1. The little penguin asked his grandma one day, "Grandma, grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asked his father again, "Dad, dad, Am I a penguin? ""Yes, you are a penguin, what's wrong?" "But, why do I feel so cold?"

2. There is a polar bear because of the snow. The ground was so dazzling that he had to wear sunglasses to see. But he couldn't find the sunglasses, so he closed his eyes and crawled around on the ground to look for them. He crawled and crawled until his hands and feet were dirty before he found the sunglasses. I put on my sunglasses and looked in the mirror, and then I realized: Oh, it turns out I am a panda

3. Xiaobai, Xiaohuang and Xiaolan take a long-distance bus, who will get motion sickness? (Xiaobai) Rabbit, dusk)

4. Little White + Little White =? Answer: Little White Rabbit (Little White TWO)

5. Which animal is most likely to fall? The fox, because he is the cunningest

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly rejected it. Spider asked: Why? why is that! Butterfly said: My mother said that those who hang out online all day long are not good people.

7. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: Dad, am I a stupid boy? Dad said: Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?

8. One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will Get what you want. So the three of them decided to give it a try.

The first one was a pervert, so he shouted "Woman! Woman!" When he jumped down, there were a lot of beauties waiting for him.

The second one One was a bookworm, shouting "Books, books, books, books!" Then he jumped into the valley and got a pit full of books.

The third one was an indecisive person, always unable to think about things. After an hour of deciding on his favorite, he finally made up his mind and felt that banknotes were the most useful, so he walked towards the edge of the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and cursed "shit!" Unexpectedly, there was a sudden change in the center. Unsteady and falling down the valley

9. As for Xiao Ming, he has to take the exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV at night

Xiao Ming’s mother asked worriedly: Have you finished reading all the books? There is an exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming replied readily: Mom, I’ve finished reading.

Xiao Ming’s mother happily praised Xiao Ming: Good boy, you will definitely do well in the exam tomorrow

Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I mean, ‘Mom, I see , finished'.

10. The panda loved the deer deeply, but was rejected when he expressed his love. Panda roars ~ Why? Why is all this happening? Xiaolu timidly said: My mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad boys.

11. One day Xiao Ming was walking on the road! As I was walking, I suddenly felt my feet were sore! Why is this happening? Because Xiao Ming stepped on a lemon!

12.Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thongs (cool).

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, if one is shot and killed, how many are left?

The student asked: Is it a silent pistol? Wasn't the gunshot loud? 80-100 decibels. Is it illegal to hunt birds in this city? Don't commit. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Sure. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: "Just tell me how many birds are left, okay? Are there any deaf birds in the tree? No. Are there any that are locked in a cage and hung on the tree? No." Are there other trees nearby? Are there any other birds on the trees? If a bird is pregnant, does it count as a baby in the belly? Are there any flowers in the bird's eyes? Ten. The teacher was already sweating, and the bell rang, but the student continued to ask: Are there any birds that are so stupid that they are afraid of death? Will the student be confident? Say: If your answer is not deceptive, "If the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and does not fall off, then there is only one bird left; if it falls off, there is no bird left." "The teacher immediately foamed at the mouth and fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone was passing by the intersection and discovered something super scary. He found that Sesshomaru and Sanzo were actually laughing!`

< p>15. A long time ago, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Hahaha, a female ghost farted and died.

16. There was a fat man who jumped from a tall building and turned into a dead fat man.

17. There was a boy who was crossing the road and was accidentally crushed by a truck. When he was dying, he looked at his body and said: "It turns out that I am a bean paste stuffing, not "Meat stuffed"

18. The little snake asked the big snake in a panic... "Brother, are we poisonous?" The big snake said, "Why are you asking?" The little snake said, "I just said it." I accidentally bit my tongue."

19. Two people fell into a trap. The dead ones were called dead people, and the living ones were called "help".

20. There once was a swordsman. He was very cold, his heart was very cold, his sword was very cold, and he died of coldness in the end.

