to be cool?

Go and listen, go and listen, you can’t listen in vain, you must write a review.

When you meet Chen Qizhen, you have to say, "Her voice is always so clear that it makes me tremble." ."

When you meet Fan Xiaoxuan, you should say, "I like such a sensitive, tough, and rebellious woman."

If you don't know how to comment on the album and the singer, just write about yourself. As for the songs, just mention them casually. Example: "My life in 2007 was as peaceful as running water. It was this album that accompanied me through every sleepless night. It was this singer who gave me the courage and strength to live. Thank you. . ”

You don’t know how to do this, so I’ll teach you something. At least you can say, “I bought this album solely because of its cover. I bought it at the first sight in the CD store.” I’m in love with it.” (It doesn’t matter if you only play BT Thunder and don’t know where there is a video store nearby...)

’s original name! It seems that the level is too low. You have to show that you are familiar and friendly with the singer. Independent singers all use English names, such as cheer, mavis, and Tanya. If you don’t know the English name, you should at least leave out the last name, such as Xiaoxuan (just call it Xuan, which is better), Qizhen, Ayue, etc. It would be better if you know the nickname. Just call me Teacher Chen. A layman will not know who you are talking about. Then you can explain it slowly. It will be a great sense of accomplishment~

4. Guide to pretending to be B in Starbucks

p>

Props are indispensable for performance art. Here is the list of props I have prescribed for everyone

First of all, you must bring a magazine. What? "reader"? Bah, you only deserve to go to Hankou Railway Station to buy a cup of soy milk and drink it while squatting.

All Chinese magazines are PASS! Must have the original English version! What? "Reader’s digest"? I said you haven’t finished it yet? ! According to the petty bourgeoisie bible - "Class" written by Paul Fussell, even magazines such as "National Geographic" and "TIME" will only expose your vulgar middle-class style, which is ridiculous. We still keep saying that someone is on the cover of "TIME". At least he should get a copy of "Economist". Or, the Chinese versions of the latter two magazines can be applied for for free. I won't tell ordinary people!

If you have a mobile phone, you have to bring an Iphone. No matter how difficult it is to use, the version will always be decoded into Arabic or Hebrew. Beier has face. When the phone rings, he first says: Bonjour! Then Guten tag! You You are embarrassed to say hello to others.

You also need to bring a notebook, LV's. After answering the phone, I took out the Montblanc pen and wrote in the notebook, frowning as if I was thinking about everything. .

You must also bring a laptop. The women all use Imac or Ibook, and the men all use IBM. Anyway, there is wireless WIFI in Starbucks, and all BT and eMule can be turned on. The network bandwidth is extremely occupied, so you can surf the Internet alone and make others jealous! Remember to install Kingsoft PowerWord on your computer before you go, otherwise you will not be able to read English magazines~~~~

Coffee cups must not be used in the store. Just a big porcelain cup. Hermès. They cost one thousand yuan each. When I arrived at the store, I handed the cup over to the cashier and said politely to the lady: Please use this cup for coffee. I can't drink from other cups...

Coffee must be freshly brewed. It's best to drink it just like hot pot. Put it in front of you and let it bubble. It's called Yipin.

Sit down and throw the car keys on the table first. It's either a BENZ or a BMW. The last one is AUDI. When you throw it, you have to throw it hard enough to scare everyone. , and then said to himself loudly: The quality of this German product is so good, it can’t be broken even if it is broken with such force (Friendly reminder, if you can’t afford a car, you can’t afford a key, go to TAOBAO)

When it comes to attire, you must never wear a suit and tie. It’s ridiculous. What you want is a casual temperament. Wear a long-sleeved POLO shirt first, then a long-sleeved corduroy shirt over it, and then a Scottish plaid tweed shirt. What is style? The more collars you wear, the more stylish you will be. If you put on slippers, you will look like an aristocrat who always stays in an air-conditioned room.

Go to the bank to change dozens of one-dollar bills, and the table will be lost when you leave. Go up, and when you are walking through the hall, you hear the waiter at the back shouting: Sir, you forgot to take your money! This is the effect you want. You slowly turn around, smile back at her, and say: Oops, I tip you when I drink coffee in the United States. Once you're used to it, just keep it!

So you can walk out of STARBUCKS in the eyes of everyone's admiration. The sky is so blue and the air is so fresh. What a perfect act of pretending!

p>

5. Comprehensive pretending

I am a salaryman. The following are some superficial experiences of pretending to be fake for many years. I write them down to communicate with other working-class pretending enthusiasts. By sharing, I hope that this article can serve as a starting point so that we can share what we have with each other and learn from each other's strengths, so that we can be more truthful, pragmatic, diligent, practice hard, and creatively pretend in our future work and life. The life of white-collar workers and rich people is far away from me. I don’t know how to pretend to be B. Even if I know, I can’t pretend to be like it. After all, the economic base determines the superstructure. If you don’t have wisdom beyond ordinary people, don’t try to pretend to be B by leaps and bounds, otherwise you will avoid pretending. B failed and was killed by X instead.

1. Music

When it comes to pretending, how can we not talk about music? This is an important prop for pretending!

I think there are two key points that need to be mastered in the work of pretending to be music: 1. Do not listen to, sing, comment on, or pretend not to have heard of overly popular and popular music; 2. .Don’t easily reveal what kind of music you like in front of others to avoid being Xed.