21. A deer ran on the road, running faster and faster. , it became a highway

22. There was a tomato that was hit by a stone and smashed, another tomato fell to pieces again, and there was another tomato that smashed. Countless tomatoes fell to pieces and the last tomato also fell over, ah-ta-yeah! Ketchup

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: Damn, what can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

24. I haven’t heard from you for a long time, and I feel very sad. When I thought about death, I cut my veins with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, jumped over a building with a parachute, and hung myself with noodles. But even if you don't die, just treat me to a meal and wait until I die.

25. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help singing: Yalasuo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. When you check in at the railway station but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the train will remind you: Wipe your pants, wipe your pants, wipe your pants! When you are playing tuba by the river but don’t have any paper, don’t worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick scrape!

27. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit bills with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan bill, they bought 1 yuan of candied haws. , they cried, and the farmer gave them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

28. Portrait of your life: When you are ten years old, you learn to take a bath by yourself, and you are clean; when you are twenty, you are shining and prosperous; when you are thirty, you find a job, and you are successful; when you are forty, you hire a servant, Pigs get servants; when they learn to play basketball at the age of fifty, pigs shoot!

29. A person climbed the wall and left the school. He was caught by the principal. The principal asked: Why don't you leave through the school gate? The answer is: Metersbonwe does not take the usual path. The principal asked again: How did you get over such a high wall? He pointed to his pants and said: Li Ning, everything is possible.

The principal asked again: What does it feel like to climb over the wall? He pointed to the shoes and said: Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school through the main entrance, and the principal asked: Why didn't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume, and the principal said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said: You are what you wear, Semir clothing. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school. The principal said he could not wear a vest to school. He said, men, keep things simple and love Dengbao clothing. The principal said I'm going to give you a serious offense. He said: Why? The principal said, M-Zone, I have the final say on my territory.

Life at 30 is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4,000 yuan from me and said he wanted to have plastic surgery.

As a result, I don’t know him at all now. What has it become? Oh, 4,000 yuan.

31. Note to robbers: Our bank staff only understand Spanish. Please be patient when robbing. It is best to bring a translator with you. Thank you!

32. You are blind. Blinded? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw a stone at my head!

33. I think I should lose weight. The last time I donated blood, a hundred milliliters of lard actually leaked out.

34. Tourist: Master, is that thatched house over there a toilet? Monk: Except for the thatched cottage, the rest of the place is a toilet.

35. The hair is gone and the dandruff is even better!

36. We should keep quiet when listening to sermons in church. It is very impolite to disturb others' sleep.

37. Yesterday I signed up for a weight loss training class. They asked me to wear loose clothes during training. Is this unreasonable? If there are loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven’t spoken for 18 months, and I have no chance to interrupt her.

39. Thief A: Count how much money you robbed today? Thief B: No, I’ll find out by reading the newspaper tomorrow.

40. The higher you stand, the farther you pee.

41. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it.

43. Late one night, when a young woman was passing by a mental hospital, suddenly a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, followed by the man behind her. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate, kneeling on the ground, crying and begging: "You can do whatever you want, just don't kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really? Now you Start chasing me."

44. At a literary evening, the host came on stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! ! ! ! !

45. If a tiger does not send a cat, you think I am critically ill!

46. A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much and then made a cold remark: If you drink too much pee, you will have too much wine.

47. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?"

51. In the past, people came to my aunt's house as a guest. Just walked in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "You guys sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!"

52. When I was in college, a classmate and I were arguing about an issue, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. He slapped the table and stood up shouting: You are talking nonsense, I am not stupid! I spit on your face like shit

53. When I was a kid, the popsicle sellers usually pushed bicycles to sell ice cream. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: "The new ice cream is hot." (I guess my aunt used to sell fried cakes and fried dough sticks)

54. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he ate to grow. Big ones. "

55. Once at KTV, when I asked for a song, I shouted loudly: Please order me a song called "Double Jay Chou" by Zhou Jiegun