As for the first one, let’s take the previous paragraph of the extremely popular “Mouse Loves Rice” as an example: I feel that people who like “Mouse Loves Rice”—I’m talking about people who like it, People who hate it as soon as they hear it are not within the scope of the discussion - it can be divided into 4 realms:

① The lowest, downloaded this song after listening to someone's recommendation, liked it like it, and recommended it to friends around me crazily. During the process, my self-esteem was occasionally hit, and I was called a "country bumpkin" or "vulgarian" a number of times;

② I heard this song recommended by others or discovered and downloaded it myself. I liked it, but I knew that the song was already bad. It is no longer on the market, and it is no longer something that can be put on the stage. I no longer listen to it, let alone discuss and communicate with others. When people with the lowest level ① try to communicate with themselves about their feelings about "Mouse Loves Rice", they sneer: "Okay. Okay, come on, you idiot, why are you still listening to this crappy song? I never listen to this crappy stuff, it’s so vulgar! Otherwise, they say that the quality of Chinese people needs to be improved urgently..." The protagonist in Attack ① This is the person;

③ I downloaded this song after listening to someone’s recommendation or discovering it myself. After listening to it, I liked it. Based on the popularity of the song, I was afraid of being hit or despised, so I deleted it. , when someone mentions this song on a certain occasion, he pretends not to know: "I've never heard of it, does it sound good?" If there happens to be an MP3 player or mobile phone that can play this song, he pretends to be enlightened: "Oh, this song, I have heard of it. , I don’t care if I don’t listen, every loudspeaker on the road that can make some noise is playing!” As a reflection of my self-cultivation, stop here and stop chasing after me. I always think that the protagonist in ② The kind of behavior that belittles the taste of others cannot effectively improve one's own image. On the contrary, it exposes one's own low quality. A person who blindly tries to improve his own image without knowing how to respect others cannot be a successful pretender.

④The highest level is when someone recommended it or you discovered and downloaded the song yourself. After listening to it, you generally like it. Regardless of the popularity of the song, you decide whether to include it in your own music based on your liking. Copy or delete it into the MP3, and when chatting with others, you can calmly and objectively discuss the pros and cons of the song's creation, without considering whether listening to it or talking about its image in other people's minds is fashionable or vulgar, and at the same time, instinctively do not want to talk to others. People who discussed "Mouse Loves Rice" introduced the classical music CDs or audio CDs they collected at home.

I don’t know which one of the above four realms you are in. I think most people can achieve the realm of ③ which is already pretty good. Take a look at the comments on "Mouse Loves Rice", "Two Butterflies", etc. in the Tianya Music Forum. Netizens who are devastated by the popular phenomenon of "Seeking Buddha" and "Wolf in Love with Sheep" mostly fall into the realm of ② - they are afraid that others will not know that their taste is extraordinary, and they lament their misfortune and are angry at the "people" who listen to bad songs. I express my deep sympathy and take it as my own duty to improve the music appreciation level of the whole nation and awaken the ignorant people from vulgar music. In fact, they only look for a pitiful sense of superiority from ①. In my mind, ① who is straightforward, innocent and simple is more lovable.

There are only a few people who can truly be as low-key and introverted as the ④ type of people, and are not surprised by favors or insults. The reason why they are admired by me is not because their taste is better than mine, but because they are tolerant and tolerant. The heart and the detachment of looking at the contemptuous eyes of others as if they were nothing (mainly from ②). I once saw a post discussing "Do you still have the courage to listen to the cassette Walkman?" Someone said: "If there is a neatly dressed man in the subway, he calmly takes out the Walkman from his bag, opens a position, and puts it into the subway. Manually reverse the tape, close the warehouse, and press PLAY... I feel that as soon as I step out of the subway, this person will become an immortal! "I'm not afraid of your jokes. I have also tried to be the fourth type of person, but every time I find myself talking to ②During the dispute, I suddenly woke up: I failed again, and my realm is still far behind! This is also the reason why I talk about the second point: Don’t easily express what kind of music you like in front of others, so as not to be xed by the second type of people. When you can’t help but resist xing, you have already delayed your great cause of pretending to be B. .

(After finishing writing "Guide to Pretending B: Music Chapter", I secretly complained that it was too long. Some things that were originally intended to be written at the end couldn't help but be written in the music chapter. Typical Without a city, I can’t cover my hot sex under the quilt! So this article will inevitably end in an anticlimax)

2. Literature

Literature and music have the same purpose, but when it comes to literature, you should try to avoid taking the initiative to talk about literature with others. You must know that as early as more than ten years ago, literary youth were almost equal to SB youth.

In addition, it is best to bite the bullet and read one or two books that most people have no patience to read to reflect the extraordinary pursuit of pretentious lovers, that is: "Music that only individuals listen to if they don't listen to it. If you don’t want to read, just read the book; if you want to listen, just listen to the music that is not for people; if you want to read, just read the books that are not for people to read!” For example, “The Unbearable Lightness of Life”, “The Tale of Genji”, and “One Life”. , "Long Talk in the Bar", "Ulysses" and so on, not for the purpose of seeking any pleasure in reading - of course there is no possibility of any pleasure - but for the purpose of conversation, just in case you need it. Of course, you must have an objective attitude when talking about these works. You only need to pretend to casually hint to the other party that you have read through such a book. It is enough to impress some junior B players. Don’t mention anything about reading. I realized something like the true meaning of life or literary skills - passed!

This plan is to write about movies, but it is too similar to literature and music. It has no new ideas, so it’s okay not to write about it. If you are interested, you can refer to the first two sections.

3. TV

Don’t talk about TV programs with others. Except for science and education programs, today’s TV programs range from Little Swallow to Big Intestine, from Wisdom Tree to Sunset Red, from News Network to Oriental Time and Space. Without exception, they are all Dog meat buns that can’t be served on the table. Nowadays, in some coastal cities that represent the direction of advanced culture, even housewives over the age of 45 have begun to watch "Prison Break" and "House" online. You still have the nerve to discuss the big issues with others with tears in your eyes. Jang Geum’s fate?